• Jokes? Jokes.
    54 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Hazardous Melon;43520649]Well, this derailed quickly[/QUOTE] What derailed quickly?
[QUOTE=ScottyWired;43520677]What derailed quickly?[/QUOTE] These posts
Yes it's now an anime thread clearly.
[QUOTE=Oizen;43520720][QUOTE=ScottyWired;43520677]What derailed quickly?[/QUOTE] This thread[/QUOTE] ftfy
Why did the chicken cross the road? [sp]________________________________________________________this thread______________________________________________________[/sp]
[QUOTE=ChronoBlade;43516070]Doctor: Sir... I'm afraid the reasoning behind you being paralyzed is because... Of this [sp]thread[/sp]... Some guy: What? But I don't even go onto the [sp]forums[/sp] anymore! Doctor: Bullshit, explain that to your wife. 20-30 minutes later Guy: Um... Honey? Wife: Yes? What did the doctor say? Guy: Uh... Um. The reason for paralysis... Is because of a [sp]thread[/sp]. Wife: Oh, okay. WAIT. WHAT THE FUCK? Guy: I'm sorry! Please! Don't hit me! Put that down! Wife: I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THE [sp]FORUMS[/sp] ANYMORE YOU FUCKING IDIOT! Guy: I know! But I thought it would be funny to troll some people... Wife: Now look at you! You're a fucking mess! Yes, the *ahem*, [sp]thread[/sp] crisis.[/QUOTE] aaaaaaaaaaaand you killed it.
Little Timmy is walking through the dark woods at night with a pedophile. There's a strange sound in the distance, and Timmy says, "Oh man, these woods sure are creepy." And the pedophile nods and says, [sp]this thread.[/sp]
[QUOTE=ScottyWired;43520677]What derailed quickly?[/QUOTE] this thread
[QUOTE=Bat-shit;43520469]This this thread joke is terrible, just post terrible jokes instead ?? or something[/QUOTE] This post. [sp]This thread[/sp]
[QUOTE=Bat-shit;43520469]This this thread joke is terrible, just post terrible jokes instead ?? or something[/QUOTE] The holocaust never happened. [sp]This thread[/sp]
This joke is pretty old so you all probably know how it ends, but here goes... Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are working on a difficult case and end up having to camp in the woods. In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes Watson up. "Watson, look up. What do you see?" Watson stirs, and then answers tiredly. "I see thousands of stars." "And what does that tell you?" Sherlock presses. "Well," Watson replies, "the position of the moon tells me that it is sometime between 2 and 4 AM. Astronomically speaking, there are probably millions of planets and untold billions of asteroids floating somewhere up there. Meteorologically, since there's no cloud cover I can suppose that there's little chance of rain tomorrow morning. Why, what does it tell you?" [sp]"Watson, someone has stolen our tent."[/sp]
This one's old and kinda lame, but I can't help but post this joke in every joke thread I see: A bear and a rabbit are walking in the woods when they come across a magic lamp. They rub the lamp, a genie comes out, and the genie says "Thank you for releasing me. As a reward, you will each be granted three wishes." The bear goes "Cool! I wish all the other bears in the woods were female!" The genie claps his hands and says "Done!" The rabbit thinks for a few moments, then says "Okay, I wish for a helmet." "*clap* DONE!" A helmet appears, and the rabbit puts it on. The bear goes "A helmet? That's a waste of a wish. Okay, I wish all the other bears in the country were female!" "*clap* DONE!" The rabbit thinks some more, and says "I wish for a motorcycle." "*clap* DONE!" A motorcycle appears, and the rabbit gets on it and starts revving it up. The bear shoots an angry look at the rabbit and goes "That's dumb! Okay, I wish ALL the other bears in the WORLD were female!" "*Clap* DONE!" [sp]The rabbit then says, "I wish the bear was gay" and shoots off into the distance on his motorcycle.[/sp]
This thread is a poor attempt to dethrone the best joke thread of all time. [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1185548[/url]
OP.
Once upon a time there was a man named Robert. Robert lived in a 10x10x10-meter house with all his furniture lined up from north to south. He did this because he suffered from a severe case of OCD coupled with perfectionism. Robert felt like killing himself every time anything was even slightly out of place. The problem was that Robert worked part-time at a supermarket in the baked-goods isle. Of course, the shelves were often so messy that "part-time" turned into "full-time" and, eventually, "overtime". Other employees started calling him names. When he walked over to the nearby poultry isle to arrange the chicken (a task that takes him longer than most other tasks), his co-workers would watch and snicker as he "crossed the road" to the "other side". After almost a year of non-stop work cleaning the ovens and arranging the pumpernickel bread by shade, Rob's perfectionism had done nothing but worsened. It had gotten so bad in fact, that he was risking an ironic death by starvation solely from staying in the store for so long. And, as everyone had thought was inevitable, all the employees entered the building one day to find that poor old Robert had gone stark raving mad, screaming his lungs out about "an unstoppable mold" and clutching what appeared to be a vaguely loaf-shaped paper bag with a curious pattern all along the rim. It took the early-risers almost an hour to hold Robert down and wrest the bag away, but eventually, Robert's boss showed up to inspect the situation. Realising that it would be better to get some context, Robert's boss decided he should find out what was in the bag before he made any judgments. So he walked up to the cashier holding the bag and asked what was inside. The cashier replied, "Didn't seem to be much boss. There seems to be mold all along the sides of the bag, but all I found inside was [sp]this bread[/sp]".
[QUOTE=Aw3s0m3n3ss;43525246]The holocaust never happened. [sp]This thread[/sp][/QUOTE] Hitler did nothing wrong.
this thread [sp]this thread [/sp]
[QUOTE=J!NX;43533862]Hitler did nothing wrong.[/QUOTE] postal did nothing wrong.
[QUOTE=Pilotguy97;43533855]Once upon a time there was a man named Robert. Robert lived in a 10x10x10-meter house with all his furniture lined up from north to south. He did this because he suffered from a severe case of OCD coupled with perfectionism. Robert felt like killing himself every time anything was even slightly out of place. The problem was that Robert worked part-time at a supermarket in the baked-goods isle. Of course, the shelves were often so messy that "part-time" turned into "full-time" and, eventually, "overtime". Other employees started calling him names. When he walked over to the nearby poultry isle to arrange the chicken (a task that takes him longer than most other tasks), his co-workers would watch and snicker as he "crossed the road" to the "other side". After almost a year of non-stop work cleaning the ovens and arranging the pumpernickel bread by shade, Rob's perfectionism had done nothing but worsened. It had gotten so bad in fact, that he was risking an ironic death by starvation solely from staying in the store for so long. And, as everyone had thought was inevitable, all the employees entered the building one day to find that poor old Robert had gone stark raving mad, screaming his lungs out about "an unstoppable mold" and clutching what appeared to be a vaguely loaf-shaped paper bag with a curious pattern all along the rim. It took the early-risers almost an hour to hold Robert down and wrest the bag away, but eventually, Robert's boss showed up to inspect the situation. Realising that it would be better to get some context, Robert's boss decided he should find out what was in the bag before he made any judgments. So he walked up to the cashier holding the bag and asked what was inside. The cashier replied, "Didn't seem to be much boss. There seems to be mold all along the sides of the bag, but all I found inside was [sp]this bread[/sp]".[/QUOTE] I don't know if I should slap you or give you an award... Can I slap you with an award?
[QUOTE=SexualShark;43534823]postal did nothing wrong.[/QUOTE] but postal didn't?
[QUOTE=SexualShark;43534823]postal did nothing wrong.[/QUOTE]this is a thread for jokes, not facts
What do you get when you cross a fruit fly and a salamander? [sp]A harsh letter from the bio-ethical review board[/sp]
We were identifying rocks in Geology and I asked my teacher if I had a sample of Diorite. [sp]I was Diowrong[/sp]
What happenend to the man who had his entire body covered in ears? [sp]He was all ears[/sp]
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