Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

Phone notification, got a Tinder match. Pick it up 20 seconds later, match is gone. Not sure how this one compares to the super like that instantly unmatched but it's no less confusing.

Thanks for the support a couple weeks ago. I had two good dates, though we didn't form much of a connection, it was a nice experience since those have been my first dates since breaking up with a 6-month relationship. I have more time to work on myself, and while failed dates sting a little bit I know now how little control we have over making a connection with someone. On another note, Avengers spoilers, I had a lot of emotional investment in Peggy and Cap's relationship when I was a teenager, so to see them finally get a happy ending was emotionally overwhelming for me. And I think that actually triggered some subconscious stuff in me, because I had a very visceral dream last night where an ex from a past relationship, who I loved dearly but the relationship turned toxic and bad, came back and we were together and everything was great. It made today hard to get through part of the time because of all the emotions that dream brought up. Oh well, I'm likable and lovable, I just have to keep searching for the right person.

Just say what comes to your mind first, they're talking to you, not us m8. Don't take Tinder seriously at all and you'll always come out on top

It isn't uncommon. Sometimes bots get onto the site and by time you swipe they're already deleted. Sometimes people swipe just to get matches, then hand pick their matches. Tinder is fucking weird dude, I'm not really 100 percent sold on it myself.

Mine is basically.. "A Happy boy looking for happy girl as a letter exchange partner" plus 4 emojis a few lines below the text: [wondering emoji] + [sunglasses emoji] + [OK] + [COOL] Tell me how creative I am?

I'd remove the emojis TBH.

Why would you like me, match me, and then not even greet me back? It's very frustrating that all 3 matches I've had thus far on OKcupid just haven't replied days, even weeks later.

Women on dating apps get hundreds of matches and dozens of messages a day. They generally don't respond to all of them so you need to catch their attention with something more intriguing than a "hey".

I do write at least an introductory sentence plus a question about them or an icebreaker to get something started, but yeah I guess that makes sense

Not to be that guy, but no one is required respond to you. Even if they matched. I get it is frustrating, but if they don't respond then they don't respond. Move on to the next one.

Very true, I just find it a little confusing.

My friend has been on Plenty of Fish and OkCupid. She's pretty attractive by most people's standards and has great photos. We live in an area with about 300,000 people. She would literally get hundreds of likes/messages a day. Even if she was interested in a guy, she'd just be to exhausted from looking through all the shit, just simply inundated to the point where she just wouldn't even bother eventually especially after messaging a few and then turning out to be creeps.

Soooo It's been 2 months, we've been together for 1.5, and everything is great I love how pessimistic I can be at times

Went back to the boba place but there was only an old Asian lady. Better luck next time.

Currently into a pretty HC relationship right now.. It's getting so HC that "we" made lasagne for the 2nd time, and it was 200% improvement over the 1st one. We're only 5 months in though, but I'm not sure if it's going to work out. For some reason this bitch took offense for me NOT going to her place today, because she's having a few friends over before they are going on a cruise ship later tonight (Saturday night.) She's like "Come or don't, but no bullshit excuses" to which I said I don't want to come and I want to be alone, and she simply said "Whatever" which isn't very nice, and she hasn't been like that before. Maybe some small rock in her cunt or yeast infection still bugging her, who the fuck knows.. And this weird response from her is after last night (Friday night), where I hosted a sauna-night for her + her friend + some Canadian guy (neither of which I've ever seen before) so two males two females in total. Socializing can be mentally kinda exhausting for me, but the night was great though! Very little awkwardness, and I loved communicating in English for a change. Canadian dude was chill as fuck. And I was actually the only one who went completely naked into the sauna while everyone else had swimsuits/pants on. I know, they were bunch of disgraceful sauna-heretics. Not sure what is the point of this post. I don't want to dump her, but she started acting a little bit different, and for no reason except me not wanting to come over for yet another socializing-session, and after meeting one of her friend last night. And It could be just the stress because she had to take an early bus (which she missed) this morning and prepare for their girls' cruise to Tallinn later tonight.. Blah blah.

She probably wanted to see you one last time before going on her cruise.

So, I kinda wanna update on the whole thing between the girl (my co-worker) I was talking about before and me. So originally I was looking for something serious and after our first time hanging out after getting to know her more she told me she wasn't looking for anything serious. But I came to realize that i'm not in a position myself to be looking for something serious so I dropped interest in her for the most part. I still wanted to be friends but that was it. So after that, every shift i've had with her she came off to me like she was interested but it seems like she doesn't know entirely how to show it or she's too scared. So shifts go by and i'm thinking to myself "okay, she seems like shes interested. Perhaps she's looking for something casual" So I texted her randomly one day while she wasn't working just to chat, just trying to show her i'm interested. She gives me some fairly dry replies and I thought there was no way she was interested after that. My other co-worker who I was getting advice from told me it doesn't mean anything yet. Again, time goes by and I work with her more and she seems to like to hang around and drop really subtle hints. (assuming they even are hints) I decided to say fuck it and I asked her straight away in person when I was off of work if she was interested and looking for something that wasn't serious. She told me that she wasn't interested in anyone point blank. After that point I felt so glad to finally know and to not have to feel awkward at work trying to decipher her. But something crossed my mind, is it possible that she could of said that out of fear? For now I know to take her word and just stay away but I feel like I really could of went about this better..

You always have to start somewhere. Just talk about your passions and be curious about hers. Also, in a date it's generally more important to be able to listen to the other person than to talk. In addition, don't be afraid of silence, which can be healthy during a date sometimes.

I've been through the same thing. I matched with this girl back in August and it took just under 9 months for me to meet her thanks to my friends meeting her in town, since we met on Friday night. We've talked on Discord since then, last time we messaged eachother was Sunday, but my friends deem that she was uncomfortable with meeting me and enjoy making jokes about them going out on dates and having sex with her. I don't know who's side to take as it also feels like she just tells me things I want to hear instead of what I should hear, I'm much the same since our personalities are almost identical. But it's better to just tell me than hide it from me, hiding it's just going to hurt my feelings more than being told the cold hard truth. My feelings will be hurt either way. I've just remained distant from this girl and my friends since then so nothing has really happened. It just feels like my friends like to start beef around me and this girl when I'm around but when I'm not they don't seem to care, even with this girl around them they don't start beef as long as I'm not there to talk to them.

Sounds like a bunch of shitty friends to me.

There is someone I want to ask out, but she is close friend with my roommate (it's trough him I met her). Is it a dick move if I ask her out without telling my roommate about it? What are you guys experiences dating a friend of a friend?

Doesn't hurt to ask him, I suppose. It may avoid tricky situations if he's infatuated with her or something like that. And if he's not, his being a mutual friend could facilitate things as well.

Yo, how to stop thinking about a girl, my dudes? I asked a friend out and at first she said sure but then she said she was busy, and since she never initiates anything I kinda took it as a sign that she's not into me, but I legit can't stop thinking about her in a romantic way.

Well you can't really control thoughts, all you can do is refocus and not stress about it if you still think about her. It'll subside in time

You should be open with her and if you're gonna distance yourself there is no harm in verifying what your "friends" are saying. You're friends sound pretty shitty honestly.

I would like to. The thing is, one of the two friends in question talks to the girl quite a lot as a friend. He was the one that told me that she was uncomfortable with me. I have kept my distance but tonight when I got home tonight, the same friend wanted to check up on me. He seems to be good about it, it's just the other friend of mine can be a total dick and the thing where I mentioned they joke about going out on dates and having sex with her was actually that guy's idea, not the guy who checked up on me. I wish I could mention more but it is mostly private information I'll be dealing with which I don't really want to bring up. I don't know if it's a possibility but if you're actually willing to listen, I don't mind talking about it on Steam or Discord.

Sounds like you have a decent friend who is kinda tapped into her and she is obviously close enough to her to discuss private matters. Other friend might just be that one who acts like a dick. Sorry If I judged harshly. I dunno man, maybe ask your closer friend who checks up on you as to some details as to why she is uncomfortable. If not, just talk to her and ask her what her reservations are or just have a normal conversation and try to lean into how things went on your guys first meet up. It's usually better to talk with the actual person and talk things through. If that person doesn't' want to talk and can't be open with you generally that is a flag right there. You don't really want to pursue anything with someone who can't even be honest about regular things.

Update on this. I was an idiot. I was in town since I had stuff and life planning to do. Met her on a street fest with the new guy shw knows for 2 months, guy she's gonna have a baby with. So does my flatmate who she was together with. Since I had to sleep at my old house, my flatmate asks me for something that makes it easier for him to distance himself. I can for the life of me not tell him that she is pregnant, so I tell him that they are gonna move in together. I see her the next day on a concert with her flatmate and she's awfully distanced the whole time. When I tell her that my flatmate was really hurt when he saw her + new guy, she says "yeah I guess" and starts laughing. Then she basically leaves me and her flatmate standing seconds after the concert ends saying "I need to go to xxx" (new guy), walks over to a group if people (friends of new guy/father), smiles at us, and winks and leaves with them. I text her that if we wanna see each other before I leave town it's gonna need to be friday, she says yeah friday. We meet. My plan was telling her that I was always in love with her, giving her a kiss and then tell her that I'm gonna leve her and her new guy alone since it's hard for me and it's better overall. The talk goes differently, she asks me about flatmate guy and what I think and I say well you hurt him and it was kinda weird how you smiled upon hearing that. She says that she really doesn't like how I am suddenly the mediator and she's not really sure if she can talk to me and how she can be sure what I tell him . I wanted to be honest and tell her that he asked me to hurt him and that I told him that they're gonna move in together. Bear with me, nobody but fucking me who EXPLICITLY ASKED HER TO NOT TELL ME LOVE DETAILS knows she's pregnant. She get's mad, says I broke her trust, gets up and leaves. 20 minutes later I get a text message that's she's furious about me. (partly right, I shouldn't have told him). So I write her a letter about why I told him and that I probably did it because I WANTED to hurt him because he was together with her instead of me since I love her and always did and how I was planning to tell her on the meeting, give her a goodbye kiss and then leave. 1 day later she texts me I need a reality check, that I have gone completely off the rails, that a kiss would've been a massive intrusion and how I seem to have planned a big theatralic getaway and how I should get my shit together and stop projecting my problems on her. The girl who (according to my flatmate had cry-fits 3 months ago) I write her back that I didn't mean no harm and how I am not completely sure she understands me and a few situations where it felt to me that she despite saying that she doesn't see me as a partner was interested. I mean who texts someone in the middle of the night at 3 "are you still around in the city"? And that me and several other people have a feeling that she, despite telling and showing everyone that she is happy and fine, is actually not and that I am gonna stop communication with her for good since it's no good . Now here comes the passive agressive part from me: since everything I said about how I feel that some of her reactions are kinda out of place was answered with "care for yourself man, get your shit together"(coming from the girls skipping 3 job opportunities and stopping her studies after two semesters and now being pregnant with a 3 year younger 2nd semesters kid ), I left her with a kinda passive agressive advice: I said since I have a feeling that despite everything she is not fine AT ALL I really hope she has someone who she CAN BE unwell with. And that if she has, good, and if she think she doesn't, she should remember that she has good people around he. She answers "ridiculous" "I could say so much more" "but I won't" And completely blocks me on facebook. Not defriend. Block. Whatsapp too. Also leaves all chatgroups we are in together. Why do I feel hurt? It's to a point where I am really questioning my own judgement. All I wanted was for her to understand me. I am completely aware that my tinted glasses might have led me the wrong alley, but THIS? I feel so fucking confused and hurt and missunderstood and unsure . Am I a fucking creep ? I don't think so and several other people also said to me that she's completely off the rails right now. But... What. What.

Sounds like you two are not really functional together. Seems like you got some stuff to take care off. Seems like she got stuff to take care off. It is kinda hard to follow what is going on in your post, but it seems like you are getting caught up in the whirlwind of her craziness and your own feelings. If you wanted to hurt her by sharing her secret then you should just own up to it. I don't really you are exactly being a beacon of light in all of this. Don't take that the wrong way, getting hurt makes us do stupid stuff, foolish stuff, and hang on to things not worth hanging onto. She prolly did you a solid by blocking you. You both should just cut communication completely and really just work on moving on. Stop worrying about her, her friends, your friends relationships with her, and start focusing on yourself. If you really cared for her at one point in time you should just let her go, she made her choices and there is no going back. She doesn't need to know and you don't really have a right to put your feelings onto her. Most importantly don't get caught up in gang mentality because it suits your view currently, it will not end well. TLDR - Don't compromise yourself, your values, and don't do actions that are beneath you.

Upon rethinking. No. It was wrong from me to tell him stuff. Absolutely. But the rest is her projecting her problems onto me and using her outrage and emotions to construct a situation where she can get rid of people who see behind her self protecting barrier of 'everything is fine ' Wow. Poor girl.