Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V7 - General

I've experienced the exact same thing a lot of times, in fact I experienced it with Monster Hunter World just recently. If I were to guess I think it has something to do with mastery of whatever it may be. When you first start on something whether it be a game, hobby, etc. it's new, exciting, and seemingly endless with new things to discover. But after awhile you learn how it all works and from that point on it doesn't feel like there's anything left to discover and you move on to a sort of proficiency phase. I think one way to keep on feeling good about your continued progress is to be satisfied with where you are, how far you've come, and how far you could potentially go. It reminds me of the time I've spent playing Cities: Skylines. I'd usually start a new city after playing for a short time on my previous ones and I never really progressed in the game, at least that's the way I felt about it. However now I've only been playing on this one city and it's been coming along quite nicely. I've noticed that I've started spending more time on different aspects of the game that I never really payed attention to like mass transit, making things accessible to pedestrians, attracting tourists, etc. Now that I've started focusing on mastering the game it's like it opened up a whole new aspect of the game to experience. I feel like this sort of idea can be applied to life. Right now you can make the environment around your desk, but if you give it enough time and patience you could make the environment of any part of the world and that would be... https://i.gyazo.com/60d91db9d8ffd461a50afe54aca454c9.gif

I'm about to do my thesis and i'm scared as fuck, god sometimes i can't even talk to my friends because i got sacred like a bitch, fuck man i always feel incompetent doing important things like this FUCK.

I'd offer you a big bear hug if I was there, sounds like you need it. I would recommend reading some good books about the subject of grief and loss, I know how obvious that sounds. I lost my dad 3 years ago, and one of the only ways I've been able to cope with all this has been to remember him, and do things he told me to do. He told me to read "The Prophet" By Khalil Gibran every day, like he did. I'll be honest, I didn't think reading poems would help with grief or loss, or the daily anxiety I feel when I remember I can't just call him up and ask him a question, but it does. It has. Being interested in different stuff than your friends is alright, I think it's an important part of friendships. Having people who are into and thinking about totally different things than you that you still like and love is a great way to help keep perspective in your life.

Anyone else whose like so apathatic that you can sit and stare at a small spot for hours. I do this everytime I get a sensory overload, and I don't even blink. After awhile everything looks darker like a tunnel vision. I shut everything out.

I don't have any friends and nobody fucking cares about me. I can't fucking sleep at night I'm a mess of insanity Which makes me a worse person to be around and this fucking loop never ends I feel like I need to die. I'm a worthless waste of life. I don't have anyone to care about what I feel. Nobody to help me out of this bullshit. Everyone throws my insanity off as a "need for attention" No fucking shit I need attention, I need to feel like I'm worth something to someone

@SILBERDRACHEN I wish I knew how to give some proper, good advice like those who regular this thread, but I can tell you one thing: the fact that you're able to go to a forum of people you don't know, and maybe never will, and open up your heart and soul for everyone to read is, in my mind, something you should be proud of. It may seem like a pointless thing at first, but if you think about it not many people are as open about themselves like you are. Infact, I'd say a very large percentage of people in general could never take a step as big as this one; they'll just try to bury their feelings so deeply that they attack anyone who might try to help - I can say that with experience. So while it may not feel like it right now, know that just being open with others about yourself is a great accomplishment that very few allow themselves to achieve. And by doing so know that there are users here who, despite living all over the world, can very easily relate with you and what you're going through. Just remind yourself that how you feel right now is something that anyone can relate with, even if it doesn't seem like it - you're absolutely not alone.

Thank you.. very much.. I needed some positive feedback from someone and you delivered I think it's important to share the general situation and leave physical evidence of what's going on before it elevates to something worse and might end with demise. At least in my case if I was to end up OD'ing, there would at least be a series which would give insight to the torture I'm going through. My step dad told me how my mother is constantly worried about how I'm doing alone in the country. Just thinking about being a parent and knowing your 22 year old kid is going through horrible depression and considering suicide is bringing me to tears. I think it would at least give a conclusion why a life was lost rather than something dear disappearing out of nowhere. I want to be a dad myself one day and be there for my kids. It's the "I want to be what my parents were not" thing.

Never understood that. Like, let's pretend that you really are just seeking attention. In what world seeking attention by flushing your own life and identity down the toilet is considered "healthy" or even "sane"? Obviously if a person is that desperate for attention, there's definitely something wrong going on and they need some help with that. It's like looking at a person drowning in water and dismissing his cries for help as attention-seeking. Yeah mate. They are seeking attention indeed. For, ya know, purposes of survival?.. Like, how is "need for attention" apparently diametrically opposed to "cries for help"? Bollocks.

And now they've diagnosed me with ADHD as well. They want me to try out Adderall, anyone got some experience with it?

Loneliness and depression is fucking killing me more every day that I'm almost on the verge of end with my fucking life, I feel less eager and less motivated to keep going even to go to university and finish my thesis project and I see less reason to continue and everything's getting really depressing here all my classmates and almost all my professors left the country everything is so abusively political which is the same thing every day. (I avoid checking twitter, facebook and Venezuelan section of reddit due for this to not get me intro the same depressing shit) And more so when on steam people first ask me, "How awful is it?" "I heard about the X thing related to your people on the X thing." I've tried to pick up a few hobbies, but they all ended up in pieces. And aside from the fights between my mom and my stupid, abusive, religious dad. Trying to make friends here is a complete zero to me without being asked first "Are you for or against the government?" ever I'm too nervous and shy to try to paroply create a conversation all my classmates left the country. I try to consider suicide twice one in high school with my dad's constant fighting and other one several months ago until a friend of steam's started noticing something was wrong with me since he notice hasn't shown up in a few days and I was acting too weird. and in the end he spent almost two weeks talking to me to get me to change my mind. I can hardly fucking sleep anymore without crying or being totally awake until 3am. I even lost count of how many days I could sleep well without crying. The only support and friend that I have left is my dog who tries to cheer me up or find any nonsense in the house to try to calm my mind.

My mind is running circles again No job yet and none in sight I'm a burden to my friends and the ones I do have are there out of pity I'm gonna die alone Welp I guess that's what I get for being happy and content for a whopping 3 days

Been over a year since I last cried, or at least, was. Ended up crying today because I realized I felt suicidal for the first time in my life. I haven't felt actually happy/satisfied with my life at all for the last ~13 or so years, and I honestly speaking don't see happiness in my future life either. I'm unable to deal with the stress that comes from shit like my sleep schedule going upside down on a nigh weekly basis, feeling extreme social anxiety when I fail to come to school like a normal student, and other similar things. I don't want to become a NEET, but my school has done absolutely everything they can to help me get through it, but I've still missed about 60% of school, so I don't see myself ever managing to hold a proper job either. I don't feel like actively killing myself, largely because of having a boyfriend and my mother being in a somewhat bad of a shape health-wise (I don't want to give her any more stress to deal with) and having some slim bits of hope at the edges of my mind, but I've never felt more hopeless about having a good life. For a long time I've felt like I wouldn't mind if I died in an accident or from a deadly disease such as cancer, but recently it's been less of "wouldn't mind" and more of "really hope that would happen" sort of a deal.

Weey 10K posts! Congrats!

Fuck me that was a terrible post to have as the 10K one

I just came home from my neuropsychologist appointment and it turns out I have ADHD! What a relief to know that there's actually a reason behind my inability to get started and commit, and all of my frustration when trying to do things. Finally I got a name for the unknown variable that has caused me so many issues. A new chapter has opened up for me!

Well hopefully the 20K will be a new brighter future! (Underwater)

Living on benefits suck 600 bucks a month is real bad when you're looking for new hobbies

I went to an regular eye exam last week and found out I have bad peripheral vision in one eye. I have a family history of retinitis pigmentosa which makes you go blind over time, so I was worried it could be that. I went to a follow up today and found out that it's glaucoma in both eyes, which is pretty good all things considered!

I have developed schizophrenia over the course of a year due to drug use and I am considering suicide. Thoughts?

don't do it consult a psychologist instead, please.

What for? It doesn't help or change anything. Been suicidal for two years, not one damn thing has changed. pdoc refuses to give me anything to help other then antipsychotics and mood stabilizers and apparently my therapist had no idea I was suicidal because it just didn't come up after I changed therapists (thought my previous one told her, or that she read my record but I guess that's asking too much!). Seven ER visits, three hospitalizations, two attempts. And I'm stuck on god damn latuda and lithium when I should be on an SSRI or SNRI.

read what you just posted and look at what you've gone through in a better light you have survived all that stuff and for what? you're going to throw it all away? What was the point of any of it then? Take some pride and clench your first. if you've come this far then know you can make it further. you have been through everything you're facing so it will be all the more familiar and easier to cope. you know what to do and you can easily say 'I've gotten through this before'

Yeah! I can clench my fist in pride that I've survived so the next time I get the urge to drive off a cliff or overdose on pills or whatever I can just tell myself "It's okay you've lived this long" and then down the bottle of pills or walk off a bridge or blow my brains out. I don't think you understand. There are people who THINK about killing themselves and then there are people who have the URGE to kill themselves and good fucking luck convincing me that living is worth it when I'm having those urges. If it was as simple as you're making it sound I'd have gotten better earlier last year. Though I still think the reason I'm not getting better is the lack of SRSI's and SRNI's.

I try to be my own psychologist but my schizophrenia is holding me back, I know how to fix myself I just have a nasty personality taking over my mind and I don't want to be forced to take pharmaceuticals. I hate contributing to that industry yet I want the negative voices/thoughts to go away. I hate how unforgiving this universe is.

Anyone with depression feel completely numb and devoid of any emotion? I feel absolutely nothing, have no motivation or will power to do anything and its eating away at me

No happyness nor sadness. When I cut myself on a knife or hit my toe on something it's like nothing happens. All interrests gone, and I can't even play a game I just bought with my siblings, 10 minutes and I quit. Just tired, won't do dishes or make any food, or shower. Just want to sleep and never wake up. At least the apathy has reduced my anxiety. It only gets worse by the days.

I'm 29 and I've been having suicidal thoughts for around 12 years now. Sometimes daily, sometimes only once a week. With different amounts of intensity. Until recently, I've been keeping this a secret. I feared I will get put behind locked doors, tied to a bed and drugged into oblivion if I mentioned the word "suicide" even once. While I'm glad I informed myself and can finally talk about this matter, I'm in a miserable state. I have lost all control over my life. My emotions are like a rollercoaster. They can go up and down multiple times within an hour. Today I felt mostly numb, the feeling some of you perfectly described. What used to be my family is either dead, gone without a trace or I cut ties to them as they were doing me no good. I'm glad I have no more connection to them but I feel pressured, as if I was a bad person for not forcing me to get along with the people I didn't choose to accompany me in my life. Speaking of life: it consists of sleeping, working and sitting in front of a PC on weekends. Due to my social phobia I work in a sheltered workshop. There are two co-workers I consider to be my friends but they either have their own problems or way more friends than I do which means all plans of doing something outside of work together fail miserably. Loneliness is killing me. My health is degrading day by day. There's only a tiny variety of food that is not tasting disgusting to me (mostly unhealthy pasta and potato products) and half my life I've not been eating much else. Do I need to mention that I'm overweight? As a kid, my mother spoiled me so much that she never sent me to a dentist simply because I didn't want to. The inside of my mouth looks like the ruins of a bombed city. I also have a lazy eye if I wasn't ugly enough already. You can imagine I tend to avoid mirrors and cameras. I can't go on like this! I know what a rational-thinking person would do in this situation but I'm intensly scared of the procedure that lays ahead and there is a lot of guilt and lack of responsibility involved that I cannot face. There are many more problems I didn't mention and I am overwhelmed by them which is why I gave up on life a long time ago. But even if I didn't have those problems anymore, nothing would ever be alright! I am a worthless, selfish piece of shit that lives mostly on tax-payer's money. Never did I experience what it feels like to be loved. Never was I good enough to contribute to someone's life with my mere existence. Never did I not hate myself. I don't think I deserve any help, that's why I don't ask for or accept any. I cannot do any meaningful decisions anymore, I want to let go of the wheel to see if someone's there who takes it for me. If not, then there's no loss. (Note: this is not a threat, I will still wake up tomorrow and continue my daily suffering, as always)

What's the root cause of you guys depression? The biggest factor? Money, Relationships, Friends? I'm curious to know how it's come about for everyone else. Money is a part of mine but definitely not the main part, actually It's more of a bit of stress on top. I've had issues with friends too but my main root cause that started it and keeps it getting worse is from my past relationship and issues currently. I get a lot of attention from women but ironically it makes me feel like shit, because 99% of the time they don't genuinely want me and I get used as something I guess to make them feel better. I struggle to find a girl that's attractive and wants a relationship with me, two main reasons are (And I've heard it from women) is because they assume I'm not that type of guy and I'm just some "Fuck boy" or because the're worried my looks will make me cheat. I don't mean to sound modest and full of myself I don't think of myself to be attractive at all but this is what I keep hearing and what keeps happening, really fucks me up mentally.

None of this is true of the therapists I’ve met or dealt with personally