[QUOTE=zakedodead;37818699]How do you get funnies on facepunch
[sp]Repost old jokes that were even posted last page.[/sp][/QUOTE]
God damnit didn't notice. Have a sub-par joke as an apology.
Why did God create yeast infections?
[sp]So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too. [/sp]
-A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"
Yeah I know...stupid but still funny to say to friends and get a odd look of "I dont understand"
What building has 50 mexicans in one room?
[sp] the prison[/sp]
2 mexicans sit in a car, who is driving the car?
[sp] a police[/sp]
What's a mexicans favourite bookstore?
[sp]Borders[/sp]
Why do they put cotton in pill bottles?
[sp]To remind black people they were picking cotton before they were selling drugs[/sp]
What does a stoner with Parkinson's do in the morning?
Shake and bake.
A white guy, an asian man, and a Jew are having dinner with each other at a restaurant
3 flies approach and land in each man's bowl of soup and drinks from it.
"FUCK THAT"S DISGUSTING!" The white man flings his bowl across the room, making a big mess on the floor.
"Nooo nooo, you waste, you Amellicans dishonor to famiry!" says the Chinese man. "I show yu how it done"
The Chinese man proceeds to scoop the fly out of his soup before continuing to drink it.
"Ha! You guys both are both amateurs," The Jew remarks. He picks up the feeding fly, wrings the soup out of it, and continues to eat.
What are the similarities between black people and christmas lights?
[sp]Half of them don't work and they look good hanging.[/sp]
What's the difference between a sandwich and a baby?
[sp]You don't screw the sandwich before you eat it.[/sp]
[QUOTE=Kebab;37822873]
What's the difference between a sandwich and a baby?
You don't screw the sandwich before you eat it.[/QUOTE]
Speak for yourself
Needs more dead baby jokes.
Whats white and black and red all over?
[sp]a nun in a blender[/sp]
How do you make a hormone?
You leave without paying the bill.
[QUOTE=Kebab;37822873]What's the difference between a sandwich and a baby?
[sp]You don't screw the sandwich before you eat it.[/sp][/QUOTE]
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
[sp]chopping up an onion makes me cry[/sp]
[QUOTE=Kebab;37822873]You don't screw the sandwich before you eat it.[/QUOTE]
But I saw a flash animation of Sonic doing it.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of coal?
[SP] You can't shovel coal with a pitchfork [/SP]
How do Asians name their kids?
[sp]they throw pots and pans down the stairs[/sp]
What's black and white and red all over?
An interracial lesbian period orgy.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
[sp]depends on how hard you throw 'em [/sp]
What do you call a naked Mexican?
[sp]Andreas[/sp]
-This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage.
There must be some real sick people out there!"
[QUOTE=HazzaHardie;37812447]whats stiff, full of seamen and is at the bottom of the ocean?
[sp]madeleine mccann[/sp][/QUOTE]
A submarine
[editline]28th September 2012[/editline]
Sweet armor Alphonse, must've cost you an arm and a leg.
What was the last pizza delivery to the World Trade Center?
[sp]2 Large Plains.[/sp]
Did you hear? New Yorkers are really good at speed-reading.
[sp]Over 3,000 of them went through a hundred stories in 5 minutes.[/sp]
Why did the black guy cross the road?
[sp]He was going after the chicken.[/sp]
And a classic, courtesy of South Park:
It says on this chart that Penn State likes to be down at halftime.
[sp]Because at Penn State, they like it when you're a little behind in the locker room.[/sp]
So there's a white guy and a black guy on Million Dollar Pyramid.
The secret word is "DEER", so the white guy gives his first clue,
"Doe!"
[sp]The black guy responds, "KNOB!"[/sp]
A guy is starting his first day in a pirate crew and the captain is showing him around.
The captain goes, "yarr, have ye any questions?"
The guy replies, "Just one... captain... there's a bunch of guys alone on this boat for long periods of time... what if we... need some... relief?"
And the captain says, "Aye, I hear ya lad. Here's what you do, see that barrel over there? The one with the hole in it?"
"OH, I get it."
"Yarr, ye can use it any time, except on Mondays."
"Why can't I use it on Mondays?"
[sp]"Well, that's your day in the barrel."[/sp]
How do you kill a black widow?
[sp]take away her food stamps[/sp]
What's a black man's favorite story character?
[sp]Robin Hood[/sp]
Okay I think I got you all beat here.
So I was eating out this chick the other day, and I tasted horse semen, so I go "so that's how the Nazis killed you, grandma!"
How do you make a plumber cry?
[sp]Kill his family.[/sp]
So I was walking along one day when I saw a black man carrying a television set. I thought it was mine, but then I remembered mine was back home polishing my shoes.
This is more of a bad pun than a politically incorrect joke but
A microbe was on vacation and touring the body of a human being. It had spent the past few days visiting the eyes, stomach, the throat, and the colon. At the end of the microbe's vacation there was one more landmark he wanted to see: the bladder.
The microbe gets lost and ends up in an indeterminate organ. Confused, the microbe asks a passing white blood cell: "Excuse me sir but do you know where the bladder is?"
The White blood cell says, "Urine it."
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