[QUOTE=rovar;28992191]About 3 months ago. Friends house, sleepover. We were playing Halo 1 because we're cool. He grabs my iPod without me known and says, "Gotta shit." and leaves. I think nothing of it because I'm gaming, and I do not pay attention while gaming. Anyways, only me and Justin were home. I hear the bathroom door slam. But, apparently not for the first time. He was coming out of the bathroom, not going into. (I must of not heard the door close the first time.)
Here's where it gets weird. He runs, full speed, iPod blasting porn, he's buck-naked, sticks his damn cock into my ear and proceeds to jizz in my ear. I can't hear shit, he's laughing his ass off, and I'm just in total shock of how gay he is. Not because he came in my ear, because he decided to do it. By the way, the porn was shemale or some sick shit.
I haven't talked to him since.[/QUOTE]
1. Why do you have shemale porn on your iPod.
2. Why did you give him your iPod.
3. Why the fuck would any human being jizz in another person's ear.
[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;28991970][url]http://www.facepunch.com/threads/1042931-The-Chronicles-of-Patcher[/url]
He came on his sister and they started having sex.[/QUOTE]
I fucking LOVE you for finding this. I assumed it was deleted. You know, back then I requested it be deleted. I asked EVERY mod, but Rusty told them to keep it up.
I will try to restore it, though much has been deleted, since I feel that the thread is a part of Facepunch history.
[editline]5th April 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=Novangel;28993114]Too bad the thread's snipped.[/QUOTE]
Unsnipped, and in the process of being restored to it's former glory.
Hmmm twisted so far, I think I know where this is going.
[QUOTE=Novangel;28995489]Hmmm twisted so far, I think I know where this is going.[/QUOTE]
He fucked her, simple as that. There's pictures of him snogging her.
Okay guys I got a story.
I was fapping and when I climaxed I noticed no cum. So I went "Well shit." and carried on downstairs.
What I didnt know was that all of I got under a flap on my jeans and I was standing by the TV asking what are you guys(Dad+Sister) watching, the cum started to drip off my jeans and I didnt notice, both my sister and dad saw it, I then realized it and ran upstairs to my room, closed the door, got on the floor and walked the dinosaur :v:
[QUOTE=myalt22;28995710]He fucked her, simple as that. There's pictures of him snogging her.[/QUOTE]
Oh dear.
By the way, he searched it up on my iPod.
[QUOTE=rovar;29000013]By the way, he searched it up on my iPod.[/QUOTE]
riiiiiiiiiiiight
[QUOTE=BlueYoshi;28995741]...and walked the dinosaur :v:[/QUOTE]
What?
I'm not sure about this but yesterday I was cleaning my gun in the bathroom and I heard footsteps. Then I walked to the door and heard somebody running.
But that's probably the only time I got caught and it wasn't as bad as the stories here.
[QUOTE=Mobile_Person;29001890]I'm not sure about this but yesterday I was cleaning my gun in the bathroom and I heard footsteps. Then I walked to the door and heard somebody running.
But that's probably the only time I got caught and it wasn't as bad as the stories here.[/QUOTE]
What kind of gun do you own?
Well I can tell you this, I am not ashamed.
So some weeks ago just watching some pictures of some hot chicks and cleaning my gun, almost ready to climax my mom just runs in and yell
Mom: Oh, C'mon can't you just fucking lock the door!!!
Me: Poker face. Can't you just fucking knock instead?
She left the room and I got back to business.
[QUOTE=rovar;28992191]About 3 months ago. Friends house, sleepover. We were playing Halo 1 because we're cool. He grabs my iPod without me known and says, "Gotta shit." and leaves. I think nothing of it because I'm gaming, and I do not pay attention while gaming. Anyways, only me and Justin were home. I hear the bathroom door slam. But, apparently not for the first time. He was coming out of the bathroom, not going into. (I must of not heard the door close the first time.)
Here's where it gets weird. He runs, full speed, iPod blasting porn, he's buck-naked, sticks his damn cock into my ear and proceeds to jizz in my ear. I can't hear shit, he's laughing his ass off, and I'm just in total shock of how gay he is. Not because he came in my ear, because he decided to do it. By the way, the porn was shemale or some sick shit.
I haven't talked to him since.[/QUOTE]
I would have chopped his balls off.
I would have sucked his balls off and help him clean up.
Hey can someone re-post Patcher's story, all the pics keep ketting deleted.
[QUOTE=teslath;29002383]What kind of gun do you own?[/QUOTE]
A penis.
[QUOTE=Mobile_Person;29007021]A penis.[/QUOTE]
it uses 9mm rounds
[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;29007057]it uses 9mm rounds[/QUOTE]
Hey son...me and your mom were wondering why there are so many bullet holes in your blanket and roof, i thought we told you not to play with your gun.
[QUOTE=Shadowstone;28988220]For quite a while, I hadn't had a place to finish, so when I wanked at night I had to do it on my carpet, in the dark corner that has a desk and stuff over top of it. One day, my mom was cleaning the carpets and when I got home from school, she marches me in there and says "What the fuck is that?". I put on my poker face and say "Hmm.. must have been a drink or something". But no, this cum spot was fucking huge. Probably covering the whole 1m corner area. She says "Fuck no, what is it." Poker face fading... "I... don't know..." afterwards she shrugs it off and I have to clean it, and to this day I have always done it into a toilet.
Oh, and it was orange after a while, fucking gross.[/QUOTE]
That's why keep your socks on and when you finish on the floor you rub it in with your foot. I've been doing it for years, trust me.
Mobile Person, tell me, if your dick is also a gun, does your asshole function as a grenade launcher?
[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;29011650]Mobile Person, tell me, if your dick is also a gun, does your asshole function as a grenade launcher?[/QUOTE]
no....not uless your piss is a flameflower
[QUOTE=Smokeeater;29011776]no....not uless your piss is a flameflower[/QUOTE]
I guess it is. Look at his avatar. D: That stuff must hurt.
I piss melancholy and shit nonchalance.
i 1nce fapped on ur mums face, and she was lyke "oh ya oh ya oh ya" and i aws lyke "im climax lawlawlawla trololol" and den i jizzzed all over ur mawms face and her dad walked in with the dog and shit the page of 11 of 11 and facepunch of the white of reply of internet of firefox of the new comer of the jizz of yo yo and the rapper that died of cancer 3 years ago lol
[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;29011650]Mobile Person, tell me, if your dick is also a gun, does your asshole function as a grenade launcher?[/QUOTE]
No it functions as an asshole.
[QUOTE=Fancy Godgineer;29011801]I guess it is. Look at his avatar. D: That stuff must hurt.[/QUOTE]
He's just a crazy Finn.
[QUOTE=thelamphead;29012295]i 1nce fapped on ur mums face, and she was lyke "oh ya oh ya oh ya" and i aws lyke "im climax lawlawlawla trololol" and den i jizzzed all over ur mawms face and her dad walked in with the dog and shit the page of 11 of 11 and facepunch of the white of reply of internet of firefox of the new comer of the jizz of yo yo and the rapper that died of cancer 3 years ago lol[/QUOTE]
:frog:
[QUOTE=Ca5bah;29013473]He's just a crazy Finn.[/QUOTE]
That explains everything.
.at friends house, friend is taking dogs for a walk
.needed a shit
.thought "fap, first shit later"
.sitting on the baige fluffy couch
.fappin like a boss
.climax
.poomax
.spend 2 hours cleaning it with a large range of diffrent cleaners
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