Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS. - General

I know I might be repeating myself for the more regular users here but I feel I need to get this off my chest right now anyway. My hair is thinning on top and it generates a lot of anxiety and distress for me. I'm 22 and I fear this will prevent me from fully enjoying my youth. Not a day passes where I don't look at myself in a mirror to check how visible it is. So far the people I ask are surprised and tell me it's not really visible, but they're friends and family so I'm not sure if they're really being sincere about it. My dad (who's been bald since his mid-twenties) keeps telling me it hasn't evolved since last year, but I can't shake the feeling that he's just trying to be reassuring. It doesn't help that it's not the classic receding hairline type, but the one where it thins all over so it's much harder to keep track of. Merely changing my haircut can make my hair look more or less full, and a simple change in lighting can have dramatic effects (the worst offender being bright bathroom lights which often make it look disastrous). Over the last few years I've managed to make great strides in confidence, I feel much more confortable in social situations or when flirting, less prone to self-censorship, and generally more confortable in my body. I occasionally manage to approach strangers, male or female, often using dumb pretexts, and have interesting conversations with them. I'm physically active and feel satisfyingly attractive. But I'm afraid this might be in jeopardy, that this is just a peak I'll fall down from once my scalp will start to become noticeably exposed. My hair is part of my identity, and to lose it means losing control over it. My main concern is obviously dating. I feel like my dating life has a terminal illness and only a few years left. Every baldness-oriented forum I look up are pits of despair where men claim they can't get dates anymore (even if they had no trouble with them before) and that women don't look at them anymore. Some of them even go full incel and start hating women at large. This makes me feel pressured to make the most of what I have left, to date before things start getting troublesome. But that's not very enjoyable, it takes me out of the moment. I'm pressured to try things with anyone I'm interested in rather than take my time and look for someone who I really click with. It doesn't help that I'm still not totally over my breakup from last August and haven't managed to develop feelings for anyone since. I keep on working out since I feel a bald head looks better on a fit body, but I don't know if that will be sufficient. I know that there's more than physical characteristics to attraction, and my previous partners seem to have greatly appreciated other qualities of mine. But those qualities require being in a relationship in the first place to really shine, and I probably don't have good enough game to manage to get to that point with a visual handicap. This is depressing. Why are baldness genes so damn prevalent in the first place considering they only provide drawbacks? The fuck is the point of having a chrome dome?

Hey man, I went through the exact same thing a few years ago. I started losing my hair even in high school. It eventually got to the point to where it constantly stressed me out and really hurt my self esteem. One day I finally decided to shave it off and haven't looked back since. It was an immediate improvement and was well received pretty much universally. My confidence shot up overnight and everything has been better since. I'm not really fit at all either; I'm pretty scrawny and skinnyfat as fuck. I should also say that I shave it every day in the shower. I prefer it to be skin smooth, but you don't have to go that far. I also have a short beard, as it helps balance my face proportions, so that could be an option too if you're able.

this reads like something id see on lookism... you dont need to be THIS insecure about a receding hairline, just take some minoxidil or wear a hat or something yeesh

I get where you're coming from, but it's not as easy as just saying "oh don't worry about it", much like other anxiety related things its not as simple as "just stop worrying". I can't remember whether I replied to you last time, I've made posts like this a few times in here over the years, but here goes anyway, sorry if this is a repeat. Your hair doesn't define you. You are not a singular dimension person. You might be happy with the way you look right now and change is uncomfortable, but you will have to come to terms with it. The sooner you do, the better. Own it. Live it. Be comfortable with the person you see in the mirror. That will be more attractive than any hairstyle you can come up with. Hiding it, attempting to grow it out, any remote hint of denial is going to be plain as day to others. Splash Attack has done so by growing a beard and shaving it. That's cool, it isn't necessarily the only answer, it depends on your facial shape and if you can grow a beard. Me? I look weird totally shorn. But keeping it short is key I think. https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/57957/7f3233f7-fdc2-41d9-85cf-e4130d42297c/image.png Me aged 17 and very much in denial at the time about losing my hair https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/57957/0ae8ec06-a01a-4674-8f9c-eb36033ff256/image.png ^ Me aged 22, so you're doing better than me. https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/57957/5c377590-e71a-406c-bd37-7b004b83d900/image.png Me aged 24 https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/57957/311bd7bb-200a-4735-83b0-9eae8945549b/image.png Me now, 27 You just gotta find a way of making it your own. Don't hide from it. And for the record, I've had plenty of success with women, most of them at least as pretty as the guy I'm dancing with in the last picture. But you wont find people like me complaining about it on the internet. Because I'm me and I fucking rock.

Trying to hide baldness gets worse results and gives so much more anxiety. Embracing it and turning it into a feature instead pays off much more there are a lot of good looking bald men. and don't forget https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/132800/4040bfc7-9507-40ec-96ca-ab6a787ab42a/4-most-successful-bald-guyss-from-their-respective-fields-WcSeh.jpg

One of those guys is vastly more successful than the other 3 combined. Be like him, _Axel, and you'll be irresistible.

Are we doing baldness progression pics? I'll share some of my own. This is me before shaving with a pretty bad comb over from around 2014: https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/58119/9616bb43-d5c3-49ed-bab8-746f9aecce02/1557374_643193869073853_1146925794_o.jpg A few days later, after shaving. (Too lazy to rotate it rn): https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/58119/324692e7-377c-4d79-bedc-232c1276a376/IMG_20140202_152040.jpg And here's one from a week or two ago with my gf: https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/58119/9826a661-1645-4338-8000-35026b21f4f3/IMG_20180626_193027.jpg

I'd wager you haven't had to do much research on baldness lol, minoxidil is useless on its own. It promotes growth of existing hair, it doesn't prevent or reverse miniaturization. Also I'm not sure what the point of wearing a hat is if the issue is being insecure. It's just a crutch. Just to be clear, it's not to the point where I'm doing combovers or other weird hairstyles to try and cover it up. It's simply enough for me to notice the progression and realize that it is going to end up with complete baldness eventually. For reference, this is how it looks like when hanging right below certain lights, or when I'm directly facing a low sun. https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/211575/c12ad158-ec10-411f-a38b-1bcd60961ffb/IMG_20180101_013455.jpg https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/211575/6b1d71c3-e591-4917-b9d9-baf95c7ce9a9/IMG_20180529_204613_2.jpg The hair looks thin in some areas and you can see glimpses of the scalp. In other situations it may look more like this (chronologically: November, March, April, and July of this year) https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/211575/06b3e469-6245-432b-a26f-d96bab2f5b1d/IMG_20171204_141107.jpg https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/211575/03d80add-998d-4796-b19c-71dd9c384770/IMG_20180302_191552.jpg https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/211575/07a28062-4ef1-4dd5-8324-9ef8266143d4/IMG_20180414_012905 (1).jpg https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/211575/19ba7834-eb2c-43c9-af8e-4197fc76c422/IMG_20180610_154338_2 (2).jpg I try to keep it short since I feel it looks better. However once it gets wet it becomes much more obvious that I'm balding. https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/211575/c10d595a-a39c-4035-a188-40479d05543d/IMG_20180119_004804.jpg Which is not very convenient, just a few days ago I felt a bit uncomfortable when going swimming with friends because of it... Regarding shaving it, I feel I'm not at that point just yet, but I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for it. I suppose I'm a bit of a pussy, since at worst it would grow back anyway but still, you probably understand that it's a pretty big leap to take for me if you went through the same thing. I am able to grow a beard, it can look rather full if I trim it correctly. I just don't know if I have the correct head shape to pull a clean shaven head or even a buzzed one. I do agree that it looks a ton better on you two for sure. By the way, Metallics, you look particularly great on that last one. I guess a good smile is more attractive than lush hair after all.

Your hair still looks good now and judging from your photos, you'll still look good when you eventually need to shave it. It might be weird at first, but eventually it will just become a part of who you are. Don't worry about it, man.

I'm lucky I'm so tall, so people can't see my hair thinning out on top.

Well for one I don't think it's as noticeable as you think right now, maybe it won't end up getting worse for a long time. And even if it does, I actually think you have a good face for a bald head, and you can grow a beard which helps that a lot.

Serious question, sad as it may seem: How do I make friends? The only person I talk to on a daily basis is my bf, who I live with. Otherwise all my other (2) friends have either not talked in months or moved away and shifted priorities in life in such a way that I don't fit in much. I haven't made any new friends in 4 or 5 years, online or otherwise. Pretty much every friend I've ever made has been due to incidental contact without any real social capabilities being exercised on my part.

How stupid do you think women are that they'd be fool by a fucking hat

Women obviously aren't aware of the concept of object permanence.

Just use a sharpie to draw the hairline back on, women can't tell the difference

Yeah, same here, really. People, take very careful note: college is the last place where it's easy to meet new people. Make use of it while you can.

well fuck I've always had the hardest time in school with people and I'm only friends with some of the boys because of the bond of time we've spent together unfortunately college started on the right path but now I'm in the same old situation where my acquaintances and I don't bond and don't hang out, while the rest of them do

didnt realize women could see through fabric, unless you think as soon as he takes it off theyre going to say "don't think so baldy" when he's barely even a norwood 2

I always wondered why people said this, I found it very difficult to meet people at college. Is that only if you live in the dorms? Because I commuted, and I wonder if that makes the difference.

Yup, my already decrepit social life just coraked once I got to college. At least it's comforting to see I'm not the only one who doesn't know how to meet new people.

Its a huge difference. The school I go to has a ton of commuters, and the ones I have talked to always say how difficult it is to meet people outside of schoolwork. I dorm and despite being a bit socially awkward, have made plenty of friends, same with others.

This isn't even remotely true

Do you live in a city or urban area by any chance?

This is first Friday in past year where I am going sleep sober. I just downloaded origin, installed NFS Payback which I wanted to play ages ago and just played it, it was nice. Forgot how nice these alcohol-free gaming evenings are, usually I am hammered by this time and I go to sleep then have terrible hangover on saturday.

Did you mean to post this in the addicts lounge by any chance?

shit.. well snip fml, I fail at internet

Happens to the best of us, no sweat.

I woke up this morning with physical heart pain as I realized I looked around and she was not at my side in the bed. She hasn't been for the past couple of days but today it really hurt me.. I felt so alone with nobody to cuddle up to. I told her about it this morning and she just.. she didn't even care.. We had a canvas picture printed out of us laying down in grass, with our heads next to each other, looking into the camera, one of us being upside down. I saw it yesterday, took it in my hands and showed it to her. I told her that this memory used to put a smile on my face but now it only reminds me of the pain. I shed a few tears.. but she did not shed any. She didn't even change her facial expression. She claims she's in great pain too but she doesn't show any of it. How can some women be so emotionally fulfilling then despicably heartless? How can they just not care? What is wrong with her??

Aren’t you the one who broke up with her? You really shouldn’t be contacting her in any of those contexts then.

It's true I shouldn't be contacting her, but she still lives in the same flat. At least, for now. She's moving out either tomorrow or after tomorrow. When I heard the news of her finding a place, I felt my heart sink.. obviously I still have feelings for her, I really want to protect her from the danger she's getting herself into with that particular person I spoke about previously. Unfortunately, she's being too stubborn and won't listen to reason... she brushes me off, telling me to stop picking her friends etc etc... It feels horrible, I'm only trying to help her become a better person but she's just so naive and stubborn, it's frustrating and it hurts..... I'm really not picking her friends, I'm warning her and urging her to cut contact with one person because he just reeks of trouble. But he's ensnared her mind, like I wrote previously, and she won't let go. She needs to get hurt by him to realize but I'm afraid it'll take her getting pregnant to realize that I wasn't chatting shit... My entire chest area feels heavy. I wonder how long this feeling is going to last...