Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS. - General

Speaking of just going for it, for the first time ever I asked someone out at work today 💪 We don't work in the same department so it's probably okay right?

She's an intern and I'm a contractor for the company which I'm working in. Don't think we could get further away in terms of management without being in separate buildings.

eek don't prey on the interns

Oh behave, we had talked a fair bit at the company barby a few weeks back and we've had chats whilst making tea before. Thought I'd ask, it's not like she has to say yes. If that's preying I'm truly confused.

*shrug* It's a disciplinary where I work,regardless of circumstance, same as making them make the tea. I mean could you not even wait until her internship finished?

TBH I've just figured out how it can seem a little intimidating. Having a placement to the working world and someone hits on you creates a poor mindset. I didn't have bad intentions but I'm here now. Thanks

as long as you're respectful and not intimidating or a weirdo those circumstances don't seem too extreme to me

did she say yes tho

So if you're like 23 and never dated, are you basically screwed? By 23, 99% of people have dated and are at the point now where they need someone who is mature and is experienced. I know some people will say that it doesn't matter but they're obviously saying that to be kind. Men are disposable when it comes to the world of romance considering there are always guys waiting and lined up for girls hoping she'll pick them. I can't see why a girl wouldn't just straight up deny a guy like me for someone who is also attractive to them and has dated.

I can assure you there are plenty of people that got their first date much later than 23, dating in my opinion falls onto social skills and how you can relate with other people. Your partner is essentially your best friend, if you're worried about how you'll perform during sex (lul) it doesn't matter, if a girl is with you for the right reasons being bad in bed won't sway her.

If 99% of people have had their first date (citation very needed), that still leaves approx 73 million people (nearly the equivalent of the entire population of Florida, Texas and California combined) who haven't....

I'm 26 and I've only dated once. It was last year. We ended up going pretty far but she dumped me after a month without really explaining why (at least it meant I got over her fast as well). TBH I wanna date but also I don't want to make myself an anxious mess over it so I kind of have a "whatever, I'll keep an eye out I guess" attitude about it. Honestly, the hardest part to accept is that - unlike society has hammered into you since you could consume media - it genuinely doesn't matter if you've dated or ever had sex. That's honestly the most challenging aspect and it's really easy to slip back into the mindset that you're a failure because of that. Reality is it's complete BS and you should only date for yourself, not for expectations you perceive. ATM it's easy to see myself not date again until I'm 27, when I finish my college program and get a job in graphic design. It's just the way it is.

Women might have expectations of the men they date but they don't sit down and review a pile of resumes, ranking for experience and qualifications. It comes down to whether or not a girl meets you and finds you interesting, you're not in direct competition with every other male in her life as it's literally about whether or not she thinks she'd like to date you. I guarantee nobody will count you out when they find you interesting and attractive just because you're not living up to some imaginary 23-year-old experience barrier, so don't worry so much! Your friends aren't lying to spare your feelings, it's the truth.

Yeah we're going out tomorrow. I'm 23 and I've never dated before, don't see why you'd be in trouble.

Yo, fellas, I'm going to a meet-up with a girl from Tinder. Anything I need to going into it, any tips.

dont do anything stupid. just go in casually, it may or may not go well

Probably really late but assume you won't smash.

Never had any bad experience with Tinder dates myself. Worst that happened was I got stood up because she felt asleep (???) so we rescheduled and did end up meeting. Then again I might've been lucky.

I had 0 luck with Tinder other than few Ukrainian village women wanting sex when I travelled in Ukraine. In Ireland - 0 luck.

As a guy it's pretty important that you build a solid profile to get matches. Slapping on a couple mirror selfies usually doesn't cut it. Perhaps that's the crux of the issue?

I put it wrongly - I fail at it. I mean I get one or two matches per day - but that's the end of it, idk what to write other than Hi. to which nobody ever replies.

Well, figures. Women get a lot of messages per day, that's how dating apps work, unfortunately. You've got to stand out, make puns, clever openings, or give a nice, personalized compliment.

Yeah well I lack creativity in that area

Not saying it'll work, but I've heard a lot of stories about guys getting lucky with wacky and not-too-serious bios. My favourite is a guy who wrote in his bio that he was an aspiring DILF. :v I mean, it's worth it a shot.

for sure. my entire bio is just that copypasta of covering yourself with Vaseline and pretending to be a slug. girls love it

Think I have a Tinder addiction. Been on two dates with a new woman every week now for two months. I still haven't found the same thing I lost.

Have you broken up recently? If so, I think it's normal not to be able to develop new feelings for a while. It's almost been a year for me and I still haven't managed. I think these things take time.

Just a side note, but I just recently learned for myself that properly fit clothes actually really do make a big difference if you're trying to improve your physical attractiveness. I had no clue about basic rules of fashion/buying good clothes until the past few years, and I'm finally at a point where I'm pretty confident in myself and the outfits that I have express my personality how I want them to. It's a pretty good feeling, if only it translated into more dates immediately.

So I posted here a long time ago, and with my horrible memory I can't remember what exactly was the roadblock I put in the way of me dating, but I could use some advice for my current situation. It's a wall of text in part because it's venting and helping me make sense of the chaos in my head. There's some bullets if you'd rather skim below. I'll explain who I am, and how that factors into my issue. I'm 26 years old. I've never been in a relationship, never had sex, total novice when it comes to romance. I have a full time job, a car, and good health insurance. I've been told I have a good personality, but then again people rarely tell you your faults to your face. I'm 5'9 so I'm about average height. My face isn't ugly. From this I surmise I might be dateable. At this point in my life, I think there's really nothing logistically preventing me from dating, but I still don't have self confidence and am generally an anxious person. I still have hangups about my weight. I'm technically obese, but people say I look "normal" but it's America so normal = fat I guess. I've rationalized that the only reason I care to lose weight is so other people will think I'm attractive, but I've been told that's a terrible reason and you need to want to improve yourself for your self's sake. So far I still can't get any other motivation than being attractive for someone else and so I struggle to not gain weight, because if it wasn't for cosmetic reasons I'd just be a fat tub of lard. I partially think my weight is a roadblock I use to avoid dating. I've suffered from major depression and social anxiety, but at this point my depression is minor flare ups and my anxiety is manageable. But I'm still hesitant to date. I still feel inadequate compared to others, I'm a very passive person when it comes to basically everything (my friends get frustrated that I refuse to lead when walking somewhere - I always need to follow someone if in a group even if it's awkward). I'm not aggressive, I avoid confrontation and I always am sensitive to other people's feelings to a fault, I don't approach people (I'm the kind of person who will email someone for work related matters unless I absolutely have to pick up the phone), I have zero desire to reach out to friends so my friends are the ones that contact me (and I always appreciate it). Basically I'm the stereotypical beta male, and it feels like that's a core part of who I am and my personality. I can fake confidence but it's unnatural and exhausting. My self confidence seems to be another roadblock. I tend to be emotionally fragile. I'm a glass half empty person, and when I fail at things, or dissapoint people, or don't live up to expectations, or am an embarrassment, the deep shame that I feel shuts me down, even over minor things like being late to a meeting or saying something stupid that people react to. My point in all this is that I fear that dating is just going to end in me getting hurt, because either people would reject me because of my weight, or if people knew the real me was pathetic and unmanly they wouldn't want to be with me, regardless of any positive qualities. So, I avoid dating: I don't ask out attractive people, I don't flirt, I don't force myself to go to bars or activities to meet women, I haven't made an online dating profile. But I'm getting older, and the longer I wait the less opportunity I have to find someone who doesn't have kids or is someone I'm attracted to. My friends in their 30s deal with that now and I've wasted my youth shielding myself from possible rejection so even if I overcome that my pool is getting smaller. My weight ties into it in that if I want to find someone I'm attracted to I'd need to be attractive myself, and it's hypocritical to want someone attractive and thin when I'm not either. I'm unsure if how I view relationships is healthy. Part of me is rational and understands that having a partner is helpful when your sick, old, or need help. Part of me is driven by my sex drive, in that I want to have sex with someone I'm attracted to. Part of me just wants someone who I can spend time with and live with. But ultimately what I want seems to be related to sex and romance, because I have a good amount of wonderful friends I can be completely open with so I don't need a "best friend" because I have several I can vent to, do activities with, and hang around. Basically, to me the key part that separates a girlfriend from a good friend is sex, so me being physically attracted to someone is essential. At the same time, my anxiety prevents me from hookups. I want to be comfortable and trusting of whoever I would be with, and I'd want it to be a stable and continuous relationship, so meeting a random stranger and fucking would be a disaster waiting to happen, or would fuck with me emotionally as I'd probably fall for someone who isn't looking for anything serious. After writing all this, I'm overwhelmed by all these thoughts, fears, and preconceptions. All I know is that my life is missing something, and by process of elimination it's gotta be because I'm single and sexually frustrated. I don't know how to assuage my fears, remove my mental roadblocks, and change the way I think so I can find a girlfriend I'm sexually attracted to. How should I reframe my thoughts? Is it wrong to want to be in a relationship with an attractive woman if I'm not attractive? Would women still be able to find me sexually attractive even though I'm fat? Do people really hate passivity as much as I've been told? Would someone actually be willing to deal with my neuroticism? Would it be worth the inevitable, countless rejections for the chance to satiate my sex drive? Is my view on romance warped? Are sex and romance something completely separate or does romance inevitably tied to sex and pointless without sex like I feel it does? Am I actually ready to date or am I putting the cart before the horse? If not, will I ever be ready? It's 3:00AM and I'm writing this during a depressive episode, but it's the god's honest truth and although it's messy and a ramble it's how I feel right now, and I appreciate any advice no matter how blunt. I'm sorry that you have to scroll through this sad sack story of first world problems but I'm desperately trying to change my life and I guess this is worth the risk of getting ignored or worse.