Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

Have the 'Sex, Girlfriends and Shit' series of threads ceased to exist? Is this thread the premier source for all relationship advice now?

Mmmyeah, most of what you could ask in the other thread is something you can ask here too, except this thread also deals with wider issues, like friendships, social issues etc.

Fair enough, I always thought it was silly having two threads about almost the same topic. Is there a discord for this thread or some similar platform to ask questions unfit for public consumption? I want advice but I just don't want it to be eternally memorialised on the internet.

That's actually a good idea, if it's not already the case.

This is why I have a strict policy of not getting romantically involved with people that have unchecked mental disorders. And I make it very clear to them that I won't be with them.

I would start one but I barely know how discord works. If someone doesn't mind making one, maybe @maddogsamurai could add it to the OP.

Well that could work in English, for sure. But you would just look retarded if you do that in Danish. The language culture is very different. And I guess that's my main problem, I was never really good at being 'attractive' in Danish I didn't have any problem chatting up international girls, but in Danish it seems very hard. It could also be that I'm 'exotic' to internationals, and average as fuck to Danish girls. Worst case I'll just say 'fuck it' and move abroad next year if I'm unable to find a gf here.

I could have one up and running by tomorrow, if there's a general interest for such a thing. Mayhaps a vote would be good: agree if you want to see a Discord channel, disagree if you think it's a poor idea.

I honestly don't see the issue with just asking someone to coffee right away. Personally, I end up getting really bored if they don't ask me to meet in person within the first week. Not that we have to set the date to be in that week, I just want to know it's going somewhere.

My sister, who's also on Tinder, said she wanted to write back and forth a little to make sure the person wasn't psycho. In my opinion, they might as well be psycho when you meet them in real life anyway, so I think that's pointless.

Currently in the middle of something, but yeah soemthing akin to a girlfriend/relationship/weird shit confession channel would be a neat idea. I think the confession thread died like a month ago.

All of the encouragement in here that people without any dating or sexual experience aren't inherently unattractive is so refreshing. Because toxic masculinity is still enforced on a cultural level here in the US. Being a 20+ year old virgin is seen as uncool, even humiliating. And it's of course paired with the misogynistic double standard that women who've had many sex partners are sluts. This is why feminism is so important: this shit hurts women AND men. We all need to push back against it, and it's good to see this on display here at facepunch.

Facepunch has always had a healthy attitude regarding dating and stuff, from what I've seen in my 10 years here. Those who are toxic are usually laughed off the thread.

I'm turning 24 in 25 days, and I've still the V-card. I'd lie if I said it didn't bother me a ton at times, but I'm largely not too down about it. Ultimately, I don't want to have sex just for the sake of it - I want it to be with someone I actually want to be with, and not necessarily in the "one-night stand" sense.

Yeah don't worry too much about it. I 'finally' lost mine when I was 22, and it was just with some random that I didn't really like. In other news I keep getting dreams about my ex. In all the dreams I don't want to be with her at all, even though ironically she's being much nicer than she was in real life. It's a crap feeling to wake up to - you feel like you're the bad guy. Fuck off, dreams.

I held onto mine until 23 and I am very glad I did. I had a girl chase me (never thought that would happen) and certainly considered doing it with her, but eventually decided against it. I can't express how happy I am today that I did, because losing my virginity the way it happened was absolutely amazing and even tho doing it with the other girl would probably have been fine, I am certain it would have been nowhere near as good. Also, probably would have ended up hurting her, because even tho I didn't know it then, my heart wasn't anywhere near that and I really would have just used her for my benefit.

Whether you have multiple past experiences or not, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is who you are, and how you are about who you are, and how you show it and express yourself. If you go all defensive-mode when asked about your past experiences, by trying to find excuses or pretending to be something/someone else, then you're already on the wrong track and it's going to end pretty fast.

Even then I don't get why it would be a big deal, just because it's the first time doesn't make it special. Most of the time, it sucks. Never understood the whole deal about losing one's virginity, whether it is wanting to lose it fast or wanting to preserve it until the exact right person comes along.

I have now created a Discord for everyone in here. It's very early and very basic, but we can get it up and running proper with time.

Not really asking for advice, but just a bit of an update I guess - my LDR GF is now moving to Denmark for the foreseeable future, and we’re gonna move into an apartment that I’ve been renovating. Shit’s crazy/scary/pretty cool. Hope things go well.

Done and done. Check the front page.

Sounds kinda shitty, but people get way to worked up over the whole virginity thing. It isn't some life or death thing nor is sex in the purest sense isn't going to change your life lol. Sex is sex, if it is meaningless sex then it is just that, it is taking care of a physical need. However, if you are in a relationship there is a bit more to it. It's a bit more fulfilling and meaningful. Plus, side is if your significant other knows you are a virgin and shit is serious it is kinda a good thing. The only people whom I actually knew to care about how many sexual partners and if I ever had sex was people who wanted to A: Brag about their sexual conquests, B: Dudes who wanted to brag about fake conquests to be cool, C: People who are insecure with themselves. Yeah you will run into women who might actual be put off by the prospect, which is fine. If they cannot accept you for something as stupid as that then you didn't want to be with them in the first place. Generally, women who are put off by that might just be intimidated by the fact that you/or whoever has never been with another person. I dunno how to really describe it. Without going into to much detail - some women might not actual know what to do with that. Others women are perfectly fine with it, in fact they're pretty open about it to the point if they know you are in that awkward stage/moment they will kinda take over. If you are secure enough as a person and in your own manhood then having a women take the lead, the whole thing can be a very good experience. TLDR: find someone cool who accepts you for who you are and both of you be open with one another. Fuck what other people think.

In my own personal experience, it's not losing virginity that people actually care about, it's all the steps and milestones that lead up to it. It's about not being attractive and socially competent enough to even have the option, that's what people make fun of and fixate on. The sex itself is incidental. At least that seems to be what I've seen. For me though, it's about personal failure. To have the same general series of ambitions most of your life, to consistently fail at them every opportunity, it really eats away at me.

Relationships take time, they're also fragile to begin with, but if you find the right person they can be really strong. Not every relationship is made to last. Not everything is going to be easy. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone and experience various aspects of life with another person. But, don't let it eat away at you. I say that because I was in a relationship in the past which was actually really toxic and I didn't see it for what It was at first. I'm not going to get entirely into it because it is in the past and I'm happy things went the way they did because if they didn't I might be still with a shitty person. I actually enjoy being alone in the terms that I don't need anyone to be happy. I learned to be happy with myself and I do not need to be in a relationship to be happy. I learned that is better to be alone for a while then it would be to be with someone for a while who is a piece of shit. I would rather have 5 years of being single then to spend a year with some shitty person. I'm dead serious. As I started dating seriously again I also began to enjoy the aspects of meeting new people. Even if nothing came off it. I stopped viewing relationships as a status thing or accomplishment. I had a pretty shitty view on relationships in the past before I even me. All you can do is be yourself, put yourself out there, and engage with people. If it doesn't work out it doesn't mean you are a terrible person or have negative qualities. It just means things were not right. For example - I've met people from apps IRL who were completely out of my league. I seriously even doubted they would respond, but they actually did. It's just after a few dates we knew we were not really for each other. Put it into perspective - a lot of my friends are married, have families of their own, and are extremely happy. I am still single, dating, and meeting people. I still haven't found the person I wish to be with and that is okay. I'll get there one day when I meet the right person.

@maddogsamurai I've updated the Discord link, could you do the same to the front page link?

Fixed the link. Front page link should be fine now.

I hope you can update it one last time, as I seem to have screwed up a few things in the process of trying to fix it. This link should be the last one.

Alrighty, that should do it. While I am here, I do have an oddball bit of help that's kind of social/life related. I'm looking for an extra bit of cash after recently opening up a ROTH IRA and putting some dough in and I thought to look at the stock market for it. 2nd job is out of the question because I need a bit of time at home to work on college work and my game design portfolio. Anyone got tips, or a good company to look at?

Dont invest anything you cant afford to lose.

So I'm looking at getting a condo and at that point I'll have zero excuse (besides being overweight) to not start dating. It's a small 1 bedroom 1 bathroom 1 living room/kitchen in a quiet area for $100,000that allows pets. My dad says I might only have to put as little as 6% ($6000) as a down payment since I'm a first time home owner and he's offering to co-sign for me. Fingers crossed. I tend to jump to negative conclusions and catastrophize my fears, but I have anxiety when it comes to ambiguity, not having a plan or not knowing what will happen, and dating is basically that times a thousand. Dating is the ultimate risk (aside from something involving getting physically or financially hurt) and I fear taking risks when I'm not prepared for all outcomes, and you can't predict dating. It's hard managing that anxiety and the exhaustion it brings, and that fear has been preventing me from moving forward with dating. I've basically been trying to maximize my chance of not failing before I even start dating by getting my ducks in a row. Car, full time job, a good amount of money saved, and now my own place. Last thing I need is to shed the pounds and become attractive, and that's just so difficult when I'm exhausted after a hard day of work and don't have the energy to cook or exercise. I don't want to seem shallow but all I want in a relationship is a friend + sex, and if I'm not sexy I don't think I'll find someone who I'm attracted to. I don't have high standards, I just want someone I am physically attracted to (meaning not obese), but since I'm overweight it's hypocritical to be with someone who puts in the effort to be thin if I struggle and fail to do the same. I'm 5'9" and 250 pounds, I need to lose like 70 pounds to be healthy and probably 50 to be cosmetically attractive. It's hard to cut portions, exercise, and quit soda when my medication increases my appetite, my job is exhausting and my addiciton to sugar is powerful. It doesn't help that I get triggered to want a soda if an ad comes up or if I see someone else drink it, which is another reason why I want to move out since my family drinks a lot of soda so not having it around will help. I feel like every day is a step closer to becoming datable, but the mountain of shit that is losing weight seems nearly impossible. At least I'm not so heavy that I have man boobs though, that'd be way harder to lose.