I had some Golden Monkey tea a while ago.
It's tea. That is picked by monkeys.
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;19536028]I had some Golden Monkey tea a while ago.
It's tea. That is picked by monkeys.[/QUOTE]
i'd be afraid they would jerk off into it
[IMG]http://fi.somethingawful.com/customtitles/title-crumfunist_.jpg[/IMG]
[editline]09:55PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;19536028]I had some Golden Monkey tea a while ago.
It's tea. That is picked by monkeys.[/QUOTE]
you should try that coffee that gets eaten by civets then thrown up again
[QUOTE=SickJits;19536042]i'd be afraid they would jerk off into it[/QUOTE]
That and they love to whip poo everywhere.
[QUOTE=SickJits;19536042]i'd be afraid they would jerk off into it[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't because that's not a normal thing to be afraid of
A normal thing would be to be afraid they shat on it
[QUOTE=Parakon;19536069]That and they love to whip poo everywhere.[/QUOTE]
yeah
i wouldn't drink it
[editline]01:56PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;19536078]I wouldn't because that's not a normal thing to be afraid of
A normal thing would be to be afraid they shat on it[/QUOTE]
dude they jerk off constantly
they beat off like fuckin 6 times a day
that's more then me
that's abnormal
And again, I have crafted another installment to my story.
When it comes to cooling inside my own home, I highly prefer fans over air-con :|
[QUOTE=SickJits;19536081]yeah
i wouldn't drink it
[editline]01:56PM[/editline]
dude they jerk off constantly
they beat off like fuckin 6 times a day
that's more then me
that's abnormal[/QUOTE]
Wow more than you? Holy shit
awwww MAN... :D
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;19536103]Wow more than you? Holy shit[/QUOTE]
that's what i'm fuckin sayin
fell off the bed :saddowns:
I'm so happy I found out what Facebook is truly for.
ohh shit.. o.O
[QUOTE=Jack_Thompson;19536189]I'm so happy I found out what Facebook is truly for.[/QUOTE]
telling Tord he loves penis?
[QUOTE=dcalde78;19536206]telling Tord he loves penis?[/QUOTE]
Over and over.
[QUOTE=HookerVomit;19536180]fell off the bed :saddowns:[/QUOTE]
I haven't done that in years. I remember last time I woke up hitting the floor with like 2 feet between me and my bed like I just teleported several feet to my left.
It's not an experience I'd like to repeat
pepperoni is the wonder drug.
:saddowns:
[QUOTE=NuclearDwarf;19536262]:saddowns:[/QUOTE]
:downs:
[editline]03:07PM[/editline]
I think I'm done Tord.
What's going on everyone? Snows almost gone here :( Oh well, it was great while it lasted, I'll see it again in another 5 years. :v:
[QUOTE=HookerVomit;19536180]fell off the bed :saddowns:[/QUOTE]
that sucks :C
This one's a pretty long one, i'll tell ya what. I'd have had a more dramatic ending, but then this bit would've been even longer than it already is. So without further adieu, here it is.
"Well...", Damien began as the car plowed towards Aurum Benedictus. "All in all that was a rather educational experience, don't you think?" Erika cast a baleful glare at Damien, harbouring contempt for the events that transpired due to Damien's little detour. "EduCATIONAL?!", she yelled. "We coulda freaking DIED, Damien! And if it weren't for my powers, I woulda suffered a much worse fate than THAT..." "Aw come ON!", Damien countered. "Where's your bloody sense of adventure, eh? GAWWWWSH!" "I kinda gotta agree with her, D", Adam announced. "It kinda was a 'royal fuck-up' that happened back there, thanks to your little alias-using. You could've just used our real names, y'know..." "Well, that much is true...", Damien concurred. "But it was still a thrill to actually see some combat for a change, you gotta admit. Besides, now i've found out that there is an actual Captain Jack Sparrow in this universe, and that I look a lot like him, I can use his alias well enough to find out some information on the whereabouts of Mr Carpenter". "You pursuing High Paladin?", Kanek asked with angst. "You chasing starflies again, he impossible to kill! Why you pursue him anyway?" "Because his destiny is crucial to the preservation of reality", Damien explained, pulling the amulet out from his robes. "I was gifted this amulet by one who harvests the dead, a wiseman I encountered not too long ago. He said that by unleashing it's power upon Gabriel, it would undo the brainwashing that transformed him into the warrior he is now, and thus make him an ally to our cause". "And what your cause is?", Kanek queried. "Our cause...", Damien recited. "Is to destroy an ancient evil buried deep within Planet Earth, which has slumbered since time immemorial. Upon it's destruction, the new Belmont shall absorb it's power, thus providing the energies needed to defeat a powerful sorceror, and prevent the rape and pillage of reality caused by the onslaught of his darkest spell".
Kanek's eyes widened fearfully at the prospect of what the rape and pillage of reality would entail. "Then it best we pursue, I guess..." "Aye, we must", Damien confirmed. "Oop, before I forget..." He pulled a spellcore out of his bag, and started to cast a 9-point spell. Upon uttering "Chattur'gha", the runes that surrounded the car started to weave a swirling vortex of crimson light around it, before they vanished, leaving a red bubble of energy surrounding the vehicle. "Bankorok Magormor", he explained. "Generates a protective force around matter, it'll help us survive 're-entry', like a magickal heat shield". "Strange power, even to one like me, and I good at using the Breath". "The Breath?", Adam asked, his ears perking up from interest. "Is Breath of life, the echo of the Mother", Kanek began, as the craft was enveloped in a ball of fire as it entered the atmosphere. "At dawn of time, the Mother crafted Tso, our world, from dust of stars and water from river of light. When she finish making Tso, she use rest of star-clay to make little models that look like her, but each one different. She looked at her work, and she sighed. Her Breath gave life to Tsoa, my kind, as well as filling world with life. Her Breath live in all her creations, even Tso itself, and her Sigh echo across entire universe, her power carried with it, and it still be heard today, if you listen. Tsoa use Breath to affect world around them, make things different. The power you have is much like Breath, Damien, but it seem to affect in different ways". "The Breath indeed sounds like mana, except it sounds more like Qi back on Earth", Damien pondered. "That too is a kind of energy, although it's technically microwave background radiation held together by high-power mental resonance, which unleashes it's parcelled-up energy payload when you lose concentration. Bit more complex and physical than mana, and it takes much more mental discipline and conditioning to harvest and control. Perhaps Qi and Breath are similar?"
"This 'Qi' you speak of, it sound even more like Breath than the 'mana' you have", Kanek commented. "Yes, concentration is key to harvesting Her Breath, which exists only as echo of her Sigh until you close mind to outside noise and listen to the echo. When listening, her echo fill your mind, getting louder until it start to fill body as well. Once it loud enough, listener must concentrate on holding it inside, then using it in desired ways". "Yep, sounds like Qi alright...", Damien added. "Many ways to use Breath, many forms", Kanek continued. "Studiers of Breath, the Breathwrights, study and catalogue the ways Breath be used. They divide Breathing into 3 parts: Element, what it manifest as, Form, the way in which it used, and Aim, the thing it affects". "Hmmm, sounds like the Runic Magicks of the Ancients to me...", Damien interrupted. "But then again, things like Alignment, Action, Target, etc usually pop up when trying to catalogue magickal power, it's nearly impossible to avoid catergorising quantum effects when dealing with a power that affects the universe in specifically-defined ways..." Damien would've elaborated further, but he realised that they had succeeded re-entry, and were now inbound towards Los Solis, a vast megacity that some inhabitants of this universe's galaxy regarded as "The Vegas of the Saggitarius Arm", whilst others fondly titled it "The Latrine of the Eagle Nebula", both titles attributed due to both the city's heavily-relaxed laws concerning drugs, gambling, sex, and other things, as well as the heavy presence of certain undesirable characters it attracted, including pirates, conmen, extremists, bandits, to mention but a few of the contemptable definitions of people that called the city home. "Los Solis...", Kanek scowled with hatred. "On all of Tso, you never find more wretched hive of scum and evil. Is there chance we find Carpenter elsewhere?" "I don't think so, Kanek", Damien countered. "Besides, this place is the chamberpot of the galaxy! A pirate like Sparrow's bound to have connections here, and since i'm practically him, i'll have no problem in being found again. But just in case..."
Damien popped a fresh cell into his T-Souper C96. "We should be on our guard. This place is probably more dangerous than the Engelberg Sawmill facility on a Monday morning". "Hoo man, don't remind me...", Erika groaned, remembering that one incident where a misjudged flutter jump resulted in her falling onto an active sawblade. "Y'know, sawblades hurt in a way than none of you guys should EVER need to comprehend..." Sadly, they did, and they winced intensely at the mental images. After failing to locate good parking, partially due to it currently being the vacation season for most worlds in the galaxy, Damien settled with securing the car just on the city outskirts near the Burning Sands Cross-Desert Maglev. After erecting a 9-point Damage Field around the car, ensuring that no-one could touch it until he returned, he and his allies walked alongside the maglev trench towards Los Solis, due to them having no money to pay the fare to enter via the maglev. "You guys all armed?", Damien checked. "Yep, got ma rifle", Adam confirmed. "Anyone comin' wide at us'll end up tastin' BUCKSHOT!", Erika smirked as she cocked her Scattergun. "Uuuh... I guess this pistol thing work well enough", Kanek muttered, inspecting the revolver he had been handed. "Okey dokey then", Damien replied. "Any bandits intending to attack us are dead meat". But surprisingly, as they followed the trench, they came across no bandits, except the occasional dead one, who luckily had some credit chips on his person. "I dunno, Damien...", Adam warned as his friend searched the corpse of the deceased bandit. "Robbin' the dead don't really seem right..." "Oh ho ho, and you haven't done the same, eh Adam?", Damien countered, once again pointing out his companion's self-righteous hypocrisy. "What about during the old wars? You salvaged medkits and ammo from Combines, didn't ya? Don't you forget when you were a Templar, neither. Hell, ya even recovered some pretty gems offa one Klansman's corpse. And need I remind you 'bout our mercenary work? Ya pick up the enemy's fallen guns to recycle as ammo, not to mention eating the Heavy's sandviches, and ya don't even think twice". Once again, Adam found himself tasting his own hypocrisy, and hung his head in shame. "Oh don't give me that ashamed bullshit again...", Damien sighed. "It's only really morally wrong to grave-rob if it's somewhere that's officially consecrated for burial. If they die in an unconsecrated place, it's technically ok to recover valuables, but only if they're dead beforehand. And even then, the dead are just empty shells, they don't have any life in them to actually make them care".
"Unless they're undead", he added. "Then you're in trouble. But then again, the undead aren't actually dead, they're alive in the sp-" "Moral yammerin' aside, let's just get to the freakin' city", Erika interrupted. "Imma need a drink when this is all over..." "A-fuckin'-men", Adam concurred with eagerness. After many hours of walking, the crew finally found themselves in the lower levels of the city. Compared to the beautiful aerial view they saw when coming from above, hundreds of towers of silver and bronze, the 'undercity' looked very dark and foreboding in comparison. As Adam removed his panama hat and looked back at the desert they had crossed, he beheld a wonderous vista. The setting sun cast a dark crimson tinge upon the sky as it set over the western mountains, and as the blood-red light caught the sand it looked as if the desert itself was on fire. He took in this beautiful sunset with a smile on his face, and with the sunset in his head, he caught up with his friends in the dark undercity. "City of Sun my arse", Damien scowled as he looked around the dismal shades of grey that decorated the lower levels. "Should probably just call the lower levels the City of Sh-". But before he could finish his sentence, the undercity burst into a symphony of neon signs as the sun sank behind the mountains, casting the desert outside under a cloak of darkness. "I stand corrected...", he finished. "Eh, this place don't seem so bad... Although having said that, i'll likely have to eat my hat later when someone tries to mug us..." "Why eat hat when there be food stand on every street corner?", Kanek pointed out, noticing the presence of a hot dog stand on the corner of 934th and A, which was where they were. "Figure of speech, Kanek", Damien replied. "Anyways, we should probably find a hotel to hole up in for the night, avoid any undesirable encounters... This city may look pretty, but it's a wasp in a rose. Enjoy it too much and you get stung all over". Looking around the now technicolour undercity, Damien spotted a relatively civil-looking hotel/club a level above the ground. After taking the stairway to Floor 1, he and his now exausted bretheren walked through the lobby doors into the Swashed Buckle Hotel and Club.
When they arrived at the front desk, they saw a sign saying "Please keep weapons holstered and secured at all times", as well as two burly-looking spider-headed bouncers guarding the double-doors into the club, looking at the sign and then at Damien's crew. "Best abide by the rules, guys", Damien warned his friends, holstering his T-Souper. "We don't know what kinda guy runs this joint..." As the others holstered their guns, Damien gently tapped the bell on the counter, and was greeted shortly by a blonde human lady in a cocktail dress. "Scuse me", he began. "How much is it for a 4-man room for one ni-". The lady took one look at Damien, and clasped her hand around her mouth in shock. "O-oh my god!", she blurted out shakenly. "It's YOU!" With that, she ran back into the club. "At least my face is familiar 'round here...", Damien murmured. "I don't like this one bit, Damien", Erika said anxiously as she backed away towards the door. "Let's get outta here before-". "Cynthia, what's the goddam meaning of this?!", an Italian-American voice echoed. The lady returned, followed shortly by a short, grey-skinned, bulbous-eyed alien in a Hawaiian shirt, remeniscient of the classical Grey alien that late 20th century human popular culture had associated with aliens. "I was right in tha middle of a fitness session! What could possibly be so big that it-". He stopped mid-sentence upon catching sight of Damien. "Hoooly frikken' moley! It's YOU! L-look, if it's about the money I owed ya, i'm workin' on gettin' it, but I don't got enough to repay you right now. Ju-just gimme a coupla months to get it together, I-I-I- Ahah! I'll pay interest! Tha-th-th-th-that's right, i'll pay interest on it! You'll get your money eventually, and more, I swears it Jack, you just gotta gimme more time, i'm BEGGIN' ya!" "Money?", Damien queried. "Wait a minute, let's start over... Who are you?" "Don't you recognise me, Jack?", the Grey asked. "Has it really been so long that ya forgot yer old black market fence?" "I- I guess it musta been...", Damien began. "Musta been so long that I forgot who you are. No offence". "Jeez, you forgot me?", he replied. "How's it possible that you could forget ol' Nick the Torch? Ya get ya head scrambled or sumthin'? 'cause I always warned ya 'bout them freeky deeky voodoo mixes ya used ta knock back. My cousin once got hooked on them, always tryin' bigger an' more potent mixes, and then justa coupla months ago, he ended up gettin' hit by a maglev after chasing a goddam butterfly!"
"Well, I guess I must've gotten off of them, then", Damien mused. "But tell me Nick, how long've I been gone?" "Blimey, them voodoo mixes musta really messed with ya head, Jack...", Nick replied. "You've been gone for over 12 Benedictine cycles! Where've ya been all that time?" "...Benedictine cycles?", Damien asked with bemusement. "Could you tell me how long i've been in [u]Earth time[/u], please?" Nick rolled his eyes. "Hoi oi oi...", he muttered in exasperation. "Ugh, you and your Imperial time... Always wantin' to know everything in those measurements, Earth days, Earth hours, Earth months, Earth years! Why're you so fascinated with goddam Imperial time?!" "I-I-I dunno...", Damien stuttered, taken aback from Nick's sudden outburst. "I guess it's just what I grew up with..." "Ergch...", Nick sighed. "Alright, i'll check it on Google, see what time it was..." Nick the Torch started to type on the PC behind the desk, seemingly searching for a time-comparison website of some sort. After a short period of time, during which Kanek ended up flirting with Cynthia, then stopped because Cynthia turned out to be Nick's fiancee, Nick finally found the result. "Ya see that?", he announced. "That's how long you've been gone in freakin' Imperial time. 9 Earth years, 5 Earth months, 20 Earth days, and 10 Earth hours. Too damn long if you ask me..." "Blimey, it really HAS been too long...", Damien concurred. "9 years... I REALLY must've lost track of time..." "You bet yer ass ya did!", Nick agreed. "C'mon, i'll buy ya a drink. I wanna hear all about what ya did in them long years! Unless, of course, you've forgotten THEM as well" "Oh no, old friend", Damien reassured. "I remember most of 'em pretty well, and i've quite a coupla tales to tell ya". "Excellent!", Nick replied. "Hey Cynthia, you go ahead an' give him an' his friends keys to the Penthouse Suite! Nothin's too good for my ol' buddy Jack..." "You 'eard 'im, kids", Damien repeated. "Take the keys an' use them in the elevator, i'll be up later". "Elevator? Are you crazy?", Nick countered. "The Penthouse Suite's MILES upstairs, further than the elevator can reach! You guys gotta use the Televator, it's much quicker". "Ok guys, seeya later!", said Damien.
"Oh my- WOW...", Erika gasped as she was teleported into the Penthouse Suite. "It's- it's- just, WOW..." The Penthouse Suite of the Swashed Buckle was indeed massive, bigger even than Blaze's pad back in Paris. Looking around, she saw a wonderful view of the Overcity laid beneath the tower, sparkling with countless neon signs and hovercar headlights that sped in intricate patterns through the city grid. Above the city, an alien sky twinkled with alien stars, the like of which Erika had never seen before, and an alien moon, glowing a beautiful purple, shone it's otherworldly light down upon the city. "Oh... This is just so beautiful!", she gasped, still awe-struck by the beauty of the city, and the alien world they now stood on. Kanek didn't think too much of it, he had seen that sky countless times before, and in far better clarity, away from the light pollution of the city, out in the vast golden deserts that his species called home. However, Adam was as amazed as Erika, and accompanied her as they both gazed up at the alien skies, whilst Kanek decided to go and see how comfy the beds of city-folk truly were. "Heh, to think...", Adam began as he wrapped his arms around Erika. "To think that one of those countless little dots of light is our own Sun... And in orbit around it, good ol' Planet Earth". "But it's not our Earth...", Erika commented, now suddenly daunted by it's distance. "Oh god... I just realised... We're so far away from home..." "I know...", Adam agreed. "Not just from Earth, but our own universe, too!" "So so far away from home...", Erika continued. Suddenly, she started to cry, owerwhelmed by the magnitude of the distances they had travelled. "Erika...", Adam gasped. "Oh no no no... There there, don't be like that... It's ok, there's nothing wrong..." "B-but there is...", she countered tearfully. "We're not even supposed to freakin' BE here! We're supposed to be saving Beverly from some big evil demon guy, and what're we doing? I'll tell ya what we're doing, we're VACATIONING! That's right, this is all just a goddam vacation, and whilst we're freakin' adventuring, Beverly is freakin' SUFFERING! And does Damien care? Does he really? MY ASS HE DOES! He's too busy impersonating some space pirate and telling crazy tales about epic adventures that never even happened to him!"
"HEY, you have NO idea what Damien's going through right now", Adam defended. "On the outside he may seem all happy an' dapper, but inside he's being torn apart by his own emotions!" "Oh how d'you know?", Erika scowled. "You can't read minds, you don't even USE magic anymore!" "It doesn't take magic to know how your best friend is feeling...", Adam countered. "I've been friends with Damien for a LONG time, and in that time we've found this kinda connection. It's as if we both know each other inside and out, and we both know how the other is feeling. I don't know how I became so close, but we are. And I can tell you right now, that Damien is feeling pretty bad inside, even if he's feelin' good on the outside". "Ugh, alright, i'll take your goddam word for it...", she replied. "I-i'm just feeling so insecure right now after all that's happened. I mean, aheh, we're on a freakin' alien planet! How can I feel secure when i'm on some rock I don't even know anything about?" "Well, Erika", Adam whispered softly to her as he gently stroked her soft human hair. "You've got me, and I can protect you... Hell, we could be on the other side of a universe on the other side of reality, and it wouldn't matter to me at all! You wanna know why? It's because we have each other..." "Well, [u]you[/u] feel like that, give yerself a pat on the back...", she sighed as she sat down on the couch. "But I just can't get over it, Adam! It's all just so BIG, and we're just so little, and we're so freakin' far away from home!" "Well, to be honest, I don't give a damn at all", he announced as he joined her on the couch, his hands laid on hers. "Though physically, we are indeed small, our love is bigger than any goddam planet..." He moved in closer, this time wrapping her in his arms. "And our passion burns brighter than any goddam star!" Their faces moved closer together, both of them anticipating one other. As their passions swelled, their eyes started to close, as the gap between their lips became smaller and smaller. Eventually, their lips brushed against one another, and they could take no more. Holding each another in their arms, their kisses drove each other wild with desire. No force in reality could separate them now, not whilst the bond of their love was so strong. Their embrace was too strong, their searing passion, too resilient to extinguish. The power that bound them was far stronger than any physical force, far greater than any magickal enchantment. This was the power of love, one of the strongest positive aspects of the sentient mind's operational algorithms. It ensured that the body would fulfill it's predestined main directive, and find one to forge new life with, and continue the same beautiful cycle of creation all over again. However, Adam and Erika cared not for the nature of love, nor it's motives. They were too overwhelmed by it's enrapturing power to think about it.
And with their love once again unbound, they consecrated their passions for one another, and indulged it heavily beneath the skies of Tso.
To be continued...
