Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

Job personality tests are usually some bullshit thing to make sure you'd be a good corporate, underpaid drone (walmart), but when it comes to police, that's probably pretty detailed and legitimate.

Update on the whole thingy-mah-jig. Got a call and an explanation that seemed plausible so I choose to believe it. Wasn't expecting the shrink herself to call to be honest. Even though it could be boiled down to a misunderstanding, the decision to not let me continue cannot be taken back and the only way to go is to accept that. Which I have, after some reflection. All in all, now I know what went wrong and how to do better next time. Nothing to do but be patient for now.

Damn that sucks man. How long do you have to wait to try again?

I was asked to reapply this May so I could be booked for tests this Autumn. If I make it through the schooling starts in January 2020. So it's a fairly long period of time, lots of waiting around, but I'm really hopeful that the patience will pay off. Not really too into the job I have at the moment, but it's alright with good people and all and it'll do just fine as a source of income.

For some reason I got a couple texts from girls I know today. One is a former date I met back in July. She wanted to ask me how things are going for me. The conversation died down though after I told her I'm not really in her area right now. The other is a former co-worker from my internship six months ago. She asked me the same thing but didn't respond afterwards when I answered and returned the question. Weird.

Turns out I completely misread her interest in me and she's started dating the person she's currently staying with. Jesus fucking Christ, this hurts.

Can someone explain to me why whenever I tell a woman who asks me out "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that into you.", 90% of the time I seem to get them constantly asking me "But why not?" for the next two months.

Stereotypical answer: women aren't used to being rejected

I don't think you ever really get used to being rejected, woman or not.

Collapsing because of rejection or failure is a major weak spot though it is human nature.

Considering how much of a loser I was during my school years, I'm willing to bet at least one or two of them tried dating my out of sympathy, only to get confused when they were rejected. I don't blame anyone for feeling bad after I rejected them, it's just annoying having to hear about they don't get why I'm not interested for a couple of weeks after rejecting them.

People shouldn't let rejection hurt them or at least bother them as much as it does. Yeah, it sucks. But, it is nothing to get caught up in or stuck on. There are far to many reasons as to why people say no. Rejection doesn't necessarily mean bad, it just means you're not the right person at that time.

i still find it funny when a person is in a relationship ask another person out. like can you break up with the person your seeing?

Honestly, it angers me. It is really the most disrespectful and fucked up thing you can do to someone. Regardless of the relationship situation.

this is true. sounds like she was bored with her boyfriend or he is lacking in some areas so she asked you to go out with her. People like that should work out the flaws in the relationship than asking someone else to be a "cheating" partner.But if you can see that her and the boy friend relationship is not going well.

Honestly, it is worse than that. This person is in a relationship, knows it is shitty, but wants to stay in said relationship for financial gain and admitted it. But, how can anyone be surprised and how can she be surprised by my response...this person knows me well enough to know I'm extremely principled. I would have never gone for that. No matter the circumstance.

good. Does the boyfriend know on she is doing?

I'm sure he does, there are some circumstances I don't want to elaborate on. Lets just say both are acting shitty and things are FUBAR.

hey, this isn't relationship related, but i need some help from anyone who might know facebook better than i i'm trying to reconnect with a friend from high school and i don't have any way of reaching him left after 9 years, but i managed to find his dad on facebook. that was a month ago, the dad hasn't been all that active, and attempts to friend/contact him haven't worked at all. is there any good way to get the attention of someone on facebook when i'm a total stranger to them? i don't want to start spamming the guy or going to his friends either; i'm not in any hurry

Well, guys. It finally happened. After a year and a half across 3 platforms, I got a match who actually said something. Granted, it was literally just 'hey' and nothing else after 4 days but fuck it, I'm taking even the tiniest milestones at this point.

so like, how the fuck do you do tinder like I've been using this shit for nearly 2 years now and every time except once I'll start a conversation that dies off within 1-3 days like what are you supposed to do or say I really don't get it, not to mention that this shit just makes me more depressed and digs me deeper into the "I'll die alone" hole

Don't know what to say besides what's been said before. Tinder is tough if you don't have stellar photos. Relationships will die before meeting up if your pics are lame. I used to do a lot of photography and my friends did as well so I have great photos of me and Tinder and related apps have been successes. You also have to be pretty funny or charming; there's a lot of pressure to be your best on there or you'll just be disappointed and the girls/guys you're after will just chat to some other person who has better pics, even if you look fine in person. It's not worth it imo if you get down about that sort of stuff. Even though I've had a lot of good dates and started some friendships/relationships on Bumble and Tinder, I think meeting people through events, friends, more serious dating sites will give you the best long term chances, though it may take time for that spark to happen.

I mean yea I've had more success lately with meeting people via my friends but it still just feels like I'm not even close to being as good at forming relationships than anyone I know, the last girl I had a thing with said she wasn't ready for a relationship then I saw her on tinder a month later lmfao

The first part of tinder is really superficial. You have to kinda present yourself at your best and have decent photos.

That's not necessarily contradictory. Tinder is a hookup app after all.

Tinder is about meeting up, not online chatting with someone you’ve never met. You’ve both said yes to each other superficially, so exchange a few lines (best if they’re funny) to make sure they’re not a psycho, and then suggest a meet-up.

Honestly I used tinder and ended up ditching it after a couple months, I realized really quickly that its more for personal validation and the rush of knowing someone thinks you're hot over anything else. My roomate used tinder at the same time as I and I watched her get at least 20-30 matches a day vs my 1-2 on a good day, so its really a game tilted against you as you just become random match #14 that day, and even witty pickup lines etc. can only go so far until someone shes more into shoots her a message. Its a total numbers game stacked against men by nature and further worsened by the creepy capitalization of love tinder pulls with all its microtransaction-y hidden matches bullshit. I honestly just uninstalled the app and forced myself to get involved in local scenes by literally just googling "house shows" in the area around my uni until I found ones with public addresses and then just kinda integrated myself into the scene. I went from getting 0 worthwhile hits on tinder and feeling like an ugly freak show to like getting a confidence boost at my ability to mesh with the local scene and meeting and getting together with my like first GF ever over the course of like a semester. This is really best if you're like a early 20s guy in college like I am, but I'd honestly just recommend ditching Tinder and trying to find ways to just physically hang out in social spaces, it can be really tough to do for the first time and like return some kinda discouraging initial results, but I honestly feel its less of an IV drip of disappointment and self-loathing tinder was, and has been like much more emotionally validating for me.

Learn what you can from being a single child, as to how NOT to raise a single child. I'm sure your parents weren't all that bad. Perhaps your experience will come in useful later, when you are raising a single child (if you ever) and then your experience might possibly have tremendously positive effects on a child.

I'm not sure Tinder deserves that much scorn when apps like Once exist, which I'm almost 100% certain is an outright scam.

lol I'm pretty sure I either nuked my tinder score by resetting too many times or all the girls in my area just recognize me by now because I've had zero luck and like ten matches total over the last four accounts and three or so months I wiped out all my dating accounts on pretty much everything for now. Gonna give it a week or so and come back to see if anything's changed