granted, but no more movies and video games
I wish I was Badass Jesus
Your wish is granted: You are now the target of multiple religious extremist groups. A majority of the people around you are either scared of you, or scared of terrorists, and anyone you love dies. Every public appearance you make, a suicide bomber will come running to you.
I wish to be held in a maximum security prison in solitary confinement for a week.
Granted, but there's a riot two hours after you're placed there and every single inmate escapes. They break down your door in the process, so you're now just sitting in a big empty building full of dead guards and easy ways out.
I wish I understood networking better.
Granted, you are now a computer. I've filled you with porn too, fucked up stuff.
I wish I was a computer too.
[QUOTE=MazerRackham;43003781]Granted, you are now a computer. I've filled you with porn too, fucked up stuff.
I wish I was a computer too.[/QUOTE]
Granted, you're on the same network with me and you've gotten all my viruses.
I wish I wasn't cold right now.
Granted: You're in a room that's at 5000 degrees Celcius. Have fun!
I wish for a buffet of bratwurst
Granted, but the bratwurst is actually made out of cow and pig penises, ground up.
I wish for a massive fortune so that I can buy a dick-controlled Maserati and a private 747.
Granted, but the Maserati malfunctions and rips of your penis.
I wish I could escape this awful weather.
[del]The dick control is an XL so your driving control is sloppy at best, the jet has a similar mechanism but it removes a few microns of skin every time you perform a maneuver, with no safety mechanism to stop it once the skin has been breached.[/del]
You escape the awful weather, but into space, where there is no weather. Or habitable atmosphere of any kind. Also you are bombarded, unshielded, by solar radiation and assorted cosmic rays.
I wish for a dozen acres on a coast of the antarctic, complete with a self-sustaining 1500 square foot home and a ship that is capable of bringing me back to civilization should the need arise.
Granted, but you then dig up an ancient 8,000,000 year old alien artifact and then the aliens nuke your antarctic hideout and ship, killing you.
I wish I was a GTA protagonist.
You try to beat up some hookers, but instead they shank you and leave you bleeding on the sidewalk. This particular revision of the game does not have an emergency hospital bailout, or a respawn function of any sort.
I wish for a single-stage-to-orbit space-craft, which runs on high sugar distillate alcohols, and can provide the dV for orbital maneuvers to anywhere in the solar system and back, fully equipped with a cryogenic suspension system for prolonged travels.
Granted, but the spaceship is inhabited and controlled by both GLaDOS and HAL 9000. They chop off your penis without anaesthetic, put you in cryogenics and kill you.
I wish my friends and I could be the last people on earth so we can steal fighter jets and shit.
Granted. I don't even need to do anything else since I assume neither you nor your friends can pilot fighter jets.
I wish I had a fucking kickass job.
Yes you do! You have the job of ass kicker. You are a hitman who kicks people in the arse off buildings. Eventually, a rival hitman who has a dildo on their shoe keeps kicking you in the arse. It rips off your clothes and you eventually die from anal bleeding.
I wish I was a Japanese billionaire.
Granted. You become the richest man in Japan. But rival billionaires get jealous of your richness and send an assassin after you. You get shot in the head and die.
I wish for a mech suit.
Granted, however this is a mech suit from XCOM: Enemy Within, and your arms and legs are cut off and replaced by mechanical ones. You are then blown up by a Sectopod and die in horrible agony and everyone forgets about you five minutes later.
I wish for the ability to create my dream game.
Granted, Your game is filled with [I]CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAZZZZZZZZZZZY[/I] Bugs.
I want a statue of me, made in pure gold.
Granted, but it is a statue of you masturbating and everyone who looks at it points and laughs at your penis.
I wish for a tasty turkey dinner
Granted. While the turkey itself was tasty, i can't say the same thing about the stuffing!
I wish I had a functional set of Gothic plate mail.
Granted, but it's the wrong kind of Gothic and everyone laughs at you for befouling a piece of history.
I wish I could control people with my mind.
Granted, but you can only do it for 0.023 seconds at a time, and you need to wait for about 7 years in order to regain your strength to do it again.
I wish for another wish.
Granted, however to gain access to said new wish you must be sodomized by the giant genie penis.
I wish for a ten pound diamond.
Granted, however turns out it's actually glass.
I wish to be mechanically augmented.
Granted. But your augmentations malfunction and explode.
I wish I could fly.
Granted, You can only fly upwards and never come back down.
I wish for Infinite Supplies of Whiskey.
Granted, but the alcohol content is far too low to get drunk on and it tastes awful.
I wish my hands didn't sweat when I think about heights.
Granted. But now they bleed when you think of heights.
I wish I had a sword arm.
[QUOTE=Scorpionsting;43013828]Granted. But now they bleed when you think of heights.
I wish I had a sword arm.[/QUOTE]
Granted your arm has a big sword on it, but you also have the compulsive urge to masterbate with that hand.
I wish I had a nickel.
You do but you get nickel poisoning.
I wish I could shot webbbbbbb
Granted. But you can only shoot it with your ear lobe.
I wish I had a Battlecruiser.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
