Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

Most likely, yes. If that person willingly spends time with you without flaking or being dismissive/distant, there's nothing wrong with being the initiator. As long as you feel good doing anything with that person, I wouldn't place so much meaning behind the circumstances that lead to your interactions.

I consider myself mostly straight but sometimes I really want to jump on Grindr for a bit of temporary companionship. Unfortunately, I'm deathly scared of HIV and most dudes on there seem to have one glaringly fucking wrong thing with their appearance.

Change the locks on the door. You'll probably get shit from the leaser, I don't know, but you are better safe than sorry imo. Especially with the dogs, I wouldn't risk some chuckle fuck letting them out since he sounds like the type of person to forget the fact he has a spare key and would be a prime suspect.

Best dating app other than tinder? Pof or Okc?

again, Okc, in my area (small-town North-east US) was surprisingly good. I only used it for a week (I found someone IRL by chance) but okc made me feel like I actually had some sporting chance instead of being completely ignored like tinder bumble. I actually managed to get a few matches in those first few days, and I am pretty average looking.

PoF is a jumble of an app, but you'll be able to message without and delay (providing they actually want to talk to you.) OKC has to have both sides like before any messages can be seen, so if you like them and write out a thoughtful message chances are unless you pay they wont see it or completely ignore it. Both are terrible in their own retrospect though.

I feel like I'm just getting worse and worse when it comes to talking... at all. I've been trying to put myself in new situations for practise or comfortable ones to at least get my morale up, but I never know what to say or I feel like anything I say is boring and unfunny. Recently I've had a 1-on-1 conversation with a very good friend, played TF2 with a friend and someone new, went for groceries with 3 roommates, gamed on discord with old friends and new people, and even streamed by myself, chatting to the dozen very nice people in chat, but I haven't felt comfortable in any of them. I don't think it's that my introverted brain is overloaded like usual, since this is after a good few days of relaxing time by myself. Maybe just out of practise? Should I keep forcing myself to talk?

I wouldn't say force but practice is a must. If you find someone you like (as friends or otherwise), I would tell them early on that you are introverted so they know not to push too hard. As for yourself, yeah its really just practice. Just don't excert yourself to the point that you start disliking what you are doing

Talking should come naturally, don't force yourself to do it or you might say something you will regret. There's nothing wrong with being a little shy and the person who doesn't initiate conversations. Just make it seem like your interested and not half focused on something else and you will get there

Lately I've been dying to experience any sort of romantic interaction, but I'm most likely going to move out of state in a bit over a year. I'm really worried to try dating apps or anything to hook up with someone because I really don't wanna end up meeting someone great and then have to choose between moving out or love. But I'm very depressed and lonely and an entire year to wait to even start to try dating sounds horrible. What do I do?

Not sure if there's a good way to avoid that. Try dating somebody that you know for certain is going to leave after around a year as well. You'll be heartbroken as fuck if still attached, but you'll at least know it will be over for sure.

Which is why I don't want to even try dating until I've moved. But until then, fuck am I going to feel depressed. I guess I just have to be very patient.

What you should do is focus on yourself, depression due to a lack of love is incorrect you have depression due to a lack of social fulfillment which can include dating. People forget there are many different kinds of love and the one you seek doesn't and honestly shouldn't be romantic. Expecting a relationship to fix your depression sets so many problems up in the future such as putting the burden on that person to be your "medicine" and also sets up a feeling of being trapped for both that person and you. If you cannot be independently happy and fulfilled on your own you should look at ways to do that, such as finding hobbies and things to occupy your time that are PRODUCTIVE. For example practicing art, exercising regularly (games, sports, running etc) and depending on how extroverted you are going out with friends made doing these activities you enjoy will all give you a sense of self value and will move you away from that mindset that you need to be in a relationship to be "functional and whole".

The thing is I've done that. I've stregnthened relations with really good friends who I would die for and they'd die for me, I've been to therapy to fix a lot of my broken self, I have several hobbies I enjoy and find fulfilling, I lost over 30 pounds last year and will continue to exercise and work to lose more. I already tried to rush into a relationship earlier last year and she turned out to be abusive and awful. I took a break from even wanting anything romantic for about a year or so after that. I'm not looking to find some dream girl and be lovers within a month. I just am trying to figure out what time would be right to start to try out dating.

Someone talked about never sticking it in a crazy, and I may have done that. Actually I didn't stick it in, but we fucked/played around for sure. I'm disappointed I didn't fuck her all night, as I could have, but she was kinda hard to work with, and I kinda lost my excitement. So we just chilled out, and played around. She a ex-rape victim (at ages 14 and 20), and used to be a pretty HC drug user too apparently, mostly speed and partying. But not anymore. We hit it off pretty great though, but she went home at like 3AM from my place, and she said she wants to meet me again ASAP and said I was really nice, which felt nice I guess. Still disappointed about me-not-fucking-her, but oh well. Pretty OK first date I guess. However, when she left my place at 3AM, she talked with some guy on the phone. I didn't really care though, as she isn't a loss for me. I could work with my other matches, if only this Tinder shit wasn't so exhausting on my brain, plus I think I'm developing a flu right now. Anyway, she said it's some guy who has a GF anyway, and they have fucked about 10 years ago last time. She said the guy is just her best friend, but I don't really know what to think of her.. They supposedly met at 3AM to either talk, walk or drive her home, even though she lives very nearby??? Unmatch?

I mean if you can “work with your other matches” I don’t really think you have a license to take it personally that she talks to some guy. I mean she might have issues, but you’re one month out of a relationship or something, so maybe you should chill for a bit.

You're totally right, but it's been pretty fun too. I wanted to try it and I guess it worked out okay. I tend to take it seriously, in the sense that it still takes efforts (at least for me) to meet up and so on, but it is fun AND addictive as fuck. Typing and trying to keep up some more or less active but easy-going conversation with like 5 people or more at once is just.. not very chill. Always told myself that I wouldn't want to put energy into so many people at once, and in the beginning I didn't, yet here I am doing just that and it doesn't serve me very well.

Yeah I never talked with more than one match at a time. Multitasking's not very convenient when it comes to keeping invested in conversations.

Got a date this upcoming Sat. Pretty hyped - going Bowling followed by some drinks. We met on the Friday but were both a bit tipsy so it'll be nice to actually talk proper. We've been WhatsApping most of the weekend so I'm taking that as a good start (though text chat is hard aaaah). Quite cute too. Not useful info lol I just wanted to post this somewhere.

I find myself in this weird cross roads and it has me stumped because I just can't understand it. I am at a point in my life where I want a relationship but I also don't want one. Has anyone else ever experienced this?

Sounds like you're lonely, bud.

because you don't have one you start accepting other possibilities

Sounds like you just need to be with somebody that nudges you towards the 'I want a relationship' bit.

I've been nudging to ask this girl out finally but not as a proper date yet (still a bit nervous) after her first week at a new job. She decided to call me and said she will be hanging with a friend we both know and chat a lot with at a restaurant. She was wondering if it'd be alright if the three of us hung out and I said sure and said she'll call back when he's ok with it. Just a simple hang out nothing too serious. Sometime later she calls me back and says that it'd be cool, but she tells me that he told her that he "hardly knows me to hang with". Ok what the hell? This dude who I've been chatting with and going to events for months now, shared a hotel for a big event, and just up and tells her that he hardly knows me enough for me to come. Am I being paranoid, or did a guy just throw me under the bus? I should talk to him about it, but he's a childhood friend of a great friend of mine and I don't want to think I'm being hard on him for apparently dissing me.

Isn't the point of "hanging out" to getting to know others? Unless there is a specific reason, I would try to look a bit deeper. Is it possible he feels something for this girl and is trying to keep you far?

I've had advice from my folks that talks like these exist. Its when people just want one on one time without having to worry about doing things in groups. It's like "hey let's just meet up at this nice place to chat without having to invite everyone we know! We can get to talk about our lives and share advice without having all our friends here." I was more than likely to agree with them, but This has been in the back of my mind ever since he told her he hardly knew me to meet up. Even SHE thought it was strange. If more happens, I'm going to refer him to "K" and confront my friend about this tomorrow after a festival before I get to K so I dont sound like a paranoid clingy asshole.

Same. Kicked in a couple of weeks ago. I like it, actually. Gives me the opportunity to make myself the kind of person people want to date, without being obsessed with short term gains.

Dinner date!! Yeah baby!!

I have a 6 hour exam in 3 hours and I literally can't ever sleep more than 4-5 hours before an exam. They never go bad, and when they start I'm literally not nervous at all anymore, but fuck me exams are a bunch of bullshit.

So some back information on me at the moment : Been on and off dating casually, meeting people, and talking to people. I'm kinda out there just looking for someone who really works well with me and going from there. I met one chick who I really liked and the feeling was mutual between us, however she is extremely career driven and doesn't have much off time. So that kinda lead us to slowly distancing ourselves from one another. Our schedules and goals kinda conflicted with other in terms of time availability. Totally understand and have no hard feelings, wish things worked out though. Now that was some time ago (few months maybe 3-4 months ago), recently I've connect with another chick. She is mid 20's, has a child (which normally is a dealbreaker for me) but I decided to entertain the idea because I thought about it and could be possibly missing out on a great person because of my mentality. We've only been talking for less then a week, I've been getting strong signals from her, I liked talking to her so far, and think she is a cute chick. However, something happened the other day which kinda bothered me and wanted your guys opinions. Maybe I'm overthinking shit or overreacting a bit, but I wanted to use you guys a soundboard. So after talking less than a week, a conversation ended up and she asked me for money and did say she would pay me back. This raised my suspicions and kinda pissed me off, I didn't react as such and basically "said no I can't, sorry." About an hour later I got a response back and she said she basically figured out her situation. Later on she asked me why I refused to give her money. I explained that it is nothing personal and that I do not give money to people I've just started talking to and have not even met. She kinda made it about herself, I explained my position and how I do stuff (Background info on me: I don't even lend money to my closest friends but they also never ask). She said she understood my position on the matter. I asked her why she asked me, she made a comment about thinking I was a good person and she thought we were getting along and basically said she was looking for help in the wrong place amongst some other comments. I told her I was taken back by the comment and didn't really know how to take that. I asked her did she want to continue talking or not. She said yes, but said some stuff about being disappointed in the result and kinda went on a spiel about problems and people standing with you. She said she wants someone who is totally open and is committed. I said I get that and that could come with time. We're still talking, but the whole thing kinda perturbed me and pissed me off. I kinda feel as if there is an unfair expectation on me and maybe she is getting a little attached quickly. Maybe she knows what she wants and I cannot provide that. I'm very slow when it comes to developing stuff and I absolutely do not like just diving into things anymore simply because they've blown up spectacularly for me and dealt with some pretty awful fucking people that way. What do you guys think?