Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS. - General

I play a lot, even got Oculus Rift and all that but I don't want to be playing games 24/7. Sometimes I spend days starting making game and dive fully into it (Using Unity or UE4) but then I realize I have no ideas and just drop it.

If you like being physical I recommend spending one hour everyday at the gym. Not only will it get you physically fit but you will also feel more confident and at ease mentally and in my opinion all of the above is something positive to have if you start dating.

Yeah I am planning to sign up to gym right beside my work. I am early person so I wake up at 5:50 every day and start work at 7, my plan is to go to gym from 6 AM until 7 AM, then shower there and straight to work (Gym is beside my work)

I recently had to break up with my high school girlfriend for college, but it's really weird because we still talk to each other a bunch and hook up. I guess the only difference is that now we're not as emotionally invested? I kind of just want summer to be over so I can be out of this weird situation.

Facepunch I could really use your help. I'm an emotional wreck after the past 7ish months or so after I've been making less than rational decisions. When I was in the military, I met this girl, she was 17, I'm 20. She ended up having a lot of baggage, being in and out of a relationship with her ex she didn't see a future with over the span of a few months, she and I were never really official because of everything, including her parents hating marines and her first relationship being a marine who cheated on her with 4 other girls. Recently I moved away but I intend to come back in November for school. Our "relationship" has been really rocky, especially after I moved. I really want a future with this girl and she means more than the world to me. The entire time that I've known her, EVERYONE has been telling me to get out, shes bad news, even the military counselor I'd see once and a while. We talked tonight and she told me that I was all she ever wanted, and that she did want to be with me and have a future with me, but shes moved on, shes got a lot going on and the last thing on her mind is a guy hundreds of miles away. That she's young and she needs to live a little more, senior year she just wants to party and have the time of her life, and I'm the kind of guy she needs once shes done with school and wants something real, she believes in us but the timing was just really bad. When we both lived in San Diego we agreed that we'd give it a real chance once I come back, but we never decided what would happen between us until then. Facepunch I don't know what to do, I know I need to heal, this relationship has been extremely toxic because of it's context, and I honestly felt good when we didn't talk for a few days. Any advice on what we should do when I do back, and what happens in between would be greatly appreciated. My mind's telling me I should get away and heal for a while, but emotionally I don't want to let go of whatever is still there. Thanks so much FP

No offense, but I wouldn't go back... usually when everyone is telling you someone is bad they're usually right. Also being 20 and dating a 17 year old is kinda weird to me at least not trying to judge but there's a definite maturity difference there

tbh it doesn't sound like there's much to go back to if a counselor who isn't even specifically targeting relationships you're seeing an hour every other two weeks is telling you "hell no", that means its time to delete her number and move on

lordcrypto, NuGmanV3, thank you. You guys are right, and yeah the age thing was pretty suspect to me too. If she matured it be different but from an outside perspective looking in, it's absurd to expect that from someone her age. I guess I just felt trapped, still do. I've built up in my mind that she was the end all of relationships, but I guess that's not the reality. I'm uncertain about a lot, but I just know that this isn't healthy for me. I'll move forward, thanks again guys.

So almost 2 weeks ago I went on a second date with a girl. We were holding hands and we kissed more than once, definite signs of interest on both sides. Great chemistry. But then I sent a text a short while after (Monday just gone) asking if she was free on Wednesday, and she hasn't replied. My friends are telling me to send another text, but I feel that if she's going to ghost me, why bother? And if I did send, what would I say?

You could send something short like a straight "did you get my last message" and if she blanks that then don't waste any more time on her, you never know she could have just forgotten to reply. If you aren't that bothered then just leave it.

doesn't hurt to send a "hey did you get my last message?" or something similar tbh especially if there weren't any red flags or weird happenings during your last date who knows what could have happened in her life since then that could have made her miss the text or become preoccupied elsewhere. if she doesn't respond to a second one though then best to just forget it which blows but there's no use past that

If it makes you feel better I'm dealing with the exact same sense of an end all of relationships that just fucking died... mine wasn't toxic at all but getting past something you thought was a sure thing is a nightmare

For those who have had "chemistry" in a date or a relationship with someone, when that happens do you feel like you're actually being yourselves and have genuine interest or does it feel like you're carefully following a script and succeeding at it? It's a weird question I know but it's a doubt I've always had for some time now, also. Does the chemistry entirely depend on the physical attraction of the other person or do you guys mean it as being able to "cling" with the other person and feel understood? There is this girl I think she had interest in me, then we turned into friends and sometimes she seems like she might be expecting me to make a move, but to be honest. I like being with her, but when I'm with her I don't feel like I'm being myself 100%. I tell jokes, laugh and when I had problems she has been there for me, but when she is gone I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I think that even if she asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with her, I would think twice before accepting it because I feel like I might not be able to love her and think in the same way she does about me. It makes me feel guilty, but I don't feel any sort of inspiration or empowering vibe when I think about her. I don't feel the same I've felt with other people that makes me want to look for her, to think about her, to feel inspired to do things due to thinking about her. Does this mean there is no chemistry? I don't know.

I would assume it's because at that point, you're so invested in someone and don't want it to be true, so you write off any signs of it becoming toxic. I'm at that point right now and it's really hard trying to force myself to cut it off, even though I know it's the right thing to do.

Can anyone else relate to being pretty good at texting girls but a gibbering moron when it's just us face to face?

I'm the opposite sadly, I can't find talking in text to be interesting in the slightest

I find texting and talking to be 2 different dialects myself, texting is casual where half the communication is just images or short statements all very fragmented then you talk in real life and its more spontaneous as you cant hide behind rewriting, you gotta go with whatever you say but you can also use tone and physicality to compensate while if you send a message that you've given the wrong wording or tone its harder to pull out of that nose dive

broke up with my girlfriend tired of her constantly telling me she doesn't have money (and so i offer to pay) but when I'm not around, suddenly she does. I've been hinting that she was leeching, but she would always say "you offered", which is true, but she manipulates the situation. anyway she borrowed some of my t-shirts and forgot a set of keys at me -> thinks that i should pay for transport and go to her place to drop it off what the fuck i'm just venting. the more i realize how much fucking shit i took from her

Good for you man, sounds like she was real shitty.

apparently so, i never really thought about it that much. she took advantage of me

What should I do when someone who I've been knowing for a long time IRL suddenly ghosts me for no apparent reason? I used to be good friends with this one guy, let's call him Ian. Ian & I were good friends at college, we always talked about life and shit, even during rough times we supported each other and such. Then one day Ian got a new job and he suddenly stopped talking to me like, forever. Then I stopped seeing him at college because he got expelled after failing too many classes, then he cut down all communication with me, I tried to send him messages asking what's up, but he never replied a single one. Occasionally I would get messages like "I miss hanging with you man, we should meet up sometime", then I said "Sure" but he never read the replies. I stopped looking for him and moved on, then months later I saw him walking on the street and said "Hello", but he didn't react. I thought he might have not seen me, so I sent him a text saying "hey man I saw you", then he replied "get a fucking life dude" and essentially told me to fuck off.

I think he told you the answer

Sounds like he has issues. How deep was your friendship exactly? For a best friend I'd probably try to find what's up but for a "good friend" I'd probably leave him be as you can't force people to interact with you. You can have a falling out with someone through no fault of your own, it's just the way it is.

We're breaking up. 6 years we've been together, I helped her move to the UK with me, helped her get her first job, been at her side all the time, made many memories with her and so forth. She's giving that away for a person she met from work 6 months ago who I can't help but absolutely despise as he's been trying to talk her up. She claims they're just goofing around in texts but you can just *clearly* see that he's not. He was really trying to get to know her better and do all the sex predator shit to gain her trust like the fucking despicable animal he is. For 2 months I've been having severe anger issues and mood swings, purely because she really wanted to be friends with him. Her misplaced trust broke my heart each time I saw them text or each time I imagined them interacting face to face. I'll be going to therapy in early August, hopefully be able to help me cope with this indescribable loss. How could she be so naive..?

Yeah, I posted about it before. He'd write to her about wanting to make her breakfast in bed and cuddle up with her as they eat to stay warm. Also mentioned wanting to do "romantic rain cuddles", to which she replied "friends aren't romantic", but he replied with saying "normal friends aren't, but when were we normal?" There were other messages too which I forget at the moment, but none of his messages to her filled me with much confidence that he just wants friendship. Couple that with his troubled past which led him to end up paying child support to one woman and also has a rocky marriage with his current wife, with whom he also has another child. His work colleagues don't like him much since they are fairly certain he's some form of sexual predator, as he's apparently tried to get close to young women in the workplace in the past, which is exactly what he's doing to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he's won her trust and it's now unbreakable. I can't make her change her mind or show her that her new "friend" is just some other asshole. She's too naive........

So what exactly happened though? She broke up with you and said it was because of this guy?

Some people can't be helped I guess Work on your peace of mind now. If this is stressing you out as it's clear by these posts, do something about it. Do what's best for you that sets your mind at ease

@Plunger I had a massive breakdown yesterday because I couldn't cope with the thought of her spending any sort of time with him, among other things which were bothering me. They claim they're just friends but friends don't write to each other at 5 in the morning all the way into evening, that's absolutely excessive for "just friends". Obviously me telling her all this and accusing him as trying to get into her pants did not change her mind and she simply told me to not control who she's friends with. She didn't want to listen to my concerns that I've been expressing for the past two months and they culminated yesterday. She's gonna move out... @XUZUL I'll be trying... albeit it's really hard not to. I changed so much over these last 6 years, both willingly and unwillingly, to become a better person for her. The worst of all is, two months ago I was really planning to get married to her. I was thinking about how we would go out into London for a nice meal at some restaurant, then go out for a walk, talk about how happy I am being with her then whip out a nice ring. Just before I was about to go and buy a ring, though, I found out about what kind of disgraceful messages he's been writing to her and wanted to him out of the picture. Unfortunately, by that time, he'd already won her trust. He ensnared her mind. Now she's lost to me. Forever. Fuck I need a break from life.

I want to point out a few things you said you changed for her, which is commendable, but as you may tell, now it's got a bad flavor. these changes are to be for yourself (not saying you made a mistake. it's positive to change if you want to change and it makes things better) I also seem to understand by the way you talk about this that you're only blaming the guy. "He did this, he did that". She may be naive, but she is to blame as well. It sounds like she does not care for you as she should. You voiced your concerns and the person you're with should take those concerns seriously. No relationship is easy and if she really is just friends with the guy as she allegedly believes then she can clearly not message him through the entire day every day, it takes less effort even. She's trying to make you feel bad for your natural concern with that sentence not to control who she's friends with, which I don't believe you are attempting to do I'm sorry this had to happen, but it's time to leave her behind and look for someone who values you and not just what you bring to someone's life

Thank you very much for your kind words. I really don't want to blame her but.. you put it very well and I can't disagree with what you said, it just makes me feel.. bad, in a way.. It's gonna be very hard to not think about it as she's still living in my flat, looking for other places to move to, so I'll be seeing her every day still.. It's funny how seeing her every day used to be something I was looking forward to.... I hope I can get some strength from somewhere.. for the time being, it's high time to listen to Eddie Rabbitt's 'Pour Me Another Tequila' and Disturbed's 'Darkness' to help me cope.. Thank you all for your kind words, I really appreciate it that people are backing me up on this. It means a lot to me, especially since after she's gone.. I won't have any other person nearby to go out with, apart from family...