Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS. - General

Okay so date night turned out different than expected. We met up for drinks, convo's going well. She revealed she has a bf, which threw me off a bit (I had zero idea - it's a long distance one) but I was enjoying myself so I changed/removed priorities. We chatted shit for like 6 hours and she got really touchy/feely which I don't mind but it felt weird what with me now being in the know. We decided to go out clubbing because why not. Touchy/feely increased. Eventually went back to her place and we slept together - no sex though - being all cuddly and shit. She's a nice lass but I'm not feeling too good about the vibe given. My guess is she hadn't seen him for a long time and wanted someone to cuddle up with or something, and I happened to be that guy. Probably going to bail on that one and remain friends at best. Question is, am I morally responsible? I was questioning myself the entire night but I ate nothing all day followed by a heavy drinking sesh so judgement wasn't on my side.

Need advice (or at least some insight) Last month i met a really nice girl. After spending time together for a few days i had some stuff to do so i went on with my business. Some time later a good friend of mine asks me if i was talking to said girl lately, I answered No. Basically he called me an idiot because she was dropping hints like crazy but i chose to ignore them because i hate making assumptions. When i asked what makes him think of that, he told me that she couldn't stop talking about me. Crazy right? So next time i met up with her, i ended up going for the kiss and it went great. She was really interested and happy with my decision and wanted to keep in touch. Now here's the problem: It's been a week since we met and ever since then i noticed she is less and less interested in talking to me. How did i notice? Before, she used to initiate conversations and now i initiate all conversations and most of her replies are either one word or none. We both know we ain't gonna see each other until August because of distance. This kinda reminds me of my last relationship: The last girl admitted to liking me, i accepted and in the end i noticed she's really not interested since i initiated all dates/calls/texts/kissing, and she was really distracted with other stuff during the date. I try to think maybe its something in my behavior that triggers their disinterest, but i see nothing special that could lead to that. I just get that feeling that perhaps i'm missing something? Any advice would be great.

Others might chew me out for saying this, but I don’t think so. If she wants to cheat on her boyfriend, that’s her decision, and while I wouldn’t recommend you start seeing her regularly, you’re not morally culpable for someone else’s mistakes. If you started doing something on the regular, I’d probably change my mind, but a one-off thing really can’t be put on you. Good idea not to get more involved, though, it’ll just be trouble.

ill be blunt and say that if she revealed that she had a boyfriend, you should have cut all "touchy feely" stuff then and there. its good that you are reflecting on it now but you still shouldnt have allowed that to happen to begin with.

basically here's my thoughts to be ethically consistent, you either are 100% okay with what happened, or you shouldn't have let it happen in the first place delete her number, don't let it happen again

Yeah, that was the one thing I was unsure about, glad to have some third persons look over it and tell it straight. Ta all I should probably eat before I go out too, that would help.

Anyone find themselves attracted to self-destructive personalities? My friends have been asking why I only seem to go for sad and miserable people, that usually don't involve themselves with others. My friend specifically asked me what I see in this one girl (she's just a friend) and all I could really say was that I see a part of myself in that person.

Put up a post on /r/r4r yesterday, got in contact with this girl from Tennessee, said she's moving abroad for a year. Got to a bit of talking, mentioned I was planning on visiting the States but decided not to for obvious reasons. She asked what, I mentioned Trump being in the White House and she went silent. I probably already know the answer to this but Americans, help me out. If I'm talking to someone from Tennessee, what are the odds of them being a Trump supporter?

pretty good

Still suprised you even went any further after she revealed she had a bf, bit morally questionable. You won't find many high quality women on Tinder.

I feel like such a piece of shit. About a month ago I met a girl, turned out she has serious self-esteem issues and some psychological issues as well, at first I thought if I try to support her I will make it better. tl;dr: our dates started out great, but then she became more and more shut-in, and it became unbearable for me because I felt like I wasn't even there. So I decided to wish her the best and stop dating her. I feel like I only made her issues worse. Fuck.

You're not responsible for someone's mental health issues, especially if they existed before you even met her.

Ignore this, why can't we just clear our message box on mobile already? This, donning the mantle of the saviour is generally not a good idea. This can lead to co-dependency issues, or a vicious cycle where your partner leans on you instead of proping themselves up.

i didnt say she had a bf, why would i do that?

Quoted wrong person soz bby

I think he replied to the wrong post

I wouldn't say I'm attracted to self-destructible people, but rather to people who have had their bad moments or gone through rough times at some point of their lives. They're often less judging and more understanding of certain things than people who haven't faced legit struggle or didn't experience anything horrible or traumatic in their lives. i.e If you do something that seems socially awkward, they either brush it off, laugh with you about it or tell you it's okay because everyone has those moments. They don't pick on you for no reason, use you as a ladder or lie to you because they know the pain of someone doing that to them.They also often give value to less material things. As in, they will admire someone for their ability to listen to them, smile at them, be honest, kind or respectful towards them. Most people tend to do the opposite. They make you feel miserable first so they can feel better about themselves.

Yeah, normally I'm quite in control when I drink because I've got the energy to think, but if I've nothing to eat before I'm quite out of control and vulnerable to do what others want (as in I won't say no). Certainly still my fault but I'm trying to say it's not like me to do that. Feel like I've got shit to clean up.

Found more than half of my dates on Tinder, I honestly haven't noticed any major difference with those I met IRL. You just have to watch out for the red flags, like those who put long lists of terms and conditions in their bio like it's a job application, or the infamous "if you can't handle me at my worst...". I've even seen girls brag about being "bitchy", as if that was something to be proud of. Speaking of Tinder, I matched with a goddamn firefighter yesterday, she messaged me first. French firefighters are even cooler since they also handle medical emergencies and stuff. She told me how exciting it was to dive headfirst into fires to save people. She's also a fire safety instructor by day. Asked for her number "just in case of an emergency" and now we're texting. Fingers crossed, lads.

I dunno man but it just sounds like you're making (shit) excuses when you blame lack of energy from eating and whatever. And if you did it, then it is exactly "like you". You're looking at it the wrong way, you already did it, its time to look at the way you acted, why you did it and reflect. Yeah you fucked up, you literally slept with someone's girlfriend. Now you need to move on and change, no excuses for your actions.

There's not that much rough to begin with is my point, although I suppose that depends on your location. There's probably more choice near the big cities.

bro that is some serious game smooth ass line

I installed Tinder and OkCupid once and immediately uninstalled because it demanded my location. Why can't I just write it myself and let it be it? Do you have to track me constantly? Another reason is because i am not convinced it's viable. Too many males out there chatting up to the few women there are, and why should they do anything when guys do the work for them. What would I have to offer? I mean in my 20 years alive only one woman has had feelings for me and she's my ex. Why should it be different on a phone app?

If you are using an android, you can use an app to fake your gps location. Right now snapchat shows me to be in North Korea

Not gonna lie, the game is stacked against you in this kind of app and it might be a bit harder for you to stand out than if you simply approached women IRL. That doesn't make it impossible, however. I met my first girlfriend on Tinder and I was 20 years old, so if anything you've got a headstart compared to me. If you set up a decent profile (ie not just low quality indoor selfies and an actual bio) and actually send somewhat original messages you're ahead of 95% of men on the app. There's no reason to think no one would be interested in you just because you've only had one relationship in the past. If that were true nobody would ever have more than one in their life. It only serves as an excuse to not put yourself out there and is an attitude that is indeed perceived as unattractive. Love yourself and you'll find people loving you.

https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/211575/d4a4aaf1-667d-4800-a46c-b187af336177/11.png https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/211575/b7f3c2ff-0f03-489d-adc6-aef13ef99e15/22.png Seems about right.

Ill take ya if you can guess this code https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/109900/36eb87ba-9c9c-46f6-aee6-41f8e7d0851a/image.png

Because the whole point is people near you if you could put in wrong answers, then so could other people

I...I can't read it...