While I know it really doesn't help in the short term, I meant it when I was offering a place in Socal. Depending on how fast I can get through stuff here at college, it'll should be alot less than a year like I said earlier.
Added you on discord if you want to talk about it.
Nice to see progress in this thread, couple thousand dollars from starting with next to nothing is impressive and almost incredible.
Not many people actually understand how hard it is to get a job and earn money while being homeless.
(just letting people know I've talked to them privately and that I'm not ignoring him. nothing else to say)
Thanks! I appreciate it. I suppose I'm kinda thankful that I've got a lot of experience with averse conditions, as well as a wonderful network of friends that can't give resources but can point me in the right direction so I'm not completely lost. Makes it feel like I'm cheating, almost!
Not many people understand a lot of the aspects of more low-level low-income life, atleast, those with access to computers (like you filthy first-worlders ;p). It's a whole different world down here, just as much as it's one up there. Problem and priorities change and shift around, part of me actually prefers this life. It's a lot simpler, just kind of harsh in some ways but they're ways I can handle. Now-a-days I'm just as rough and tumble as I used to be, blunt and honest and snarky. Compared to the almost political complex weave of people I used to have to deal with, trying to balance an already-dead social life and business life, with a manipulative mother. Definitely wouldn't stay in this life, but it's a refreshing breath of air. It gets even more different when you actually move to different countries, my mom and I always remarked that the reason the Philippines is called the third world is because it's literally a whole different world. Like a different planet. People wouldn't believe just how awful things can get outside of America, and many don't understand how bad it can get inside of America too.
I'm hoping this experience is eye-opening for some people, I'm no longer just some random face on the streets being homeless. There's probably other Facepunchers here that have gone through a rougher experience, maybe even died where I fought through. You are able to watch as a member of your community goes through this all. I hope it opens your eyes that these things can happen to anyone, and that in the end we're all just people trying to get by. I hope it opens your eyes that anything is possible, I've worked from the bottom of the Philippines to the top, got to America and started from the bottom, got to a upper middle class (with my mother), then had to leave and now I'm starting from the bottom again, and you can know damn well nothing on this planet can stop me until I get to the top. Anything is possible, just got to get to work
Speaking of work, get paid tomorrow. Sick!
Not much to say!
Life has been vaguely more depressing with the holiday season. I'm like the only person in the shelter with no family or friends. Very lonely, and with the holidays just constantly shoving into my face how happy people are: I have to admit I was very sad for them.
The job finished on Christmas, so I just have the money now. I've been talking to a very close friend of mines to see if I could move in with them, problem is they live in Finland! We've been doing research and it seems suprisingly easy to immigrate there, so I'm hoping to move there within the coming weeks.
Now I'm just waiting for things to go through, I've been working on art and stuff and just in general lazing about. Treated myself to a couple nice steaks.
I've got some pull with the local Salvation Army, so I'm hoping to have them help me with moving to Finland, specifically in setting me up with a job there.
So yeah, I'm still here. Just being homeless and stuff. My birthday is in a few days too. January 7.
Yay me.
Hopefully you'll get to move here without much trouble.
I read through the whole thread for about an hour or two as I found it on the top of the forum. Just wanted to say you've done really well for yourself and I'm genuinely happy for you, it does take a lot and loads of hard work to start a new life considering your past circumstances and everything you've been through. I highly doubt many others would attempt to do the same as you have instead of taking the "easy way" out. I've never remotely been near your shoes but I applaud you because I can tell life hasn't treated you all that fairly, if much at all. I'm just real glad that everyone's been able to give you all the help they can offer you and hopefully you continue to live a happier life because you do honestly deserve it man.
Since I was young, I've always wanted to go to America and as much as I like the sound of Finland I hope everything sails smoothly from now on for you. You are a true legend.
Thanks for giving us an update, man.
Hopefully! I'm excited, honestly.
Thanks for reading! Thanks for the kind words, it's a very rough ride and honestly I hate most of it! Haha, but I'm hoping that taking this shot now will allow me to maybe have some peace in the future. My life so far has just been a really endless trainwreck of bad times and what feels like a conscious being going out of its way to make my life a living hell in the worst and sometimes most petty of ways. It's really depressing and a lot of weight on my shoulders that doesn't really ever seem to let up, even if from an outside perspective it seems it did. I am 22 now and I've been fighting this life for around 10 to 11 years now. I'm really tired but I can't bring myself to take an easy way out even though I really want to. But it's constantly lording over me, I would suppose. I'm hoping that all this fighting eventually results in something good.
Sorry if my posts seems more rambly, being homeless for a month and not really having anyone to talk to about these things has definitely messed with my mental processes. I acknowledge this and apologize if things take random tangents to talk about something I'd like to talk about.
Happy to! I'm sorry I haven't been keeping this thread up to date lately. Just not much I can add, and I didn't want to talk about Finland until it was certain, and it's still not certain but it's very close to being certain.
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Also today is my birthday now! January 7. I'm 22 years old.
Yaaaaaay.
Been watching this thread for a while, happy birthday. Hopefully the new year is full of new opportunity for you.
I've also been keeping up on this thread when it pops up every month or so. I can honestly say that if you have any worry in the back of your head that you're annoying us you're really not. I enjoy seeing these updates.
I don't know what to say, really. No clever intros, no hopeful outlook against all odds. Even then, I was trying really hard to smile, but it's really not easy being me.
I don't know what it is about me that attracts such bad luck. But lets give a rundown of a few things that happened to me since the last we spoke, in no particular order:
-Finland fell through, I had hopes but it fell through. Nothing to do about it.
-I had a heart attack. I've had what I can call "heart episodes" before, but this one was intense. Used to think it was caffeine, and I'm sure caffeine really took its toll, but it's also likely I chomped on one too many ibuprofen when I was younger. Had an addiction back then.
-One online friend is dying of cancer. We thought he'd pull through but he won't. Brain cancer, they removed the tumors and put him through chemo. They came back worse. He'll be gone in a few months.
-Shortly after learning this, my other friend, the first person I've genuinely allowed myself to become friends with in-person instead of online, since coming from the Philippines. He told me he's dying too. His liver is failing. Not sure when he's going to go, but it's likely to be soon enough.
-It took a month for me to get my last paycheck from Salvation Army. Once I put it in the bank, it took itself back out a few days later. Took a few weeks to get it back. Lost some money along the way.
-I managed to nab a job at a Starbucks, but I also don't have the job. I'm hired but not hired. I've been told I have the job, but despite it being a month now, I still have yet to be scheduled. I'm going to be looking for temp jobs in the meantime, but I don't know why this is so difficult.
-Almost got mixed up in gang violence. By almost, I mean I got pulled into a feud. They've made up though. Glad I don't have to worry about being jumped by these guys any time soon.
-I've had two PTSD attacks, worse than any I've ever had before. Not much else to say, they weren't pretty.
None of this counts the smaller more annoying and petty things that go on in my day to day.
In my brightest moments I think, "maybe things could be better if I keep going" and in my lowest I think "when will I die, released from this over a decade long torment?"
And so I'm still trucking along, because I don't know what else to do.
--------------------------------
As always, if anyone has a place to stay. I'm happy to do anything necessary to have a real roof over my head and a shower readily available. That's all I really need.
If you have any questions, feel free to post them in this thread or feel free to message me privately. I'm open to talking about most things.
If you just want to talk, that's fine too, in this thread or privately. That's all fine.
Damn, man. That's rough. Please don't give up.
I'm trying not to, but I'm pretty sure I already have a long time ago. Rest of me just hasn't caught on
There's something so peaceful and welcoming about death, especially when put up against the entirety of my life. A life filled to the brim with all of humanity's ill intentions. Where it feels like there's a deity out there orchestrating all of my life to create the ultimate shitshow, where I get to watch everything I've ever cherished burn infront of me. I push on not because I want to by this point, I'm tired and I yearn for peace. But I push on because whenever push comes to shove, I can't allow myself to go yet. I'm a natural born fighter and survivor and the thought of sitting down and taking it just seems wrong, even if it's what I want.
It's a shitty thing to say, but I've always been understanding of suicide. I've seen how ugly this life can get, I understand the depths you have to hit, where you hit rock bottom and think "I can't go any lower" then somehow keep going lower. I know that pain and that despair and that hopelessness all too well. I can't blame anyone for thinking suicide is a valid option because honestly, I've been doing this for over a decade now, death seems like a quick ticket out of here. But as I've watched everyone punch that ticket, sail away and leave me on shore. I could never see myself joining them even if I really wanted to.
Before this, I kept having goals. When I was in the Philippines, my goal became survival. Live another day. When it all died down, and I realized I might actually be able to go to America, I started thinking of that as my goal. When in America, I held out as long as I could in hopes that I could set up a nice life and live with a now ex-boyfriend. Putting up with the worst my mom had to offer because I wanted to live with him more than anything. I was willing to fight as long as I had to. But now, I don't really have anything. Especially with my luck reminding me that anything I do get is going to be ripped away from me. Came to America for a better life and I find myself on the streets and alone. Fell in love and got into an emotionally draining dysfunctional relationship that ruined both of us. Finally found a friend and for once, someone who understands me. He's dying of liver failure now. Is it worth it to have goals for me? What life can I see myself having, when everything I touch turns to the worst possible outcome? I try not to be pessimistic, I always hold the opinion that if I just grit my teeth and fight, even if I have to muddle through, I'll make it. But what is "it" ? What am I doing all this for?
Don't get me wrong, I'm goofy and fun to be around. I have tons of fun ideas and I still enjoy a lot of things. I enjoy reading LMAO pics, I enjoy watching Pat Stares At and Joshimuz, I enjoy playing Doom, like the OG doom. I enjoy joking around with my friend. I still have some sort of love for the guy I left in San Diego. I still have that indomitable will to keep pushing forward against all odds. Don't let all this stuff seem like I'm on my way out too or that I'm on the edge of suicide. This is just stuff I think about I suppose. What it's all for and if it's all going to be worth it in the end. Will that light at the end of the tunnel even be there, and if it is, was it worth that long dark treacherous tunnel?
I have hopes that some things might turn out good. I'm just very bummed out that it never does. But I believe that if I grit my teeth and push, I could move a mountain. So even though I don't know why I'm moving this mountain, heaven knows nothing is going to stop me.
(sorry for paragraphs that dont have much to do with the point of the thread, it's just nice to talk every once in a while)
Heyyo, it's me, Sevacre
I am currently in Bakersfield, California. It's a bit north of Los Angeles. It took a while, but a facepuncher like one of you actually managed to make room for me. So now I'm at his dorms and will be moving into an apartment with him soon enough. If he would like to post in this thread he, of course, can; but I'll keep him anonymous for the time being, just in case.
That marks 6 months of my time as a homeless person, since I left at November 10, 2018 and am finally off the streets on May 8th, 2019.
This is the first major hurdle I had to get over, getting a roof over my head and a shower readily available. With that out of the way starts the rest of the hard work I'm going to have to do to make sure I can build a stable future, do what I love, and keep myself from returning to the streets.
So much to do, I hope things continue to look up from here on out!
dunno how I haven't found this thread before but that's bloody great news to hear, best of luck to you and your future now that you've got a better place to stay at
Good to hear some things are looking up for you. Make sure you make a thread on knockout.chat if FP ever goes down for good, I don't want to miss any updates from you.
Yeah I was going to make a thread on knockout but I didn't want to split my attention both ways and update like a blog (both are pretyped, instead of just me typing it up on a forum). I'll make one on knockout once FP is more dead and gone. I also plan on archiving all the posts in this thread at some point
It's really nice to be able to take showers regularly and change into my old clothes (that had gotten dirty and had no way to wash). I also enjoy being able to sleep a lot more fully instead of having to wake up at 6 in the morning to people yelling. Lots of fights at the shelter too.
I feel a little bad because so far the person I'm with has been paying for food and stuff, and since we're not at the apartments yet, I'm not working that much on applying for the jobs for a few days, so it feels like I'm lazing about and not doing much, which is infuriating and stressful to me.
It's also REALLY weird to be back in California so soon, and especially in a fancy dorm/campus/thing on an airport. After slumming it in the streets of Tweaker Tacoma and the homeless shelter, its a huge change of pace. Really pleasant, everyone is a bit more reserved and quiet. Very different vibe than what I'm used to, since everyone is a pilot at a school that requires a lot of discipline and work and stuff. I'm used to hanging out with street urchins and rejects all my life. It's still a really nice change of pace though, I'm really enjoying it so far and it's only been a few days.
I've also been able to cross something off my bucket list, Doom VR. As in classic 1993 doom. It's wild, I had a great time. I've always wanted to be there in the game and it's fantastic to finally experience. The opening room of E1M1, the dark maze of E1M2, the wild labyrnthian layout of E1M3, and then that ambush on E1M4 when you go through the yellow key door and curve around and the walls pop up and everything runs in to get you. Seeing the pinkies full size and actually chasing you, it's all so fantastic! I died on that room though, haha. I'm glad I don't get motion sick at all, so I got to go through more or less full speed. I got a little woozy when graphical glitches popped up, like for example, I guess VR was rendering stuff thats in pitch black, and so there was a lot of texture warping of what looks like the textures bleeding black whenever i went into a completely dark room. There was also a weird quirk when I died, where I was just in the exact position so that the shotgunner right infront of me had his side sprite on my left eye and his diagonal sprite on my right eye, so he became a really blurry 'both at the same time existing in the same space' weird mashup of them. Hard to focus on and made me feel sick.
Really cool stuff, I'm eager to move into the actual apartment though tomorrow and try to get the rest of the stuff started, like work and all that.
Hey @LadySevacre I'm in Atascadero, just north of San Luis Obispo. If you ever want to swing by gimme an @. Unfortunately I can't help with living space, we're struggling ourselves, but it's always nice to just meet facepunchers.
That's like a two hour trip from where I am right now (Bakersfield) but I'd definitely be up for swinging by at some point in the future, when things are more stable and calmer. I'd love to meet up with people!
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