Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

But you're also not committed enough to not kick yourself in the balls the moment you feel a problematic romantic attachment coming up. I'd personally call this 'casual mono'. We're talking committed, long-term, rest of your life kind of mono, the one society's peddling. This is hands down the steepest one-way road towards fucking over a relationship IMO. I know couples that have this mentality and I've really never seen it work. It falls apart when you have to give up control for a while, say long distance or whatever.

Welp, 2nd date went okayyyish. We went a hiking trail and sat on a stump and we took turns taking hits off her dab pen and we just talked random BS. Eventually we got closer and closer and I put my arm around her and she got a little stiff and quiet. Felt the tenseness and pulled my arm back. Rest of the time was fine. We hung out sitting and talking for 2 hours and she she had to go. I dropped her and tried to hug her but she didn't want to hug me.

She did agree to hang out again the weekend after fathers day weekend though.

Just talk about it, ask her why she got so tense and if you didn't cross any boundaries or make her feel uncomfortable. People might look tense, but they could still be enjoying something, it could be just her self defense mechanism against rejection. Best to just talk about it without guessing.

She now told me she only enjoys my company as a friend. This is very relieving and painful all at once.

Nah man, at some point you will meet a person where everything feels far more natural. When my dates went wrong in the past I immediately attributed the issue to myself but sometimes you just don't get along as well. At times you just meet a person where you are not feeling it or where interactions might feel more forced. Once you meet someone who is really cool, all the dating stuff is really enjoyable.

Don't say that. Don't let failure stop you. I spent the first 20 years of my life completely devoid of intimate relationships despite endless failures and rejections. It's cut out for you as long as you yearn it, but you must come to terms with the fact that it will take some time to find the right person.

It's not because I failed with her because I didn't. I was very successful with her. I could of just walked away not knowing and dropped her entirely. It's more about how I am as a person, what I like to do, how I act. I'm positive my future interactions with any other girls are going to be the same despite how they feel. Because I don't know what i'm doing and making moves for me will always feel unnatural and forced and I will scare women off. It's so weird to FEEL like you're really meant to be alone (based on how I am versus other people) and at the same time want love.

That's how it usually is until you meet the right person. For example, I am extremely bad at pickup lines and flirting. I am somehow incredibly smooth with the person I'm dating right now. I'm not sure how, but it just happens. Don't force anything: most relationships feel natural and easy-going. I'm also introverted, so l know what that's like. You probably want to be alone, but you are very happy with one-on-one interactions and intimate kind of things. You can be in a relationship with somebody, don't worry about that.

That's actually something you can learn to get a feel for. Most people have a "bubble", some kind of barrier that makes them uneasy if you get any closer and they're not comfortable with it. How big said bubble is can vary depending on the culture, individual or context (most people will tolerate a shorter separation distance in public transportation, for instance) but when you get to know a person you can gauge it. For instance, if you're facing them, edge a bit closer, and they start moving backwards, it probably means you've breached that barrier. Now, if you're with someone who might appreciate some form of intimacy with you, this barrier may get smaller as they get to know you or disappear entirely. If you notice that you get closer to each other than you would with the average person without signs of discomfort on their part, that could be a hint. For instance, if you're sitting side-by-side and your thighs touch, but she doesn't move them away despite having room to do so, that may be a sign that she doesn't mind such physical contact. From then on you can gradually increase proximity (like putting the arm around, touching her shoulder during conversation, that sorta thing), take it slow, and as long as they don't display signs that they're not comfortable with it (like stiffening, or moving away), you should be good.

Your future interactions are not going to be the same, because the you of today is not the same as you of tomorrow. How you are as a person changes, and obviously you can help it through self-contemplation and conversation (family member, friend, etc.), and realizing that there are always things you can always improve, change, focus or refocus on - and the sooner you accept it, the better. Like some other user, it's a sign of maturity and only a positive thing, and also a sign of courage I guess. It helps you to move on when you have to, and try to at least remain rational and in control despite any strong feelings you may have. And as cliche as it may sound, just be yourself still, and always keep your mind open, to learn and understand more, as it helps when meeting new people and settling with them (i.e. for a date, or for life)

This thread and Sex, Girlfriends, and Shit really got me through some stuff over the years. I'm a much happier and confident person now because of it. I know the vast majority of the old poster here are long gone but for those left, thanks a lot. This thread will always hold a special place in my heart. Love you guys. <3

FYI if you're moving to Knockout I made a thread there: https://knockout.chat/thread/572/1

It's been a pleasure Take care of yourselves friends.

I wouldn’t be surprised if these threads are the reason I was able to actually get girls to date me , helped me more than real life friends did during that awkward phase of my younger life

It's certainly help me put some pieces together with the people I know and be able to cope with having to either rekindle some friendships, work out some complicated relationships, and know when to fold them. Might be back on the dating scene soon, and in case anyone will miss my 'cringe' friendships, I'll still be on the Knockout forum if anyone is still there. Take care fellas, and for the love of god no dick pics on the first date.

Facepunch and this thread in particular, is probably a big reason why I did not grow to become a jordan peterson miming incel. See y'all on the other side

I was more of a lurker here but I can definitely say what I saw as you guys helped each other helped me a great deal too. Thank you all, I'm sure I'm a better person now because of these threads,

maybe the real change was the friends we made along the way

I'll miss you all!

https://knockout.chat/thread/572/1 Just come over!