• Post Your Funniest "Bad" Joke
    283 replies, posted
My Mum always hides bad news from me. I only just found out about the death of Princess Diana. Oh well. Seeing Michael Jackson at the O2 tonight should cheer me up. [editline]06:57PM[/editline] Apparently, 3.5 out of 7 people overcomplicate things. [editline]06:57PM[/editline] I found out this weekend that my 13 year old daughter has been talking to a notorious paedophile on the internet for the past few months. I only realised it was her when she emailed me a picture. Small world, eh? [editline]06:58PM[/editline] Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet. We're a cover band.
What happens when you throw some underpants into the Red Sea? [sp]They get wet[/sp]
found this on Racistjokes.com while doing a project on Judaism for my History Class How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle? 54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray. (dont know why they chose 54 as a number though) :iiam:
Whats the difference between boy scouts and jews? boy scouts roast marshmellows at camp and jews get roasted at camp!!
What starts on four legs, then on two, then back to three? A baby. Starts on four, cut off two of its legs, it only has two. Give it a crutch to hobble on, it has three.
What's long, slithers, and wiggles. And shocking. A snake that crawls over your penis.
A priest, a rabbi and a minister decide to see who's best at his job. The test is to go into the woods, find a bear and try to convert it. After they are done the priest says, "I read to the bear from the Catechism, sprinkled him with holy water and next week is his First Communion." The minister said, "I found a bear by the stream, preached God's holy word and he let me baptize him in the river." The rabbi was bandaged from head to foot and said. "Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision." [editline]09:28PM[/editline] Here's another one. A lady rubs a lamp and a genie appears. He says that he will grant her one wish. She wishes for her cat to turn into Brad Pitt. It is done, and she hops into her cat's arms and asks him if he has anything to say before they jump into bed together. The cat says "Yeah. I bet you wish you hadn't had me nutered last week."
ah shit I posted my joke twice in this thread sorry guys :frown:
How do you drive a car in Soviet Russia? You don't. The car drives you.
A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my load in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?" [editline]03:17AM[/editline] What's the difference between force and gravity? You can't gravity a girl to suck your cock.
Three gays passed away and they all knew each other. All of them chose to be creamated. When the ashes were delivered to their lovers all asked each other what they were going to do with them. Tom said; "Joe loved to sky dive, so I'm going to take a plane and scatter him across the sky." Matt said; "Charly was a good fisher man, so I'm going to sactter him in the lake." Bill said; "Howe was such a good lover, I'm going to put him in the chille so he can tear up my ass one more time." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man goes to his doctor to pick up his medicine. When he gets there, his doctor tells him that he has to take these up the butt, because otherwise he'd vomit them up. The doctor asks the man if he'd like the doctor to put it in today because it's his first time and after this his wife can do it, and the man agrees. So he puts it in, and the man yells, "Ow!" and then the doctor tells him it will sometimes hurt, and sends him on his way. The next day, his wife puts it in for him, and as she puts it in, he screams at the top of his lungs. She asks him what is wrong, because she put it in gently, and he tells her that when the doctor put it in, he had two hands on his shoulders.
What did Batman say to Robin just before they got into the Batmobile? [sp]Robin, get in the Batmobile.[/sp]
Why did the Indians make it to America first? Because they had reservations. :buddy:
A priest, a rabbi, a lawyer, a redneck, a blond, and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says [sp]"What is this, some kind of joke?"[/sp]
There's a White man, Black man, Spanish man and a Chinese man. They are all on top of a high mountian. The Chinese man steps up to the ledge and yells; "This is for my people!" He then jumps off. The Spanish man walks up and yells; "This is for my people!" He also jumps off. The Black man walks up and yells; "This is for my people!" He grabs the White guy and throws him off.
So i called the rape advice line the other day.. Seems like it's only for victims
[QUOTE=GawdOfROFLS;16650802]what do u call 2 blacks raping a white? oreo cookie what do u call a black priest? holy shit[/QUOTE] Oh my god, that is racist but I laughed in 'bout 20 seconds. :dance:
[QUOTE=ser770;18028605]So i called the rape advice line the other day.. Seems like it's only for victims[/QUOTE] :buddy:
In America you use Sandbags for cover [b] In Soviet Russia they use YOU for cover! [/b] :ussr:
what do you call a black priest? Holy Shit
A man walked into a bar. Ouch.
Those baby jokes are stupid and make no sense what so ever. Get some taste, people. I get all of my shitty jokes off of packages of Laffy Taffy. Here's a sampler. [b]Why didn't the banana like the show?[/b] Because it didn't [i]appeal[/i] to him. Hahahahaha. [b]Did you hear about the robbery at the laundromat?[/b] Two clothespins held up a shirt. [b]Why did the rabbit go to the hospital?[/b] To get a [i]hop[/i]-eration.
It's like walking into a Chinese restaurant and asking for a burrito. Tits or Ass? Tass that brass! You turn on your camera while sitting on the sidewalk, when it finally turns on you see through your neighbors window turn girls scissoring.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? [sp]The wheelchair[/sp]
[QUOTE=laserpanda;18031276]What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? [sp]The wheelchair[/sp][/QUOTE] :lol:
A man and woman had sex. Found out they were dead the next morning. Let's clean up this crime scene.
whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? the pizza doesn't scream in an oven. how do you fit a thousand jews in a car? 1 in front 3 in back and the rest in the ash tray. why don't women need watches? because there's a clock on the stove whats harder than nailing a baby to a window? me while doing it. lolcats
What's the difference between a jewish person, and a boy scout? Boy scouts actually come back from their camps. :(
What's the cross between jesus and buses. Jebus.
Ok, so an irishman walked out of a pub.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.