The Never Ending Dungeon V.5 - You slip on a banana peel and land face first on a landmine
677 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Magmacow358;36277529]Why do I always get such shitty rolls
In my afterlife, I choose to assassinate the foul being behind these cruel strokes of bad luck and hopefully also manage to come back to life[/QUOTE]
Actually, you were dead before my update. The Sentient Rock killed you, check Folcrum's update.
Change my team name to just Nyan please.
Dameon is a twin to Nyan. Dameon's brain was replaced with a Super Computer after being ripped out by a wild creature of some sort in a space mining mission. Normally is armed with a Electric Katana and a Gravity Rifle and wears a steamed cooled power suit.
Dameon was sent a note that his brother died he is trying to get him back.
Nyan: I follow so far into the horizon the pillar is 10 feet from me it looks like its trying to warp me back to reality but maybe phasing me into the underworld.
Zarjk begins chanting in demonic, hoping to summon some demons or shit to his aid.
I am the platemaster
The platemaster can summon plates
The platemaster does not like descriptions.
The platmaster is also naked.
The platemaster looks for clothes.
[QUOTE=Combiner8761;36277826]Actually, you were dead before my update. The Sentient Rock killed you, check Folcrum's update.[/QUOTE]
In terms of this update, I was referring to the Mech dying, but in general I've been getting awful rolls lately
Juggernougat: Shove your arm(s) clear through the armor on the Auxilary Digger, ripping away at its squishy meat body.
Folc: As you've become a noncombatant, you sit back and enjoy a hot cup of coffee, while inserting a new brain into the corpse of scald and loading him into the man cannon.
Haze: Try and convince Grotesque to rejoin your side.
Well, I think I'm going to update tomorrow. Till then, see you later!
I continue to await my revival
Dufflebag: Calls in some reinforcements
Wait, that means I must post my [del]update[/del] [I]commands.[/I]​
Combiner: I continue my escapades in the afterlife by once again wishing myself to 'roll a 10', whatever bullshit that is.
Horse Ebooks: New wisdom. (The command isn't posted immediately, but instead I wait until a new tweet is posted on [URL="http://twitter.com/#!/Horse_ebooks"]the actual twitter account[/URL], and then post that. With 'New Wisdom', to roll isn't determined randomly, but rather after the quality of the tweet. This is decided by the updater.)
Whoops, sorry about that! I was blind sided earlier with my driver's test, which I forgot about until today. I am currently reviewing commands, and my update will be out tomorrow at some point. See ya then!
Alright, it's nice to be back. Let's get this updated started!
[B]-Ally Commands-[/B]
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Magmacow: In my afterlife, I choose to assassinate the foul being behind these cruel strokes of bad luck and hopefully also manage to come back to life.
Roll: 5. [B]Neutral. Being slightly peeved at whatever cruel entity that has cursed you with a life of terrible rolls and spot checks, you attempt to go seek revenge. However, in a cruel twist of fate you are feeling rather... neutral about taking any sort of action one way or the other. Now if only you could get past this state of existential melancholy, then perhaps you could do something about this feeling of indecisiveness... [/B]
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Billy Maize: Activate Max Payne mode and do a stylish shoot-dodge with the heavy pistol in hand, in an attempt to kill Agent 3.
Roll: 3. [B]Failure. In an attempt to do the most stylish thing ever (doing that thing you saw from Max Payne, duh!) you trip on the Conveniently Placed Rock of Tripping[SUP]TM[/SUP]. You slowly relish this moment of failure as you slowly careen towards the floor of Conveniently Placed Sand Paper of Exfoliating Your Face Off[SUP]TM[/SUP]. What happens after can only be described as pure agony that this GM would not wish onto others. (-500 HP: BM)[/B]
Polar Bear: Offer Auxiliary Digger a can of Coke, which is actually filled with fluoroantimonic acid. Make sure to look extra cute during the offering.
Roll: 1. [B]CRITICAL FAILURE! In the hopes of killing the Digger from the inside, you lace a can of Coke with some fluoroantimonic acid. To make sure that the poison was laced in there consistently you shake the bottle vigorously a couple times. After you feel like you have shaken the bottle vigorously enough, you make your way over to Auxiliary Digger, with the biggest cute/sinister grin that you could muster. You cutely offer the Auxiliary Digger the refreshment of pain and suffering and melting death, to which he gladly accepts (he'd be "damned if he didn't accept this small token from such a cute deadly polar bear who's technically on the enemy team). He then cracks open the bottle to take a swig when disaster strikes. The vile soda of melting flies in every direction (except for the Digger's), covering you in HIGHLY ACIDIC GOOP OH GOD MY EVERYTHING BURNS RARGHFLURGHBHBHBHBBBBBBbbbbbbbbbbbb... (You have melted: GAME OVER)[/B]
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Nyan: I follow so far into the horizon the pillar is 10 feet from me it looks like its trying to warp me back to reality but maybe phasing me into the underworld.
Roll: 5. Neutral. You attempt to travel further into this realm of forgetfulness and what are you doing here, that beam of light is pretty damned bright I should probably turn around and forget about seeing what could possibly my only way out of this limbo hell hole, which is also home to what appears to be the interdimensional spawning system. And so you do just that forgetting about the light. What light? Exactly.
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Zarjk begins chanting in demonic, hoping to summon some demons or shit to his aid.
Roll: 3. [B]Failure. In an attempt to get help from some otherworldly source, you begin to chant in demonic. You say things like "I fucked your mother, so come help me" and "if you help me, I will betray you with a quick thrust of my trusty pork sword". Needless to say, the demons do not like what they hear, especially that terrible yo momma joke that you threw in there. They ignore your request, and instead steal your trusty copy of Halo 3. Oh, how the fates can be so cruel... (Are you a bad enough dude to save your copy of Halo 3 from the Demons?)[/B]
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Justnobody: I am the platemaster; The platemaster can summon plates; The platemaster does not like descriptions. The platmaster is also naked. The platemaster looks for clothes.
Roll: 6. Minor Success. You are the Platemaster. You have worked at WalMart as a greeter for 15 years, up until yesterday, when you smashed your head on a rock and the next thing you knew the WalMart was replaced by an inferno fueled by Plates of Burning Rage. You have been on the run ever since, having ditched your clothes in the flames to get the cops off your trail. Now that you think of it, you should have probably have tried to find an extra set of clothes, it's been pretty breezy these days, and you've gotten weird looks wherever you go. You decide against normal clothes however. Instead, you generate a full set of Plate Mail (hurr) to cover and protect your otherwise naked form. (+200 Max HP: Justnobody) [sp]Welcome to the game![/sp]
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Juggernougat: Shove your arm(s) clear through the armor on the Auxilary Digger, ripping away at its squishy meat body.
Roll: 10. [B]CRITICAL! Now is the time to show what you are made of. With everyone else incapacitated, you make a wild charge at the Auxilary Digger. You punch with the force of 1000 Angry Nerds, punching cleanly through him and ripping away all the meat away from it's body in one giant meaty explosion of justice. (Auxilary Digger: INSTA-GIB!)
[/B]
Folc: As you've become a noncombatant, you sit back and enjoy a hot cup of coffee, while inserting a new brain into the corpse of scald and loading him into the man cannon.
Roll: 10. [B]DOUBLE CRITICAL COMBO! Seeing as the Juggernougat has held up his head of the bargain, you scoop up the Auxilary Digger's brain and load it into the corpse of Scald. In a move reminiscent of Frankenstein, you raise his corpse to the sky, causing a lightning bolt to strike down and restart his internal organs. "He is ALIVE!" you exclaim in mad scientist glee. You then load his sorry ass onto the man cannon, where he awaits your next command. (Scald, Revived!)
[/B]
Haze: Try and convince Grotesque to rejoin your side.
Roll: 4. [B]Minor Failure. You try and convince Grotesque to rejoin your side. He is having none of it, and in retaliation of your trying to play it cool, he slaps you in the dick. It doesn't hurt much, but you are feeling pretty put off my the Grotesque's grotesque behavior. (-100 EMOTIONAL DAMAGE: Haze)[/B]
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Sunny Dei: I continue to await my revival.
Roll: 10. [B]CRITICAL! As you await for your inevitable revival, you begin to meditate on times gone past. How long has it been since you've been able to just sit down, and not have to worry about fighting? When will this fighting ever end? You contemplate theses questions for the longest time, what some might call an eternity. Suddenly it dawns upon you; you have the power to end this fight, to finish this fight so that others can know a life of peace. You achieving this revelation, you reach maximum zen/karma/whatever, forcing an auto revive. Good luck! (Spiritual Revival!: Sunny Dei)
[/B]
Dufflebag: Calls in some reinforcements.
Roll: 2.[B] Failure. You are shocked at your Commander's Sheer Will, causing you to faint in the most girly way possible into Sunny Dei's arms. However, Sunny Dei has not of it, letting you fall to the floor, where you hit your head pretty hard. (-1000: Dufllebag)[/B]
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Combiner: I continue my escapades in the afterlife by once again wishing myself to 'roll a 10', whatever bullshit that is.
Roll: 4. In your escapades in the afterlife, you once again find yourself wishing that you could just roll a 10 and get the hell out of here. However, you don't believe in the Dice God, so he doesn't believe in you. Touche' dice god, touche'.
Horse Ebooks: "I am confident that I can help you build your chicken."
Roll: 9. [B]Major Success. With that, Horse Ebooks raises it's hands to the air, and spawns a chicken to aid you! That chicken will surely make for a powerful ally, just look at it's feathers! (Cucco added to team!: Upon death, Cucco will do 2000 damage to it's killer!)[/B]
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Smas: Revive Magmacow.
Roll: 8. [B]Success. With your medical training, you are quickly able to revive Magmacow from his stint of being dead. Good job! (Magmacow: Revived!)[/B]
Tony Stark: Revive the other dude, Nyan.
Roll: 7. [B]Success. Seeing as the poor dude has had a rough time, you fly over to him and give him to the Stark Treatment. This includes a shit-ton of alcohol, some crazy super science, a screw driver, and a black dildo. In all reality, Tony Stark got himself drunk, used to screw driver and "super science" to replace the battery in the black dildo and yeah you know where this is going. All you need to know is that you are alive and well and you have never felt better. (Nyan: Revived)[/B]
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-Enemy Commands-
Secondary Driller: Use the Evil Sentient Floating Rock as a bludgeoning weapon, smash Smas in the dick.
Roll: 8.[B] Success. In a bid to ruin Smas' day, you grab the Evil Sentient Floating Rock and toss it towards Smas' groin region. The blow connects, causing Smas to keel over into a ball of tears and sheer agony. You decide to top it off by covering him in piles of Pocket Spaghetti[SUP]TM[/SUP] to further agitate the poor lad. (-1260: Smas!)
[/B]
Evil Sentient Floating Rock: Turn out to be a Geodude; cause someone to flip out.
Roll: 9. [B]Major Success. In a twist that shocked absolutely no-one and everyone, you turn out to be a Geodude. That twist was so shitty that there is almost no point in justifying it, other than for the GM to lay claim to this horrible clincher of a twist. But what is a GM you might ask? You'll never know, for you are just a rock. A rock with arms which floats and is hard to kill and is just a shitty twist OH HEY IT SEEMS AS IF YOU SPOOKED HORSE EBOOKS. He always was the most eccentric one. (Horse EBOOKs: Spooked! Can't attack next turn!)
[/B]
Agent 3: Phase into existence.
Roll: 0. [B]INAPPLICABLE: You do not need to say that you are phasing into existence, because you already have phased into existence. Oh, how these bastards are going to get it, especially that Smas douche. He took a small chunk of you before you were even in the fight! Oh hey, it looks like he's already on the ground, covered in Spaghetti and bursting into treats. Oh, the ironing is delicious, you can taste its' metallic savor. But enough talk of treats, irons, and spaghetti, you have a job to do and it's OH SWEET A GEODUDE GOTTA CATCH IT.[/B]
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[B]-Current effects and other events-
[/B]
Dawson's protection service - All attacks against dagger is redirected at Dawson and deals 35% less damage. Dagger can't die by self-gained or allied damage if the roll is above 2 - instead limits his life at 1. Can die from self-gained or allied damage when in this stage.
Folcrum Flyer is now a non-combatant (I think????)
Smas has no more dick pains (I think????)
A lot of people are STILL DEAD.
Agent 3 has finally made it to the party, and the Evil Rock is actually a Geodude. Go figure.
I have also taken the liberty of removing some people that I believe have not posted in the past few weeks. I shall save their stats for when they come back.
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-Allies-
Team Anderson:
Mr. Anderson: 1,500/2,000
Enderdragon: 2,000/4,000 (Immune to Fire) (Wings!)
Grey Knight: 1,900/2,000
Team Billy:
Billy Maize: 1100/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle)
Polar Bear: DEAD!
Team Bl1tz:
Bl1tzX: 2,000/2,000 (Electric GuiBard acquired!(Positive Rolls grant team +1 to rolls during turn. Negative rolls result in -1))
Team Chaos bull:
Chaosbull: 1,250/2,000
Bag of Cookie: 2,000/2,000 (Sweetness: +1 to rolls intended to heal people.)
Team Combiner:
Combiner8761: 0/2,000 (dark powers) (DEAD.)
Horse ebooks: 2,000/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.)(Spooked!(0/1))
Cucco: 1,000/1,000 (Will deal 2000 damage to killer)
Team Cookie:
Cookie53: DEAD!
Team Destroyer
Mr.Destroyer: 1,000/2,000 (SPESS MARINE Suit: 700/2,000)(Ghost Stompers)
Terry Fitzgerald: 1,500/1,500 (Rocket launcher: Deals a certain 1000 damage when used!) (Teleporter: Can be used to be transported anywhere instantly. Can be integrated into commands for a +1 bonus. Has a two turn cooldown. Charged.)
Turd Fergison: 1,500/1,500 (Rocket launcher: Deals a certain 1000 damage when used!) (Teleporter: Can be used to be transported anywhere instantly. Can be integrated into commands for a +1 bonus. Has a two turn cooldown. Charged.)
Team Drasar:
Drasarsalman: 1,000/2,000 (4 leaf clover)
Wizard: 2,000/2,000 (Lucky M1911: +1 on roll when weapon is used)
Team Face:
Mr. Face: 1/2,000 (Can of anti-rust spray.) (Protected)
Horde of allies: 2000/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.)
Team Falcon
xxFalconxx: 2,000/2,000 (Magic mirror - can swap buff/debuffs and health between two targets. Must be 8 - 10 to succeed, but can also be used at half power, in which 6 - 10 succeeds. Can be used five times before having to cool down for two turns: 4/5 uses.) (Forcefield! 350/350)
Blackula: 1,350/2,000 (Vampire - Blackula is healed half of the damage he causes if his commands include feeding.)
Deadpool: 2,000/2,000
Team Firearms:
Firearms136 (aka dagger): 700/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger) (Protected by Dawson.)
Dawson: 1,500/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.) (Shielding Dagger)
Homer: 1,500/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula)
Cortez: 1,400/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things))
Team Folcrum
Folcrum_flyer: 1,900/2,000 (Non-Combatant)
Juggernaut: 2,000/2,000
Scald: 2,000/2,000
Haze: 750/2,000(Flying) (noxious gas vents) (reduces enemy defence to 80% on successful gas-based attack until enemy rolls 5 or above)
Team Hidole:
Hidole555: 2,100/2,200
Team Insanity:
InsanitysBitch: 2,400/2,500 (Box of Almonds)
Team Ian:
Ian: 1,700/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk) (Quasar Crown) (Swagnum) (Minor egotism perk: Heals Ian when he makes a killing blow; 1/4 of the damage dealt heals him. Can be upgraded by further healing.) (Stuck in hell!) (Weakened Sandwich of Gods.)
Team Jarrod:
Jarrod: 1,400/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet)
Team Magma:
Magmacow358: 2,000/2,000 (Swagnum)(Armor(1,500/1,500))(Arm Blaster) (New reliable)
Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots.).
Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons.
Team Nobody:
Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates)
Team Nyan:
Nyan Squirrel: 2,000/2,000
Team Nomad:
PrivateNomad: 2,000/2,000 (Portal Gun)
Team Ragnarok
Lord Ragnarok: 1,200/2,000 (Justice)
Team Samiam:
Samiam22: 1,900/2,000
Team Smas:
Smas: 340/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats)
Tony Stark: 600/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000)
Team Sunny:
Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe)
DuffleBag: 450/2,000 (Bolter) (Chainaxe)
That Team:
That Ninja: 1,500/2,000
Team Trounark:
Trounark: 2,000/2,000 (Dual Pistols)
Team Samppa:
Samppa: 900/2,000 (Missing Detonator) (universal remote) (Vibrator in ass: -1 on rolls))
Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs))
Team Zake:
Zakedodead: 1,850/2,200 (Lost the Generic Holy Sword(Does Holy Damage Yo/1.5x Damage to Undead))(2x Plot Coupons)
Merc Point-man: 2,000/2,000 (THE BEST CROSSBOW IN THE WORLD)
Team Zarjk:
Zarjk: 2,000/2,000 (Angry Grandpa Minigun) (Power Armor; -1 to attacks against Zarjk, lasts 4 times. 4/4)
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-Enemies-
Agent 3: 2883/3333
Geodude: 8650/10000 (It's a rock. It Doesn't break easily.)
Secondary Digger: 1,500/2,500 (Vacuum with night cloud)
Auxiliary Digger: INSTA-GIB!
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-Neutral-
The Grotesque: 3,800/4,000
Sheogorath: ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair)
Agent 9: 9,850/10,000
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After several hours of procrastination, I hope that this is worth the weight. Also, if you guys have noticed any particular user has not posted in a while, say something. It helps saves us GMs time, especially if something happened that would effect players who are not playing. Other than that, if you notice anything funny, just say something and I'll look into it.
Folc: As what I thought was simply an evil sentient, levitation capable rock turned out to be a geodude, I open my book of anatomy, black magic, and cheese recipes, and, following the instructions, murder a frail homeless serial killer, bind his soul... Oh, fuck that, I summon the spirit of Pvt. Vain to declare the rock ridiculous and use his powers of dickery to will it out of existence.
Scald: Launch the cannon via internal switch. Rip off secondary digger's arms mid flight, before landing and roundhouse kicking him in the groin with one of your heel-mounted foot long retractable stabilizing spikes.
Juggernougat: Call in an airdrop for several large Kanabos. Equip self with Kanabos. Break every bone in Agent 3s body WITH KANABOS.
Haze: Tell Sheogorath that Agent 3 said he was a false god, before retiring so I can have room for a potential new teammate
[editline]15th June 2012[/editline]
Just remembered, I made a tvtropes.org page for The Never Ending Dungeon, so, If anyone wants to have a go, for I suck a filling things out.
Dammit, something extremely bad was inevitable.
Billy Maize: Quickly inject pure Coca-Cola into the Polar Bear's bloodstream, in an attempt to revive him.
I give Smas an appreciative High-five before pulling out a treasure map and locating the spot where I buried my lucky shoes.
The Platemaster likes The Platemaster's new armor. The Platemaster looks for an enemy to plate.
I get my chain-axe and start slicing and dicing the Secondary Digger
Dufflebag: Attempt one more time to call in reinforcements for the squad
We should start updating more often, to avoid a 50 command and 100 other posts pileup.
Nyan: It feels good to be alive. NOW time to send my brother Damon a message to come help me in my fights
zake: use water type moves to ko the geodude.
Merc pointman: shoot THE BEST CROSSBOW IN THE WORLD at agent 3
[QUOTE]THE BEST CROSSBOW IN THE WORLD
An odd, medieval crossbow, that has the words "THE BEST CROSSBOW IN THE WORLD" engraved on its stock.
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Bolts: When damage is inflicted, to self or not, an additional cripple effect is added that weakens the victim's rolls. This effect is removed by the end of next turn. The severity of the effect depends on the roll.
Arc trajectory: -1 to all rolls except for crits. This penalty does not apply when the starting roll is neutral or negative. This penalty is removed after four uses.
One bolt loaded at a time: You can't use the crossbow twice in a row.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Nyan Squirrel;36375419]Err This is going to be long before I'm alive
Nyan: Hey f*** this I'm entering the tower THUMP I think I'm back in the real world *Looks to see himself in his own body*[/QUOTE]
[sp]Pst, I revived you already, so you should probably change your command. You should always double check your stats after every round of commands, to make sure that you don't miss anything.[/sp]
Also my own commands:
Smas: Eat the Pocket Spaghetti and Treats to restore your health!
Tony Stark: Attempt to heal/stabilize yourself via some on-board medical stasis program.
Mr. Face: Begin searching for a better cache of weapons, again preferably M4A1's...perhaps with ACOG.
Horde: Protect Mr. Face.
Combiner: Read a book or something in the afterlife. Hell, maybe conjure a video game using your dark powers.
Chicken: Bless the entire party with the glory that is your feathers.
Prolly about time to update, before message rages start.
*whistles* when the update
Nyan, don't be stupid. Also, the adress for the page changed, for some reason. It's probably stupid I'm writing this, actually. Will start sending PMs.
[QUOTE=folcrum_flyer;36411287]Nyan, don't be stupid. Also, the adress for the page changed, for some reason. It's probably stupid I'm writing this, actually. Will start sending PMs.[/QUOTE]
Fine changed it and yea thats wierdhow the link changed
I will start working on the update now. Hold on...
Unfortunately, I will not have the oppurtunity to work on this update. I will go on a short vacation tomorrow, and such I am delivering the short work I have been able to get done to the various GMs. For safety's sake, I will deliver it to Folc as well.
I'm sorry for all of this!
I might try to update later.
The delays in this thread are strikingly similar to the delays in Empires & Revolutions.
Of course E&R happens to be my fault...
Zarjk decides that fuck those demons they will work for me or die.
He tries to bend the laws of reality with his hands and enter hell and get his Halo 3 back.
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