This one will knock your socks off.
Two homeless guys, Jim and Ted, were sitting around their trash fire and talking about how their week went. After a while, Jim asks Ted, "Did I tell you about the girl I met the other night?" Ted says he hasn't heard the story. Jim begins, "I was at the railroad tracks when I saw this gorgeous broad. I mean she was just a stunner. A perfect 10, you wouldn't believe it. Anyways, after I got to know her, I brought her back to my place and we got straight to business. And by business I mean fucking. We did every goddamn position you could imagine and the sex was amazing."
"How was the head?" Ted asks.
Jim replies, [sp]"I couldn't find it."[/sp]
[QUOTE=Foxconn;37886637]How many Poles does it take to cut down a tree?
[sp]96 and 1 airplane.[/sp][/QUOTE]
I'm going to need a little help understanding this one
so three gay men walk into a bar, there is only one barstool, what do they do?
Flip it upside down
[QUOTE=thelurker1234;37891304]so three gay men walk into a bar, there is only one barstool, what do they do?
Flip it upside down[/QUOTE]
works with four guys too.
[QUOTE=-xxsetshotxx-;37891436]works with four guys too.[/QUOTE]
depends what barstool. some 3, some use 4.
Anyone have the link to that "longest pun ever?" It involved a guy lost in the desert when he finds this magical snake that saves him and in return he has to bring the snake's son to see shit in the world. I don't want to ruin the end of it.
Why was the little boy crying?
[sp]Because his stepfather kicked him in the face[/sp]
[QUOTE=SpasticPinoy;37891705]Anyone have the link to that "longest pun ever?" It involved a guy lost in the desert when he finds this magical snake that saves him and in return he has to bring the snake's son to see shit in the world. I don't want to ruin the end of it.[/QUOTE]
[URL="http://longestjokeintheworld.com/"]http://longestjokeintheworld.com/[/URL]
What's the difference between a dead deer on a road and a dead black guy on a road?
[sp]The deer has skid marks in front of it[/sp]
alternatively:
What's the sound of a deer getting run over?
[sp]eeeert clunk[/sp]
What's the sound of a black guy getting run over
[sp]eeeert clunkclunk eeeeert clunk clunk eeeeert clunk clunk[/sp]
Why can't Hellen Keller drive?
[sp]Because she's a woman.[/sp]
Why does Mexico have such a bad Olympic team?
[sp]Because all of their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.[/sp]
[QUOTE=scotty1;37892522]Why does Mexico have such a bad Olympic team?
[sp]Because all of their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.[/sp][/QUOTE]
Beat you to that one mate. It's one of the best in my arsenal.
[QUOTE=Moustacheman;37892090][URL="http://longestjokeintheworld.com/"]http://longestjokeintheworld.com/[/URL][/QUOTE]
That's a really interesting experiment, it got me absolutely spot on.
[QUOTE=st0rmforce;37893538]That's a really interesting experiment, it got me absolutely spot on.[/QUOTE]
I finished it.
It's not only the longest, but the best joke I've read.
[QUOTE=Piciul;37885691]reference to his extreme amounts of autotune usage[/QUOTE]
Then why was "woman" in bold?
That makes no sense.
[QUOTE=Constructor;37895330]I finished it.
It's not only the longest, but the best joke I've read.[/QUOTE]
Punchline is perfect.
[QUOTE=st0rmforce;37893538]That's a really interesting experiment, it got me absolutely spot on.[/QUOTE]
Even though I read the whole thing, my personality matches the third group more closely. Right down to the part about having Cesarean birth.
How many babies do you need to cover a roof of a building
[sp]only one if you cut real thin[/sp]
What did a little black boy get for christmas
[sp]my bike[/sp]
-What do you call a white person on fire?
[sp]Fire cracker.[/sp]
What do a criminal locksmith and a white guy with a helmet have in common?
[sp]they are both safe crackers[/sp]
Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature?
Because spray paint wasn't invented until 1949.
How do you prevent black man from collecting his welfare check?
[sp]put it under his working boots[/sp]
[QUOTE=DesumThePanda;37899347]How do you prevent black man from collecting his welfare check?
[sp]put it under his working boots[/sp][/QUOTE]
should of said: how do you starve a black man?
[sp]hide his welfare check under his working boots[/sp]
Why is aspirin white?
[sp]Because it works[/sp]
three prostitutes walk into a bar. as they sit down, they begin to have a conversation.
the first one says "I can fit three fists inside of my vagina!".
the second one goes "ha!" and says "I can fit eight, and a cucumber!"
the third prostitute just laughs and slides down the barstool.
One day a young woman who had a pile of candle wax in and around her belly button came into a doctor's office for treatment.
The doctor shows the woman to an examination room.
As he examined her belly button, he asked, "How did this happen?"
The girl replies, "I'll just say this: my boyfriend likes to eat by candlelight."
Never allow your mother to kiss you good night as child.
[sp]-Where do you think that mouth was at before she kiss you good night? And no she wasn't eating ice cream.[/sp]
What's the difference between acne and a pedophile?
[sp]-Acne doesn't come on your face until you're twelve.[/sp]
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