Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v11 - She's totally into you edition - General

Just had my first weekend with no prior plans from before my eks broke up with me... And it hit me hard. I cried most of Saturday away, tried to make some plans, but on such short notice, most people were already engaged with other things. Resident Evil 2 Remake did help a little (**** Mr X) Went home to my parents on Sunday. I helped, somewhat, but then something happen i honestly weren't prepared for. I have a handicapped brother, Twin brother. I'm the oldest by 5 minutes. He called my mum, and was his usual happy self (That guy is ALWAYS happy). My mum told him i was over visiting, and he asked if my eks was there. He wanted to say hi. Now... i haven't told him yet, since i'm honestly not ready to try and not break down in front of him, and he wouldn't understand at first. He would ask a bunch of questions that i aren't ready to talk about yet. My mum made a excuse that she weren't here cause she had other plans that day, but as they finished up the conversation, i started bawling like a little child. I don't know what did it, but him casual asking about her, and me knowing, he din't know, just made something snap. I still haven't talked or written to her, it's hard not to, but the space is needed. Now, i don't have many "real" friends, a handfull at best. They are there for me, and i'm planning on trying to get something of a get together with some of them next weekend. Otherwise i'm scared i might just stay at home, in a empty apartment feeling sorry for myself..

Alright, this "smoking" girl I talked about last page will be coming over to my place next Thursday, so in two days. Gonna cook for her. I don't even cook, I mean not often, but I'm gonna surprise her but most importantly, I want to surprise myself. I will clean my apartment and fold my towels like as if she's entering a god damned hotel room.

Grabbed her by the throat and kissed her by the end of our night, then walked her to the bus stop as she had to go to work. DAMN I am stoked right now tbh., I wanted to share. She liked the food I cooked up, she liked the music I played, and it was all around great time chilling out with her. I think I like her. She jokingly said that her mom would like me, because I cooked something that was pretty healthy apparently, with tomatoes, broccoli, pasta, good cheese, nuts, and shit.

Grabbed her by the throat and kissed her I hope you mean the neck, otherwise that's some aggressive flirting. :V

I hope I didn't scare her then, as I know what I meant. ;-)

Depends entirely on how you did it, but certainly an odd way to phrase it regardless imo.

did you suplex her afterward

I'm not sure if I'm asking for help here or venting, but if you read this, thank you. I need to get this written down and out of my head, and I don't want to delete it after the fact like I tend to do when I post here. At the very least I can look at this and cringe tomorrow. --- For the past year I've been financially stable. I have a car, a good full time job, a college education, and a safe amount of money for emergencies. I can afford video games and eating out when I feel like it and since I live at home I'm not a big spender. By all accounts I should be in a good position to date, although having my own place is the last key thing missing. I graduated college in 2014 without ever going on a date or being in a relationship. I had two dates since then by pure happenstance that didn't go anywhere - one was a cashier who gave me her number and after the date became avoidant when I reached out to see if she'd like to do it again sometime so I took the hint, the other was asexual so we're just friends now. I'm overweight. I weigh 260 and am 5'9". My medication increases my appetite and I'm dealing with a soda addiction that I struggle to maintain. I'm apparently handsome otherwise and have good hair. I'm working on not sounding like I'm smarter than other people as I've been told by close friends that I give off that impression. Otherwise people say I'm compassionate, friendly, honest and a hard worker. I have a good circle of friends I can rely on and can be open with. I tend to be a true introvert otherwise and need to be alone to recharge. My job is very social and it drains me, so when I get home I basically shut my brain and mouth off with video games. It's 1:30am and I'm trying to figure out why I'm hesitating to start dating. I'm not sure what I really even want out of it other than sex. That's really the only thing i feel is missing since I have companionship through friends and family. Kissing, cuddling etc. to me are just part of that, so I feel sort of conflicted to just want sex. I'm not an extrovert so one night stands don't sound like a good fit for me, and it takes me a while to warm up to strangers as I'm timid and shy. I feel sort of like a sex addict even though I'm a virgin. I'm just not satisfied. I guess I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid that I will screw up a chance to be with an attractive woman and forever lose the chance with them, so to avoid the crushing dissapointment I avoid the risk. I'm afraid of learning that my hobbies, interests, or lifestyle aren't compatible with other people. I'm afraid I will be hurt somehow or taken advantage of. I'm afraid that my weight will be a dealbreaker. I'm afraid the only people who would be attracted to me aren't who is be attracted to. I'm afraid sex might actually not be much different then masturbation. I'm afraid I'll embarrass myself. I'm afraid that I might have issues in bed because I have no experience even though I'm 26. I'm afraid of disappointing other people. I'm afraid I'll be ghosted. I'm afraid that dating will be too draining and time consuming and just be a waste of time. I'm afraid doing online dating could lead to me getting my information leaked or used to shame me or harm me. I'm afraid I'll be too anxious to follow through with dating or sex. I'm afraid. The fear is paralyzing and I avoid it. But these nights alone in my bed make me confront what I'm missing. But then the next day I go back to avoidance. The worst thing that could happen is rejection, shame, embarrassment, fatigue, lowered self esteem, and less time and money. These things fade with time, but there's always a scar when I recall painful memories. I seem to only remember painful memories, as I barely remember college besides the times I embarrassed myself or did something wrong. If I want sex, it's not going to come to me. I'm a man, and men are culturally expected to initiate, but I prefer to be approached. Other than that I will date, I've never been approached, although there may have been times I was signalled to approach and didn't notice. I need to dive in, or at least put my toes in the water, but I've been standing at this pier for over 4 years now staring into the water from dry land. "Just do it" is always the advice I get. I'm not sure why that comes easy to some people, nor do I know how people motivate themselves to do so if it's a conscious decision they make. It's hard enough to motivate myself to get up in the morning sometimes. I'm not depressed, but I guess I'm anxious. That fear is clear and present, thick and sharp, sending warning sirens through my brain, so ignoring that seems impossible. Do I really need sex? Is it worth the trouble? My life is okay right now; it could be better. Am I better off conserving energy and ignoring it? Its 2:10am now. I'm starting to get tired. I think I got this off my chest, but I know it'll be back again. I feel like I'm not really piloting the ship of my life and am just along for the ride. I don't know if I even want to pilot it. Some days I wish I could just do nothing all day. Maybe I need a break from work, or a break from home. I think I need a kick in the ass but I can't seem to reach it myself.

If you want to date at 26, I'm gonna be blunt and say that you should move out - I don't think it's necessarily a deal breaker for everyone, but it's sort of a proxy for your maturity level, and also people generally don't want to tippy toe down the stairs to not wake up your mom. I also think it's probably healthy to move out regardless and become more independent. With that said, I'm 23 and only just moving out (I've been looking to for a while, though) - I've been in fairly long, stable relationships though, and with my current (LDR) girlfriend we've always just rented out a place when she's been here. I'm gonna say it doesn't come easy to most people. But it's like jumping into the water on a coldish day - at first you're gonna get a bit of a temperature shock, but after moving around a bit, you'll adapt. The reason why the advice is "just do it" is because there's literally no other way to go about it. You can't get someone else to date for you. You seriously just need to go out and do it of your volition. If you don't really think you need dating in your life right now, then there's really no reason to.

SleepAl, if you can by any means, move out your earliest convenience. As for dating & sex, just go for it. Don't take it all so seriously, although I 100% understand this is a real concern / relevant thing to you right now, which you clearly want to focus and explore, which is why I said go for it! As for failing sex and embarrassing yourself. Oh, you brace yourself. As it is very likely to happen, however NOT taking it seriously helps, for real. Been there, and done that. You said you feel like a sex addict even though you are a virgin. I don't suppose you are a porn addict? If you are, even a little bit, then try to cut that out to a minumum.

@SleepyAl What you wrote felt very at home. I'm 26 and haven't even been on a proper date. My life has been without any romance what so ever, but luckily I have friends. They are the only thing keeping me together.

If you just want sex you need to be honest about it. There are a lot of other people who just want that as well. The thing is, if you find someone who just wants that - only sex and no strings attached, is that something you can deal with without getting attached? Also the comment about being a sex addict while being a virgin is kinda concerning. There is a huge difference in wanting to have sex because it is a strong biological drive and being addicted to sex. If you consume a lot of porn that might be your issue and you're just addicted to that feeling. Porn is not a healthy representation of sexual relationships. Porn is just for excitement and stimulation, it doesn't actually teach you anything meaningful in regards to how people interact. The reason I say this is because you said something that someone I know said, they didn't understand and still fail to understand to this day that people can withdraw consent at anytime, that women don't have to have sex with him because he tried to initiate it. Not saying anything about you, so don't take it that way. It's just a thought I'm having. If you are worried about your weight you need to work on your addiction to soda and cut that shit out gradually. Find something to replace soda, soda is brutal on the body. I lost so much weight just cutting that shit out it was crazy.

My drink of choice to cut out soda was zero-calorie arnold palmer. It tastes just as good with almost no sugar and no calories. Plus lots of vitamin C. I buy it by the gallon now.

I know I'm late to the "feeling attracted to others while in a relationship" party, but speaking as a woman who has been in a polyamorous relationship for the past year or so, us talking about women and men that we find attractive on the street or when going out is basically just part of our routine. I love hearing about the men my girlfriend looks at, and she enjoys when I point out cute women to her. My other girlfriend is always very excited to hear about it when I have someone over or meet-up with someone. My third partner lives with her boyfriend, and he is also in relationships with several others, and we go out to a nightclub together to watch the cute women that get up on the stage (not workers, it is for exhibitionism stuff) to show off what they like. It is a nice bonding experience, and while I never thought I would ever be like this, I would now not trade my loving companionship and freedom for anything.

more power to you, that sounds wild. I'm blown away by the concept of finding three significant others, I'm struggling to find even one

You are preaching to the choir here. Before the summer began I never would have imagined I would have began a relationship and found two more, all of whom are supportive of me being with the other two and very much enjoy that part of it as well.

Guess who reared its ugly head again?! Agentfucking N and his ridiculous outcry because a woman rejected him. Not only is he still harassing my friends and lying through his tears(not to mention moaning her name in a voice message) , he fucking bribed one friend of mine. Now hes on his side, calling us bullies and wanting to leave if we ever DARE to being the police into this. Fine! Want to talk to his fucking mother and father how much of a shit bag he is? Oh and he(Agent N) still lives at home despite being older and mooches off his grandparents instead of getting a job. He's questioned and unraveled the sanity of everyone I've met and we haven't met in person since his first big harassment texts. The cheery on top? He's called my friend who's the center of all this scandal " is going through a midlife crisis ". Fuck. That. And the bribed friend had the BALLS to see if he can pair him with another friend who's dealt with shit like this before. Like dude have you been deaf for like a month? Hes the freaking man who sold the world. https://youtu.be/cLoytewvn0g

I don't think I can do one night stands without getting attached which is a big conflict because I think my personality conflicts with my libido. I don't think it's a porn addiction because I don't even need porn to get off (although it makes it more pleasurable), and it doesn't seem to be harming me so I don't think it would qualitlfy as an addiction. I just sometimes. I'm sort of disgusted with the drive and the antidepressants make it less pleasureable and take longer. I don't think I need to worry about being a rapist. I'm always worried about offending people or upsetting them so if I was having sex I'd be totally focused on how they're feeling. Even when I use porn the woman has to look like she's genuinely enjoying it or else it actually gives the opposite effect. Being rough or inconsiderate is a huge turn off so I don't think I'm the kind of person to ignore my partner's feelings or not stop if they withdraw consent. I appreciate the concern though. I guess I just really want to please a woman, and helping others generally gives me pleasure to begin with so it makes sense that's what would give me pleasure from sex, and since I'm not doing that for real it's not a need that's being met. Then again that conflicts with my need to have alone time as well so I don't know, I'm still confused I guess. I really have no clue what I want but I just know I'm not satisfied right now. I've been saving up to move out, but it's fucking expensive to live on your own in Connecticut. Most places near me or my job range from $800 a month to $1200 not including utilities, and the low end is in places with crime or other issues. Ideally I'd like a condo since at the very least the money I spend has equity compared to renting. I'm not sure I make enough to still live comfortably since I only make ~$45k a year (pre-tax, and 5% goes into a 403b, so really I only have like less than $3k a month). I don't currently have to micromanage my finances too much which is such a huge stress relief compared to before, and I can afford to pay off my student loans quicker. I still owe over $40k but in the past 4 years I've paid off $20k. I should be sent free by 2026. I don't want to be saddled with debts so I spend $500 a month on loans, but if I got my own place I'd need to cut back on that. I've got $3k squirrelled away so I think I have enough for a rainy day in case of emergency, but not enough for a down payment. I hear it's best to have 2 months wages in case shit really goes south like losing my job, so I'm still saving up. I'm in the rare opportunity where I can actually save money which none of my friends can do since they don't live at home or have full time jobs. I think having a girlfriend would actually be helpful money-wise since we could be roommates and pool finances. None of my friends can get their own place for various external reasons so otherwise I'd go it alone or room with a stranger and I don't feel comfortable trying to find a roommate since that could get awkward if they have a significant other around often or they aren't a good roommate.

I mean I don’t live where you do, but if you can get a place for $1200/month and you’d be pretty set at $3000/month for living alone. Depends on your definition of “living comfortably” I guess - maybe you’ve set up some expensive habits living at home with that much income? And well, you said you have a good circle of friends, so why not move in with one of them (if possible)? You’re gonna save on rent and food, and have company.

fifth take at a relationship down the drain. it's funny, they all seem to end around the 1.5 - 2 month mark. probably because at that point I want to see a person who voluntarily agreed to be in a relationship, actually show that they give a shit about developing said relationship.

Unfortunately none of my friends are ready or able to move out. Some have to stay home to support their parents due to disabilities or finances, others simply wouldn't make good roommates or don't make enough to go half on rent/utilities. Some simply don't want to move out, some live out of state, others already moved out and live with roommates. If I got a roommate it'd probably be a stranger, and I'm not sure if that would be too stressful or not. I've set up my budget and I have leeway with eating out or ordering food, which is helpful because my job is exhausting and when I get home I'm usually too drained to do cook, but I could cut back on that if I moved. Utilities, insurance, phone/internet and gas are expensive, which take a chunk out of my finances. It basically means I'd have to be extremely conscious of how I spend money and I wouldn't have a lot to save up in case of emergency. I guess I like the financial leeway I have now; I don't need to worry about money because living normally I end up spending less than I earn, but moving out alone would been seriously micromanaging my spending. Realistically I have to move out, but I'm not sure if I should stay home and keep saving or bite the bullet.

Well today is becoming a roller coaster. We finally removed and blocked N, so now it's no one's problems that I care to bother. Bad news...my friend 'F' from the other page just suddenly collapsed and threw up with a friend some miles away. They're being sent to a hospital now but things are looking scary. What fucking luck I have.

I'm 26 and starting my life over for the second time in a row. I'll be going back to school in may, but in the meantime I currently only have a part time job and earn under 1000 dollars a MONTH. And I've never dated before in my entire life. Am I completely fucked? Because what you seem to be telling me is that if I don't actually have my life together and am totally independent, that I'm the last person a girl would want to date. The thing is though.... I'm in this boat for some the same reasons as so many other millennials. School fucked me over the first time (although at last it didn't leave me with any college debt), and more recently I've suffered from severe physical issues due to anxiety that I've only gotten under control in the last year. Oh, and on top of all that, I went from being a conservative evangelical christian to a non-religious social democrat in the span of just three or four years - but I'm still living in the middle of the deep south. But despite all of this... I legitimately feel like I'm actually worth dating now, for the first time in life. Because I'm actually a good person now, and someone who is absolutely up to being the other half of a long-term relationship. We had a thread a while back about millennials having less sex and relationships than previous generations. I know shit like this has to be part of the reason why. Our generation is struggling so much more than previous ones. Between financial difficulties, mental health issues, and the like, there's probably more of us struggling to make by than those of us who have things together. So I don't buy that what all girls are looking for at this point are people who've somehow weathered the storm that has engulfed most of the generation. I expect many of them are just looking for someone who can be the other person in the boat. I mean, life sucks, but it sucks so much less if you're sharing it with someone else.

Consider the fact that when it comes to dating (so no love between two people yet) people always try to date up - girls looking for men in stable and good situations so they can rely upon them, while guys look for the hot girls. It's more about status than much else. For this reason I feel like the twenties are such a bad age to be dating, because you're still a ways away from a stable situation Of course if somebody loves you they won't care about any of this and just want to be with you

So I've been texting and snapchatting with this girl for two months now, but we've only met up twice. We're both busy with senior year classes, but it's starting to seem like she's losing interest. Second date was a movie night with just the two of us, and we're planning on doing another one at her place soon, but we've rescheduled twice now. I probably made the mistake of not making any type of advances on that date, because the movie was really, really good, but I'd like to get a second chance before things fizzle out completely. This week's her birthday and she said we probably can't hang out until later in the week or even next weekend because of that. I'm trying to do my best to not get too attached but I think that also might be killing the vibe at the same time. I wish college didn't have to be so damn busy all the time.

So after my sad sack story it seems like the universe decided to fuck with me and throw me a bone at the same time. I went to a restaurant with my dad and uncle. We were originally going to go for steak but after two "hour long plus wait time" steakhouses we said fuck it and went to Friendly's. While I was eating these two young girls sat at a table across from us. One of them was staring at me. Me, oblivious to all romantic cues, didn't notice but alpha male dad did and nudged me to mention it and told be to stare back. Few things to note: one, I wasn't sure if their age. They looked young, possibly college or possibly high school - I'm not good at telling ages and neither is my dad. They must have driven to the restaurant (which I noticed as I left they went to two separate cars) so at the bare minimum they could have been 16, but I'm guessing maybe 18. This uncertainty fucked with me. Second: I'm not good with eye contact with strangers. I'm fine with people I know, but people I don't it's hard to look in the eyes for a normal amount of time, let alone the amount of time needed to convey interest. Anyways, she was doing the classic "look away, then look back, then look away, then stare and lock eye contact thing" and this was basically my first time ever trying to look back. She must have seen how petrified I was because when we did lock eyes she kind of had a blank expression, kind of like a "resting bitch face", and that confused the fuck out of me. I stared into her eyes for like 5 seconds before I broke eye contact. At that point I knew I'm expected to go up and talk, but after all that it was too much uncertainty to risk looking like an idiot so I just glanced back occasionally but they eventually left and I blew whatever chance I had. At the same time all this was occuring, our waitress was being talked up by my creepy uncle, but she was constantly looking at me and smiling. She was drop dead gorgeous, a tiny bit overweight (which is perfect for me and was actually attractive as well), she was kind, friendly and had a warm personality. My dad and my uncle chatted her up (basically showing me how to flirt,, dumb jokes teasing and all) and she told some info about herself and her plans, but she mentioned her age (25, one year younger than me so in the socially acceptable range) and she was going to school to be a vet tech (she likes dogs, I like dogs, something in common). She had some tattoos and mentioned she originally wanted to be a tattoo artist and almost got her degree in art. I've always been artistic and almost did the same thing, so already I can tell we share interests (I'm not a fan of tattoos personally but it's no deal breaker and nothing I would ever suggest against). I talked a bit and said some stuff about my self but my creepy uncle kept trying to steer the conversation so I didn't get to say much, and the anxiety of that other girl staring at me was kind of hard to balance. When we were about to leave my dad (being a good wingman funny enough) said "(my name) and I would like to see you again" and she then mentioned the days she worked, and seemed a bit happy to share that. I got the vibe she might have been interested, but it's still unclear and my dad said the same thing, so this week we're gonna go back on the same day and see what happens. There's always the chance she's just being a good waitress (I mean if you work at Friendly's you've gotta be friendly) but she also could be single. Either way next time I'm going to try to make a move, and the worst thing that happens is I act like a dork and learn from failure. Valentine's day is coming up, which is normally Single's Awareness Day for me, but I'm not so depressed over it because of that chance.

Generally speaking trying to initiate stuff while people are their work is a bad idea. I wasn't there so I can't really say. But, waitresses tend to flirt, be nice, and even play along. They're thinking about end-game which is a good monetary tip.

Are you sure that you're not rushing things along too fast? What do you consider to be "giving a shit" 2 months in? Relationships don't have to go from 0-60 m/ph in 2 months. I've had a relationship before where I've felt particularly uncomfortable because I was cornered into talking about feelings about 2 months in, and I spent the next few months after that feeling conflicted and confused about whether I wanted to invest more time in the relationship or not.

Actually wanting to meet and do things. And yes, I did rush in some aspects, however I was met with 0 resistance and some encouragement actually. At first.

It just should not happen either way. It is horribly uncomfortable for a worker to have to put up with a situation like that. They cannot take themselves out of the situation, and they can't really do anything about it except feel approached inappropriately at a place that they need to show up at. Doing it back to a customer is not quite as bad, but it is still a place that people come to relax and unwind, and approaching someone as a worker can make them feel the same, the only difference is that now this is a place they want to be at but might feel unwelcome should this person return. Dating is tough, but you should never approach someone who, if they do not like the situation, cannot leave it.