[QUOTE=vladnag;29017818].at friends house, friend is taking dogs for a walk
.needed a shit
.thought "fap, first shit later"
.sitting on the baige fluffy couch
.fappin like a boss
.climax
.poomax
.spend 2 hours cleaning it with a large range of diffrent cleaners[/QUOTE]
.com
Holy shit this is still going on maan, I love you guys.
.357 hot loads
Should have seen the distance and force I got on those shots earlier today. Hit my wall from my chair. :smug:
I think the most embarassing thing was when I caught my friend's sister ramming with a dildo. I left the room silently to tear my eyes out.
After failing to do that, and after a gallon of bleach, I returned.
She was gone (apparently with friends) and the bed had a massive stain of blood on it.
:geno:
[QUOTE=TehLeetPenguin;28904419]My mother found my improvised dildo and lube once.[/QUOTE]
That's what happens when you [i]leave it on the fucking bathroom counter[/i].
[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;29028242]I think the most embarassing thing was when I caught my friend's sister ramming with a dildo. I left the room silently to tear my eyes out.
After failing to do that, and after a gallon of bleach, I returned.
She was gone (apparently with friends) and the bed had a massive stain of blood on it.
:geno:[/QUOTE]
was she hot?
[QUOTE=Adamhully;29028931]was she hot?[/QUOTE]
Doesn't sound like it...
[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;29028242]I think the most embarassing thing was when I caught my friend's sister ramming with a dildo. I left the room silently to tear my eyes out.
After failing to do that, and after a gallon of bleach, I returned.
She was gone (apparently with friends) and the bed had a massive stain of blood on it.
:geno:[/QUOTE]
gross
This thread is basically fap discussion.
Anyways, I was staying at my step-mums, and she said I could sleep on the top bunk in my step-sisters room.
It's 3 in the morning, I stumble into the bed and sleep. I don't turn the light on so as not to wake up everyone else.
It's morning. I wake up and am lying in bed, wondering why there is fucking JIZZ STAINS, BLOOD, and other assorted nasty stains covering the matress and duvet.
And since that day, 3 years ago, I always slept on their sofa.
[QUOTE=myalt22;29029847]This thread is basically fap discussion.
Anyways, I was staying at my step-mums, and she said I could sleep on the top bunk in my step-sisters room.
It's 3 in the morning, I stumble into the bed and sleep. I don't turn the light on so as not to wake up everyone else.
It's morning. I wake up and am lying in bed, wondering why there is fucking JIZZ STAINS, BLOOD, and other assorted nasty stains covering the matress and duvet.
And since that day, 3 years ago, I always slept on their sofa.[/QUOTE]
what happened there? a murder/rape?
[QUOTE=hanswithcheese;29029920]what happened there? a murder/rape?[/QUOTE]
Virginity lost.
So, it is summer, on vacation, hanging out with my whole family, and my sexual tension meter is fucking high; I hadn't fapped in almost a month. So in my room I go into the closet (this is in a beachhouse) and get it started, but for some reason my 6 strong group of cousins (and my sister) decides to at that moment come into my room and start playing around.
So I'm like 'shit', but keep fapping anyway, as quietly as I can, with all of my cousins barely a few feet and a closet door away, and then the fucking coat-rack decides to fall on me. It was made of heavy and light metal welded together or some shit, and part of it hit me right beside the balls (thankfully not ON the balls) which I think caused me to climax. Also, when I fap I sometimes hold my arm in an extremely awkward position (kind of like inverted, instead of my thumb being at the top of my penis, it is at the bottom) and when a heavy piece of metal hit it, it fractured the elbow. The climax and the coat-rack hitting me and fracturing my arm (and maybe a few other things) caused me to yell and jump back instinctively into the closet door, which somehow breaks the hinges and I go skidding back into the room.
Now, this was one of those closet doors made up of like 6 parts with 28 hinges, so it wrapped right around me, with the coat-rack on top of me. So I am wrapped up in wood like a burrito, a coat-rack on top of me and kind of crunching and stabbing into me, jizz everywhere (I was doing the thing where right before you climax, you stop, and you keep doing it until you have a lot saved up, so there was jizz covering everywhere on my shirt and on the floor), and all my cousins and my sister just frozen there mid-play, staring at me moan and whimper.
It also didn't help that it was the summer that some of my cousins got really curious about the penis and kept pulling down my pants and boxers.
My mom proceeded to go through my room looking for a charger, then she found really old porn in my dresser. she laughed and I said to not tell dad. A few hours later, my dad says "So, that is where my CD went. Was it good?" I just had a pokerface the whole time. I have never been caught wanking yet. Probably because I do it in my room with the door locked, or in the shower.
[QUOTE=codemaster85;29034231]My mom proceeded to go through my room looking for a charger, then she found really old porn in my dresser. she laughed and I said to not tell dad. A few hours later, my dad says "So, that is where my CD went. Was it good?" I just had a pokerface the whole time. I have never been caught wanking yet. Probably because I do it in my room with the door locked, or in the shower.[/QUOTE]
It's kinda gross doing it in the shower. I mean, your sperm becomes so... different when in contact with water. :v:
I am a fapping ninja, sometimes, i fap with my mom just couple of metres away from me :smug:
[QUOTE=Garik;29034333]I am a fapping ninja, sometimes, i fap with my mom just couple of metres away from me :smug:[/QUOTE]
Any closer than 2 meters and it becomes incest.
I find it 100% impossible to fap in the shower.
[QUOTE=myalt22;29034594]I find it 100% impossible to fap in the shower.[/QUOTE]
It kinda is. Because the water does something to your nerves and you can't feel stuff so good. example: You can slap yourself on the head and you don't feel it like you do while not being in the shower. That's why wanking in the shower is hard(unless you know how to use soap :smug: ).
[QUOTE=Fancy Godgineer;29034645]It kinda is. Because the water does something to your nerves and you can't feel stuff so good. example: You can slap yourself on the head and you don't feel it like you do while not being in the shower. That's why wanking in the shower is hard(unless you know how to use soap :smug: ).[/QUOTE]
I do. :q:
[QUOTE=DatWut?;29034674]I do. :q:[/QUOTE]
THE BLISTERS! :byodood:
[QUOTE=MacTrekkie;29035084]THE BLISTERS! :byodood:[/QUOTE]
Dick of STEEEL! Wait... BLISTERS! AHGFVABJ!
Btw, sorry for inactive-ness trying to pull.
I hate fapping in the shower mainly because semen turns into fucking glue when it touches water. One time some got stuck on my leg and I didn't notice until 10 minutes after I'd already gotten dressed.
[QUOTE=mookman22;29035574]I hate fapping in the shower mainly because semen turns into fucking glue when it touches water. One time some got stuck on my leg and I didn't notice until 10 minutes after I'd already gotten dressed.[/QUOTE]
This.
[QUOTE=mookman22;29035574]I hate fapping in the shower mainly because semen turns into fucking glue when it touches water. One time some got stuck on my leg and I didn't notice until 10 minutes after I'd already gotten dressed.[/QUOTE]
When I'm in the shower, I can't fap for some reason, and if the water from the shower head hits my "head" then I'm just like "ohoholy fuck" and it's p. loud so I don't like to do it.
Also, I was on Skype once, went to fap, didn't turn mic off. Everyones done it another time or another. v:v:v
[QUOTE=tommofandan;29037179]When I'm in the shower, I can't fap for some reason, and if the water from the shower head hits my "head" then I'm just like "ohoholy fuck" and it's p. loud so I don't like to do it.
Also, I was on Skype once, went to fap, didn't turn mic off. Everyones done it another time or another. v:v:v[/QUOTE]
No actually i don't think so :geno:
[QUOTE=Fancy Godgineer;29034645]It kinda is. Because the water does something to your nerves and you can't feel stuff so good. example: You can slap yourself on the head and you don't feel it like you do while not being in the shower. That's why wanking in the shower is hard(unless you know how to use soap :smug: ).[/QUOTE]
Vaseline bro. Vaseline. Slap that shit allover your dick and fap like a madman in the shower. The thick oily coat protects from the awkward viscosity of the water, and best of all after you're all done you can easily clean up because you're already in the shower.
I've only tried masturbating in the shower several times and each time has almost led to me collapsing. When I orgasm in a standing, upright position my legs nearly give out.
Such is life when every orgasm is a full body orgasm. :smithicide:
Shower fap is easy as hell, what are you guys talking about? You lube up your hand with some soap, and then start wanking it. It creates a ton of bubbles so you don't even need that much.
Make sure not to fap in the direct stream though, stand a little bit off so only the occasional drop hits.
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