[QUOTE=Ether505;38055084]If her age is on the clock she's ready for the cock[/QUOTE]
you better snip that before Max bans you
[QUOTE=Burgervich;38067361]you better snip that before Max bans you[/QUOTE]
That means you have to snip it.
[QUOTE=BFG9000;38067068]Waiiiiit a second aren't you the guy I keep hearing about that has a major hard-on for Autumn?[/QUOTE]
no i just blew a load all over her pic
A pedophile and a kid are walking in the woods. As they walk deeper into the woods and it gets dark, the kid says "It's scary walking through these woods, mister." The pedophile replies "You think you're scared, kid, I have to walk back out of these woods alone."
Why are black peoples palms white?
-[sp]Only place god didn't hit while spray paintng.[/sp]
--------------
Did you hear about the chinese couple that had a retarted baby?
-[sp]Yea, they named it, Sum Ting Wong[/sp]
------------
A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
There's something wrong with my dick', he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said. The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??' There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?' 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
{stupid is what stupid does} this may not send me to hell but sure is damn funny.
Today, my friend choked on a tablet. [sp] No big surprise, those iPads are huge.[/sp]
What do you call a Black Man flying a Plane?
[sp]A Pilot, you racist pigs[/sp]
[QUOTE=J AC1D;38078721]What do you call a Black Man flying a Plane?
[sp]A Pilot, you racist pigs[/sp][/QUOTE]
That joke has been told atleast 5 times in the exact same manner.
how do you get a jewish girl's number?
[sp]you roll up her sleeves[/sp]
what starts with N and ends with R that you never want to call a black person?
[sp]neighbor[/sp]
why don't jews eat pork?
[sp]because they aren't cannibals[/sp]
Title should be changed from [Terrible Jokes "We're all going to hell for this"] should be changed to [Racist jokes - "Make sure you're not black"]
How are black people and tornadoes similar?
[sp]It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood.[/sp]
[B][I][U]BLAM[/U][/I][/B]
What do you call 4 black guys in a car?
[sp]Tinted windows.[/sp]
[B][I][U]POW[/U][/I][/B]
Why do all black people run fast?
[sp]Because all the slow ones are in jail.[/sp]
[B][I][U]KERPLONK[/U][/I][/B]
Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
[sp]It's hard to find them in the snow.[/sp]
[B][I][U]BISH[/U][/I][/B]
What do you call a White man with a sheep under each arm?
[sp]A Pimp.[/sp]
[B][I][U]WALES[/U][/I][/B]
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
[sp]The PGA tour.[/sp]
[B][I][U]WHUPANG[/U][/I][/B]
but where are the yellow people stereotypes?
[QUOTE=Poosniffer;38079470]How are black people and tornadoes similar?
[sp]It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood.[/sp]
[B][I][U]BLAM[/U][/I][/B]
What do you call 4 black guys in a car?
[sp]Tinted windows.[/sp]
[B][I][U]POW[/U][/I][/B]
Why do all black people run fast?
[sp]Because all the slow ones are in jail.[/sp]
[B][I][U]KERPLONK[/U][/I][/B]
Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
[sp]It's hard to find them in the snow.[/sp]
[B][I][U]BISH[/U][/I][/B]
What do you call a White man with a sheep under each arm?
[sp]A Pimp.[/sp]
[B][I][U]WALES[/U][/I][/B]
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
[sp]The PGA tour.[/sp]
[B][I][U]WHUPANG[/U][/I][/B][/QUOTE]
No [B][I][U]BORT[/U][/I][/B], [B][I][U]MINT[/U][/I][/B], [B][I][U]BIFF[/U][/I][/B], or [B][I][U]MARTY[/U][/I][/B], 0/10 would not chortle.
In America, man drive car to work 5 days each week. In Soviet Russia, lack of ability to engage in entrepeneurship, combined with massive government crackdowns on dissent, has led to widespread poverty in a misguided attempt at institutionalizing a fallacious concept of equality that ultimately ends up harming far more people than it helps, so I am trying to navigate the labyrinthine emigration process in the hopes of finding a better life somewhere.
R.I.P. Osama bin Laden - World Hide and Go Seek Champion (2001-2011)
[QUOTE=Aspen;38083369]In America, man drive car to work 5 days each week. In Soviet Russia, lack of ability to engage in entrepeneurship, combined with massive government crackdowns on dissent, has led to widespread poverty in a misguided attempt at institutionalizing a fallacious concept of equality that ultimately ends up harming far more people than it helps, so I am trying to navigate the labyrinthine emigration process in the hopes of finding a better life somewhere.[/QUOTE]
wat
In soviet russia, this joke is funnier
There's a man who has "I love you" tattooed to is dick
and when he came home his wife said [sp]stop shoving words in my mouth![/sp]
What's the difference between a gay guy and a fridge?
[sp]The fridge doesnt fart when you pull the meat out[/sp]
My wife said to me "I wish you'd play with me like you do those video games"
So I falcon-punched her in the face.
==
You may have heard on the news about a southern California man put under
72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and
allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in
his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.
My favorite quote from the dimwit television reporter: "Wow! He has
about a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to
it as a "massive weapons cache!"
By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds would be
called "mentally unstable." Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:
In Arizona and New Mexico , he'd be called "an avid gun collector."
In Arkansas and Oklahoma , he'd be called "a novice gun collector."
In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably
reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding
quantity of stored food.
In Colorado and Montana , he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."
In Idaho , he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."
In Wyoming , he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."
In Louisiana , Mississippi and Texas he would be called "a deer hunting
buddy."
And, in Alabama , he's just "Bubba" who's short on ammo.
I was walking down the street when i saw an Aborigine sitting in the gutter with two slabs of VB, laughing. I said what's so funny? He says " i just got divorced with my wife, she got the kids and i got the house and it's contents"
Three men are sitting in a McDonalds eating lunch.
One says to the two, "Hey guys, can I tell you something really personal?"
"Shoot." One says
"Sure, what is it?" Asks the other
The man replies, "I think there's something wrong with my penis"
One of his two friends asks, "What's wrong with it?"
The man answers, [sp]"It tastes funny."[/sp]
A man walks into a brothel one day looking to get his rocks off. He asks the madame for her best whore, and so she gladly leads him to a back room. After closing the door, he turns to the prostitute and asks her what her prices are. She says, "Well, my hand jobs are $500."
The man cuts her off, saying "whoa whoa that's rediculous? I mean, for a handjob? No way."
She replies "Here, look out this window." and she beckons him to come to the window. "you see that restauraunt over?" She continues, gesturing towards a classy building across the street. "I own that restauraunt because of my hand jobs"
So the guy says "fuck it" and shells out the $500 for the handjob.
And it was the best damned handjob he'd ever had.
So he returns the next day, and asks for the same prostitute. He's once again led to the back room with the windows. But this time, he decides that he wants something different, so he asks how for the price of a blowjob. She replies "One grand."
"Are you fucking serious? Thats outrageous!" He replies, taken back a little by the price tag that was almost half of his biweekly paycheck.
"You see that strip mall out there" She cooly replies, gesturing towards a different window. The man looks out the window and sees the tidy strip mall down the block. "I own that because of my blowjobs."
Thinking back to the handjob, he reaches for his check book and fills out a check, payable to the brothel.
He gets his blowjob, and it's the best god damn blowjob he's ever had.
One month later, he returns to the brothel with a packed wallet and an anxious libido, and once again asks for the same prostitute. He finds himself in the same room and he eagerly asks, "So what's the cost to get some pussy?"
The prostitute beckons him towards a third window and asks "You see that hotel out their?" the man looks out the window and gazes upon a very big, very fancy hotel far down the road. He nods his head.
The prostitute says, "[sp]That'd be my hotel if I had a pussy.[/sp]"
Fin
Okay I got one
Why did Kurt Cobain kill himself?
He had a mind blowing idea
Two blond girls were working for the city public works department.
One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved onto the next street, working furiously all day without a rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.
So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it-why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed,"Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."
==
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and
After a while they got to know each other so
Well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom,
The other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her
White dress. The groom broom was handsome
And suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was
Lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the
Bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
==
Pythagoras walks into a bar muttering, 'If a right-angled triangle has a short side, X, a long side, Y, and hypotenuse, Z, then the square of Z must be equal to the sum of the square of X and the square of, erm... uh...'
The barman says, 'Y, the long face?'
==
If phrenology reasons that a persons traits such as intelligence, personality and criminality can be determined by the shape of their skull and the bumps on their heads.
Does that mean you can become smarter my bashing your head with a hammer?
you're supposed to post bad taste jokes, but oh well
What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
[sp]You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.[/sp]
What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
[sp]The pool table in the oval office.[/sp]
Why do Mexicans refry their beans?
[sp]Have you ever known a Mexican to do something right the first time?[/sp]
So a boy went to a doctor for an urgent need. Once the boy has arrived, the doctor askes "What's the matter?" The boy uttered, "My butt has a crack in it. I need a new one." So the doctor closed up his services for the day.
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