Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

is resetting your tinder an actual thing?

You just delete your account and make a new one. That's pretty much the only way to get a fresh start if you've changed your pics or worked on your profile.

Also gonna break my merge and ask a question. There’s a girl I sort of kinda know who I’ve met maybe twice via mutual friend groups. She’s single but I can’t flirt so I never really tried to talk to her one on one or anything. But she’s super cool, into a ton of the same stuff I am, and as a bonus attractive. I’m just curious how I’d go about chatting her up or if I even should. I feel like an out of the blue message on FB or Insta would be way too weird especially because I have a feeling she doesn’t really remember who I am. I’ve thought about asking my close friend, who knows her really well, but that would also be pretty awkward. So now I’m stuck and I feel like if I just do nothing I’ll regret it later on. TLDR I dunno how to start chatting up girls IRL who aren’t on a dating app & need help

Only one way to find the answers to those questions: talking to her.

If you’re not even sure if she remembers you, the safe bet is probably to wait till you see her next time. I wouldn’t write someone I knew so peripherally privately, unless it’s literally “wow we had a good talk at that party yesterday, let’s hang out”.

I don't see why you couldn't do that. Tinder allows users to delete their account entirely, and create a new one at whim. If one is going through some kind of a transformation in their lives and/or outlook, or just have a really old account on Tinder, then deleting account and creating a new one is not a bad idea at all IMO. I thought about deleting mine, to simply change my name on it.. I'm not registered through facebook, so I had to give myself a name there, but I added a Japanese honorific to my name as a joke (-san) but oddly enough, no weeaboo woman has ever matched with me lmao. :-(

Ex of 10 months out of a 1y3m loving relationship and I have been talking for the last 3 months. Met up again today for the first time in those 10 months and she was overjoyed to see me. She said she missed me within those 10 months but was ready to talk again. She might be dating someone but I don’t know enough to come to a conclusion on either side. Do I keep my hopes up or assume they’re dating and get on with myself? Any other miscellaneous advice appreciated.

I don't know your situation, but there's a reason you two broke up. I know it sounds harsh, but I'd say move on. I was in a similar situation before the summer and ended up blocking her over vacation. The last few months of talking had just kept me in the same state I was before and didn't really have any substance to it.

I dunno, it depends on why you guys broke up. If it was one of them mutual break-ups and things were not bad between you two I would say if she is interested maybe try to rekindle something. But, if things were bad between you two you shouldn't try. Specially if you think she might be dating someone. In my own experience, I stop associating with ex's and basically leave no room for any type of turn around. Sounds harsh, but generally speaking I don't even try to maintain a friendship. But, this is just me, you do what you feel is right and trust your gut.

Talked with some friends too and I think I’ll just drop any hopes and sit and wait for whatever happens next. Thanks for the help y’all.

How the fuck does one find the will and motivation to go out and have fun? I feel so scared to go to any type of club or bar, like I'm not going to fit it or something idk

Just do it, man.

It sucks to say, but he's right. You just need to do it. You'll feel like an idiot, but you'll get used it.

You got any favorite kind of drug that helps you in social situations? Beer is alright over here, get slightly fucked up on that and you'll have a good time. Bring a friend with ya if possible.

Go with a friend, I can't even fathom doing something like that alone

Yeah I'd never personally go to a bar/club by myself. That just makes you look awkward and alone. Find some friends to go with, maybe pregame a little bit beforehand, and have a good time.

Just go do it. Basically live in that moment and experience everything without judgement or bias. Don't let fear control you or suck out the fun, go have fun. People at clubs don't really give a shit about what goes on around them. They're all there to have fun themselves.

IDK I've done this a couple of time and it ended up okay. It was in the UK, though, so maybe the pub culture there helped a bit. Also, if you can find some, it may be worth it to go to pub crawls. Most big cities have them. I've personally had good experiences with those.

I recently started using meetup it helps when everyone else is in the same position as me.

I swear Meetup and Couchsurfing events are the shit Just drop every expectation and have a blast

I'm honestly lost at what to do and I don't know if it's worth posting here or in the depression thread. I've been talking to this girl since August who I met on Tinder. I went on her Facebook to have a nose about and so I went through to her friends to see who she knew and there, I found out she had a boyfriend of 6 months who I never even fucking knew about. Once I found out, I was like holy fuck why has she hid this from me, has she led me on? The thing is I'm really fucking depressed/angry about it. I don't know what to do because like I don't want to confront her or fall out with her over the situation. I'd rather just stay friends because she hasn't done anything bad to me, if anything I'd rather avoid getting into an argument or fight about it if I can because I don't really want to get on her wrong side about it. It's just hard and I don't know how to go about it.

I say move on. That's a pretty giant red flag. Are you absolutely sure you want to be friends with this girl and you wouldn't have feelings for her to get in the way of that? If you are attracted to her still, I don't see how a platonic friendship could reasonably work out.

I get where you're coming from. I'm sure I want to stay friends, I don't want to cut contact or be on bad terms with her over it. To be fair I still have a few friends who I've tried hitting up before and we're fine, even through all our relationships, so I know it has worked out for me before. I do trust the process but I might as well leave it a few days before I talk about it with her and see what happens next. In my own terms, I would still like to be friends through it. I don't even know if her boyfriend knows me or knows she was talking to me though which is really suspicious (hence the giant red flag I'd assume) but there is always two sides to a story so hopefully we can just talk it through while avoiding arguments or drama as much as possible so it's kept civil.

If you know she is cheating and you continue to engage with her, you're kinda apart of the problem. Second of all she lied to you to begin with, why the fuck would you want to be her friend still? If she is willing to cheat on someone who she calls a boyfriend, it is fair enough to say that she will treat you like shit as a friend. If you are worried about getting into an argument just ghost her and block her. Cheaters are bad news dude, I would stay away. Sounds like your a little way to into her and you're not seeing the bigger picture. There is no two sides to cheating, sure people do it for various reasons, but nonetheless it is a shitty thing to do to a person. If she cannot solve issues in a healthy manner with her current bf, again what makes you think this behavior isn't going to leak into your friendship/relationship.

Open Tinder, get an offer for 50% off first month gold. Well, whatever, could be worth a shot. My 2 likes are both about 2700km away. Use free boost. https://i.imgur.com/lGagqa6.png https://ci.memecdn.com/6176133.jpg

If y'all are having troubles on Tinder, ask somebody you trust to take a look at your profile and give you some advice, maybe help you take some pics and add some flavor to your description. If you aren't conventionally attractive, you will get a lot of matches just by being quirky.

seriously, from my brief experience on tinder humor/interestingness was a major currency. just like in real life, wow

I want to get a girlfriend, but I legit don't know how people operate outside of a work environment. Also I think I'm bad at keeping friends in general. A couple acquaintances will usually text me once every 4 months, but half the time I wont respond because talking to them feels like work rather than play. Sometimes they'll ask me to hang out too, but I hate driving more than 30 minutes. Although on some occasions one friend of mine will offer to see a movie, and I'll go. It's an alright time, but I'll often regret going because the amount of effort to go doesn't add up to the amount of fun I had. Also I often feel like I could've went alone and have the same experience. I don't get it, I know I need to get out the house, but I can't think of something I'd want to do outside. It feels hopeless, since on the weekends when I'm off I just want to stay home. I have 0 urge to go outside, and have no idea what to do when I step out, but I know I need to to get friends ( and a girlfriend ). HALP

Relationships/friendships aside, you should really make an effort just to get out of the house. it's cliche but maybe find a gym or some recreational sport. Force yourself to do it for some time, and you will probably start enjoying it for what it is. For friendships/relationships, find a semi social hobby. There are tons of activities out there to explore. Again, whatever it is, make the effort to do it and you will find yourself wanting to.

I think you should ignore getting a girlfriend for now. To be completely blunt, you don't have much to offer someone in a relationship. I used to be kind of like that, I'd rather be alone or just do things alone, but I realized that if I don't put an effort in the people around me I'm gonna end up lonely and basically a hermit, and that is not healthy. And a girlfriend won't change that, it's gotta come from within. I started forcing myself to do things with friends even if I wasn't too interested in what they were doing, like going to see a movie I didn't care much for or going to see a band I didn't know. But I went anyway cause I wanted to build those relationships, to enrich my existence rather than existing in solitude. What started to happen was despite sometimes initially not wanting to do the thing, I just wanted to spend time with these people that I was forming bonds with. To hear about their lives, stories, memories and then to actually participate in making new memories. Plus, doing something you actually want to do yourself and adding in good friends makes it so much better. I hate parties, but I reluctantly went to a new years party a couple of years ago. I thought it'd just be a boring night for me cause I don't drink much and everyone there was getting wasted. But I had fun, and not only that, the things that people actually remember about that night, I was involved in. I'm in the funniest photos that my friends talk about to this day, I was a part of the funniest stories. I was there, and once I was there, I lived in the moment. There's always a better way to spend your time, always something more fun to do at any moment, "the grass is greener on the other side" but that is irrelevant. Make the best of what you're doing and who you're with, cause the grass is greener where you water it (cheesy alert) Not every social gathering is gonna be "worth" the time. Sometimes yeah, you probably would've had more fun alone. That's no reason to completely write off hanging out with people altogether though. And finding things you want to do outside your home can be hard if you've lived like a recluse. You just gotta try different stuff. Join clubs, join groups, go to stores and talk to passionate workers about things you like. Another thing: it seems like you are against the effort, but good relationships are reciprocal; you put effort in, they'll put effort into your life as well. It's an investment, and it pays off big. It doesn't sound like you've really ever had very close friends or at least not as an adult. Finally, it's never a bad idea to talk to a councillor or a therapist. They may be able to suggest some solutions that cater to you as they get to know you, or maybe there are underlying issues that are in the way of you enjoying a healthy social life. Something to consider at least. This is probably kind of a jumbled up mess of written diarrhea, but I hope some of it makes sense/helps in some way