Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V7 - General

Hi. I have major clinical depression and I do not take anti-depressants myself, either! However I fully support them. Lemme learn ya somethin', kiddo. First off, Anti-depressants are medicated drugs that attempt to treat mental illness and mood disorders by introducing a balance of chemical neurotransmitters to thwart signs of depression and/or symptoms of other aforementioned fun quirks. Anti-depressants first officially came about in 1951 when (fun fact) scientists were researching a cure for TB and found the drugs instead helped patients with their moods and acted as mental stimulants. Since then, despite admittedly a lot of Anti-Depressant (we'll go with ADs from now on because yeah) science has been exaggerated somewhat by pharmacological marketing, science has broguht forth a huge variant of effective mood enhancers and balancers. There are many types! SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs, MAOIs, and while they affect the body in different ways, they all aim to introduce a balanced mood in what otherwise would be feelings of listnesses and apathy and obviously depression so strong that people attempt to self-harm or commit suicide. Thankfully, because they are under the effects of ADs, they feel less to sometimes no urge to do that! In 2008, The National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH) did a study that showed 3 in 5 (approximately 60%) of people felt emotionally & mentally better and more controlled after taking an AD for the first time, and for the remaining people who did not, approximately 50% of those people reported they felt better when trying a secondary/different class of AD. In 2008, the CDC reported a 3-year study conducted by two different groups of scientists that showed while unfortunately there are different rates of AD usage and effectiveness based on ethnicity, ADs were used by literally every race and there was no difference in usage even in lower vs upper classes (or across any income class). Let's get to the results, though! The National Institute of Health (NIH — separate from NIMH) does a bi-yearly, continually updates study on the effectiveness of ADs and their last reportings at the start of 2017 were that without ADs, Only 20 to 40 % of people who used a placebo even showed an improvement to symptoms of depression and mood disorders, and those who took the actual ADs were up to 50% more likely (40 to 60% of people) to notice a mood and mental improvement of their symptoms. The longest/largest study on ADs, called STAR*D performed over 6 years by the NIMH showed that out of over 2800 people, 70% were free of symptoms of depression after 5 years. 'But wait won't they just get hooked on them?' No you dud (hah! Because you're a grenade that has no firepower), not in general, because while anybody can get addicted to anything, the overall idea of ADs are to work as a crutch until your body and/or mind can feel better, or in some cases of varying severities, keep you from getting worse. IN FACT, in that same study by NIH, for the placebo peoples, 50% of them who did not actually take an AD had a relapse within 1 to 2 years, whereas only 23% of people who took the ADs had a relapse (over a 50% increase in effectiveness), showing that not only can ADs help your immediate mood, but prevent you from decaying or relapsing back into bad habits and old symptoms. Dr. Oquendo who is the president of the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and a professor at University of Pennsylvania has said that 40% of patients see results and get better, even if they have to find which type of ADs work or if the ADs work with other therapies, which is the other beautiful thing! ADs are not meant to be an instant-happy pill, but as previously stated they are a crutch to aide you in getting better, so ADs with exercise, meditation, whatever works for people can be increasingly effective, or at minimum allow people to start other therapies they would otherwise not be able to do. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! A recently published study in a research journal called The Lancet (which spawned like dozens of articles, just this past April lol.) proved that of the major types of prescribed ADs, they were between 40 to 120% more effective than just the placebos. While I would normally suggest speaking to your doctor, for your sake I would say go take some anti-psychotics first because you have other issues, man. Please get out of the thread if you're only going to spout non-informative, opinionated negativity, thanks.

Can somebody give me advice? A friend of mine has been getting really pissed at me, to the point where he probably doesn't consider me his friend. I can understand why he would be piss, ignoring his messages, not playing with him, etc; but I have my reasons. For one he is like a toxic child who just learned about swears. I cannot go into a CS:GO match with out him spouting "Fuck you kid" and "You're bad" every minute; he literally blackmailed me to play Fortnite with him (thank god he didn't find shit). Secondly, I just like to be alone and have my own thoughts to my self when I can calm down with all the pitiful thoughts inside my head. I asked one of my online friends on what I should do, he said just to not be friend with him any more: I can't do that. He's done so much for me, without him I probably would've killed my self by now or drop out of High school living as a NEET. And the thought of me just abandoning him and not staying friends with him only just removes one less support of the toppling tower of my anxiety. It also doesn't help if things remain the way they are because in about three weeks we're gonna head back to school, and before this entire thing happened we were signing up for the same classes.

I'm feeling a bit regretful over the past today. I've been curious about something other than my depression and anxiety causing issues for me, specifically ADHD. I remember back in 2013 the psychologist I went to at the time seriously considered the idea that I might have ADHD and went ahead to prescribe me Ritalin. Unfortunately, the reason I'm feeling regretful over this moment is because of how detached I was from my own situation at the time. I didn't share my thoughts, I didn't know what was important to say and one could say I wasn't really mature enough to understand my own situation. I skipped so many sessions because I didn't see the point and partly because I was already knee deep in a mixture of clinical depression and apathy. Since I didn't share shit about how I reacted to the meds or was motivated at all to fix my situation back then, my psychologist at the time never got the full picture. So the diagnosis was retracted and the meds were stopped. It wasn't such a big deal back then because I didn't "care" but now it's bothering me a lot. It pains me so much to know that I might've gotten a ADHD diagnosis back then, if it really is ADHD that is affecting my life so badly. It's easy to daydream about how life could have been different and how things could be so much better and how much further I'd been now. I try to view my negative experiences as something to learn from so I'm not wishing it was different since it has definitely shaped who I am today and there are qualities to me that I like about myself. But yes, it's hard to refrain from thinking of an alternate timeline where things went differently for me. If only I went to my sessions, if only I shared my thoughts and experiences, if only I was more involved in my situation in general. Then maybe I'd have the correct diagnosis then rather than 5 years later. It sucks but I don't regret the path I took either. Besides, hopefully this stuff is sorted out in August anyway and I'm still young so it's not like I'm on the tail-end of my life where my problems could have erased a lot of potentially good experiences. There's plenty of time left to fix my problems without worrying too much about losing out on stuff. Regretful and a little sad, but still optimistic. Hopefully this neuropsychologist I've been going to will finally have the answers I've been looking for over half of my life.

Hi, me again. This thread feels like home. Bit of an interesting development with my job woes. So I handed in my resignation on Tuesday which they accepted. On Thursday, the HR manager and boss asked me to come to their office and I was shitting bricks. Turns out, they decided to accept my resignation, pay me until the 25th September and as I've got an interview today (which I'll get into later) they said I was free to go on Friday and I'm not required to come in. You would have thought most people would be doing cartwheels if they were given an opportunity like that but there's still a part of me which feels betrayed, angry, upset and yet happy at the same time. I'm happy as I will never have to work with my asshat manager again, but I am truly and utterly upset that I've abandoned all my other work colleagues and left them in the dark. A part of me wishes I could have stayed on until the 25th but the rest of me knows it's the right choice. I don't think it helps that I've got a funeral to attend next Wednesday which, on top of the resignation has wrecked my ability to think straight. The funeral is even more personal as he was a work colleague who died of muscular dystrophy. It was heart breaking to see him starting to waste away at work and a year later he was wheelchair bound. I was meant to meet him this month and it came as a shock he died a few weeks back. I regret not seeing him sooner and I don't think I can close that chapter as I never said goodbye to him. Ive dealt with funerals before but he was a true friend and colleague and I should have visited him sooner. I can't forgive myself for that. So now I move on to my interview, which is kinda stopping me from crying in wetherspoons as I spill my heart out writing this. I feel like I've completely and utterly fucked up my interview by saying the stupidest shit and now I'm regretting it as my parents keep on saying 'youll get the job!' I don't think I should have gone to the interview with everything that's happened this week. I foolishly said to the interview panel that 'this would be the last few times I will apply for a job in this field, and I wasn't fully able to articulate what I meant. I know they took it the wrong way and what I wanted to say was that I am unsure if this career path is right for me considering how inhumane my treatment was at my previous job from my line manager. They saw me as contradictory and a bit of an idiot for saying that when I said I was so willing and eager to join. I just wanna go home and sleep but I'm stuck in a town I've never been to and I can't stop thinking how badly I've fucked up the interview.

As harmless and inane as the online communities I'm a part of are, and as much as I like being a part of them and as friendly as everyone is and how well I know everyone, I'm still managing to do that thing where I withdraw from them and just kinda isolate myself for reasons that I don't really know apart from "lol social anxiety". It feels silly because it's not even real-life stuff where you can kinda understand it, it's just online stuff and it's still occasionally overwhelming to think about all the people and notifications for some reason. I logged on a couple weeks back, saw all the notifications and PMs and new posts and just...immediately went to a different website. Even though I'm a moderator and should be doing stuff (especially with a new big update that'll surge forum activity coming in a few days) the thought of having to stomp around having my stupid coloured name showing up when viewing threads 'n that doesn't help. I've even stopped having discord open for the same reason, so there goes like 90% of my daily communication - I've mostly just been lurking facepunch and reddit for the past few weeks because no one really knows me and its like I can post into the void. It's really silly because it's just gaming forums, but it's a majority of my interaction with people, and I know from past experience that it's a terrible idea to not interact with people, gaming forums or not. I sure hope I don't hermit myself in September at my second shot at uni, social anxiety fuckin' sucks,

Green therapy is weird I grabbed all my camping gear and headed into the woods, with 10 miles from nearest town. I cried for three hours and eventually fell asleep bellow a tree. My depression has for years made me 100% apathetic and these last days I've been able to cry non-stop. The only way to make it stop is by forcing it. Never felt this out of control, and I feel weak. But I recommend it though, the calmness the natural silence is like a drug

I'm doing more, and more things to try and improve myself and feel better, and feel more in control of myeslf and my emotions. the more work I put into things right now, the more hopeless, lost, and confused I'm feeling. I don't know what to do. I genuinely feel like I'm starting to lose it.

Any change in routines throws me out off course almost instantly. Brushing my teeth, showering, washing my hands, meditating, general self care stuff happens mostly automatically at home with some resistance here and there but still doable. Take me away from home for only a day or two and I'm reverting back to bad habits pretty quick. I've been at my mom's place the last two weeks to look after their cats while they're hiking on the mountains and welp, my routine got messed up bad. Even the simple things like washing my hands became difficult. I did it anyway but that's the only example I got where it worked out for me. My sleep, hygiene and daily mindfulness sessions however... It is so frustrating to feel so helpless in situations like these. It takes me so much willpower to build a routine to begin with so disrupting it means I have to somewhat start from scratch again which isn't always easy. I've had plenty of experiences like this too and I notice that it has made me reluctant to do bigger things. Stuff like visiting my dad or going somewhere new is hard for me because I'm afraid it'll happen. I'm so afraid of it that I ended up postponing a visit to my dad for 2 whole years and the only reason I ended up doing it in the end was because I had plummeted down the depths of the chaotic lifestyle of not having a routine. I think this stems from multiple things. I like to describe routines as a necessary evil; I despise routines because they take so much energy from me but I need routines to function because without them nothing gets done. I simply don't have enough willpower in me to do boring but necessary shit unless I'm aided by it being a habit as well. It's still difficult but more doable, even if it doesn't always work. I could live with this but the problem is with the disruptions. Since I really, really don't like having routines even though I need them, I tend to quickly jump off the ship when I'm somewhere where I can't follow my routine 100%. It could be compared to only taking one bite of some delicious ice cream you swore not to eat. If you don't take a bite, it's easier to say no but if you take one bite? Well, now you've got the taste for it and before you know it the whole thing is gone. The short term satisfaction of not expending energy on routine stuff becomes so tempting it's close to impossible to resist. Another thing is that I don't feel much urgency to follow my routine when I'm not at home. When I'm home, stuff feels more serious since what I do there says a lot about what kind of person I am. So if I'm a lazy slob there, then the negative thoughts start to bombard me and I feel like that's who I am, someone who won't get anywhere in life. When I'm not home however, it's no big deal in my head. It feels like a break, a vacation, somewhere I can chill out and relax without a care in the world because what I do there doesn't define who I am.

I can understand that when someone has lots of issues, and they're not fit for work such as firemen, police and military enlistment etc, they shouldn't be there; but it still makes me really sad that I'm not allowed to do what others do. Hell, even my special interrest is dangers and risks so it's my dream to work where I'm not allowed to.

Repetition is the mother of skill. Penetrating this truth we see that experience creates natural behavior, the more you persist on holding down at least one routine like, maybe showering, the more natural the experience will feel like. Your body and mind unify neuronal patterns that strengthen each time a specific routine is done. Discipline is created by understanding natural behavior, and then a flawless program of daily practice become the roots of the fruit that is daily natural behavior. Practicing inner nature is a search for effortless action. Your being unifies with the desired practice. You've been walking for so long that you've attained the nature of automatic walking. You've also been communicating for so long that it is an effortless practice, to elucidate opinionated subjectivity. Inserting a new daily routine, in a specific order, lays the foundation for the stages of; labor, repetition, discipline, functional, ease and natural. This can take three months or more, depending on how you penetrate the truth of inner nature that would result in flawless discipline.

I have been working in my first EVER job at the age of 24 (25 now) for over a month now (KP in a boiling hot restaurant/bar 5-6 days a week, depending on how busy it is). My feet, hips and back are killing me... but aside from that all of the staff are super nice and I get fed on the job. For years I weighed 8 stone on the dot... 9 stone being my 'normal' weight. I've now gained that extra stone back since I started working there!!! Getting fattened up on the Italian food everyday It feels bloody amazing to have a scheduled life again.

I hate my brain, I can't think, I don't know what I'm doing and soon I won't have a job, I can't live at my mom's place doing nothing my entire life, but I'd rather kill myself than go back and work at a restaurant, ofcourse I don't have any qualifications and I failed high school so it's not like I have much choice, fuck I can't even join the military. I'm having an anxiety attack and I don't know what to do, I'll survive ofcourse as I always do but what's the point, everyday is the same and I can't fix my life

Not usually someone to talk about my issues, but I figure I should start somewhere if I want to fix them. Last night I just lost someone very close to me because of choices I've made. I've made some really stupid decisions and acted out of desperation, lied and manipulated a load of my friends in order to keep myself in the centre of everyone's attention, because my biggest fear is being alone, and the saddest part of it all for me, is that I didn't even realise I was doing it until this person I was close to, called me out on every lie I ever told them, all my behavioural patterns and everything like that. It allowed me to step back and see what an absolute asshole I've been over the last few years and I am looking at myself in the mirror and don't even know who I am anymore. Any future I had with my friend is now gone because of me, and I only had to hurt so many people along my journey until I finally realised I am the problem, not everyone else. So I've told myself today to contact my doctor and sort out some kind of therapy and I plan to cut out a lot of things that keep me rooted into my old life, mostly internet access. I want to be a better person and improve, I want to win the trust of my friend back again even if it's impossible I want to try. But mostly I want to stop being an asshole who tries to justify being an asshole by coming up with excuses for every choice I make.

Anybody else have to deal with being Bipolar? I developed it last winter and got diagnosed in april. Complete hell. Could really use someone else to talk to about it privately.

I keep thinking about my routine and why it sometimes works and why it sometimes doesn't. A new thing I thought about today is that it seems like I stray from my routine when I have something fun to do. Say, if I find a game or rediscover a game I played earlier and I actually enjoy myself, then my routine gets neglected. When I have nothing better to do and I'm a anxious mess who feels stuck with nothing to do, I tend to follow my routine because there is nothing else to do. Which is a devastating cycle really. I think it's given that when you've got a routine, you feel a bit better. When you feel a bit better, the negative thought patterns aren't so intimidating. At that point, it becomes easier to enjoy stuff again and just chill. This is a huge problem for me because it keeps looping in on itself. Feel bad, nothing is fun, make steps to fix my life, spend a month or two doing that, feel better, enjoy leisure activities again, routine is neglected and after some time, nothing is fun again and I have to repeat the process. It seems like I'm terrible at prioritizing the important things unless said important thing bothers me a lot in the moment. When I'm having fun, that becomes more important than the self-inflicted stress I'm causing myself in the future. The future has no importance to me even though I know what I'm doing to myself. Even though we're not talking huge stretches of time, I still have trouble taking the future seriously since it's not 'now'. It bums me out a bit. I thought I'd learn by now after having gone through this exact same process for years on end but here I am, repeating the mistakes I first made years prior. I wish I was able use the future as a motivator instead of constantly relying on what I'm feeling right now. I live in the present in what I'd call a bad way as there's no emotional ties to the past or the future so I keep running into the same mistakes.

This last few weeks have been nothing but torture for me, it's been weeks since i have a good night sleep, every day i would suddenly wake up at 4AM in the morning and feeling like absolute shit, and i need to forced my self back to sleep because i gotta wake up again at 7AM to work as an unpaid intern because its a necessary thing from my university that every student needs internship as a requirement for making their thesis, which makes me even more nervous because of some stupid irrational fear that i have which keeps me from having any courage or self-esteem in my self to do important things in my life like doing my thesis. I feel like a dead weight to my parents because I've been only living on their money, like a leech, that money could just go somewhere else but instead they spend it on the useless me, they should've just put more efforts to my sister she's much more ambitious in her life goals, i feel like i should just go somewhere so far from everything and just die alone without anyone knowing anything about me, i just wish i never existed in the first place.

Anyone else feel like something dark is following you?

Yeah, if I were identify what it was I'd say it's my own mind and its negativity. You can be your own worst enemy, or your own best friend. I tend to gravitate towards the former but I try my best to be the latter.

It takes me immense effort and emotional toil to do even the most basic shit and I hate it having multiple stress disorders as well as depression overlapping each other is super fun just so fun like, I've been trying to make a post like this for weeks, if not months, but I keep getting too scared to let alone shit that actually matters, like applications, creative work, in-person social interactions, etc I blame the ocd and social anxiety mixed with plenty of experiences growing up where nothing I did was good enough and asking for help was always either ignored or mocked and so everything I do needs to be perfect, lest even one person on earth can find something wrong with it or do anything as little as give a hint of disapproval extending even to the different therapists I've seen, where I tell them I've made more progress than I have because I don't want to let them down, or god forbid have them directly help me do something rather than do it myself with a bit of coaching, because I'm a smart person and smart people never ever ever ever ever ever ever need help

Things couldn't be going better for me but in the past two years I'd had to deal with three deaths of people close to me, a sexual assault, and an abusive relationship. I'm living the life I could have only dreamed of when I was 16 but at 22 it's so much harder to stay positive than I could have ever imagined.

I try something new, I do better than I expect, then get frustrated with myself for not starting to improve right away, and give it up forever. Every time I express myself I immediately regret it and I feel stupid for even trying. I hate myself so much. My logical brain knows that my faults aren't that bad but that just doesn't feel real. It's like every little thing I do is some horrible crime. I thought I was doing better with this but it's been coming back in waves lately.

I feel bad for your ex-boyfriend. This went from you moving in, to him being suicidal, to you calling the police (good thing), to you cutting all contact with him and talking about restraining orders. It's like once he said he was suicidal you decided to cut off all contact and pretend he never existed which is some serious bullshit. Yeah, I'd be pissed too if I told my significant other something like that and they cut all contact with me. ...unless I'm missing a significant portion of this story it's weird you're immediately assuming he was on his way over to harm you.

does anyone have any experience with prozac/fluoxetine? been prescribed 20mg daily, switching from sertraline because it just leaves me feeling anxious and on edge all the time and it's been making me feel awful again but i've heard prozac is even more hectic

Yeah it made me an emotional wreck and I had tons of suicidal ideation on it.

when you say emotional wreck what do you mean in context because there's about a hundred ways someone can be emotionally bricked. personally i don't feel a lotta good things and the bad things arent intense they're just constant to the point where it's exhausting and nothing is really interesting anymore

That's great. That's what I felt originally, then a few months later and a few dosage increases and you're suddenly extremely emotional and having a breakdown and going through four hospitalizations, being diagnosed as bipolar and bpd then the bpd gets dropped months later, the bipolar diagnoses is on thin ice and nobody knows what the fuck happened or what caused the problem. You couldn't pay me to take prozac again.

I've been feeling awfully depressed the past few days. It is so frustrating that I struggle with committing myself to things I want to do. I want to learn programming, I want to exercise, I want to play games, I want to go outside, I want to shower, tidy up, clean, meditate, etc... I got it in me to propel myself forwards and start those activities but I can't for the life of me commit to any of it. I'm hyped as fuck if it's brand new to the point where it's all I can think about. I'll do whatever that new thing would be with a huge smile on my face and feel genuinely happy. Then, a week or so into it, I start dreading it. The spark I had vanishes completely for no reason at all. If it's not something I view as "important", then that's the end of that. If it is important to me however, like meditation, diet and exercise, then I'll push through this dread for a few more weeks. It never lasts though. I've been able to stick to a activity for a maximum of 3 months only once. Usually the important things last 2 months and the less important stuff only lasts a few weeks. This is getting me, really, really down. My life keeps cycling through this. Whenever these activities I try to add into my life falls apart after weeks or a couple of months, I have these stretches of times where I do nothing at all with my days. All I do is stare at a wall, my ceiling or my screen. I mindlessly browse reddit, google and facepunch. I keep having these thoughts that I want to do something but it's like all muscles have disappeared from my body and I can't move. I start beating myself up for not going outside like I want, for not starting a game I want to play, for not showering and you get the idea. Luckily these periods tend to last as long as the periods where I have this intense passion for things to do. So a few weeks or a few months tops. I usually come back out of it with, like I mentioned, an intense, burning passion for whatever I'm trying to do. It consumes my mind, it's all I can think about, it lasts a few weeks or a couple of months aaaand repeat. But yeah, it's really getting me down. I wish I was able to simply commit. It pains me to think where I'd be in life if I only kept at it.

I'm not trying to shit on medication, there's probably tons of people whose got helped by it. But from my side I have to ask, what's the point? For years I took 3 types of medications for ASD, tourette and sleep, and I only took them out of routine even though they didn't helped me. Now when I'm on periodical suicide watch I've moved up to 7 medications and it's the first time I've felt side effects; more sleep issues, weight gain, dizzyness/nausea, more tired, sexual problems, and can't even drive a car. I've taken them for 3-4 months now and I see no progress, so I have no idea why I keep going. I also ask myself why do doctors keep focusing on medications if it's now a chemical imbalance of dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine? Yes the medication is supposed to fix that, BUT the reason for the imbalance in the first place is caused my external factors such as environment and my brains reactions from those factors. Is it not the environment that I should improve to more naturally feel better, since reaching the source of the problem sounds far more profitable? I'm not a psychologist so take my words with a grain of salt. Another thing I ask myself if it actually is a chemical issue with me since I know why I feel depressed and that's due to philosophical beliefs, and knowledge that puts me down in general, that makes it all seem poinless. I'd rather remove memories of these experiences and knowledge than take medication, but that's not possible. I know the reason to my issues, is that not a golden opportunity for an alternative theraputical path? All doctors I've been with has always instantly taken the path of medications, and it feels so cheap.

i've been getting chewed out more frequently by those closest to me because i'm more or less completely checked out of life, i've been entirely dissociated from my emotions and can barely remember what it's like to really feel anything, trying to explain my schizoid personality disorder diagnosis to them and how 99% of my inner experience is just a grey anhedonic void isn't really getting through since you guys are talking about medications i suppose a bright side is that i've steadily managed to lower the amount of crap i've had to take for years and now i'm just on a fairly low dose of ssris, being on a lot of drugs with multiple side effects sucks i hope you dudes pull through

Why does this shit hit me every fucking week at least once a couple days. Anybody available to talk? ComicSansler#4769 on discord.