Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

I'm not gonna make any assumptions but the alternative is watching at her parents place or at school

I think what you did was the right thing. I know it's hard to think of that outcome positively, as I've been in very similar situations where I'd end up hating myself for not being social and not suffering through something I did not enjoy. I've learned long ago to stop beating myself up over being uncomfortable in loud, crowded social situations, because that's just who I am, there's nothing wrong with that, and that will never change. In college I used to force myself to go to parties, and I've never once enjoyed it. I don't drink, I don't like to dance, and my hearing isn't so good when there's a lot of concurrent loud noises, such as lots of chatter or loud music. I genuinely do not enjoy talking to strangers, and only enjoy talking to people I know (therefore it takes me a long time to warm up to people, and thus people usually assume I'm quiet and withdrawn until they get to know me and realise I can be funny and charismatic if I'm comfortable). The only times I ever enjoy social gatherings are when I know everyone, it's not super loud or crowded and there aren't more than 6 or so people at max. Because of this, I dont go to places or activities that would just not be a fun time for me, and i tell people the truth why id rather not go. I'm an introvert and the more people around me the faster I get exhausted and the harder it is for me to focus and enjoy myself. That's just who I am, and finding similar people has helped me feel more comfortable with that. The best thing you can do to enjoy social gatherings is to find gatherings that you actually enjoy. Small get togethers, group activities, and friends who understand your preferences make being social easier and more enjoyable. There's no reason to try to fit a square peg in a round hole. If you do need to go to loud crowded gatherings like clubs or bars, finding a quiet corner and some people to chat with there are your best bet, but not every place is that accommodating and there's no shame going to the bathroom to collect yourself and recharge. Most people are far too focused on themselves to notice if you're not being a social butterfly, and as long as your body language gives off the impression that you're open to talking, people will try to start conversations with you. Like you said, taking care of yourself is a priority, and while anxiety can be irrational, everyone can only take some level of stress before it becomes harmful. Leaving situations when you know your body is screaming at you to escape isn't cowardice but rather is understanding your own emotions and regulating them. Of course, that doesn't mean not trying to push yourself to try new things or giving in to anticipatory anxiety, it just means knowing your limits and taking care of yourself.

If the party crowd is not your crowd there are lots of other crowds, you just don't notice them because they don't... Party

I mean. Given the scenario, you might want to know if you want to have sex or not ahead of time and prep accordingly.

Just shower and have condoms, should have those anyway if you're a sexually active person that involves penis(es) in their sex acts.

I can confirm I do possess a penis, condoms and a shower.

If she is just a couple weeks out of a relationship, I would probably advise against being the one to make any kind of first obvious move toward sex and stuff. She is probably feeling very vulnerable if it was a good and healthy relationship and take it as a sign of what you are 'really' after and get mad or feel poorly about later. But you shouldn't really feel bad about going there if she wants it to.

She did tell me that she was thinking of leaving him for a year over something that had been an issue since the beginning of the relationship. I don't know, I'm trying to proceed as carefully as I can, I asked her twice to make sure she was comfortable coming to my place.

So the girl I met last weekend went into it with "I am in an open thing but we said not to tell each other what we do 'outside'" and I was absolutely A-OK with it. We both said it's just for the weekend and maybe one meeting in a more private setting. (a propper bed) She texts and calls me almost every day, so do I. I can be a bit excessive with texting and this is the first time it seems to be absolutely ok. She loves it. And I think she is falling in love with me. this is so weird and great and I feel so ... mature? I have no expectations, not projections, nothing. I can just enjoy it as is. I see a danger that the is really falling in love and will end it once that happens to protect her relationship. and even that would be ok and good since .. well life is just what happens, I think I could take it as something that was/is good. I am kind of stumped how the emotional trauma from like 3 pages back resulted in... this part of it is thanks to you guys and I just wanted to say thanks for that you really had an impact on someone out there. me.

I asked a mutual friend about the girl coming over to my place and yeah I don't think it's wise to initiate anything. Just gonna skateboard with her all day then we'll go to my place, eat dinner and watch a movie. Maybe something else will happen but I think it's really unlikely. But in the xcom-style 1% chance that it does, I have condoms.

a girl just asked me out for the first time, we went out today, she kissed me and we'll go out again. i've known this girl since primary school and i couldn't be more ecstatic. life is good

Congrats and good luck to you!

I fucked a girl in a cemetery last Friday. Will I have bad juju?

Expect a whole bunch of dead people's voices in your head, all going 'nice'.

just went to a friend of a friend's surprise party and met an amazing girl with an incredibly similar taste in music to me. got her number at the end of the night of the night and scheduled to go to a local concert with her. so hype. i feel like im finally getting out of my ex-girlfriend funk. it's so nice to meet someone new again to just talk to

Man, that's way too many successes in a row. Let me recount a recent fuckup. So last weekend I went to a friend's wedding, and the bride deliberately put me at a table with another single person to "spice things up". She was nice, but not really my type, so I figured I'd just enjoy the party without any flirting goal and have a great time with my friends. A long time and quite a few drinks after that, I was dancing my ass off when one of my friends told me that another girl there seemed quite into me and that I had a nice opening. But at this point I'm basically in a trance and I don't give much of a shit about what happens around me, so I just kept dancing like a madman. I kept going until like, 6am and she was long gone at that point. I looked her up on FB the morning after and... Yeah. It seems I passed up on quite a looker. Welp, at least I had a very enjoyable time with my friends.

Some girl I used to chat with about a month ago, who had stopped replying to my messages, just came back out of nowhere saying she is sorry for her absence born out of some troubles she'd had It still probably won't go anywhere xD but I don't know whether to be grateful she cared to tell me or to not really care anymore

At least you have girls who're looking at you. I'm getting fuckall. That aside, if she was into you, why didn't she approach?

Maybe that does happens but you simply don't notice it. For what it's worth I didn't notice either, even though several of my friends did. Short answer would be: Cause she's a girl. It's pretty rare for women to make the first move compared to men. Cultural norms generally dictate men have to be the proactive ones and women simply say yes or no. There's still a stigma attached to sexually proactive women, who risk being considered a 'slut' by their male and female peers alike. This means that women, especially conventionally attractive ones, get approached much more often than a similarly attractive man would be. So they probably don't see the use in being proactive themselves, especially when they're not used to doing it and may even be stigmatized for it.

True enough. I'd rather not go on a rant about it, but it's something that bothers me. If someone would want me to approach them, they ought to have the same courtesy towards me, if need be. It's especially bothersome when you have all this talk about us needing to change social norms, but this is one of those that people seem to refuse to actually want to do something about.

The more selective you can be, the more you will be unless we collectively stop giving two shits about getting into beautiful women's pants, that's not going to change

My first GF was the one to approach me and ask me out. That was back in high school where shit like that was four-leaf-clover rare. You were either the hot athlete that the girls would die for, or the hot girl that the boys came to you. We weren't exactly the hottest in all the land, but it's safe to say conventional beauty and compatibility was our hot ticket. It was also a bit of a whiplash; I didn't expect her to do it, and I didn't think I really liked her until we started dating for real. Sadly it was only a year and a half, but that was some of the happiest moments in high school when not many people were willing to come see you after school. It was one of my best surprises ever, and I imagine it'll be the only one until I get my mojo back to talk to more women somewhere out of my comfort zone, but like one foot in. I'm no party dude and clubs are my bane, on top of not able to dance for shit and I'm terrible with words.

wat do u do when u think u might be gay

Sounds like you just have a low libido. If I were you I'd go to the doctor and get your testosterone level checked.

I agree with Xyrec, and it also seems like you're burned out from having too much of a good thing. So much...uh 'stimulation' tends to wear you down and it gets harder to get excited. Cutting down on the sexual activity could help you out.

If it's not low libido, you could just be asexual. Being gay or asexual is not a bad thing (unless you live in an environment that judges people for their sexual orientation). Also it could just be depression. In my life I've previously suffered from a feeling of having a major void in my lifr, an emptiness that felt sucking and oppresing, that feeling of ennui or lack of purpose, that only went away once I got therapy and the right medication. I think reaching out for help when dealing with this is the best move you can make. Depression, low libido, struggling with sexuality, etc. is not something you should try to suffer through and fix yourself

"Over my dead body"

Yes, or even demisexual meaning you only will get aroused once you have formed an emotional bond with someone.

For me sex got a lot better once I stopped porn

For me masturbation got a lot worse once someone stopped porn To this day I still do not know who it was