[QUOTE=arandom;45705004]I literally killed an hour reading Charybdis' joke. For a 4 word punchline.[/QUOTE]
But it was really worth it.
[editline]16th August 2014[/editline]
[sp]Better Nate than lever![/sp]
There was once a cat with 16 lives. One day, he was run over by a 4x4 pickup and died.
(I get secondhand embarrassment from merely typing that.)
Need an ark?
I Noah guy.
A psychic midget escaped from prison.
[I]Short Medium's at Large![/I]
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
[I][B]Doughnuts.[/B][/I]
[SP]Kill me.[/SP]
[QUOTE=Demeschik;45671813]Here's some Russian humor for you.[/QUOTE]
[quote]-How much is 150+150?
-300.
-Suck a tractor driver's dick.[/quote]
flawless
[QUOTE]The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven’s Ninth. In the piece, there’s a long passage about 20 minutes during which the double basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession (as double bassists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch. “Hey! We need to get back!”
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist.
"I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor’s score together with string. It’ll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don’t you see?
It’s the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded.”
[/QUOTE]
Two peanuts walked down a street.
One was a salted peanut.
How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
a buck an ear
How do you kill a circus?
[sp]go for the jugular[/sp]
Are you a chicken on a farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
Pickup lines apply don't they?
Why was Tyrion Lannister Master of the Coin in GoT?
Because it's the little things that count
Two tomatoes cross the street. One of the tomatoes gets hit by a car, and the other tomatoe goes "Aw, come on... Catch up!"
Why did the chicken cross the road
[sp]kfc was taking applications[/sp]
What's the difference between pink and purple?
[sp]The strength of your grip.[/sp]
What's 18" long and has a purple head?
[sp]Crib death.[/sp]
What's the difference between a truck full of bricks and a truck full of babies?
[sp]It's really hard to unload bricks with a pitch-fork.[/sp]
Did you hear the one about the sidewalk?
[sp]It's all over town![/sp]
Did you hear the one about the bed?
[sp]That's because it hasn't been made yet.[/sp]
I come from a long line of conga dancers.
Three men walk into a bar; a Jewish man, a black man, and an Asian man.
They all proceeded to have a very good time in each other's company whilst discussing things that they can relate to, and even going so far as to respect differing opinions on the same matter.
What's worse than 10 babies in a box?
...1 baby in 10 boxes..
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a registered six offender
What do you call the sun at night?
[sp]The sun, except you can't see it anymore due to the earth's rotation.[/sp]
what do you call a black man flying a plane
[sp]a pilot[/sp]
Have you seen the new cemetary? People are dying to get in there.
Two peanuts are walking down the road, one was a salted.
My dog has no nose. How does he smell? Awful.
LOL
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup. You can chop beef but you can't pee soup!
What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
He wiped his butt.
What do you call Christopher Walken when he takes an angry stroll in the streets?
Cross Walkin.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
[sp]Alley Cats[/sp]
[sp]Just found this one on a Popsicle stick[/sp]
What did the Christian donkey say before dinner?
[sp]"Let's bow our heads and bray."[/sp]
what's purple and smells like paint?
[sp]purple paint[/sp]
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