Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V7 - General

While i do really appreciate the feed back that you gave me, i feel like i need to explain a little bit further about my condition, and i apologies because i have not done that before. The reason why i feel the way i am right now is because of the low self-esteem that i have and my irrational fear of the world that i got because i lock myself inside a comfort zone due to my somewhat troublesome past, and i acknowledge all this things that i have in myself and i know it's stupid, i have tried doing many things to overcome the troubles that is bugging me all this years, but still things are not as easy as it sounds, i wouldn't instantly recover because one day i decide to change things up just as my own self-esteem and my stupidly irrational fear pulls me back to square one, i feel like i'm just a big disappointment to everyone around me and, i feel like everything that i did is a self-deprecating act towards myself, i'm stuck in a constant perpetuating hell that i have created myself and it is hard for me to escape, thus lead me to my current condition, where i loath everything i do and i cannot enjoy or passionately do something, that's the reason why i feel like i just want to disappear from this world.

Just moved to a new apartement. And for some reason I cried? I don't understand.

You could be under a lot pressure, maybe so much so that you're not realizing your emotions until they explode. Moving to a new place can put on a lot of stress from organizing the move, settling in to the new environment, and maybe even missing your old place. Or they're tears of relief? I dunno. Best to reflect on the matter to find out the answers.

So I'm thinking of finally contacting a therapist and getting professional help. Family life is stressing me out way more than it should, it's really hard to gouge whether my friends are actually my friends, and despite having a loving and supportive partner, I feel so alone all the time. I keep wanting to just end it all but I can't go through with it, despite feeling deep down that no one would really, truly care if I was gone except maybe one or two people. Problem is, I've never contacted a therapist before, and I'm worried about anything that could potentially happen if my parents catch wind of me wanting to go see one, or if they would even let me. Every time I tried to tell them there was something wrong with me they would always shrug it off and that whatever it was wasn't that serious. I guess I'm just new to this thing and I'm worried about what other people would think or say or want to hear out of me if I said I wanted to go see a therapist. What should I do?

It's quite stressful moving and it's a long process of making a new place feel like home.

Could someone here help me understand anxiety? I've always been an anxious guy but lately I've begun doubting my diagnosis. I've got GAD and SAD under my name and while I feel anxiety, it doesn't feel diagnosis worthy if that makes sense. Only lately have I become more invested in my own case and I've realized that I've been pretty passive before. If they told me I'm an anxious dude, then yeah okay I guess I'm an anxious dude. If they told me I was depressed, then yeah okay I guess I'm depressed too. Now I'm starting to realize how little my anxiety diagnoses actually bother me. Like I said, yes, I can feel anxiety but I don't feel anxiety to the point where it is so uncomfortable I start avoiding situations yeah? I'm recluctant to go to the store and I've always blamed anxiety but when I'm actually there, it's not around. I'm nervous about meeting new people too but when I actually meet them, I'm not so anxious I stop talking and retreat to my shell. In fact, a new social worker is gonna work with me and I met her for the second time today and first time alone. I was nervous as heck when she sent me a message that she was on her way but when we met, I talked non-stop and felt comfortable enough to share as much as I'd like, even oversharing to an extent haha. Is this really what anxiety is? Isn't everyone a bit nervous about meeting new people? I'm sure my anxiety diagnoses were accurate before and I can still feel some remnants from it but I honestly don't think it's my primary concern anymore. I feel like it hasn't been a major concern in a long time actually other than my panic attacks lately but that's a whole other thing which has calmed down significantly. It's almost like I've been roleplaying an anxious person because it's what everyone has told me I am, but now that I'm realizing I'm not as anxious as everyone around me says or I myself believed, I'm starting to see what my problems really are.

For me anxiety tends to come around when depression alleviates, it’s like I’m waking up to how far behind everyone else I am. Depression truly does feel safe in the worst possible way

Yeah, possibly. I'm not sure myself. I feel it to the same strength as before but I react to it in a different way now? I've been speculating with the folks around me and with myself that there might be something else entirely that has gone unnoticed which is causing my anxiety and depression. The main suspect is ADHD at the moment and some other minor suspicions but yeah, mostly ADHD. After I started trying to figure out this stuff, I've been reacting differently to my anxiety. In a way, it feels like I can stop "pretending" to be anxious if that makes sense? Anxiety or not, I feel like I can act like myself despite it which is liberating. Wow, that's pretty cool when I think about it! I'm probably far off from figuring out this messy brain of mine but it feels like I'm making some of my first real steps in figuring it out. I've "fixed" my life before by changing up my routine and becoming more active but the mental shit went unresolved so it all decided to come knocking at my door again at a later date. Hopefully the road I'm taking now will help me understand that part of my life so I can finally move past it or learn to deal with it properly. I'm currently going to a neuropsychologist and have two more appointments then a summary in August so that is very, very exciting for me. I hope these folks get something useful out of my tests and interviews.

Anxiety is very internalized and affects decision making or thought processes, sometimes it gets externalized in which case you may see someone talking as tearful, scared, stuttering, nervous, etc. If it's bad enough it'll cause things that interfere with your life such as procrastination, avoiding people/places, criticizing things you said previously (even though the other person probably didn't have a second thought about it), worrying about the future (even though you can't do anything about it at the present time), social anxiety that makes communication difficult, difficulty sleeping from thinking too much, and the list goes on... I'd say everyone experiences anxiety in their own way with certain commonalities. My own anxiety probably started around grade 11 when I nearly failed that grade. The amount of anxiety I feel is different from day to day, I found it was at its worst with the onset of depression and kind of reemerging when the depression went away. How bad it is mostly relates to how stressed out one would be, stress sort of affects your tolerance of anxiety... Very stressed? Low tolerance, so more anxiety. Low stress? High tolerance, so less anxiety. Since there's less it's easier to manage and not let it affect your daily life. This could be the position you're in now. It's important to be aware of your current situation and to be honest about what could be causing you to feel the way you're feeling, whether good or bad. I've found mindfulness meditation help me become more aware of how I'm feeling and why, maybe it could benefit you as well?

Reading the symptoms you listed, I can definitely notice that some of the stuff I had that you listed is completely gone for me now. There's a bit left, like tensing up and a feeling of dread but it's mostly in anticipation for what is going to happen later since I assume the worst. The experience in itself is usually fine with little to no anxiety. I seem to have shifted more to being scared of anxiety that can happen rather than actually having anxiety in the moment (tho still a little bit left). I like your description of the connection between stress and anxiety, never thought of it myself but very applicable for me. It could be less stress since I'm being evaluated at a neuropsychologist so I have something to look forward to but other than that, life is the same. I agree, mindfulness helps a lot! I'm already doing actually, I completed 70 days today. It helps wonders for my stress when I think about it now. I'm less stuck in my head and I've stopped chasing my thoughts so dark spirals rarely happen anymore. Same with my panic attacks as well. I embrace it rather than mentally run. Maybe that's why I'm experiencing a reduction in anxiety since I've learned how to embrace it? Thanks for the replies guys. Sometimes it's easier to reflect on how one works with some external input!

What happens if I tell the hospital I'm a danger to myself? Had a severe episode yesterday and it might happen again

no matter what relationship i'm in, what medication i'm perscribed, what drugs i take, what food i eat, what hobby i have, i can't stay happy for more than a week or two. Every time i'm happy it just melts away into a glimpse of how things could've been if i wasn't the fuckup that i am. it's impossible for me to imagine that things will ever get better. i don't see a future for myself.

@Clovis @Zonesylvania Been a long while since I've found the time, or even confidence to get back on this thread and make an update. Firstly, I would like to say thankyou for helping me inform my own decision and take the course of action which I think is right, despite what my friends or family will say. You might have guessed that I've decided to quit my job and I will be in contact with my Union on Monday to format a letter. After nearly two weeks battling my case to my boss, line manager and senior leadsership, they are going ahead with their proposed changes and more, which I won't go into fully. But, one example - they are re-writing my job specification. Fuck that. I'm out. I've reached a point where I don't care. All the fight has gone out of me. They've won. Let them build their shitty fucking empire and circle jerk over their scumbag emails when I leave work everyday. I swear to god the arsehole factor in people multiplies by 10 when they're in a senior leadership role. It feels such a relief to finally make a decision which ou've know deep down in your heart and gut that it's the right one. Why give them anymore of your time? Right? When I leave, they'll realise what a valuable asset they've lost and I guarentee you they will re-advertise my job on a lower scale and get someone less qualified in to support them. I know it sounds like I want everyone to die at work, but I've given four years, four of my years to this job and I've passed on so much knowledge to other people and gained so much at the same time. It's a shame things have to come like this and it's a shame people change- for the worst, but you guys are right. It is time for me to move on, and hey, I feel that it's ok for me to have lost the war because now I can sleep at night and not have to worry.

This seems like a good place to ask because there's UK posters and I don't think anyone I know IRL still browses here. I intentionally overdosed on Tuesday around half past midnight and my partner put me to A&E, how fucked is it that they let me go at 6AM while I was still totally incoherent and unable to walk straight? They didn't so much as ask if there was anyone to phone to pick me up? Literally they figured my vitals were stable enough, unhooked me and put me out the door to walk home. This doesn't feel like its right? Nobody so much as phoned a day later to see if I'd gone and finished the job and I've never felt so overlooked in my life. Is this just how the NHS is?

I keep surprising myself with just how much of my own pain I can handle without snapping but I really don't know how much more I can take I think I'm slowly getting more and more okay with the idea of dying and being at peace that way

Coping with anger is incredibly difficult.

First post after stalking FP for atleast 10 years hah Being diagnosed with ADHD at age 5 seemed to get me ignored by any GP or Psychiatrists, stopped taking anything i was given treatment wise as far as drugs go.Been after beeg re diagnosed as an adult with adult ADHD they dont really want to go further with any other diagnosis as things are completely different in how i act and what problems i struggle with now.... much less of the general crazy child who gets in trouble at school with no attention span and more depressive whenever im not in a manic-esque episode which mainly consist of trying to do 100 things at the same time and getting nothing done, being very irritable and blunt with people and going off on impulse and drinking randomly or doing crazy stuff. Not going into too much detail but all in all UK mental health care is strange. No social life and no friends that i talk to or hang about with frequently, the only time im good more or less is when i work and that seasonal as I work as a Fisherman in the North Sea so having something to keep my busy helps to some degree but if that gets stressful or there are arguments and whatever else things quickly go downhill again, not sure what i want to achieve by posting but yeah trying a new way of being social again... also dont want to reel of an essay either haha

I feel like I need to stop browsing Tumblr along with some of the shit a couple of my siblings occasionally reblog on there since its fucking with my perception of the world in multiple ways. From what I've seen, they don't have any problems with stereotypes of white people and think all white people (including themselves) are racist. I'm not even sure if I should be super upset at the former (hence what I meant when I said my perception fucked in multiple ways), but after hearing my brother say that he's fine with that one ex-Bioware dev being incredible fucking hostile specifically towards white people and even thinks he's justified, I started assuming the worst out of shit like that and potentially freaking out over shit that's probably not even a big deal. Before, this sort of shit, while annoying, didn't bother me as much, because I didn't think it would leak into my personal life. Now, I find out that some of my family members unironically buy into shit like this. Better than them being Nazis / Trump supporters, but still.

I have tired and obviously failed to take my ok w life. Well two times Any who just wondering if you other guys and gals. Err do you guys a gala from time to time The lingering urge to end your life just stay with you for years ? Forevermore? It's like a drug always in the back of my skull and it's hard to fight it

It used to but eventually I realized that taking my own life was pointless. I'm going to die at some point, either at old age or in an unknown way (and God I hope I do die of old age), so even if things get tough, I'd rather make the most out of my situation and live as long as I can, than take myself out and completely get rid of the chance of seeing a better day. Sometimes when I'm in deep pain or facing difficult times I start to consider it, but eventually I break out of it and realize it's not a practical solution. If you're struggling to get rid of it. Try to keep your mind busy doing other things, like reading, cooking or doing something you feel it can make you feel productive at your own pace. The other suggestion is seeing a professional, but I think that goes without saying. If what you're facing is a problem, you'll find a solution eventually. If what you're facing is an event or bad experience, you'll overcome it eventually.

The thoughts come and go, I feel like I'd hate myself more in the afterlife than I do now if I committed suicide. There's so much I haven't experienced, so many places I haven't seen, and so many things I haven't completed.

My body feels like there's weights taped to my limbs. I don't think my antidepressants are working at all

Welp I had my good weekend, time for the next 3 months to be borderline suicidal again

Can you read? the person he was replying to was already taking the medications, and nowhere was it said that he hadn't done so before. When people say this kind of thing it's usually asking the person to check back at their shrink to get new medicines in place of the old.

I seem to remember you mentioning issues with depression before? that can fuck up your sleep cycles fairly well too. What you need is basically a hard reboot of your sleep cycle, and a combination of this and sleep aids. Here's my advice: what you need essentially are somewhere around 7-8 hours of good quality sleep in a day. To get that good quality sleep, you'll need to make a hard reset in the way you're sleeping. Begin by going to bed at the same time every night, and turning off any electronic media (computer, iPhone, TV, etc.) at least an hour before bedtime. If you don't the stimulus makes it harder to actually get to sleep. Drink a glass of warm milk, which can also help, since it makes the brain secrete hormones that help you with getting a decent night's sleep. And if in spite of that you cant seem to find yourself falling asleep, melatonin or a sleeping dose of benzos can help too.

I'm assuming you had a bad experience (given the pseudoscience in this post) and will just say that something not working for you doesn't mean it's not helpful for other people.

People who know what they're talking about. Also the fact that the medication was prescribed in the first place, most certainly by a doctor, says a lot. You advocated against getting treatment, that's fucked up. Anti-depressants aren't for everyone, but for a large portion of the population they work. What's more damaging to your brain is letting the trauma continue on in the form of depression, this is known to seriously mess up your brain because of the prolonged excess stress from adrenaline/cortisol.

yeah my doc just gave me a new script, i'm switching over

Please get the fuck out of this thread and stay out, thanks!

i don't think crying myself to sleep several nights a week even though my life has never been better is "slightly under the weather"