Crossdressing, Transgender & Allies Discussion: New Look, Same Dysphoria - General

I really hope that's not something I do.

Likewise. I'm actually really happy they're doing so well, but after they're gone or busy with something else, it's just a jealous rage that boils in me. Eventually turns into crying and I sorta have to mentally psych myself that it's fine and I'm doing just as well as they are. Some days are easier than others.

That actually makes sense. I don't know, I'm emotionally all over the board and some days I feel on top of the world. Other times I want to eat ramen boiled with my own tears. I have no idea what that last thing would be like but my point stands. I don't know. Sometimes I think I need a good bop on the head. Have a shiny.

im feeling good! I think i found a wig I like! https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/251954262454566913/439510560455786508/IMG_20180427_153648.jpg ahhhhh im so picky Dx

I'm going to tell you something my psychologist told me many years ago. Humans are naturally curious creatures. You may have not noticed it before you started trying to pass socially, probably cuz you cared so little about yourself, but people stare are you all the time. Literally ALL THE TIME. They will take a look at you no matter who you are, what you look like, and what you're doing. You've grown conscious about it because you're actively trying to better yourself and you actually give a remote fuck about your appearance now. The headspace you need to get yourself in is that these stares are not all negative. They may be admiring something about you. They may be jealous of something you have that they wish they had. They may just find your choice of clothes banging or they may think your style sucks balls, or that your makeup is pretty, who knows? Don't think they're all clocking you because people either can't tell or most of the time they don't give a shit. Me, for example, a lot of people, mostly women with straight hair, will constantly fixate on me because I'm a pale as fuck white girl with super curls and they be jelly of what I'm rocking. I get compliments on it a lot too. I also get girls who look at me because I have "great skin" but it's really because I buy expensive makeup because I want to look fucking good.

Anyone had some weird interactions with self-proclaimed 'allies'? This girl my friend knows apparently does a lot of awareness raising for transgender treatment in Scotland (which is pretty fucking awful) She seemed initially supportive but then started talking about how I should go and do drag races. I laughed not thinking she was serious at first and then explained that that is not something I would ever want to do for various reasons. She then proceeded to get really pissed at me and said "I don't think you are really trans then if you don't like drag races" I was sorely tempted to tell her to get to fuck but I wanted to double check with other folk to see if it was just me. I personally found it really offensive but that might just be me? She's a cisgirl if that matters at all.

I was amazed I was even having that conversation with her. She is a bit of a SJW type so I'm not really sure what I expected.

That's stupid. She's stupid. I'm an anti-social butthead myself so I haven't really engaged allies face-to-face. Did you tell your friend about this encounter?

I was pretty clear with her, but she was very insistent that I was 'wrong' and didn't know what I was talking about. She claims to have done a lot to help transgender people although I have not seen any evidence of that. I was out with some good friends and I didn't want to spoil the vibe but it did piss me off.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's garbage and so horridly misinformed. Also: but she was very insistent that I was 'wrong' and didn't know what I was talking about Bye, Felicia.

took my first baby step and actually answered the door while in my wig and make up. I was so nervous ahhhhh. I don't know why im so scared... why do I care what other people think so much ><

Update on the hair cut situation: I'm now being threatened to not be able to come to my aunt's place (which is across the country) unless I get a hair cut... ...I don't know what to do...

It's where I had planned to come out at, since it's close to most of my family. My dad is unlikely to be supportive, but I already told my aunt and she is supportive. Just across the country from us. And I was only a few days away too...

Call your aunt, if possible. Give her an update on the situation and ask if it'd be okay to overrule their decision. Tell her everything.

She is telling me to do it and that it will be my last time. I don't think anything will come of it...

Also I just remembered a dream where my father, who I have 0 positive things to say about, called me his daughter. I remember doing a double take because I'm not out to him. After my brother tattled on me for something minor, I worry the dream wasn't a dream. aaaa

Sorry you had to deal with that shit wtf, my sisters like RuPaul and I can understand why they'd recommend it I just don't enjoy that type of show but to get pissed off lmao fuck off. If you don't mind me asking where about in Scotland you from?

Llooks like I have to come out earlier than expected, this sucks.

Lewis originally, but I've lived in Glasgow and Perthshire too. I am actually now a Dutch resident and my long-term residence is in the Netherlands, but I'm in Stirlingshire at the moment. Going back to the Netherlands for good next year.

Very typical ally behavior. They don't actually care, they just do what they do so that they have an "in." Then they feel like they have the right to tell us what we are and aren't.

Eh I dunno that seems a bit cynical to me. Most people I know have been nothing short of supportive (not counting my parents and the NHS). I have also found out this girl told a black guy he's not allowed to use the N word so she's just entitled af I think, not specifically trans stuff.

If someone told me I'm not trans because I don't like drag queens (which I don't) I'd kick their ass to the curb in a heartbeat.

A lot of drag culture is really gross and anti-trans so yeah. Same.

While I have seen that sort of thing happen in various LGBT communities, I'd hardly say it's "typical" ally behaviour, that lady is just a bitch.

Pax east 2018 left me realizing that one of my main issues with depression largely lies with being starved of positive lgbt attention IRL. I met alot of really cool trans and non binary peeps in boston during the convention and everyone in the diversity lounge (the LGBT hideout in pax) was really cool too. meanwhile back home that entire feel is missing. no one in this city really cares about LGBT or wants to do anything positive about it really. kinda sucks.

I have my FFS tomorrow morning! Feels like the surgery date just crept up with no warning, I'm incredibly nervous and excited. Can't believe I'm actually getting this done

For many people who aren't directly tied into the LGBT community, it can be very difficult to understand that gender and sexuality in general are both wide, diverse spectrums that mix and split apart in so many different ways. Moreover, if someone doesn't really dive into the transgender community, it can be rather easy to get confused or misled. Please do note though that I am not justifying this girl's behavior, but rather offering a possible explanation. It's entirely within the realm of reason that she is an 'ally' simply so she can seek the moral high ground (as another user put, a bitch), or she could just be horribly ignorant(?) There are plenty of true allies out there that have good intentions and can get confused sometimes. While I cannot speak for all allies, I can at the very least voice my own thoughts. As allies, while we cannot directly understand every which way you might be suffering, we at the very least offer a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on. Allies should try at the very least to understand the people they are trying to help; every person is different after all. The only reason I have learned this much is from reading a good bit of material on the topic, reading blogs, articles, and talking to friends. I learned all this so I could help and understand my friends and girlfriend. As an ally, I am hurt when cisgendered people are painted as an enemy. But I can at the very least understand the reasoning behind that logic and I don't blame you for the way you might perceive us. I hope this helps.

I don't think allies need their assholes licked but this sort of stuff doesn't help either, I'd rather not assume bad faith of everyone and give benefit of the doubt for most people.

I sent an email to that transgender place a couple weeks ago, with a response saying for me to call them. I still haven't called them I hate talking on the phone so much, especially when trying to set up appointments. Even more so when I have very little time on my hands.

I have so much phone anxiety it's not even funny. I had to get over that when I did crisis work and even then my heart jumped