My vision often gets hazy and I end up just staring into the distance, often times while thinking about things.
I used to be fat as fuck (135kg), self destructive, extremely anti-social and generally just creepy. Now I'm down to 88kg, a much more social person and more aware of what I say and do. People seem to like me nowadays but there's still something inside me that goes "people don't like me, I'm weird and disgusting" which some days makes me anti-social.
I blame all the years being bullied and sad.
I don't even know if I'm friends with my friends anymore. Every time I go on my computer I'm put in a steam group chat with my irl friends and every time I dread it. If we play games and voice chat I'm ignored half the time I speak and the other half of the time I'm ridiculed for having a different point of view. I'm not the sort of guy who is instantly triggered into a state of butthurt, I can take a joke at my expense and laugh it off, but it gets hard to do that when I'm the targey of it all the time. Ingame sometimes they think its hilarious to deprive me of ammo or health by taking the pickups but this doesnt bother me too much. What does bother me is that I feel unable to do anything about it since I feel sorry for them because of their upbringing. One has had a rough patch with his parents being divorced and the other has no ambition and as a result of his laziness, has parents who apparently hate him. I have one friend in this group also who is friends with them but isn't anything like them, he's probably who I would describe as my best friend. I don't want to lose him as a friend if I decide to leave my other friends. As a result of this I've been searching up 'toxic friends' and the like and on numerous occasions told them that sometimes I feel as though they are a perfect manifestation of a toxic friend definition, but that just makes me feel bad...
On top of this, I'm terrified of starting uni in a couple of weeks and feel very unaccomplished with my lack of a job and limited set of interests. The only things I see as productive that I've done have been practising guitar like a madman and improving my mapping skills in Hammer editor. I feel like a burden and I don't think my friends are helping :L
You should tell them how you feel. That's what friends are for.
[editline]17th February 2015[/editline]
I mean, I guess it's a pretty big part of a nice friendship to be able to deal and take jokes, but when you end up feeling like the butt of all jokes most of the time, that doesn't feel right to me
Being a guy who always leaves feelings out of everything in his life - except with my gf - I can tell you friends will only seem somewhat of a burden. Like Recurracy said,
[QUOTE][I]You should tell them how you feel. That's what friends are for.[/I][/QUOTE]
I should start doing the same.
I should probably listen to my own feelings more as well
I have Paruresis which probably effects me much more than it should, I usually try to find down periods at school where less people are in the restroom (or much more so there's a ton of noise) and even then it takes forever to calm myself down in a stall before I can go. Sometimes I have flareups at home, which is really weird since I basically live alone most of the time.
[QUOTE=Recurracy;47158359]I should probably listen to my own feelings more as well[/QUOTE]
You kinda got to be careful with that. Actions moved by emotion are not always the best option.
[QUOTE=SoftHearted;47159825]You kinda got to be careful with that. Actions moved by emotion are not always the best option.[/QUOTE]
Of course, the best way is to resort to both feelings and reason: using only one causes problems.
For example, only using reason makes me feel awkward when with friends because they all share their feelings while I don't and feel out of place.
[QUOTE=SoftHearted;47159825]You kinda got to be careful with that. Actions moved by emotion are not always the best option.[/QUOTE]
I've tried resorting to intellect and reason only, always, and it left me with the inability to feel happiness when appropriate. It sucked.
Funny how it's always about balance.
Sometimes, when I'm nearing the end of a several hour long art or model project, I tend take a step back and start laughing maniacally to myself, as if I had just stitched together Frankenstein's monster. Something about seeing everything coming together after hours of frustration is satisfying to say the least.
When I'm watching movies/TV shows for the Xth time, I always hope that the characters change their mind before doing something stupid.
I've been at work for a couple hours and just now realized this is my day off.
I try and keep my crotch as clean shaven as I can, hair is gross.
[QUOTE=Wolf532;47173426]I try and keep my crotch as clean shaven as I can, hair is gross.[/QUOTE]
shaving my entire pubes and ass hair is on my normal schedule like every week or so.
I'm a goldbricker
[QUOTE=Wolf532;47173426]I try and keep my crotch as clean shaven as I can, hair is gross.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Blue Meanie;47175834]shaving my entire pubes and ass hair is on my normal schedule like every week or so.[/QUOTE]
Don't you two get itches like 24/7?
[QUOTE=Wolf532;47173426]I try and keep my crotch as clean shaven as I can, hair is gross.[/QUOTE]
I keep hair there to a minimum but shaving it completely is a no go because that is the one place you don't want to get itchiness or razor burns
[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;47176333]Don't you two get itches like 24/7?[/QUOTE]
after you get used to it, it stops.
I am doing a crap whilst posting this.
[QUOTE=Bradyns;47177061]I am doing a crap whilst posting this.[/QUOTE] Reported for shitposting
[QUOTE=Blue Meanie;47176780]after you get used to it, it stops.[/QUOTE]
How long does that take
Applying hot (or at least very warm) water to the skin before shaving may decrease the itching.
At least it did for me.
Use a safety razor. I shave in the shower.
[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;47178679]How long does that take[/QUOTE]
A long, long time. Just soak in hot water for like 20 mins at first.
It's definitely worth it though, i can shave my balls really easily with no itching, as well as anything else.
Also girls love it a lot more when their man is shaved, at least most of them.
[QUOTE=Blue Meanie;47181658]A long, long time. Just soak in hot water for like 20 mins at first.
It's definitely worth it though, i can shave my balls really easily with no itching, as well as anything else.
Also girls love it a lot more when their man is shaved, at least most of them.[/QUOTE]
Very bold statement. I have yet to meet a girl who prefered this, but that is only experience and doesn't mean anything outside of that context.
I just wimped out and didn't tell my boss I couldn't work for him anymore until 2 hours before I needed to be at work because I was too scared to tell him before, I've known for over a week now.
I secretly fear I'm wrong about everything
Sometimes I just listen to sad songs, not because I'm sad, for some reason sad songs really sound nice to me even when I'm not in a somber mood.
[QUOTE=kingstead;47190153]Sometimes I just listen to sad songs, not because I'm sad, for some reason sad songs really sound nice to me even when I'm not in a somber mood.[/QUOTE]
Regardless of mood, some songs remain masterpieces. I listen to Nanou 2 at any time, any mood because it's a very beautiful song.
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