• Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VIIII: I Don't Know Good Titles
    217 replies, posted
Well I confronted her about it and she got annoyed telling me she is not a child and doesn't need to be told how to do things and that she isn't intentionally breaking them. Fair to say we argued a bit after, which then she ended in tears because of personal reasons so I just left it.
Some people are just clumsy as shit mate.
Seems to be the case, really sick of fixing stuff but weirdly enough I had woke up from my sleep after having what I would probably say a nightmare because she broke up with me and none of it mattered for a while. Really made me think how much I love her really It was one of those you don't get a reason why, she just broke up with you and now won't talk to you and it's your fault. Felt shit but waking up next to her was next level
My girlfriend broke up with me Yesterday. It hurts. With some things happening in her life, she's going to have to get another job and doesn't want to feel guilty about not being able to hang out or see me often. I tried to tell her that I would rather stay with her and struggle together - that her not being able to put effort into the relationship is okay with me. I don't want to lose her.
give her the space to decide whether she wants to make things work. but it may be time to start moving on im afraid, if so its gonna be a real rough next few months for you but i promise youll come out a better person
I had a long conversation with her and a mutual friend. I'm scared to lose here, and she said to not wait for her. To be honest, I will. I'm going to give her space and work on our friendship and anything I can help with. Hopefully in time, she can get to a better place and we can continue where we left off.
Denial is the first stage of grief
sounds like you going down the route of possessiveness. which will lead you in to a lot of shit. I suggest you give her some space and move on You can still be friends for her, just don't let be creepy about it.
Saying you don't want to lose someone generally doesn't mean you're talking about them as an object or possession tho, I've been in the situation and it's more like you don't want to throw away a companion because the road gets bumpy, but if she's not willing to stand by you in this time it sounds like it's more than just the reasons she told you.
Don't mind this too much I'm just throwing some thoughts out there in the hopes it'll clear up a bit of space in my own brain. Feel free to rate me a dumb baby for my petty-ass shit and immaturity in the following rant. So about a year ago, the missus and I got invited to a wedding. One of her old friends marrying some dude, good for them and all. I don't know anyone at all there, but being a civilized man at the time, I said sure, I can come along. I am invited, after all. Fast-forward a year, and now the wedding's tomorrow. And I absolutely hate the fact that I accepted. I am a crazy-person with crazy-thoughts, and I hate everything related to marriage. Well, not everything. If you're a religious person and you need God to give you a thumbs-up and say it's okay to bone and make babberoos with someone, get married. If you're a nobleman and you want to secure a political position by marrying your cousin, get married. More power to ya! However, if you are like almost all young northern european people on this world and you're educated, atheistic middle-class, what the fuck is the point then? Again, I accept fully that I am both moderately insane and extremely petty here, but if you don't believe in any of the core shit that marriage exists for, then why are you doing it? Celebration of love? Bitch if your love needs a fucking party to prove it's true to anyone, maybe you should have a breakup instead. If you just want a party, that's crazy self-centred of you, isn't it? A day allllll about how much you love some fucker? Dang, that's pretty self-centred to me. This brings me on to the paranoia and negative feelings marriage awakens in my crazy little mind. See, my girlfriend, a fellow educated middle-class atheist with no political or religious advantages to gain, believes very strongly in the importance of marriage. And I, being a product of mass-media like my entire generation, has grown up with terrible TV-shows like Friends! and Sex and the City* and what-have-you-not, where marriage is portrayed as the end-all-be-all peak of relationships. And not wanting to get married is portrayed as a completely legit reason to throw a perfectly fine relationship down the drain. So now, in my little crazy brain, that wedding is not just a bunch of strangers and food I don't like that I'll have to endure for an evening, it's a physical manifestation of the fact that I am 100% about to get dumped because I don't wanna get married. 'cause marriage sucks. So thinking about it is pretty much just a full-time anxiety-attack. Now, of course, I've talked to my girlfriend about the subject. And she just laughs it off and says 'we'll see about it once you're older and have less principles'. And y'know, I don't wanna give up on my principles. What I believe in is a solid chunk of what makes me me and not some other dude that I might as well have been. But she's sure we'll get married some day, and I'm almost at a point where I'd legit rather be dead than be married. Because now being married also means no longer being me at all, and if I'm not me at all I'm pretty much dead anyway. Marriage pretty much means a complete defeat and abandonment of myself. 'cause I am a crazy fuck like that. So to make a short story long, I'm having a real hard time with the fact that I'm going to a wedding tomorrow. Most of all, I just wanna fucking bail and send her off alone, because I am absolutely not sure I can stay polite and pleasant through it all. I sure as fuck couldn't last time I was invited to a wedding. I also know that going alone would make her terribly sad, but at least I won't end up anxious, angry and saying stupid shit that ruins someone else's ~big day~ So uh... After you're done rating babby, what do? I feel like it's real late to call it off? See if I can somehow endure, or do the best for everyone and call quits? *For the record, SatC had a less likable main character than Downfall
It's too late to cancel, it's tomorrow Go and enjoy the drinking and the dancing and how good your girlfriend will look Try to endure the ~weddingy~ aspects, I get it's outdated but that's no reason to spoil it for everyone
Fuckin deal with it. Weddings are great fun, you're the opposite of me and my girlfriend. I want to get married, she doesn't see the point.
I'm not sure if this helps but I married my girl four years ago and so far I've not felt an ounce of regret. I consider myself pretty traditional in terms of relationships and I never dated because casual flings make me uncomfortable. Maybe the question isn't so much as to why you hate the idea of marriage but perhaps more "why not". You aren't going to hell if it doesn't end up working out and you end up having to get a divorce. I consider myself an agnostic but I was raised Christian so I probably get my classical idea of marriage from them. However, I also watched a lot of shows like Friends and such, and I am very familiar with how 'end all be all' they make marriage sound. (And I admit I never ever liked Sex and the City) I think that's really kind of a shame. The shows and a lot of movies play up marriage as a pretty negative thing where the spouses consider each other nagging and all that crap. Well, having observed how my sister's marriage went and my parents' marriage went and my own marriage is going, it's all what you make of it. My wife and I had a very low-key wedding ceremony. Not even the church and bells and all that, just a small ceremony with close family at the civil registry where the state officially married us. Afterwards we had a little dinner. And that was it. And we loved it. We didn't want a big ceremony and party. All the shows and movies you're talking about, from my experience – they're cynical whiners. Fuck 'em for making people like you feel that way. I just feel like marriage helps in kind of ending that chapter of life where you might feel like you have to always keep an eye out for a relationship. Well if you found someone you're happy with and you both are in-tune with what you want out of life, then marriage helps signaling to the outside world that 'We're fine, thank you very much' and you can just focus on the rest of life. Together. I'd suggest, don't worry about the wedding. Decide and be comfortable with the fact that you aren't looking for marriage right now. Your girlfriend might be right that your perception of it might change as you grow older but it also might not. You can just be boyfriend and girlfriend for the rest of your lives and be just as happy. Just know that it's not really about betraying your principles if you end up marrying. It sounds more to me like your principle is "no non-sense" which is an admirable trait to have. But I think you do see marriage as said nonsense atm, because you don't see it meaning anything more in your situation than a big circle-jerk to let people worship your love or something. My point is, don't let your past perception and how you were raised by media influence your final decision. It's perfectly fine not to seek marriage right now, and it's just as perfectly fine to die without ever having married. But on a more official level, marriage is usually also beneficial in regards to how you earn money. Married people tend to be trusted more at companies, have more weight in salary discussions, people seem to consider you more mature/respect you more and of course you often even get a few tax benefits from the state if you get married. Not that you should let legalese tell you what to do with life, it's just something worth thinking about, too. Final note: If you do ever marry, just make sure to speak to your partner about legal stuff. You might feel comfortable if you decide pre-emptively what you bring into the marriage, and if things ever end with a divorce, a marriage contract (not sure if they're common in Denmark) can help your state of mind, too, as well as make things much easier if a divorce does end up happening. Good luck, dude.
I....think you're making a false comparison here. The people getting married obviously do want marriage - and you can go to it, support them and enjoy the event without it meaning you have to want marriage at all. It's their event that they want to do, your opinions on whether you would want to do the same in future, while valid - aren't really relevant?
It's not their wedding that's a problem (though formalities where you don't know anyone at all tend to suck), it's simply bringing my grander petty crazy-person issues to the forefront.
not gonna lie, those are hilariously petty reasons I think you need to actually evaluate what marriage actually means, both between the two people involved and (potentially less relevant in Denmark) the legal ramifications of it
since you buried the fuck out of that lede If you truly don't want to get married, then you have to expect that most partners following the society norms will eventually want to get married, and if you're not cool with that then you also need to know that it's a bed you made Marriage existed before sex and the city
The next few weeks are going to suck so bad. Breaking up when we still love one another is unbelievably shitty but I have no idea what else to do in this kind of relationship. Seeing her for a few days to a week every 3-4 months with absolutely no passionate love or sexual intimacy is making my head implode. The thought of holding on for another semester with no passionate memories to hold on to is driving me up the fucking wall. I've never experienced staying wide awake an entire night, mentally crippled by the thought of my partner yet again not wanting to spend a night together in bed after not seeing me for so long. I've reached the breaking point after a year of trying long distance. We talked about this time and time again, neither of us is capable of change or compromise. I wish I could hate her so we could make the break-up easier but I can't. Fuck me, man.
Well good news I survived and I almost managed to not say anything stupid to anyone so yay for me, I get a gold star of basic social interaction. Hell, after getting moderately drunk I was almost done having little panic-attacks over it and reduced to slight key fidgeting. Actual crisis at hand averted, yay. And I'm back at a computer so I can give some moderately alright responses, so here's a out-of-order response to Mr. Crypto, since he seems to desire one (at least, from the double-response) Sort-of, at times. They tend to be a lot less bombastic and inconvenient than weddings so they're more passable, but I won't lie I do get somewhat annoyed when I am expected to travel halfway across the country and take three days off for someone's birthday. Now happily, in my social circle, this isn't the norm and it's usually simply a case of drop-by-and-say-hello so I'm more alright with those. They're essentially the same level of self-centred, but much less of an inconvenience to go to so it's not as bad overall. If someone legit thinks a relationship is good enough to want to marry, and then want to throw it away because the partner does not want to marry, they are a fucking idiot and it would probably be for the better to end it, so I guess I'm fine with that. What is a lede? Quick visit to a lawyer could fix all of those potential issues. Yeah I've prefaced all my shit with the fact that I am petty, thanks for the acute observation. Marriage does not mean anything to me and it's just a collection of pretty much everything I dislike in the broader field of relationships. The implied permanence of it has the backwards effect of making anything that isn't a marriage carry the implication of impermanence and 'not true love' or 'not serious', regardless of actual commitment. The fact that divorce-rates are close to 50% in Denmark clearly show that marriage is not one bit more serious or permanent than anything else.
This reminds me that someone actually said "I bet you don't even have a car"
If you live in a place where married couples get benefits on their taxes and junk, then that's some fine incentive to go along with it. And if that's not a thing where you live, then just look at it like this; your s/o loves you so much that they want to throw a party with all your friends and family where the central theme is "I love this person a whole bunch, isn't that something? Now let's fuckin' destroy these mini-eggrolls while drunkenly screaming along to Paradise By The Dashboard Lights". And then you have an excuse to drink and eat and dance and afterwards you can go on a little vacation where you continue to drink and eat only there's sex too. I never really got why people were so vehemently against marriage. Like, I understand not everyone feels sentimental for the same things, and the whole "rings and dress and cake" schtick can seem kinda tacky, but at the end of the day, you're basically just throwing a party for your friends and family. If you don't wanna spend a lot of money, make it a low-key party. Rent out your local Elk's Lodge, plug in an iPod, and spring for the open bar, you'll have a fun time. I feel like a lot of TV shows and movies and whatnot make "I don't wanna get married" the reason behind a big breakup/drama because if Person A says to Person B "I wanna get hitched" and Person B says no, then one of three things is usually happening: Person B is afraid of commitment Person B isn't confident enough in the relationship to lock things down just yet Person B is perfectly comfortable with spending the rest of their lives with Person A, but they don't care enough to just help throw a modest shindig with catering and music, even though it'd make Person A the happiest they've ever been Alternatively, Person A is a fucking ego-monster who wants to feel like a Princess/Prince for a day and doesn't care how much it costs because it isn't their money (in which case there are clearly bigger problems going on between a simple disagreement over where the relationship should go; seriously, run). But there's hardly ever anything to worry about. Just take a chill pill and enjoy the cake. If it's a conflict between you and your s/o, sit down with them and have a long discussion about it to try and gain insight into one another's perspectives. Marriage is only as big a deal as you make it, really.
I think its because of legal reasons, if you divorce, you can stand to lose a lot in court
That's a very fair point. Always always get a prenup.
UPDATE Someone touched my willy and I got hard and after a while I came yay no more psycho ed
Hopefully it's sorted but it all sounds mental anyway. If you can beat your meat then a woman can beat it for you. Just gotta stop thinking too much
I remember someone mention that saying "Thank you" after sex is weird. I was reminded when my wife did that. She just kind of looked at me weird and said "Thank you, *my name*" and started laughing so hard she had to leave the room. I was just left laying there and shouted "You're welcome!" to her after my initial confusion and she almost lost her mind laughing.
Can someone explain to me why this is weird, please? I really can't comprehend why you wouldn't thank someone afterwards.
I dunno, having sex isn't a favour you do to somebody or a courtesy
Saying thank you makes it sound like you had more to grain from that experience than the other person, which is usually not true about sex. Getting to hear that kinda makes the receiving party feel a bit weird - as XUZUL said, sex isn't a favor.
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