Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

The mirror camera pic is a bit cliché (lol) but I guess it's as good a way to showcase your hobby as any. Maybe link your Instagram if you have one? Could help you show off your work. Most of the pics make you look like a fun kinda guy, which is nice. Maybe you could throw in a couple more that are flattering rather than you doing wacky stuff. Do you play or watch tennis? Cause that emoji looks ambiguous to me. Also I'd keep only one of the two group photos at most. Non-selfies where you are alone already imply you have friends, and group photos run the risk of a potential match going "wait which is he?" or "what a handsome hunk... wait never mind that's a different person".

Lol, it's actually not a mirror pic. That was taken by a friend at one of our parties. I guess I never thought it looked like a mirror pic Interestingly I do play tennis, piano, and drums, yet have no pictures of myself doing any of those activities.

Over the weekend I went to a party and talked with a girl let's call her Sarah, we knew each other's names from previous parties, but we hadn't really talked before and we were hanging out in the smoking room. At one point she said I was nice guy a couple times. I wasn't sure how to react and thus didn't like this given that I don't get off on being nice and don't want to be known as a "nice guy", so I just sat there with a stupid grin. A few minutes later guy let's call him B joined the room and I think started hitting on Sarah. Sarah appeared to not be interested in B and continued talking with me and i went with something playing against B. I don't think I was trying to defend Sarah, but I didn't like B at all, as my first encounter with B earlier in the night was B talking about getting sent home for being wasted at work as a server and absent minded servers are worst, but whatever it isn't really relevant here. The conversation pretty much ended there. A few minutes later seemingly out of the blue Sarah and her friend across the room decided to flash a tit at each other, I was the only one who saw, B mentioned that. The party got disrupted about 10 minutes later. Do you think Sarah have any interest in me or was she just making small talk, with the quiet "friend", as we knew our names from before? What do I play off of if a girl calls me a nice guy in the future whether I'm interested in her or trying to save face to her friend after she shits on me(I think?) to her friend, there has to be something better than grinning like an idiot and maybe that just made it worse. I'm just interested in casual sex, I think I stumbled into my previous (only) relationship too quick and have doubts if that would be good for me. I doubt one would work anyways if it's long distance too like the people I meet as this somewhat regular house party. My living situation and job is stable and good, but I feel so out of touch in social situations with especially girls I don't know.

Maybe its just me but I liken online dating to running through a minefield, you're almost guaranteed to get blown up but maybe you'll get lucky and one of them won't kill you

Does anyone have ways to stop thinking about an ex? Girl I thought was "the one" dumped me 4 months ago and it's still impossible not to think about her everyday. I even dreamt about her last night and I woke up feeling like shit again. I'm trying to distract myself with gym, friends, hobbies but it all doesn't seem to work.

I recently experienced the quickest 180 of all my life Met this girl on Tinder, 2 years younger than me, seeks a serious relationship, is very optimistic and fun overall. We talk for a couple of days, videochat for hours during which she kept calling me super cute, then we meet and walk for half a day just talking about stuff. At the end of our walk she says "hey want to come over and watch a movie tomorrow?" to which I say sure, yea. On the next day, I do just that, we order some food, do some more talking then get to the movie. About 1/3 of it, she gets a call from her female friend, and even I can hear that she's crying. After she finishes talking she says that she's very sorry but she has to go and console her friend [and I have to go home], I'm like, alright, no biggie. "Tell me when you'll be home", ok sure. I do, she says goodnight. On the next morning, I receive a text from her that goes "sorry but I just don't feel anything, don't want to meet any more, bye". ...what? It's been 3 days in total, did I miss a bullet or something?

How long had you been together? I was in a similar situation about a year ago. Gym, friends and hobbies do help a lot, they keep you from thinking about it nonstop and spiraling into despair. But they're no panacea, you'll still probably feel like shit every now and then, that's normal. It's not necessarily a sign that you're doing it wrong. It will gradually go away with time as you keep on living and working on yourself. I've also dated around a bit, maybe that helped a little as well as I've come to realise that "the one" isn't really a thing, every potential partner has their pros and cons and you have to decide whether to build something with them or not. There are some aspects of my recent dates that I've preferred over my ex, and vice versa. It helps build a better perspective. Bottom line is, that hasn't stopped me from dreaming about her (or others) every now and then, but now the result when I wake up is "huh, weird" rather than crying myself back to sleep. It took a while, though.

We were together for about 8 months not so long but I've never really "clicked" so much with someone as with her, we had this kind of synergy I've never experienced before. I've been talking to other girls but it feels kind of uh, hollow or empty? I don't know how to describe it. I just can't seem to click with them like I did with her. Thanks a lot for your reassurance though and you're right, in hindsight the idea of "the one" isn't really healthy.

Yep, that's normal. Happened to me too. Generally speaking, you need to get over your ex before you start developing real relationships with others. Otherwise, there's a high chance those will be rebounds. Had a couple rebounds before I realized it didn't work and I only ended up hurting those girls. Only had casual relationships since then, but I feel I'm much more ready for something serious now, should it happen.

So I may be stalked by the same goddamn Agent N after still not taking the hint about being reject by another female friend. I think at some point when a friend of mine ends a discussion with them and at any point he ever tries anything, I'm getting the police department a call. I've about had it with this creep and if someone wants to argue that "he's friendly with me" can go shove it! I've been called, texted and left voicemail every day for the last three weeks and I'm sick of thinking anything could be fixed.

I feel with you man.. I'm in a similar situation althou it's only been a month for me with a 2 year relationship.. Story's a couple of pages back. It helps me a bunch talking to people about it and writing here. People can be ftards sometimes, but the people in this thread did give me some sublime advice, that i'm very thankful for.

How you should set-up your Tinder profile slightly depends on what you seek. But on a general note, I'd say you are telling too much about yourself. Notably, instead of saying you are enthusiastic about bad jokes, make one instead. Make one about your hobbies or yourself or something else. And if you insist on using emojis on your profile that's fine, I do too, but your emoji-combo is as unoriginal as it could get. You want your profile to invoke excitement and curiosity in the viewer.

This is probably super generic of a question and I'd wager probably varies wildly depending on the person, but how do you help your significant other deal with suicidal thoughts and depression? Earlier today my partner checked themselves into a mental ward due to the thoughts they were having, and I can't stop myself from feeling guilty that I didn't do enough to help them out of this kind of mindset. I know I can't control depression, but I feel like there's SOMETHING I can do to help against thus kind of thing. It's not some out of the blue thing either, they've been dealing with serious depression for most of their life, but again, as their partner isn't there something that I can do?

The tough answer is no, there isn't. You can help guide them to real help, like a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist (why not all three), but, honestly, that is about it. They can lean on you for support, and it may make them feel better for a time, but major depressive disorder doesn't go away because things are fine, great, or even wonderful.

A direct answer is the best one, thank you. Luckily they see the value in getting professional help so they'll be receptive in me pushing for them to get it.

I want to reaffirm what Kendris said, you have little to no way of helping someone with serious depression or other mental illnesses like you would want to. However, you can help them tremendously by simply being there for them, lending them your ears and shoulder, as well as simply letting them know that you are there for them. They won't always accept your help, might sometimes even reject it, but regardless you should never stop offering it. One of the often untold reasons behind handing these things over to professionals is not just that they are often more experienced and have more ways of dealing with these issues, but the simple fact that you are offsetting the burden at least a little bit. Being able to have someone else "deal with it" might seem to you, like you are trying to shift the burden away from you, but it is actually very important for your mental wellbeing and will allow you to be a better support to your partner in the long run.

As others said you cannot really do much for them. You can try and be supportive, but honestly they are better off getting professional help. You have to remember that depression can occur because of different variables, it isn't your fault, and it is also not yours to fix...if that makes sense. Being with someone who has severe depression and other mental issue can be physically and mentally draining if they are not seeking proper help. I dunno what your dynamic is with your partner, but don't let any of the issue get projected on to you. Just be supportive, but just remember be yourself, don't change how you treat or act towards that person because of the situation they're in. Just be yourself, sometimes a good relationship might be just the good anchor while they get help. Just be supportive, offer help when appropriate, and just be yourself. Your help might be accepted or it might be rejected. The hardest thing is to not take it personally, it isn't you it is the illness speaking. Hope your partner gets treated properly and hope you guys both do well.

University's going very badly. I'm halfway through the second year and haven't even passed half of the first year's exams. I keep failing the goddamn exams and time keeps wasting I am fucking suffocating from stress and anxiety and am seriously considering dropping out and fixing this unhealthy state of mind, start working. But what kind of future will that be able to give me? I feel an abyss eating my heart like a singularity

That's more or less exactly what happened to me. I fell behind a ton and found it difficult to get back at it. In the end, I decided the best course was to drop out and catch a breather. Your own healthy always comes first. Trust me, I know it's not an easy decision to make - certainly wasn't for me. But sometimes, things are a lot more difficult than we first thought, and we need time to adjust to that. There's no shame in stepping back and returning for a second go at some later date. It's what I'm doing, except with psychology instead of English.

I just feel like it's an impossible decision to make I can keep headbutting this wall till it breaks covered in blood, but I don't know how draining that would be; I certainly haven't been able to make a dent so far Dropping out leaves me in an inferior position though: no support from my family (they always pushed for university), I don't own a car or bike so I'm entirely dependent on public transportation, I don't have any skills nor do I think I can find a job that will teach me something valuable for the future. Add to this, the impending automation that will probably kill all the jobs I might do in the next years I want to give up and feel unable to do so

Does your University offer Academic Support for those with disabilities? Anxiety is considered a potential learning disability and can severely affect your ability to time manage and retain the info you study, as well as cause you to struggle to recall information during a test. It's in a University's best interest to help you succeed because higher graduation rates look good for them, and in my experience they can be very accommodating with things like extra exam time, secluded testing areas, or counseling.

What are your goals? What does your work/school workload look like? People learn and handle workloads in different ways - you might just need to adjust and take a different approach. Has any school staff reached out to you? Don't you have a counselor that is assigned to you? If so set up an appointment and speak to them about what your issues are and see if they can help you.

Christ I hate meeting girls on Tinder, them giving their other social networks for you to add, and then you checking the "recent updates" thing and noticing they also added like 5 guys in a couple of days. Like, lady, are you interested in me or in whoever's the hottest, smartest,wittiest, richest, whatever? I aint takin part in no fucking competition

The answer is no, they're not. They just want followers and attention. If they ask to add you on any social networks (snapchat might be the one exception but it depends) then that should be the end of it if you're looking for a serious relationship.

Nah I asked for their social network account, after confirming we're going on a date next Saturday It's just the fact that I'm being or will be compared to others, sickens me

Well I get where you are coming from, but dating is a competition, and literally every other person out there is your competitor. I mean, anyone, even you, would weigh their options if someone "better" shows up. You should *never* expect anything from a potential date, they don't owe you anything, not even their attention. If you are feeling extremely undervalued, you should end it. But being compared to others and not getting someones full attention during the dating phase should be a given, the sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll have a shot at love. Hell, even when you are in a good relationship, you should never expect your partners full attention, expecting that will kill your relationship faster than anything else you can do. If you expect your SO to drop their entire social circle for you, you are creating a toxic relationship from the getgo. So yeah, be your best self, see if the other person decides to make your their priority, if not: MOVE. THE. FUCK. ON.

Thank you, I've quickly learned to move on fortunately, just don't like to be reminded of the whole competition thing. Anyway, we kinda hit it off in texting, hopefully it stays that way, she seems pretty fun

That is life, and is the entire reason of dating. When I started dating around looking for fun and a primary partner I went on tons of dates. Sometimes I would have three different dates on a single day, for real. The point of it is to see who is funnier and more attractive, for real.

Was actually going to say the same thing. There is nothing wrong when it comes to early on dating to having multiple people you are talking too and going on dates with. The whole point is to find someone that you are compatible with. This way you can see what you like about different people and pick the best one for you. You cannot expect someone to commit to anything. All you can do is be yourself and put yourself out there. Someone will eventually see the value in that. You don't want to lower yourself or make your life revolve around trying to impress people with wealth and "hotness". It is all superficial and when it runs out they'll go away.

I second this, especially the third point. As someone who was on the end of the "friend who is expected to drop their entire social life" bit that can get fucking physically and emotionally draining. Suddenly the cool people who share your common interests just think of you as someone to do a whole circus routine for them. Don't entertain that, take care of your destiny and tell them you have a life and you want to be with people able to let me do that. Everyone wants to be a clown but don't join the circus.