Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

I think I'm a demisexual now, or at least on that spectrum. I don't think I used to be, I could watch porn and get very aroused just by the visuals, if I danced with a girl at a club I would feel aroused, but lately not so much. I still feel attraction, but I need an emotional bond to truly get turned on. Hookups don't work well for me because I'd get aroused enough to bang, but I would usually kind of lose my erection after a bit or id just never cum, I guess because I just didn't feel totally comfortable/interested in a way. For example: last weekend, my best friend and I slept together. We both have and have had feelings for each other apparently, but various things have kept us apart. Timing, other relationships and commitments, and this is the first time since meeting that things have kind of started to align. The sex was great, she was as amazing and I was doing great but then my boner just left at some point. It's like my brain isn't familiar with this person on that intimate level yet, despite me wanting to do it. Now here's where it kind of solidifies in my mind that emotional closeness is my turn on: she texted me last night saying that she was wearing my shirt to bed and I got rock hard instantly, like a boner that wouldn't go away despite me being to tired to do anything about it. The last time I felt that aroused was when I was with my ex-girlfriend that I was super comfortable with. I know it's not any physiological factors like hormones (I actually got it tested through an online service for fun cause I'm a health nerd lol). I'm healthy and active, I am the happiest I've been in my life and my stress levels are at an all time low, I'm super attracted to this girl, now I just need to form an emotional bond. I guess my point of this is that sexuality and arousal factors are unpredictable, they can change over time, and are never any reason to beat yourself up over. Unless there are other indicators of something being wrong like low testosterone or a blood flow issue, then just be you and eventually you'll find someone that makes your dingle wanna jingle. Or not if you're asexual, and that's okay too!

I ended up going to a mutual friends wedding after-party and one of the other guests asked if the girl and I are dating. Which was uhhhh awkward. He also insulted my brother to my face very soon afterward which made me pretty upset. So it was a weird party I guess.

had a spontaneous double date tonight out to the bars with two others from the party feeling the best ive felt in so long its incredible to feel like this again and just have someone new to talk to. also a great bonus to have the other guy there be someone ive known as a distant friend for the past two years and really get to know them more tonight. plans to see her again after tuesday. just happy honestly

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It's my birthday, I am 26 now but the day just feels somewhat bland. Got hundreds of messages of wishes etc.. Even girl I kind of like but we haven't spoken in a while messaged and we started off conversations again (tbh since morning I was hoping she will text was supper happy that it happened) so I can't say nobody notices me or cares (probably). I can't party and celebrate since I am on a streak of no drinking for past 6 months so idk. Guess I am just used to past birthdays being alcohol fueled and people being over and joining party and today I am just in work and it feels like average day. Maybe that's that being old feels like

Why not just have a party without alcohol?

Can't you party without drinking though?

Probably not as everyone I know is heavily into parties with drinks.

This is why my birthday parties always used to be small events that I just invited people over to play board games on.

Tbh, it is hard to party when everyone is drinking around you and your not. It isn't nearly as fun and you feel kinda awkward when people are drunk around you. Usually why I got to only my friends house parties, they let me crash on their couch when I get drunk.

I have personal goal of not having a single drink throughout the 2019. So far I've achieved this, if I was to have birthday party with alcohol - most likely that would fail and wouldn't be fun. Guess I just need to appreciate the fact that people that I care about congratulated me and even got gifts for me and suck it up like an adult instead of kid who gets sad when there is no party thrown for them.

That is a good and admirable goal. Just stick with it, find other fun things to do. At least you are smart and are making sure you are in a position to keep your goal.

I had a personal goal to not rely on alcohol for any social event with my birthday maybe being an exception. I believe that people can still be fun and engaging without a buzz unless that buzz is having a great time . So far aside from Easter I had not a lick of the stuff in 2019. 2018 was also a dry year for drinking, but again I never was a hard drinker. Only time I had to crack open a bottle was after a rough day but that's almost a terrible habit in the making.

It's pretty funny that I have the opposite problem. I stopped hosting birthday parties after I invited a few people for what must have been my 10th birthday if I remember correctly. However, nobody showed up. At all. Since then, I feel awkward with being involved with parties and/or being the center of attention

My gf woke up crying and telling me that she does not have the same feelings for me anymore and that she loves another guy, while I brought her coffee to bed. Amazing.

we love you

Don't dwell on this, there is absolutely nothing you could have done. You have so much freedom now. I hope that it helps you feel liberated.

There is a tangible sense of relief. A shame since it was one of the best experiences in my life.

That sucks to hear man. That's rough, there's no two ways about it. Better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

Hey, guys. As someone who is a 24 year old turbovirgin who has never dated before in his life, where do I even begin dating? I hear most people find others through their friends, but I don't have any IRL friends. Also a majority of the women I work with are way older than me so that's out of the question. Am I doomed to online dating? I never liked the idea of it because it feels so forced and manufactured. But it seems to be my only option. I really just want experience and I feel lost.

Try making IRL friends first, go from there. Online dating is a legitimate option nowadays, but you better have a great profile. If you don't know what constitutes for a great profile (depends on site/app, but awesome pictures is key), might not be worth your time.

Yeah it's probably better for me to make friends first, but even that's a struggle for me now. I'll admit I am socially awkward, but I do consider myself confident despite that. I've heard of sites like Meetup.com and that seems pretty cool, but there isn't much around me going on. Someone suggested trying Tinder again, but most of my pics will just be selfies since like I said, I'm not really social at all. I don't know why I have the urge to finally give dating a shot after all these years of not having interest. Maybe it's human instinct finally catching up to me.

Man I hate tinder... Changed my pictures up and now I'm at least getting some decent matches ... if the matches would fucking message back. I hate to be impatient but fuck if you wanna go on a date make a damn effort.

Lots of people are just in it for the ego boost, unfortunately

What do you mean don't dwell on it? I don't think what you are trying to convey is anything mean or malicious. But, it is kinda a silly thing to say. Imagine waking up and someone whom you love and dropped that bomb on you. It isn't something you get over in a few minutes. Sure being single can be freedom, sometimes it can be liberating if you were in a shitty relationship. But, he likely didn't expect what was to come and thought things were fine. It's a really fucked up situation to be in. Online dating is kinda fun dude, once you get over the awkward stage of it and just roll with it. Once you get a few dates out of the way you kinda find your stride. Just be honest, true to yourself, and don't be fake. Post flattering pictures, do a interesting bio that reflects you. See where it goes.

I've talked to a few of my friends and they've also suggested online dating. I made a profile with their help and I actually quite like it so far. I've even already found someone I'm interested in messaging, so this will be interesting.

"Not on here often but you can follow my ig"

I went through similar feelings after my first long term relationship had to end and that was the only train of thought that helped me cope with knowing my partner didn't find me attractive anymore and that I had to let go. Obviously, nobody wants to hear shit like this right after it ends because the feelings are still there. I was in a really bad place at the time and hearing things similar to what I said in my post would have helped. Don't take it too seriously and try to adopt a mentality of 'nobody owes me anything'. People on dating apps tend to be quite carefree, and ghosting is quite common too, so avoid any kind of emotional investment early on.

That's what thing I'm worried about due to my lack of experience. I don't want to be too vulnerable. I just want to gain some experience talking to women in a way I'm not used to.

Met a girl online through some friends of mine from school. She seemed like a fun girl and was super nerdy so I wanted to give her some chances with things. I looked past some of her awkwardness because I know she's disabled and not really been with anyone seriously before, although she has by her own work had several boyfriends. So I invited her to this convention I work at but she needed a ride, which I cannot provide since I need to work early in the morning. And halfway through my first shift my phone goes off the hook with messages from people I know from school asking if I'm alright or hurt, something. Turns out when I said I needed to work and that I was going to be socializing and drinking all day long after that she took it to mean that if I didn't reply to her for longer than half an hour I was in mortal danger. So I told her to fuck off with her protectionist overbearing bullshit because we hadn't even met yet. Jesus.