The Joke Thread - General - Facepunch Forum

ok so there like 2 guys n stuff n they walk in a bar and the guy says hey how did the ckicken cross the road and the uther guy says uhh i dunno and then the other guys says to get to the other side LOL

Wouldn't it be called dihydrogen dioxide?

Why do horses jump so much. They have frogs in their feet. What does it mean if you find a horse shoe? Some poor horse is running around in socks. What breed of horse can jump higher than a house? None, houses don't jump.

See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...and one night...one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they’re going to escape! So like they get up on to the roof, and there, just across the narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in moon light...stretching away to freedom. Now the first guy he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daren't make the leap. Y'see he's afraid of falling...So then the first guy has an idea. He says "Hey! I have my flash light with me. I will shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk across the beam and join me." But, the second guy just shakes his head. He says...he says "What do you think I am, crazy? You would turn it off when I was half way across. Ha ha ha hahahahahahahah HAAAA! HAAAHAAAAAA! [img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/53/Jokerkillingjoke.png[/img]

What's the difference between Heath Ledger, and Heath Ledger jokes? Heath Ledger jokes can get old.

[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1]Two atoms walk into a bar. The one says to the other, "I've lost an electron." The second one says, "Are you sure?" To which the first responds, "I'm positive."[/QUOTE] That's what you houserobot says in Fallout 3. [QUOTE=Alteir]So this neutron walks into a bar, and he goes up to the counter and says "Hey bartender, can I get a drink?" And the bartender replies "For you, free of charge." :v:[/QUOTE] This one aswell.

I got a good joke. This thread. Just kidding.

Yo momma!

Epic thread!

[QUOTE=da bloop]Hoy many jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front 2 in the back 6 million in the ash tray.[/QUOTE] My cousins a jewish person you ass. Also enough with the fucking Fallout 3 jokes.

[QUOTE=zombiebilly]Wouldn't it be called dihydrogen dioxide?[/QUOTE] No it wouldn't.

Woman's rights.

[QUOTE=SuckaMC]My cousins a jewish person you ass. Also enough with the fucking Fallout 3 jokes.[/QUOTE] You're on Facepunch you ass.

for christmas a man said to his wife "i want something that can go from 0-250 really fast". the wife said to him "then why don't you buy yourself a scale?"

[QUOTE=SuckaMC]My cousins a jewish person you ass. Also enough with the fucking Fallout 3 jokes.[/QUOTE] I hope you're aware those jokes were around before Fallout 3.

[QUOTE=Alteir]So this neutron walks into a bar, and he goes up to the counter and says "Hey bartender, can I get a drink?" And the bartender replies "For you, free of charge." :v:[/QUOTE] :lol:

Someone said 'Hi' And so then, Officer Ro-Fl said 'Cheers' And flew away. Yesterday later.. a new zombie frog was born until it died. Thursday, there were only 2 left until one went right. [b]THE END![/b]

[QUOTE=SuckaMC]My cousins a jewish person you ass. Also enough with the fucking Fallout 3 jokes.[/QUOTE] I am Jewish. I was entertained. :derp: [b]Edit:[/b] Friendly ratings?

Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!" Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand. Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson. "Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye." "Very good, Sam. Thank you." Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese.

[QUOTE=Kubi]Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."[/QUOTE] :v: :q:

What's worse than a worm in your apple? [sp]The Holocaust[/sp]

[QUOTE=JamesIsGay]What's worse than a worm in your apple? [sp]The Holocaust[/sp][/QUOTE] The Holocaust wasn't funny.. atleast, not that funny

Yeah, "rape" is a better answer.

[QUOTE=tannzwut]Yeah, "rape" is a better answer.[/QUOTE] Rape.

[QUOTE=JamesIsGay]What's worse than a worm in your apple? [sp]The Holocaust[/sp][/QUOTE] What? That's not even remotely funny, and makes no sense.

He wasn't trying to make since. He's trying to be funny by making a random joke. Ex: What's worse than 10 dead Jews? [sp] 6 million burnt dead jews[/sp]

[QUOTE=JamesIsGay]What's worse than a worm in your apple? [sp]The Holocaust[/sp][/QUOTE] How about taking a bite and finding half a worm? [content] At school, Tommy was told by a classmate that most adults hide at least one dark secret and this makes it very easy to blackmail them merely by saying, "I know the whole truth." So Tommy decides to try it out. When he arrives home from school that day, he says to his mother, "I know the whole truth." His mother looks shocked, quickly finds $20, and gives it to him, saying, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, Tommy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." His father looks shocked, quickly finds $40, and gives it to him, saying, "Just don't tell your mother." The next morning, Tommy is on his way to school when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy decides to try again. "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops his mailbag, throws opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real daddy a nice big hug!"

[QUOTE=JamesIsGay]What's worse than a worm in your apple? [sp]The Holocaust[/sp][/QUOTE] [QUOTE=CyanideMach]The Holocaust wasn't funny.. atleast, not that funny[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Daddy-of-war]You're on Facepunch you ass.[/QUOTE] :raise:

So I mixed grenades and lemons together and got lemonades. A man walked into a bar. Ouch.