Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

@Navarchus How come this single asshole in your circle of friends isn't the one getting thrown out? I believe you shouldn't leave it at that. Is this friend someone that the others are OK with, or what's going on? Friends are important to have, and you shouldn't abandon them if the other people are good people, and find you a good friend too. If it's all the same to you, since you're already cutting contact with them, you could be saying these same things to them, about how you feel, and see what happens. Sounds like a shitty situation though man. And don't take me for a #1 best advice giver around here because I am not, but I know that friends are important to have, and bravery and saying things as how they really are, like bringing up these issues that the others may not be willing to talk about, is something that will not go unnoticed. I would respect that.

Honestly think I should go to art museums more. Will probably find more people my speed.

Do people actually use art museums to meet people? Like why not join an art club or something?

I mean being there already shows you have a common interest with the people around you. I saw a lot of cute girls and quite a few of them were giving me looks. At one point I was sitting on a bench looking around and a girl sat next me (maybe expecting me to initiate conversation) but I was too shy and uncomfortable to say anything. Again, I only speak of that experience as observation compared to me being in any other place. It felt different than usually: in a good way. I feel like I have a lot more confidence and plus I love talking about and looking at art so it should hopefully work.

They've been around longer, they often offer to pay for things, they're often able to host if we're playing games, I'm really the only one being talked down to & called names so I feel like I'm just starting up drama if I bother confronting them about it. I left because I feel better not being around them. Got fed up with it over time so I'm really not into the idea of having to talk to this person again even if it meant rejoining.

do what you gotta do for your own well being, dog

My Ex randomly contacted me after ~18 days of no contact trying to "catch up" on how things have been. Politely reminded her that no contact was her decision and I respected that. Asked her to stop messaging me, so she blew up and said that she obviously meant nothing to me if I was willing to write her off. Probably going to change my phone number at this point.

Can't you just block her number

I can block her messages but can't block any phone calls. And knowing her she'll call me when her messages go unanswered for a period of time. Best to just change the number.

May as well get ahead of the game. I didn't think my ex would bother me after things ended. Things were extremely bad between us (I wasn't the best to be fair, but she also took toxicity to a whole new level). She would send messages out of nowhere asking me how I was, when I would ignore the messages I would get another that said "ok fine." Then on dates of former significance or on valentines day she would try to message and say "happy valentines day *Insert some dumb kiss emoji*" I ended up blocking her number on my phone and blacklisting it with my carrier. The whole thing really bugged the shit out of me, I also thought the the fuck would someone who I was dating think if they seen that shit pop up on my phone. Some people just don't get it and are really selfish about things. If you know you're not going to speak with her I would do what you are saying, at least that way you make good break.

Take my advice https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oo0d1zTAFKA

Sorry to hear about that, but I wish to ask generally: how can you not block her from calling? Is that a thing with certain U.S. cellphone-service providers or "carriers"? I can at least block anyone number from calling me, plus blocking them separately on WhatsApp/Telegram if I so wish. However, at least here, you can bypass block by using unknown ID when calling, but one shouldn't be calling people who's blocked them, but it might be useful in emergencies. Repeatedly calling someone with unknown ID or otherwise attempting contact with them might lead to serious legal trouble for sure. Additionally, you may block yourself from receiving any unknown ID callers (at least on my phone and operator), but this is also not something you should do, as it might be an emergency call.

The most I can do is route all of her calls to voicemail. My carrier won't block numbers. This also won't stop her from calling using another phone or online calling service. Best to just change the number to avoid any further contact.

Changing your number will give you extra hassle. Like explaining to your contacts your number has changed, and possibly changing the number on a lot of apps and services that use your old phone number.

https://youtu.be/qDi4-9FhTi8

So I went out on the date with her today but because of shite weather we didnt go to the musical which was an hour drive away to begin with and we just went to dinner at this little pizza place in her town. I thought it went alright, we talked about stuff, work, family, hobbies etc and then after we were done I took her back home and she said thank you and she had a good time. But the thing is that she said she just got out of a relationship and would have to think it over and this just made me feel like utter shit. Am I too worried or what? Help me out Facepunch Love gurus

There's this chick who's got the hots for me, like she wouldn't mind being my gf We met 3 weeks ago. Her dad and ex beat her and the last also raped her. Apparently she reads the future in tarot cards and can see spirits and people's auras. Oh and she's 5 years younger than me, and I'm just about 21 Just want to know statistically the amount of people, besides myself, who will tell me to GTFO, y'know for giggles, lest this stay all dramatic

If she got out, you may be a rebound and thats not really a good thing. Don't blame yourself over it though.

This reads like satire. Are you for real?

First off, obviously no because age difference but people have weird support structures sometimes dude, doesn't mean she's delusional. Also basically every single girl around that age to like 25 that spend time on the internet are hella into all that sorta divination stuff, I've been with people as "damaged" as you're implying this person is without that many issues beyond needing to secure trust and occasionally having to handle freakouts. just feels fucked up of you to see someone's emotional baggage as some joke to share with us.

https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/224422/1e9ee9b3-6391-4088-9961-ef217e0d99ca/wtf am i reading.jpg c'mon dude, why are you even bringing this up?

My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. It was single sided, she din't feel the romantic love for me anymore, but still loves me as a friend (Worst line a guy wants to hear...) and was deeply sorry what she was about to put me trough. I love her of all my heart, and was about to ask her to move in with me (We took things nice and slow, but that might have been a mistake in hindsight) but never got the chance before she... well yeah.. I did mention it to her, which did made her sad, but she had made up her mind, and i cant fault her for that. She needs to do what she feel is best for her. She really wants to stay as friends, so do i, but i'm crushed. I barely function on a day to day basic. I do go to work, put on a fake smile and tries to work through it. But it hurts.. it hurts so much... I don't eat... i don't sleep... i can't.. Hell... One of my favorite games (RE2) just released and i haven't touched it. I do talk to friends (the few i have) and work colleagues (the one that are close to me), and they try to help whatever way they can, but... We both agreed we would keep the contact to a minimum for the time being, I need time to heal.. I plan on maybe just message her in the end of February if she don't try first. But i have this empty hole in my chest... and i want to talk to her so much... I of course hope we could rekindle something in the future, i don't count on it or anything, but if one can't hope, what can i do.. I know, whatever people say it won't "help". It won't magically make everything better. But it's nice to just write it out..

I know. If you can read Italian I have like a short novel worth of this shit she also knows kids like her who are in prison for murder. and all I'm thinking is "how is this even a real person"

For what it's worth, she's being honest with you. She could have just not told you anything but chose to take responsibility. She's treating you with at least some respect, so you should do the same.

Sounds like she is trying to date just to get over whatever relationship she was in, it is hard to say without really knowing the person. Most people don't have to think things over, it is generally they like you or they don't like you. Honestly, you don't want to get into a relationship with someone who still has feelings for another person and doesn't know what they want for themselves. Uh, no. Just no. Major age difference, you're dealing with a teenager who clearly has some underlying issues going on. You already know this and I don't think anyone here is going to greenlight it and say "yeah bro good idea". It's a terrible idea. Its gonna hurt for a little while. Eventually it gets better and you start to find yourself again. Just don't let yourself sit in that hole for to long. Also if I was to make an suggestion to you, I would refrain from any contact with her. Being friends for the sake of being friends while it hurts you isn't worth it. Sometimes you have to just set that fineline and cut things off. It is better for you to feel better about the situation and everything. Once that happens maybe get back out there and see if you can find someone else you click with, but don't do that until you are truly better about things. The breakup will always be a touchy subject, but you will feel better with time. You just have to work through the initial fallout.

I can feel you. All too well. For me, it wasn't two years of a relationship, but one year. And it was enough to realize that I loved the bitch. As hard as it is, there is little you can do to change her feelings. FOR NOW, all you can do, and the only thing you can do, is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. What does "Taking care of yourself" mean? It means, chill out, chill out with your friends, eat well, just do the basic chores and shit, and HAVE FUN. What do I mean by "FUN"? I don't mean you should rush into fucking around with other women and instant hook-ups, but you can do that too if you want. Point is, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, and HAVE FUN. Occupy your mind with things other than your NOW EX-girlfriend. If you want to entertain the idea of getting back together with her later, then that's fine, but you STILL have to take care of yourself first, have fun doing whatever it is you do, with your friends and otherwise. SO, for now, indeed you have to cut contact with her and forget about her for a while - you may as well accept that you will never get back together again. Do not text her, like her on Tinder, or like her posts on social media, no contact at all. Cry as hard you want (if you haven't already) and just take care of yourself. I cannot put enough emphasis on that. Hopefully by the end of the month, or two months, you are feeling better and may have even forgotten about her for the most part. And maybe you don't want to get back together after all, because you're kinda having fun with some new girl in two months. Maybe, it's hard to predict the future, you know? Getting back together with an ex usually follows after she's starting to miss you and think about you, and even getting jealous over you. How can you make her feel this way? By forgetting about her, and focusing on YOURSELF by having FUN and taking care of yourself, and let her notice this, if possible. Disclaimer: I'm no expert. If you - or anyone - feels like there is something to correct or criticize me for, then go ahead and do that. I just wanted to give you a quick insight on what is important: TAKE CARE OF URSELF AND HAVE FUN OK -

You should cut all ties tbh. It sounds like you were really attached. You will have trouble moving on if you stay friends. If you really want to just stay as friends, you should get back in touch once you're dating somebody else.

going through basically the exact same thing right now except a bit more complicated. she broke things off back in june of last year, crushed me and didn't see her at all over the summer as she was working far away. we both came back to uni in late august and drifted between being distant and really close until she finally decided to give things another try mid-october. things went well for a couple months and i was so fucking happy to have her back, but towards the end of december before we went on winter break i could sense she was becoming more distant again. she barely spoke to me over break and it was all the same signs as before but i tried to chalk it up to just her being busy and needing some alone time. anyways we came back to college about 4 weeks ago now and she was just so cold to me most of the time. didn't want to stay over my place even on weekends, and just generally was weird around me but then she'd turn around and be super happy and talkative around our friends. fast forward to 3 weeks ago i got pretty drunk the first weekend back and kind of had a breakdown about it all and the next day we spoke a lot about everything, with her basically saying that she thinks it might have been a mistake to get back together and that she has been on the fence constantly for the past year on and off. weekend after she breaks it off again guess this wasn't really a helpful type of post but i can say that im going through a very similar thing right now and it's absolutely wrecking me. ive been isolating myself from everyone a lot and that's definitely not right but it's all i feel like i can do right now. holding on to that sliver of hope of getting back together got me through the summer but it was totally unhealthy in helping me move on. I still haven't even begun to move on of course but i dont want you to hold on to that to get you through the day and think that's okay. im personally in the opinion that it might have done more harm than good to get back with her in the end even though i was probably the happiest ive been in a long long time the night we got back together I've been trying to push myself out more and meet new people just to clear my head and it's been helpful. I've been going out to bars a lot more often now with some friends i dont see as much and generally just giving myself a lot of space from her even if she comes to my place to see my housemates. remember that just because she is okay with being friends afterwards doesnt mean you have to. it kills me to have her become such a minimal part of my life and i want nothing more than to be around her all the time still but it doesn't help me one bit and i might have to come to terms with the fact that we might never be good friends again

She's 16 you FOOL

As someone who was on the other side of that fence about a year ago and had a couple rebounds, I'd advise you not to get your hopes up. If she's anything like I was, she's probably still attached to her previous relationship, emotionally confused, and dates more out of a need to seek a way to relive what she misses from her ex than from a desire to build something new. She's likely not ready to commit to a relationship and the emotional wounds being fresh means she'll be genuinely unable to determine whether she actually has feelings for you or not. Then again, she may be more emotionally mature than I was and be capable of knowing what she feels regardless of recent trauma. You should keep it in mind if she decides she wants to keep going, though. Don't get attached too fast.