• Your omega-as-fuck moments.
    144 replies, posted
[QUOTE=css_nerd;41220160]I stubbed my toe last week while watering my spice garden and I only cried for 20 minutes.[/QUOTE] i think you'll want this place instead [img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/cb21de634682e6608a0964314c57e1aa/tumblr_mheocqPvtl1qgi1reo1_400.jpg[/img]
Year 8, class was just about to start. Some dimwit proclaimed "I bet my dick is a hundred longer than the teacher's!" Teacher walks in, it was a female substitute teacher and say back "One hundred times zero is still zero" :v:
Every time I get called "sir".
1 year ago on a parking lot infront of the mall, 2 hours before midnight I lost my keys to my shitty Volvo V70 (yes I don't like Volvo but it was a gift). I didn't knew how to start a car's engine without a key but I had to do it, my phone and everything was inside so I was desperate. I used my jacket as cover for my arm when I broke the window (it isn't that difficult actully). Some young punks looked like they were between the age of 14-16 saw me breaking into my own car, they tought it was someone else's of course. They told me "Dude, what are you doing?", and my respons was "Yippee ki-yay motherfuckers!". I drove off, haven't heard anything about it in the newspaper. And no cops showed up, I was worried they would, even though I was innocent :v:
[QUOTE=ScottyWired;41223722]Year 8, class was just about to start. Some dimwit proclaimed "I bet my dick is a hundred longer than the teacher's!" Teacher walks in, it was a female substitute teacher and say back "One hundred times zero is still zero" :v:[/QUOTE] similar moment with me, some guy was saying he got 20 times as much pussy as me. I, being an asexual replied exactly the same as you did.
some guy dropped his wallet down the stairs so i was all like "good samaritan mode ACTIVATE" so i picked it up and yelled to him and when he told me to throw it was an awful throw and i looked really fucking retarded
[QUOTE=Reserved Parkin;41184256]This one time in Afghan, they had us all pinned down. Everytime we poked our head out, bullets would snap by. They ordered me to 'run the rabbit' to draw fire, so I sprinted out. Volleys of fire impacted around me hitting near my feet and behind me. Luckily, I ran a good 50m dodging every single bullet somehow. After changing my shit-stained underwear in cover, I smirked. noob ass Taliban.[/QUOTE]Sounds like the Taliban trained at the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy.
Got a girlfriend from the other side of the earth.
Got in a fight with a kid 2 years older than me because he wouldn't stop pushing me. I lost, and badly, but nobody has fucked with me since that day. If I never stood up for myself, school would still be a nightmare of insults and likely physical bullying for me.
I received a letter that I was forced to write to myself in Eleventh grade. In it I said that I once fought Chuck Norris to a draw.
[QUOTE=SilverDragon619;41233253]Got a girlfriend from the other side of the earth.[/QUOTE] got dumped by a girl about 2 states away because she didn't like long distance relationships. after that she started dating some other dude 3 states away.
The other day I poked someone on Facebook without her assent.
Year 11 in secondary school, just walking outside after finishing lunch. Some smug year 7 fuck is throwing rocks at me at a distance for fun. One hits me in the head and causes me to bleed a little but I didn't flinch. I just slowly looked towards him and I started staring at that fucker like "I'm going to skullfuck you with your own spine." and he just slowly stopped, dropped the rock in his hand, and backed off. I've never fought anyone in my life but I can do a good stare every now and then.
I said ploppers in class
There were lots of prarades of Buddhism celebrating all over by gangsters and uneducated teenagers where i used to live So i was driving down the road trying to pass the crowds that were all over the road cause of the parade Then two punks suddenly ride fastly towards my car and crashed onto it with their scooter They blamed it all on me and then called a bunch of teenagers to use baseball bats and crowbars to rough up my car And i was really angry so i opened my car door, walked to one of the young man who was smashing my car and i smashed his head up on my car door like I'm a professional and bled his nose others were like "what the fuck? " Then one of them started to act tough and started to taunt me and kept saying that hes gonna fuck my mother and called me an asshole. So i picked the bat i just got and said "Call me asshole, one more time" He then stared at me but backed off others just stood there and laughed at him When the police arrived they just quickly ride on there cheap scooters and ran off And I was the only one that got to stay in the police station for an afternoon with my car broke up
kissed a person. 8/10 far better than the couch cushions/glass bottles i've had to settle for. would recommend to any customer in need of mouth collision
[QUOTE=Captain_Crazy;41240972]kissed a person. 8/10 far better than the couch cushions/glass bottles i've had to settle for. would recommend to any customer in need of mouth collision[/QUOTE] I think my cousin will suffice, thank you very much.
My ACT essay used examples from Somalia and the Mass Effect series, and had one instance of the word 'fuck' in it. I got an 11 out of 12
[QUOTE=da_maul;41221117]i think you'll want this place instead [img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/cb21de634682e6608a0964314c57e1aa/tumblr_mheocqPvtl1qgi1reo1_400.jpg[/img][/QUOTE] I think this establishment might be a bit more up his alley. [img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m74ur4D5yT1qcynsdo1_500.gif[/img]
I was like 13-14 and we had a ping pong table at school. Me and my friend were playing and this bully guy comes over and stands infront of me and something just snapped so I took his head and bashed it into the ping pong table, then threw him into the wall and held a choke hold, let him go and kept playing. No one has messed me with me since that day. = )
So like thirty years ago I was just chilling at my flat, right? Sometime in the afternoon someone from the laundromat dropped a message on my answering machine reminding me that my stuff is ready to bring home. So I get into my car and head over there but as soon as I put my hand on the shop's push-door, a couple of jackoffs on the sidewalk thought it'd be real funny to start fucking with me. The furthest guy to the left started going off that he's gonna make this quick because he doesn't want more blood then necessary staining his new white suit. The second guy was just leaning against the wall right infront of me, playing with his nine-iron. The third guy was just making a "home-run" gesture with his bat and then pointing at me with a shit-eating grin. I didn't have time for this so I clocked the guy leaning on the laundromat building hard enough to knock him out stone cold, grabbed his golf club, then clobbered the second guy so fucking hard in the face I think I cracked his jaw in two. The third guy was shocked to say the least, sprinting at me with his dented baseball bat as fast as he possibly could. I lobbed that (now horribly bent) golf club as hard as I could, knocking the wind out of the out of him as he toppled backwards. I picked his bat up from the ground and smashed his skull flatter then a pancake. When I got to the third guy (who was still on the ground) I just thrusted his face into the curb until I got bored. By the time I was done he was limp as a ragdoll and his face was pretty much unrecognizable. After that little brawl I entered the laundromat and realized it's the white-coated fucknut convention; There must've been like 12 of those fuckers walking up with weapons in hand, ready to get a piece of me after witnessing what happened outside. I honestly can't remember too much of what happened here, but I did end up slicing, stabbing, crushing, pummeling, shooting, and curb stomping each and every one of those sorry sons of bitches. I didn't even need to bring anything, either. I just used what they dropped! After wandering around the laundromat (which now looks like a set from a horror movie) for a solid 5 minutes I couldn't find my laundry anywhere. There wasn't an employee around or anything either. Come to think of it, I didn't even remember dropping off my laundry here in the first place. So then I got back into my car turned on the engine, put her in drive, and drove on home laundry-less. I remember laughing about how stupid I was for not thinking anything of the whole laundry thing before. My girlfriend washes my Jackets anyway, haha. God it gets so hot in this chicken mask, time to crank up the AC.
[QUOTE=yy958;41271794]I think this establishment might be a bit more up his alley. [img]http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m74ur4D5yT1qcynsdo1_500.gif[/img][/QUOTE] Well, if he stubbed it as badly as it sounds, I think that this may just be the perfect locale for him to vistit. [IMG]http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120805210354/spongebob/images/e/e4/Images-4-.jpg[/IMG] Yeahthatwasn'tevenfunnycauseeveryonesawitcoming.
My alpha as fuck story: In the merry month of May, from my home I started, left the girls of Tuam, nearly broken hearted, saluted father dear, kissed me darling mother, drank a pint of beer, my grief and tears to smother, then off to reap the corn and leave where I was born, cut a stout blackthorn to banish ghost and goblin, in a brand new pair of brogues, to rattle over the bogs, and frighten all the dogs, on the rocky road to Dublin. In Mullingar that night, I rested limbs so weary, started by daylight, next morning bright and early, took a drop of the pure, to keep my heart from sinking, that's the Paddy's cure, when he's on the drink. And to see the lassies smile, laughing all the while, at me curious style, 'twould set your heart a-bubbling. Asked me was I hired, the wages I required, till I was almost tired of the rocky road to Dublin. In Dublin next arrived, I thought it such a pity, to be so soon deprived, a view of that fine city. Then I took a stroll, all among the quality, my bundle it was stole, in a neat locality; something crossed my mind, when I looked behind; no bundle could I find, upon me stick a wobbling. Enquiring after the rogue, they said me Connacht brogue wasn't much in vogue. From there I got away, me spirits never failing landed on the quay just as the ship was sailing; Captain at me roared, said that no room had he, when I jumped aboard, a cabin found for Paddy, down among the pigs, played some hearty rigs, danced some hearty jigs, the water round me bubbling, when off to Holyhead, wished myself was dead, or better far instead. The boys of Liverpool, when we safely landed, called meself a fool; I could no longer stand it; blood began to boil, temper I was losing, poor old Erin's isle they began abusing, "Hurrah me soul," says I, Let me shillelagh fly; Some Galway boys were nigh, saw I was a hobbling, with a loud hurray, they joined me in the fray. Quickly cleared the way, for the rocky road to Dublin.
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