Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

I guess the last point mostly comes from my own recent experience, since my best (girl)friend recently had a really messy breakup, unfortunately I am/was friends with her ex as well and that didn't make things easier for me. Now she found a new guy, and the whole dynamic is very different to what it used to be with her ex. It's only been like 2 weeks, but they already made it official and she seems to be commiting way more time towards dating than she used to. Well, at the same time she has drastically reduced contact with me (actually cancelled birthday brunch with me ) and is shielding almost all information about her new relationship from me. I've hit her up about these things, and apparently there's two big factors (at least which she told me of) that cause this. The first is the fact that she thinks I'm still close with her ex and she's worried I'm passing information on to him. Considering she is always worried about her image and the fact that he is often times shit-talking her in her broad social circle. I get where she is coming from, I tried explaining to her that I'm not sharing shit with the guy, and he's actually been quite shitty towards me too recently (probably because I stayed friends with her). Secondly, she has told me that she doesn't want to risk a thing with the new guy and doesn't want to meet with any other guys in case he would think of it as competition. Knowing her, this probably isn't something she came up with on her own, but since I'm shunned on the topic I obviously don't know if she got the idea from her new boyfriend. Also yay for my best friend pretty much breaking up with me I guess, here's hoping that turns around at some point in the near future...

So me and this girl are in the same study group and she went to the same school as I did, right? We constantly exchange messages (mostly stupid memes, some small talk) and sometimes we go either from or to Uni together. I really like her but I asked her out once (said something, like, 'want to go to Suspiria with me?'), should I give it another shot? I really don't want to blow the friendship we have.

What did she say last time you asked her out? If you are friends, you should make it clear that you are asking her on a date and not just to hang out.

She said she had other plans

Ask her if she wants a rain check and if she's comfortable with how you're approaching her. You already like her, so it's already a bit late and you need to let her know how you feel. Also, if you ask these uncomfortable questions, she'll at least know you have some balls on yourself

Shit, we did hit it off, she even moved the date day from next week to today Don't wanna jinx it and say I've won the competition, cause we've yet to see eachother but we have absolutely lots in common, even things I would never expect from her

What do you do if a you're on a date with asks about past relationships if you never had one? Am I supposed to be honest and lose the interest of 99% of the girls I come across or should I come up with fake stories and what not? Being 23 and never have dated I'm worried about this one coming up.

I would not ever lie, first off because it is shitty and you should feel bad if you really lie, but also because if this girl stays with you she will find out. And then she will be mad. Although, I understand why you might not want to tell the whole truth. Just keep it kind of simple, something like "I've been out but never really found someone that I clicked with before." I've had plenty of experiences of my "friends" laughing at me for not having even gotten my first kiss until I was 21, but I've never had a date do something mean or rude to me. Chances are she would honestly be surprised, because she found you interesting and attractive and is out on a date with you.

Ah ok, I will do that. Didn't think about that. Also, i'm sure she would be surprised but she certainly isn't going to find me attractive or interesting anymore.

And why is that?

Because someone who is 20+ and never dated for example will show. Blatantly. Once she finds out why that person is the way they are, they're going to move on. No one wants to deal with that. It's baggage. I just have to pray I come along a girl who is just like me or hope I find a girl who won't ask about all this and hope things go smoothly and things work out. It's pretty common for men and women alike to only date those with experience. I can understand but it makes it more difficult for those who have never dated.

i feel like this is simply not true. I don't think id ever not date someone specifically because they haven't been in a relationship before. sure there might be some awkwardness on their end not having experience but to say that people instantly lose any interest or attraction is a bit ridiculous imo. it's pretty much 100% unavoidable that the topic of past relationships will come up at some point starting to date someone. it's basic getting to know them really don't beat up on yourself so much, there's nothing you can do to change your past now + if someone takes issue with the fact that you haven't properly dated anyone before then they weren't going to be good for you anyways

This is a strange misconception, people aren't strictly looking for people with more experience. Hell, some women are even attracted to the fact that you might have never been with a women before. What's important is being genuine and honest, you don't have to be forthcoming with the fact if you are uncomfortable with it, but you should never ever tell someone you have past experiences that you simply don't have. Also, I told the girl I slept with for the first time that I was a virgin beforehand and she was extremely accommodating, she actually tried to proactively take away doubts I never had YMMV, but she told me afterward that she wouldn't have thought it was my first time if she hadn't known. My point isn't that you should lie because she might not be able to tell, but rather that you should tell her because it will explain any possible shortcomings you might have in dating and allow you to have a better experience, because you will not be under the constant pressure to keep up appearances you can't keep. If she likes you, it won't matter how experienced you are, and it might even be a turnon if she gets to be the first to form you.

There's no need to turn that fact into a self-fufilling prophecy. Just be real with them. Lying has never been positive for any relationship.

Isn't there an actual thing about women or guys interested in a person's first time? I hear so many date stories about it that it may be some kink in it

I think you might be stuck on a non-issue. I've literally never been asked about past relationships on the first few dates. Yeah, maybe it could color you a little after it comes up later, but at that point, I figure you're probably in something of a relationship when the question comes up. i.e: If ever it becomes an issue, it stops becoming an issue in the future.

Might sound harsh, but not with that attitude they won’t. Real talk, I doubt anyone who found you interesting before would suddenly change their mind.

A lack of past partners isn't inherently a weakness, you know. If both parties are looking for something long-term, limited experience with intimacy could help form a stronger long-term bond. Even if you're not thinking long-term, being inexperienced can be a strength and something that attracts people. Don't turn a strength against yourself my dude

TBH I think more women would feel put off by a playboy who may or may not be faithful than by someone who's never been in a relationship. Those who seek serious relationships, that is.

Being honest is an unwritten rule Stop thinking you're undesirable if you never had a relationship Girls usually HATE talking about past relationships so 90% of the time they won't ask

So I've been talking to this girl online for the past week or so and we exchanged some pictures. She said I was 'super cute'. That hasn't happened in 10 years. And I'd honestly forgotten how fucking great it felt.

Guys have a serious lack of physical appreciation in general. I remember before I transitioned that like, even the people I was with and dating would rarely even comment on my appearance. After going full time I get compliments from everyone, and the kick of adrenaline I get from it is just fantastic. I try to give guys nice feedback when I can, because I remember how it was to feel incredibly underappreciated, even when I put in a huge amount of effort into how I looked.

It's funny, because it also goes the other way with girls, getting compliments 24/7 from anyone they meet can make it so they have a really hard time appreciating any compliments towards their appearance.

While frequency has an effect, I don't think it's the primary reason why they may not trust compliments. I know girls who don't really receive any, and still don't quite take them, not out of a lack of self esteem, but a lack of trust in the person giving compliments you never know if they mean it or just want something out of you

Sure, that certainly plays a role, but I know a lot of women working in social jobs, where they are constantly being told they are beautiful by patients, customers and other strangers. They have no reason to doubt that the compliments they are getting are genuine, but the qantity devalues the meaning of it.

Girls just don't seem to think about it when in a romantic setting. Ironically, I've received more compliments on my appearance from female friends or girlfriends of friends than from women I've actually ended up sleeping with. In the latter case, giving them a compliment just ends with a "thanks" on their part and nothing more 90% of the time. I guess they don't want to seem shallow?

Just found out my Mother had to give our cat to the shelter when she moved, couldn't take her with them. A pit formed in my stomach because there were nights where that kitty would sprawl out over my lap, purring before falling asleep as I loved up on her. I live out in a tiny little apartment, and I wouldn't be able to take care of it myself. I'll miss my cat.

I think I've realized that I"m really fucking boring to talk to online. I have been on one date in the past 3 months of living here - I just can't get them to even meet in real life. Maybe I should switch strategies and just be honest: "Heya! I suck at talking over text, would you like to meet up for a coffee/beer in real life instead?" I just don't want to seem like a creep. What would be the least creep suggestion for meeting up instantly like this?

As far texting goes, try typing the same way you speak. That means, you know, adding in the occasional " ummm" and stuff like that, making use of CAPS to convey EXCITEMENT (parenthesis to convey sidenotes, BTW caps may also be taken as anger, so be careful), and dots to trail off... Just for a few examples. Just imagine yourself verbally responding to things

I tried to meet someone online, being as nice and chatty as I could be; I met some good people.. ..But then there's a guy who's desperate for my attention, admitted he has massive social issues and disorders, and after helping the guy out; I personally don't find any attraction to him. I feel bad about his attempts, but I feel like he's the type who'd totally freak out into depression if I just kinda cut-off plans to meet. Its a weird spot to be in.