Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

Well, don't get into something you're not comfortable with. Otherwise, have fun.

Fucking funnily enough my older brother just texted out of nowhere saying hes going to hand me down his Tahoe (which is close fucking enough to a truck). And I never mentioned to anyone that I wanted a truck (although I've been saving up). We'll see how that goes. This girl might be a fucking fortune teller: we'll only know til that other part is fulfilled.

I am - or at least was - in the same exact boat. I also "love" myself, I'm pretty proud and happy for my current situation in life and feel pretty OK about myself in general, but sex man.. Let's just say that sex has been the single biggest stress-sources for me, where I've failed sessions and where I've had some really good sessions. You just have to do it more and get better at it, I guess. For me, where I lost my virginity literally like 2 years ago btw., it has been such a fucking learning experience that I don't know whether to cry or laugh about it. Starting from the most embarrassing u-tryed-attempts that leaves a scar in your soul, all the way to some pretty crazy shit where me and my partner genuinely felt really good, and I've gotten positive feedback too.... YET, I always feel insecure, and always thinking about not being good enough, and other times I feel like something of a semi-god. I'm sure you can find somebody like that who's willing to deal with you, and it shouldn't be about dealing with your "shit" but rather, to say it nicely, you want somebody who appreciates and also needs patience themselves - I do too. It's been about 4 weeks since my break-up, she was quite special and I still want to be with her for life, but fuck it. To deal with my break up in the healthiest way, I found a really crazy girl on Tinder. I told her that if she can make me cum with her mouth then I'll love her forever - then she blew me 4 times inside 12 hours, basically on our 1st date. I don't love her though, this is pretty close to love-on-first-sight I think.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, or really have any kind of reference point about how to talk about it. Becauase I suppose it's a weird one for this thread. I felt like I had some clarity on this, but having actually written out this post I found this impossible to describe in a way that feels not completely incoherent and doesn't make no sense so uhh here's my least bad failed attempt: My friends fucking suck. Like they're those long term forever friends who I once had a really deep connection with, and we're all only 20ish now but it's just completely dead. Our friendship has just devolved into meeting up every Saturday, playing smash and watching anime. The majority of the group don't work or are part timers, but it's only ever Saturday, and a suggestion of another day will draw actual offense. I know for a fact that other days are spent doing absolutely nothing, because they will fucking tell me that next time we meet up on Saturday. One friend, when I'm spending time with him will just sit there on his phone silently talking about anime girls on Discord literally permenantly. He'll take upwards of a minute to even respond to you sometimes even after multiple prompts. I don't really feel like this is something I can solve and I'm not really sure how it became this way. I've actually bought this up more than once very gently and non-commitally but they get very angry at me. My closest friends seem to have just devolved into people that I meet up with once a week (no more, no less) and watch anime in the same room as and then maybe play some games with. We don't talk, I don't expect them to be there for me, and we'd never spontaneously do anything, unless it was on a Saturday after 1 and before 9 and that spontaneous thing was anime and smash. It sounds so weird but I'm really trying to illustrate that we aren't close, we don't talk to each other, and I no longer expect any actual friendship from them or them from me. These are hardly friends to me now, they're just people I see once a week, I couldn't imagine actually talking to them about anything. It's just like clockwork we'll always be there in the same room at a specified time and place. I suppose that's more than enough for some people, and more than some people have right now, but I just feel so frustrated and lonely. Like the friendship has died and all that's left is the body. The question is obviously, well what more do you want? And I guess it's not easy to describe? Just more than this? I mean, I've had more than this from them in the past, why should just the passage of time change that? I think practically them changing hanging out to whenever people are around and feel like it would go a long way. I feel like there's a lot more to it than how I'm writing it, but just describing this is weirdly difficult for me, like somehow getting the words out in a manner that makes any sense is just really hard for some reason. I'm beginning to feel really alone, like I have no friends at all. Not only do I have no friends at all, but I'm kind of taunted by my old friends still being there. The question I guess is, how do I make new friends, or repair whatever is going on with my old ones? I try to reach out to them, but all I get back is unwillingness. Does any of this make any sense? It still feels like I'm completely failing to describe how I feel.

Seems to me like that circle of friends is happy with being asocial and just sitting around. It's possible that they have closer friends or partners that provide deeper and more emotional interactions, but it's also possible they just don't need that at all. Some people are highly introverted and don't really need that either, that's perfectly understandable too tbh. You don't need to 'fix' anything, per se. If they don't want want to be spontaneous and prefer gaming, just deal with the fact that these friends are going to be your 'Saturday lazy gaming buddies' (god I wish I had friends like that tbh), and then proceed to look for another social circle with more social and spontaneous people. There are a few ways you can go about this 1) Recall people you've had previous interactions with from school, uni, college, work, or anywhere else that you think are alright and have potential for being nice friends with you. Take a bit of initiative and see if they're willing to hang out more with you. 2) If there is a social environment in which you feel comfortable (places you go to for hobby-related stuff), it should be piss easy to strike up conversation with random strangers. That could potentially lead to great new friendships. 3) Worst case? Dating apps or other social media crap. Social groups are an easy way to meet new people, you might eventually land on a Discord or something talking to a fairly decent group of people. I wouldn't recommend this, but this has happened to me and it was awesome.

Fucking recurrent intrusive thoughts of having somehow fucked up friendships and people who enjoyed my company now just do that out of inertia. I have to get it checked up.

My girlfriend told me she loved me this morning. This is the first time anyone's ever told me that. I responded that I wasn't quite there yet, and didn't want to say it if I didn't quite yet mean it, which she understood. How do you know you love someone? I've never been in love before.

You'll know when you get there. Love is hard to describe tbh. If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say it's a combination of feeling safe, spiritually and emotionally happy with your partner. You did the right thing.

Sometimes you only realize it after you've lost them. You did the right thing though. Just think of it, think about the times you've had, and how you would generally "rate" the time you've been together and if you could see being with her for life. It's a beautiful thing though, to find somebody to truly care about, and to find someone who truly cares about you. Do you care about her? Think about it, though. I don't know what else to say.

Think this relationship with a good friend of mine is over. Though I won't put all the blame on her she really did force me out. She was in college and was a lot closer to me there then when she is at home for break, so naturally I ask if I can come over, but she always says she can't because she is busy with school. Okay fine. Then she rarely texts me too, but has the time to post on Snapchat and Instagram. Naturally this got me a bit mad and I confronted her about it. She doesn't know why I was getting mad and upset because I felt like she was intentionally ignoring me despite her claims otherwise. This cycle basically kept on going for weeks and months. We would be on and off. I got tired of her just not talking to me and again she claims that even tho I rarely get texts I'm the person she texts the most. I'm not trying to be in a relationship with her, she doesn't want one and that's fine I just want to be good friends like we were for years prior. But the amount of ignoring for days I would get would put me over the edge, especially since I really have no one else to talk to. I kept asking if she was free and the answer would always be the same, and again she wondered why I got upset. I removed her from Snapchat and Instagram because I thought it would be better for my mental health to not obssess over her, and to get my mind better on track. I think this is the reason why she hasn't texted me for a few weeks now despite me explaining my situation. I really don't know what to do now. She hasn't texted in a few weeks now and I feel empty. I just can't believe she has the audacity to get mad at me when she has been playing games with me for almost a year and I was a sucker for putting up with it.

So I don't want to have to completely block my ex on all social media, but she keeps looking at my stories which leads me to looking at hers and unsurprisingly I feel hurt at the result. Within just over a month after our breakup she is with a new guy, two months already on road trips with him(she is big on traveling) and 3 months she is head over heels for him. Naturally, I turned into an emotional roller coaster and have been going out by myself to get my mind off things. I've been going to concerts to see some of my favorite bands play, went to the gym for the first time in a while and threw up as I was leaving and trying to improve myself overall. Over the past few months I was able to do a lot of thinking as well. Is she one of those people who need a relationship to be happy, and cannot be happy on her own? Or did she really love me at all and just wanted me around to keep her happy? I started dating her sometime after she had become slightly overweight due an ex before me and had a terrible time dating guys who used her-- two years later just months before we broke up she went on a weight loss diet and workout routine and I assume other men started noticing her. Ironically at the start, I was unsure of continuing dating her because I was undecided about my future and she called me up hysterical and crying, and now at the end when we broke up over the phone she was completely calm, composed and I was the wreck. The only reason I don't block her right this second is because I want to know when their one year anniversary is so I can know if she "overlapped" me and I can kill off these leftover feelings for good so I don't end up rebounding the next girl after her.

I think this coming year is the year I pull my shit together, get a car, then start dating. I realized I’m not getting any younger (27 years old ho boy), so it’s time I stop moping around. That said, I’ve never actually used a dating service before, so any ideas where I should start?

I'm probably not in the best frame of mind to say this, but if you're not rich and really good looking, you're probably fucked. Every single major dating app was bought out by match.com and turned into a clone of tinder - aka they're now all pay-2-win scams that solely benefit the cream of the crop. (I might have had a minor emotional breakdown today because I realized the dating app I signed up for won't even let any girl I message know I like them unless they happen to randomly like me out of every single other person on the site. And since most people are browsing on mobile, likes are done as snap decisions on the basis of how hot you look in your photograph. It's no wonder everyone told the site to fuck off in the comments section of the announcement that they were turning it into a clone of tinder - it used to actually be good, but it was fucked over in the name of greed.)

I dropped it because I randomly found someone irl, but OkCupid was surprisingly decent

I've deleted so many times the algorithm doesn't even give me matches anymore.

Not over here, nobody uses it. I guess it's mostly used by the Anglosphere.

Also, they fucked it up last year. It's basically tinder now. You swipe left or right based on how hot you think their photo is, and you have to pay money just for basic features like seeing who likes you.

Wasn't there a Facebook dating app in the works? Curious about what will turn up. I don't really like FB but it would probably be for the best if they introduced a little bit of competition.

can't wait to see how facebook turns that into another private data abuse nightmare

Plenty of Fish is what got me with my ex back in 2016 and it was okay-ish at the time, but now it just feels like a steaming pile of shit. OkCupid isn't perfect but I would say it's a little better than what I used before.

That's because Plenty of Fish got bought out by Match.com too. Match.com are vulture capitalists who are willing to sink the entire ship of online dating just so they can profit off of rich, good looking whales. And also, given that I'm not the most photogenic person in the world (and every single camera in our house is shit), OkCupid is worthless to me now. Two years ago it was the site for people who wanted to date based on more than surface level attraction, but now the whole thing is designed to actively discourage people from so much as reading past the first sentence of your profile. Their entire business model, like tinder's, is now built around propping up the richest and most good looking people in the country at the expense of anyone who isn't a 10 and well off.

Ever got that sinking feeling when you wanted to ask some great person out only to be very late into making any moves? Well I just got that, and boy does it hurt and feels like it's going to linger for a while. Any remedies?

Keep looking, there are more out there. Only this time don't wait as long. On my end, I found out that being in a relationship with a bipolar girl was a bigger mental stress than I thought. I had to quit it once she began telling me that she wanted to be fwb and that she cant cant commit right now but still cares a lot about me. I cant be friends with an ex, I simply can't even with sex. Anyways, I really feel refreshed and am starting to enjoy games and such again.

Any advice on actually making a move? I try to start small talk about some detail I notice so I don't end up forcing a conversation.

Just ask her out. That's all you really need to do for somebody to know that you are interested.

So I got a good one for you guys, or I am at least feeling like my hands are tied personally. So an acquaintance from a previous job me and my fiance had worked at who we kept in touch with got the rug ripped out from under him on staying at this person's place. Already red flags are up for me but my gf is way more naive and bites asking if he needs a place to stay. At that point I know I am stuck because I can't just interject and be like "no fuck you, go live on the streets" so I agree and offer him a place to stay at the drop of a hat. So we talk and decide the best option would be for him to not pay rent or bills and exclusively save, I feel uneasy about this but the guy kept the job longer than I did so I hoped he would be decent and trustworthy. 6 months later guy has no saved a dime, paid off legal fees he incurred before he moved in with us while living rent/bill free, did not tell us this until we asked, bought an xbox one saying it was a 360 and got Live plus that stupid fucking monthly subscription to play any games you want, lied to us about three separate things that were easily followed up on, doesnt do any chores, only works 20 hours a week and said he was thinking of finding a new job. So why don't we kick him out you ask? Well I warned my dearest that by inviting a person into your home you open up to them all your personal shit and now he knows we have two dogs and a rabbit when the pet deposit is for one animal. He also knows I smoke weed which is against lease rules even if I do it very discreetly to the point that I have been here 2 years without issue from any other resident. He also made himself a copy of the key, and now she is paranoid if we try to get him to leave he will rat us out and fuck us over as well. The lease is up in May so she wants to just wait it out until then but he has been intentionally causing problems like moving things, for example he will turn off all the lights downstairs even though half of us work overnight and put stools in the middle of the living room so you trip over them. Like what the fuck ever happened to not fucking someone over for extreme generosity?? Anyways the guy is much smaller and older (HES 30!!!!) so I could kick his ass but of course this just fucks me over, so now she wanted us to sit with our hands tied for another 6 months. Naturally I said fuck that and laid this all out to him about how he had broken our trust and taken advantage of us and he tried to argue back like holy shit. But it boiled down to me telling him he has to move out BUT we would help him move into a half-way house. Issue is upon doing research most of them have updated to helping people with addiction so idk if he would go or if he would even be accepted AND on top of it my fiance is paranoid he is going to either let our two dogs we love to death out, trash our place or simply call our landlord and fuck us over. So what would your advice be to do now on this long sad fucking journey? He left for a week and half until yesterday with no warning to go stay at the hilton hotel in San Antonio because "his friends father died". Which of course idk is fucking true or not since he compulsively lies but while he was gone it was so fucking calm and peaceful i had forgot what no general tension/anxiety in the house had felt like. So now he knows hes being moved somewhere but now I am seeing that these halfway houses might not take him and now am currently debating my next move on handling him. I sent one of the halfway homes an email but that I have to sleep on until they open tomorrow and see it, if they even do. But yea general advice on either how to get him out fairly where he hopefully wont fuck us over or a way to deal with him for the remaining 6 months (i really cant even stand the thought)and honestly my fiance has been saying he creeps her out and she has been locking her bedroom door now but those locks just require a long fingernail to get into so now I am sitting here thinking "ok I can easily trash him but I can't without provocation and i don't want provocation because it would mean something I care about is hurt or gone". My fiance has also realized she was too trusting and has apologized over and over about it, but we're still stuck in this crappy situation. Sorry for word wall just absolutely frustrating as I already know there isn't much to be done and this is more of a vent than anything, though advice will be appreciated.

Honestly? Kick him out and get the landlord to change the locks and not to let this guy on the property. Tell the guy that you're calling the police if he tries to come back. I get that you're worried about the drug thing but I doubt your landlord would take him seriously after warning him about this guy. Depending on where you live a landlord may not legally be able to search without at least giving notice. Beyond that, I definitely understand why safety is a concern. For that reason, I would also consider moving elsewhere once the lease is up in May. If you're extra concerned about that part, you could talk to the landlord about getting out of your lease early for that reason. If they own other properties, they may be willing to work something out to where you can move into another one.

You have no reason to worry about the weed. The police don't investigate every call they get for weed, that would be a huge waste of resources. Even if they did, you'd get a knock on the door that you can legally ignore. No judge worth a shit would approve a warrant for that unless you had bricks of weed laying in your front yard.

The landlord might be of a different opinion. You never know.

So I have a friend that I chat with and play games, but I feel like I'm always the one initiating. I don't think one of those situations where they're uninterested- that is to say we usually have some good chats and we have a fun time when playing games. When we're together in person it feels natural, but across texts or discord messages I'm the one that always kicks it off. I don't think I'm being clingy or obsessive, I don't message her that often. Even though it doesn't seem to bother her, it makes me feel... annoying. Am I looking into it too much?