• The Never Ending Dungeon V.5 - You slip on a banana peel and land face first on a landmine
    677 replies, posted
My god, it's been like three weeks since the last update... Well, guess I'm up again...
Only one week, actually. Sorry for the lack of updates, I was only able to push out that last one under my vacation. These updates takes absurd amounts of time! Oh well, I'm going home today. I will be able to start working on an update tomorrow if Folcrum doesn't beat me to the punch. Oh and commands. Combiner: Ponder over the meaning of 'rolling 10.' Horse Ebooks: Nothing in this life happens by chance.You were meant to see this message.Like most of the people on this planet you re walking around Cucco: Who does that goddamn demon of rage think he is? If he is a 'demon', then I am the FUCKING LUCIFER OF RAGE. AND I WILL SHOW HIM THAT FACT.
Thanks, combiner. I hate doing this. If you'd like, I have a D10, and can give you a list of rolls to work off of.
So, I'm joining the Corps. That's not a command, I'm joining the marines after I graduate.
Well I guess its time I get off my lazy ass and actually contribute. Posting results!
[B]-Ally commands!-[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Folc's team: folc: Since Rage is almost dead, I steal the remains of his soul, and hijack his body [B]Roll: 4. Minor failure. Noticing that RAGE is on its last legs (Pretty much literally!), you decide to play Harbinger. "ASSUMING CONTROL" you say in the deepest, scratchiest voice you can manage before absorbing the soul of your companion and projecting your subconscious into its body. At least, that's what you [I]would[/I] have done if part of your brain didn't melt the instant you tried. Maybe you should have payed attention in mind control class. (100 Damage to you!) [/B] Juggernougat: Crack Pride's Skull in true one-upsmanship fashion. [B]Roll: 8. Success. Juggernougat (Intentional miss-spell?) gazes towards the smug Pride, dancing about with his head full of eyeballs. He scowls in disgust, the mere sight of this asshole boils his blood. With a heart full of SHEER RAGE Juggernugget charges towards Pride and sends his fist flying into the lower jaw of the smug bastard. A cringe-tacular crack is heard all throughout the battelfield, leaving Pride crying whilst puking blood and the rest of the demons holding their jaws and gagging. (800 Damage to Pride) [/B] Scald: You never did get that uberminigun, did you? Well, retrieve it from the crate, and aerate some fucking demons. [B]Roll: 4. Minor failure. Scald, disappointed that he didn't get the Uber-minigun, walks up to the nearest crate of unidentified type and pries it open with his bare hands... and gets several splinters from the apparently wooden crate. Have fun with constant hand pains! (100 damage to Scald every turn for 3 turns!)[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Magmacow358: I once again attempt to recover my lucky shoes, and if it doesn't work this time I'm blatantly cheating. [B]Roll: 9. Success! (Finally) You flip the nearest table over, grab a shovel and start smashing the ground with it out of sheer frustration. In the middle of your temper tantrum, however, you somehow manage to find and recover your lucky sneakers. Well, what a pleasant surprise. (Added Lucky shoes, +1 on all rolls!) [/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Zarjk: Zarjk decides that it would be a good idea to go and rest in bed, maybe regain some health. [B]Roll: 1. CRITICAL FAILURE! You walk drearily into your room after a long day of fighting, and decide to browse the web for awhile. While you browse, you have the horrible fortune of coming across a link to [url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife]Tvtropes[/url]. You click it, and find yourself unable to escape! You read nonstop about various video game and movie tropes until after many hours, the stove you left on starts a house fire. There you sit, unable to move as you are forced to burn to death while reading about going to hell and back. ([url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DroppedABridgeOnHim]You died in an abrupt and anti-climactic way![/url]) [/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Face's team: Mr. Face: Dance in the shelter, you've got nothing better to do. [B]Roll: 4. Minor failure. You decide to start dancing because hey, you have nothing productive you can be doing! Sadly it seems you have 2 left feet and you wind up tripping on the bed and face planting onto the sharp wooden corner of your desk, finishing you off. (You are dead!)[/B] Horde: Search out some enemies, also if possible spy on some babes, who doesn't like doing that? [B]Roll: 3. Failure. The horde decides to peek through the obligatory hole in the women's locker room wall instead of fighting. While doing so, however, one of the sick bastards whips his wet banana out. He is not a silent fapper, and all the women hear. For a breif seconds, screams can be heard in the locker room before a mob of angry women in towers comes charging out, random objects in hand. by the time they are done their rampage, the horde has taken quite a hit. (500 damage to the horde!)[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Nyan's team: Nyan: Looks at his hands or what is left of them and tries to wrap body limb healer onto it with his teeth. [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. You start bandaging your hands with your teeth, but you get tons of blood in your mouth and decide that it would be best to get Damon to do it.[/B] Damon: Helps Nyan and tries to get Nyan's hands back with Limb healer stuff. [B]Roll: 7. Success. Damon rushes over to Nyan's aid after being politely called over and helps him fixes his hands up. And he did a pretty good job, too. Although he wouldn't kiss it better. (+500 hp to Nyan, fixed hands)[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Sunny's team Sunny Dei: I've conquered death, so shall I conquer insanity. I go to my happy place aka "Pyro Land" in order to snap out of my insanity [B]Roll: 1. CRITICAL FAILURE! To escape you insanity, you decide to go to- Oh wait, you ARE in Pyroland! You gleefully skip through the endless meadows of flowers and lollipops with a wide smile on your face. Oh, what's this? Well what do you know! Its your good pal Dufflebag! "Say, he seems kinda sad" you say to yourself. To cheer him up, you pull a lollipop out of the ground and hand it to him. Upon seeing this treat, he [I]cries out in agony while the rusty cleaver embeds itself in his skull[/I] and cheers right up. To celebrate his happiness, he starts dancing! The Apache with its lovely new coat of paint then lands nearby, and the crew gets out in their awesome space suits and asks if you want to join them is setting off some fireworks! You gladly agree, and pull out your fireworks gun! Pow! Bang! The dark red colors of the fireworks spread throughout the sky and the crew [I]runs for their lives as the buckshot shreds their bodies.[/I] With a large smile on your face, you regain your sanity. Finally, you can rejoin your friends in the fight for good an- OH SWEET JESUS CHRIST WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? (You brutally slaughtered your friends!)[/B] Dufflebag: Escaping the cold grip of death, he charges the Lord of Sin with his Chain-axe [B]Roll: 0. Dufflebag can't perform the action because Sunny murdered him.[/B] Apache: Fire everything you got at the Lord of Sin [B]Roll: 0. The pilot and gunner are dead, and nobody is flying the grounded Apache.[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Zake's team: Zake: murder the geodude [B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL! You've had enough of this rock ruining the party and being a rock, its time to take action! You pick the lock on it's front door while it's sleeping and sneak into its house, stealing whatever valuable items it has and pissing on the pictures of its girlfriend. You finally make it into its room, pull out a jackhammer that you somehow concealed, and go to work, getting rock particles all over the place. As you finish up, you hear sirens nearby. You jump out the window and toss the jackhammer into a nearby dumpster before legging it back home. Reports of Geodude's death the next day are surprising to many, but nobody cares because everyone hated him anyways. (Geodude is DEAD!)[/B] Merc pointman: taunt lesser demon of rage. [B]Roll: 3. Failure. The Merc Pointman decides to further enrage the Demon of Rage for some reason. To do this, he gets the demon's attention and starts shaking his rump at it while blurting out crude insults. The Demon of Rage responds by being really pissed off, grabbing a whip and relieving some stress on the Pointman's taunting and waste dumping area. (500 Damage to Merc Pointman)[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Firearm's team: Dawson: While shielding his accomplice from certain danger, Dawson finally comes up with the bright idea of actually using firearms against his enemies. Without a second to spare he draws out an equipped python revolver from one of his gun holsters. "Let's see how much lead that so-called Lord of Sins can take before biting the dust," mutters Dawson while steadying the weapon's iron sights in the direction of the big palooka... [B]Roll: 1. CRITICAL FAILURE! (Holy crap we are getting al ot of these this turn) Dawson pulls out the dusty revolver from his holster and take what he considers to be "aim" towards the enemies. Sadly Dawson has basically no firearms experience and hasn't heard Mr. Mundy's helpful advice as to which end the bullets come out of (The slim one!). Dawson then proceeds to shoot himself six times in the chest, managing to hit every single major internal organ in his torso. Dawson falls to the ground and dies a humiliating and messy death. (Dawson is dead!)[/B] Dagger/White spy/Firearms136/Supreme banana king: Dagger continues to dig around in his briefcase for medicinal supplies that can be used to recover HP... [B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL! Despite your friend's blood on your suit and all sorts of abominations coming to kill you, you manage to pull a first aid kit out of your briefcase. You pop open the medkit and heal yourself. Just before you put away the first aid kit, you notice a small hidden compartment. You open it up and find a large pointy syringe and a piece of paper. [I]Hello there! Is your friend or someone else you want alive dead? RIGHT NOW? Well then you are in luck, good sir or madam, because you have just found the Reviveothingy 2000! Just jam this large scary needle into the corpse of any somewhat recently dead person and they will pop back to life, all thanks to our trademarked "Becauseisaidso" technology that alters reality to best fit gameplay and/or narrative![/I] Fourth wall destruction aside, it seems that finding this needle is the best thing that has happened to you all day! You turn your head and look at the body that once was Dawson the Riot Officer (Which is unusually far away now for some reason) along with the many filthy demons that surround him. You grab a nearby 2x4 and charge forward, cracking the skulls of many a eldrich abominations and then using them as skateboards until you hit a ramp, jump off and land next to Dawson while at the same time jamming the needle into his chest. Dawson springs back up to his feet and wipes the blood off his vest before thanking you. "And for future reference: The bullets come out of the slim end, mate". (Fully healed yourself, 100 damage all enemies, Revived Dawson) [/B] Cortez: Cortez catches a glimpse of an abandoned buggy (a two-person, compact vehicle that makes an appearance in TimeSplitters: Future Perfect) and decides to utilize it as a ramming sort of weapon. With a few adjustments and some duct tape, Cortez gases up the vehicle and floors it. Once he manages to reach a certain proximity away from the demons, Cortez makes an epic dive out of the driver seat. "It's time to split!" If the timing is just right, the blazingly fast buggy might be able to knock down a few of the monsters! [B]Roll: 9. Success! Cortez ductapes random spots on the buggy and hops in, starting it with a manly gaze towards the ignition. He brings it up to max speed and sets his course for the group of demons. After looking behind him for no particular reason, Cortez spots several explosive barrels in the back and readies his pistol. Just before he jumps out, he shoots one of the barrels, turning a normal car ditch into an explosive car ditch! The dumb bastards never knew what hit em! (500 damage all enemies!) [/B] Homer: In a fit of rage, Homer clenches the Lord of Sin's scrawny neck with his bare hands and shakes him up and down. [B]Roll: 8. Success. (Well look at you lucky mcluckster with your good rolls and stuff) Homer runs up to the Lord of sin and grabs his tiny neck and starts strangling as if the demon in front of him was his own son. Once he is through, the Lord of sin has a broken neck and damaged lungs. Good parenting skills pay off, apparently. (800 damage to the Lord of Sin)[/b] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Combiner's team: Combiner: Ponder over the meaning of 'rolling 10.' [B]Roll: 9. Success!(?) You figure out that rolling 10 must mean that you rolled a 10 and you got a crit, therefore making your command super effective! Good for you. (+100 maxhp to you because you learned something)[/B] Horse Ebooks: Nothing in this life happens by chance. You were meant to see this message. Like most of the people on this planet you're walking around [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. Everyone on the battlefield stops briefly to consider the statement being made and then formulates their own opinions.[/B] Cucco: Who does that goddamn demon of rage think he is? If he is a 'demon', then I am the FUCKING LUCIFER OF RAGE. AND I WILL SHOW HIM THAT FACT. [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. You would go beat the shit out of the demon of rage, but you just don't feel mad right now, In fact, you are in a pretty good mood and decide to go have some icecream.[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Random Events: [B]The FP crew once again hears a strange moaning, although this time it seems more aggressive and is followed by faint screams.[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ [B]-Enemy Commands!-[/B] Demon of Greed: Kick Samppa in the face [B]Roll: 9. Success! The Demon of greed walks up to Samppa and kicks him in the face, and somehow the lazy attack kills him instantly. (Samppa is dead, Equipment added to Demon of Greed)[/B] Demon of Envy: Shout insults at That Ninja [B]Roll: 2. Failure! After receiving a barrage of crude and down right offensive insults, Ninja replies to the Demon's actions by saying: "You're one to talk." The Demon of Envy, being very self conscious about what others think of it, goes into a state of deep depression. (1000 emotional damage, Depressed: -1 on all rolls)[/B] Horde of Undead: Clusterfuck around Ian and start punching. [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. The horde can't seem to get into hell.[/B] Demon of Gluttony: Throw butter at Billy Maize [B]Roll: 8. Success. The Gluttony demon throws butter at Billy, ruining his good shirt and forcing him to take it off. (Attackers will do 25% more damage for 0/3 turns.)[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ -Allies- Team Anderson: Mr. Anderson: 1,500/2,000 Enderdragon: 2,000/4,000 (Immune to Fire) (Wings!) Grey Knight: 1,900/2,000 Team Billy: Billy Maize: 1100/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle) (Attackers will do 25% more damage for 0/3 turns.) Polar Bear: 100/2000 Team Bl1tz: Bl1tzX: 2,000/2,000 (Electric GuiBard acquired!(Positive Rolls grant team +1 to rolls during turn. Negative rolls result in -1)) Team Chaos bull: Chaosbull: 1,250/2,000 Bag of Cookie: 2,000/2,000 (Sweetness: +1 to rolls intended to heal people.) Team Combiner: Combiner8761: 0/2,100 (dark powers) (DEAD.) Horse ebooks: 2,000/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.)(Spooked!(0/1)) Cucco: 800/1,000 (Will deal 2000 damage to killer) (Cucco rage perk: gets +1 to rolls if damaged the previous turn.) Team Cookie: Cookie53: DEAD! Team Destroyer Mr.Destroyer: 1,000/2,000 (SPESS MARINE Suit: 700/2,000)(Ghost Stompers) Terry Fitzgerald: 1,500/1,500 (Rocket launcher: Deals a certain 1000 damage when used!) (Teleporter: Can be used to be transported anywhere instantly. Can be integrated into commands for a +1 bonus. Has a two turn cooldown. Charged.) Turd Fergison: 1,500/1,500 (Rocket launcher: Deals a certain 1000 damage when used!) (Teleporter: Can be used to be transported anywhere instantly. Can be integrated into commands for a +1 bonus. Has a two turn cooldown. Charged.) Team Drasar: Drasarsalman: 1,000/2,000 (4 leaf clover) Wizard: 2,000/2,000 (Lucky M1911: +1 on roll when weapon is used) Team Face: Mr. Face: DEAD! Horde of allies: 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars) Team Falcon xxFalconxx: 2,000/2,000 (Magic mirror - can swap buff/debuffs and health between two targets. Must be 8 - 10 to succeed, but can also be used at half power, in which 6 - 10 succeeds. Can be used five times before having to cool down for two turns: 4/5 uses.) (Forcefield! 350/350) Blackula: 1,350/2,000 (Vampire - Blackula is healed half of the damage he causes if his commands include feeding.) Deadpool: 2,000/2,000 Team Firearms: Firearms136 (aka dagger): 2,200/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger) Dawson: 1,000/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.) Homer: 1,500/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula) Cortez: 1,400/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things)) Team Folcrum Folcrum_flyer: -100/2,000 (Non-Combatant) (Shouldn't you be dead or something?) Juggernougat: 1,600/2,000 (Mudderfuckin Kanabos) Scald: 2,000/2,000 (Splinters: 100 damage every turn for 0/3 turns!) Team Hidole: Hidole555: 2,100/2,200 Team Insanity: InsanitysBitch: 2,400/2,500 (Box of Almonds) Team Ian: Ian: 1,700/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk) (Quasar Crown) (Swagnum) (Minor egotism perk: Heals Ian when he makes a killing blow; 1/4 of the damage dealt heals him. Can be upgraded by further healing.) (Stuck in hell!) (Weakened Sandwich of Gods.) Team Jarrod: Jarrod: 1,400/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet) Team Magma: Magmacow358: 1,600/2,000 (Swagnum)(Armor(1,500/1,500))(Arm Blaster)(New reliable)(Lucky Shoes: +1 on all rolls aside from Crit fails.) Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots.). Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons. Team Nobody: Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates) Team Nyan: Nyan Squirrel: 2,000/2,000 Matt Damon: 1,200/2,000 Team Nomad: PrivateNomad: 2,000/2,000 (Portal Gun) Team Ragnarok Lord Ragnarok: 1,200/2,000 (Justice) Team Samiam: Samiam22: 1,900/2,000 Team Smas: Smas: 840/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats) Tony Stark: 2,000/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000) Team Sunny: Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe) DuffleBag: Dead! Apache: 4,900/5,000 (Gatling Laser) (Drones 10/10) (Dead crew, cannot do anything.) That Team: That Ninja: 1,500/2,000 Team Trounark: Trounark: 2,000/2,000 (Dual Pistols) Team Samppa: Samppa: Dead! Team Zake: Zakedodead: 1,350/2,200 (Lost the Generic Holy Sword(Does Holy Damage Yo/1.5x Damage to Undead))(2x Plot Coupons) Merc Point-man: 1,500/2,000 (THE BEST CROSSBOW IN THE WORLD) (Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.) Team Zarjk: Zarjk: Dead! ________________________________________________________________________________________ -Enemies- Lesser Demon of Greed: 1,400/2,000 (Players who fail attacks against it or are successfully attacked by it get their equipment stolen. Must be killed to get stuff stolen back, dead peoples stuff added to neutral.) (Has: Halo 3, Universal remote, Shit-stained vibrator.) Lesser Demon of Sloth: 800/2,000 (All rolls for everything that can be reasonably affected by sloth are -1 until the demon is killed.) Lesser Demon of Envy: 200/2,000 (It uses the roll of the highest successful command against it -1 for all its commands. In the case that there aren't any successful rolls against it in an update it rolls like normal.) Lesser Demon of Lust: 1,300/2,000 (Attackers become slaves upon failures, and remain so until they successfully roll/are successfully rolled for freedom. All slaves are free when the Demon is killed) (+1 to all rolls against Sunny Dei, Zake and Billy Maize.) Lesser Demon of Gluttony: 800/2,000 (A successful attack recovers its health by the amount of damage inflicted.) Lord of Sins: 3,800/5,000 (Lesser Demons recover 400 health each turn, and are resurrected to 100 hp if dead. This ability is lost upon death.) Lord of Undead: 1,500/2,000 (Horde of undead gets +500 max health and recovers 250 health each turn, and is resurrected to 500/1000 if dead. This ability is lost upon death. Horde of undeath blocks all damage caused to Lord of Undead, unless dead or circumvented) Horde of Undead: 300/2,500 (Blocks damage to Lord of Undead unless dead or circumvented.) Hellfire King: 9,400/10,000 (Flying, Bitch! Also, Cremates foes when it kills them, requires more effective methods of lifesaving (And 8 or better on recovery rolls to be successful Still neutral on 5, 6, and 7) _____________________________________________________________________________________ -Neutral- The Grotesque: 3,800/4,000 Sheogorath: ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair) Agent 9: 9,850/10,000 Horde of allies: 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars) Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs)) ________________________________________________________________________________________ Tell me If I messed anything up!
well that's it..
folc: find a wizard to build me a temporary body, take a volume of Grimm's Fables, beat Envy's skull in with said volume. Juggernougat: Devour Sloth's head. Scald: Break out your suicide bomb belt, and rush hellfire king with it.
I call for the assistance of my old T-80U crew and their tank! (+1 on roll unless its a 1 from shoes)
Zake: Summon Warren G and Nate Dogg to regulate. Merc Pointman: Get tacticool modifications for my crossbow.
Oh wow. Thanks Magmacow. I'm sorry I couldn't get out the update. See, my ISP was being idiots and completely borked my internet, so I wasn't able to get any work done. Let's hope that doesn't happen again. Anyhow, commands; Combiner: I call upon my eldritch friends and spend the afterlife rolling a ten-sided die together with them. Horse Ebooks: I grew dissatisfied and went into a frenzy Cucco: Ponder over your odd bipolar actions.
Nyan: Pulls out the minigun he randomly obtained from before some update and caps Lesser Demon of Greed with 3,000 bullets filled with holy water. And can somebody change Damon's name just to Damon Damon: Calls Steve from Minecraft to get the about 100 creepers the Enderdragon some Enderman.
Highly impatient Mini-update! [B]-Ally commands-[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Folc's team folc: find a wizard to build me a temporary body, take a volume of Grimm's Fables, beat Envy's skull in with said volume. [B]Roll: 1. CRITICAL FAILURE! While trying to contact a wizard to give you a new body, someone actually notices that you have [I]-100 health[/I] and that you should most certainly be dead! Thus, the GM police knock on your door and arrest your ghostly ass for cheating! (The effects of dying god knows how long ago have taken effect!)[/B] Juggernougat: Devour Sloth's head. [B]Roll: 7-1 = 6. Minor success. Juggernugget decides instead of making some cheap mac'n'cheese or a stale sandwich, he should just have demon brains for supper. With his mind set on going the ways of the zombie, Jugger[U]Naut[/U] walks up to Sloth and prepares to attack as Sloth lazily "tries" to get away. Sadly it seems the skull of your typical demon is pretty durable and Juggernaut only manages to poke holes in the head of the monstrosity. (100 damage to Demon of Sloth!) [/B] Scald: Break out your suicide bomb belt, and rush hellfire king with it. [B]Roll: 9. Success! Scald straps a big belt with ye-olde pirate bombs all over it to his chest and charges forth towards the hellfire king. After a jump complete with ridiculous sound effects, Scald crashes into the king and the bombs go off, creating a massive fireworks colored explosion. Thankfully the explosion only hurt the Hellfire king and Scald got away with nothing but black soot all over him. (1000 damage to Hellfire king!)[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Magmacow358: I call for the assistance of my old T-80U crew and their tank! [B]Roll: 7+1 = 8. Success. You pull out a radio and find the frequency that your old T-80U crew is using to broadcast erotic stories and tell them that you require their assistance ASAP. The gladly agree to meet you on the field of combat with their trusty tank. A few short minutes later and you are re-united with your previous allies. (Added T-80U to team!)[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Zake's team: Zake: Summon Warren G and Nate Dogg to regulate. [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. You are too tired for summoning right now, and instead decide to relax and watch a movie.[/B] Merc Pointman: Get tacticool modifications for my crossbow. [B]Roll: 8. Success. The Merc isn't interested in watching Batman and Robin with you, so he instead looks around in a box of old stuff he had lying around from past adventures. While going through the box, he finds a few basically useless weapon attachments and figures you would like them for your crossbow. Within a few short minutes the new attachments are on your previously beautiful weapon, leaving it with shittons of laser sights, a 12x zoom scope, a heart-beat moniter and several other unnecessary items. (Upgraded crossbow, now does 25% more damage and restores 100 hp every successful hit.) [/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Combiner's team: Combiner: I call upon my eldritch friends and spend the afterlife rolling a ten-sided die together with them. [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. You hang around with your horrifying ghost buddies and tell spooky human stories while playing some DnD.[/B] Horse Ebooks: I grew dissatisfied and went into a frenzy [B](I'm not sure why I'm allowing your allies to post commands still when you are dead but okay) Roll: 7. Success? The Horse Ebooks becomes enraged somehow and through an unspecified way manages to cause severe internal bleeding to the Sloth demon. (500 damage to Sloth demon)[/B] Cucco: Ponder over your odd bipolar actions. [B]Roll: 9. Success! After a nice ice-cream cone, Cucco sits on a park bench while pondering the greater meanings of life and why he is so bipolar at times. Last turn he was to brutally slaughter something, but instead he decided not to. Why? Why had he acted so spontaneously? Cucco isn't sure about his personality, but he did come to the conclusion that he must put his personal emotions and feelings aside if he is to survive in this war. (500 maxhp buff, Motivated: +1 on all rolls for next 3 turns.)[/b] ________________________________________________________________________________________ Nyan's team: Nyan: Pulls out the minigun he randomly obtained from before some update and caps Lesser Demon of Greed with 3,000 bullets filled with holy water. [B]Roll: 4. Minor failure. You pull the minigun you got from a place somewhere at some time beforehand out of your hyperspace arsenal pocket and prepare to rev it up, but it seems you unholstered the 150kg weapon far to quickly and you pulled a muscle or something. (100 damage to you)[/B] Damon: Calls Steve from Minecraft to get the about 100 creepers the Enderdragon some Enderman. [B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL! Damon decides its high time to get some backup and decides to go bother Steve for help. To Damon's suprise, Steve is suprisingly eager to help out and figures that his 80-ft golden cock and balls construction can be halted for this noble act of war. Before you can go back to the battlefield, however, night falls and a metric assload of mods surround you. Upon seeing the fully rendered high-quality model that is Damon, the mobs all pledge their allegiance to the only thing with more than 10 polygons they have seen in their entire 5 second lives. Looks like you will be returning home with some friends... (Added Steve and Clusterfuck of Mobs to your team!)[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ [B]-Enemy Commands-[/B] Lesser Demon of Gluttony: Slap Nyan several times [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. The Demon of Gluttony won't get off his fat ass and fight.[/B] Lesser Demon of Greed: Punch the Merc point man in the balls and take his stuff. [B]Roll: 7. Success. The Demon of Greed sneaks up behind the Merc and uppercuts his family jewels before taking his Tacticool crossbow! (500 damage to Merc Pointman, lost crossbow.[/B] Hellfire King: Light a nearby tree on fire and throw it at Firearms136. [B]Roll: 9-1=8. Success. The Hellfire king pulls out a match and lights a poplar tree on fire before hurling at Firearms 136. The tree hits him in the face, breaking his nose and lighting his hair on fire! (800 damage to Dagger, On fire!) [/B] Lord of Undead: Slit Magmacow358's throat with a shiv fashioned from a human femur. [B]Roll: 8. Success. The Lord of Undead unshealths his bone shiv and swings at Magmacow, hitting his neck and causing considerable damage to his armor! (800 damage to Magmacow358)[/B] ________________________________________________________________________________________ -Allies- Team Billy: Billy Maize: 1100/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle) (Attackers will do 25% more damage for 1/3 turns.) Polar Bear: 100/2000 Team Combiner: Combiner8761: 0/2,100 (dark powers) (DEAD...?) Horse ebooks: 2,000/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.) Cucco: 800/1,500 (Will deal 2000 damage to killer) (Cucco rage perk: gets +1 to rolls if damaged the previous turn.) (Motivated: +1 on all rolls for 0/3 turns!) Team Face: Mr. Face: DEAD! Team Firearms: Firearms136 (aka dagger): 1,400/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger)(On fire: -100 hp every turn for 0/4 turns) Dawson: 1,000/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.) Homer: 1,500/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula) Cortez: 1,400/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things)) Team Folcrum Folcrum_flyer: ANNOUNCED DEAD! Team Jarrod: Jarrod: 1,400/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet) Team Magma: Magmacow358: 1,600/2,000 (Swagnum)(Armor(700/1,500))(Arm Blaster)(New reliable)(Lucky Shoes: +1 on all rolls aside from Crit fails.) T-80U: 4,000/4,000 Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots/mechanical things). Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons. Team Nobody: Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates) Team Nyan: Nyan Squirrel: 1,900/2,000 Damon: 1,200/2,000 Steve: 2,000/2,000 Clusterfuck of Mobs: 5,000/5,000 Team Samiam: Samiam22: 1,900/2,000 Team Smas: Smas: 840/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats) Tony Stark: 2,000/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000) Team Sunny: Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe) DuffleBag: Dead! Apache: 4,900/5,000 (Gatling Laser) (Drones 10/10) (Dead crew, cannot do anything.) Team Zake: Zakedodead: 1,350/2,200 (Lost the Generic Holy Sword(Does Holy Damage Yo/1.5x Damage to Undead))(2x Plot Coupons) Merc Point-man: 1,500/2,000 (The Best Tacticool Crossbow: 25% more damage, heals 100 hp on a successful hit.) (Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.) Team Zarjk: Zarjk: Dead! __________________________________________________ ______________________________________ -Enemies- Lesser Demon of Greed: 1,400/2,000 (Players who fail attacks against it or are successfully attacked by it get their equipment stolen. Must be killed to get stuff stolen back, dead peoples stuff added to neutral.) (Has: Halo 3, Universal remote, Shit-stained vibrator, Merc pointman's Best Tacticool Crossbow: 25% more damage, heals 100 hp on a successful hit.) Lesser Demon of Sloth: 2/2,000 (All rolls for everything that can be reasonably affected by sloth are -1 until the demon is killed.) Lesser Demon of Envy: 200/2,000 (It uses the roll of the highest successful command against it -1 for all its commands. In the case that there aren't any successful rolls against it in an update it rolls like normal.) Lesser Demon of Lust: 1,300/2,000 (Attackers become slaves upon failures, and remain so until they successfully roll/are successfully rolled for freedom. All slaves are free when the Demon is killed) (+1 to all rolls against Sunny Dei, Zake and Billy Maize.) Lesser Demon of Gluttony: 800/2,000 (A successful attack recovers its health by the amount of damage inflicted.) Lord of Sins: 3,800/5,000 (Lesser Demons recover 400 health each turn, and are resurrected to 100 hp if dead. This ability is lost upon death.) Lord of Undead: 1,500/2,000 (Horde of undead gets +500 max health and recovers 250 health each turn, and is resurrected to 500/1000 if dead. This ability is lost upon death. Horde of undeath blocks all damage caused to Lord of Undead, unless dead or circumvented) Horde of Undead: 300/2,500 (Blocks damage to Lord of Undead unless dead or circumvented.) Hellfire King: 8,400/10,000 (Flying, Bitch! Also, Cremates foes when it kills them, requires more effective methods of lifesaving (And 8 or better on recovery rolls to be successful Still neutral on 5, 6, and 7) __________________________________________________ ___________________________________ -Neutral- The Grotesque: 3,800/4,000 Sheogorath: ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair) Agent 9: 9,850/10,000 Horde of allies: 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars) Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs)) Juggernougat: 1,600/2,000 (Mudderfuckin Kanabos) Scald: 1,900/2,000 (Splinters: 100 damage every turn for 1/3 turns!) __________________________________________________ ______________________________________ Yay
folc: Inhabit Magmacow's armor, and over his integrated head-mic thingy, tell him to point out a fresh corpse in relatively unmaimed condition I can use for a body. [sp]Hint hint, nudge nudge[/sp] Also, I'm not sure if you'll still do them, but I've decided to appoint Juggernougat the secondary leader of my team until a time at which I can return to living noncombatantness. Juggernougat: Eat sloth. Scald: Stab envy with a heel spike.
[QUOTE=Magmacow358;36732702](I'm not sure why I'm allowing your allies to post commands still when you are dead but okay)[/QUOTE] Well, I always thought that ally commands aren't dependant on the leader of the team. In such a way that you write commands for you and your allies, but other than that they work like normal players. (With the exception that they cannot self-res, but I'm not even sure about that.) Tell me if I'm wrong, because that's how I always thought they worked. Anyway, more commands: Combiner: Why does it feel like the DnD we play is more indepth made than my actual fights? I mean, in that dungeon it's usually only hit-and-miss, but in DnD it's more strategic. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'll just pester my friends again about my resurrection. Horse Ebooks: New wisdom. (The command isn't posted immediately, but instead I wait until a new tweet is posted on [URL="http://twitter.com/Horse_ebooks/"]the actual twitter account[/URL], and then edit that into this post (for real this time, honestly.) With 'New Wisdom', to roll isn't determined randomly, but rather after the quality of the tweet. This is decided by the updater.) Tweet confirmed, it's "Welcome to the SEXY Marriage Solution For Really Great" Uh. I have no idea. Cucco: Now that you're MOTIVATED AS SHIT, use your newfound motivation to brutally murder the Lord of Sins.
My commands: I pull out a heavy duty defibrillator and smash it against any friendly thing that doesn't move anymore (I revive the allies I possibly can) T-80U: Run over the Demon of Envy
I'd like to update alot more frequently but nobody is posting commands :v:
Horde: Find a way to resuscitate Mr. Face.
Wow Damon did great. Nyan: Shit, ya know what, I'm calling my Abomination to Nature: Zethoac. Zethoac's Bio: Born in a some Never Ending planet somewhere between Hell, The Nether, The End, Heaven, and the dark place in your mind were you or nobody else should ever go into unless that want to see some scary shit. Where he came from again was Never Ending, and was where everything was Logically Correct. Zethoac has 5 sets of teeth, a Ballistic Arm that has "spaz's out alot and kills people," and eyes that have the ability to make people join him or make them beg for their life. Damon: Yes! Steve joined me with a Clusterfuck Of Mobs. Okay, Damon calls in a Anti-Materiel Rifle equipped Hazmat Swat Team to shoot the fuck out of Lesser demon of greed. Steve: Hahaha, Notch can suck it! I was getting tired of dying and re-spawning because of the failed clone pig, The Creeper. Roll for Steve getting a re-spawning perk because he's out of a video game. Clusterfuck Of Mobs: Ok guys we work for the brothers now. Hey, Skeletons, get the fuck ready aim the bows at the Lesser Demon Of Greed. As for the Zomb.... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN STOP TRYING TO RAPE THE PIGS!!!!!!!!
[QUOTE=Nyan Squirrel;36742733]Zethoac's Bio: Born in a some Never Ending planet somewhere near were ever the hell The Grotesque's Ancestors were born...[/QUOTE] Grotesque was Frankensteined together from a supply of body parts in the meat locker inside my bag of holding. Also, your gramar sucks. Also, it's "Where," not "were."
Here is what I think could work Delete anybody who doesn't post in a while if they do post after a while they have to recreate there teams unless the updater person takes time to find there team and put it back in the update and body think this is a good idea. ಠ_ಠ
[QUOTE=Nyan Squirrel;36742926]Here is what I think could work; delete anybody who doesn't post in a while, and if they do post after a while, they have to recreate their teams, unless the updater person takes time to find their team and put it back in the update. Anybody else think this is a good idea? ಠ_ಠ[/QUOTE] I fixed your atrocious writing.
I will update as soon as there are enough commands Edit: For all the players who havent posted in quite some time, I have moved their teams and stats to a txt file on my computer. If they come back then I will gladly add their stuff back, but as for now they are gone of the list to reduce clutter.
zake: hey wait I still have two plot coupons, I buy a [i]premium[/i] story arc with them. Merc pointman: use martial arts on lesser demon of greed for taking your crossbow.(Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.)
Hey, mag, I think 6 people is enough to do another update.
Nobody is posting MagmaCow.....
I got back from camping not too long ago, I will post an update eventually/once I'm done playing Mass Effect
Who are all the gms anyway?
Umm 2 days since Magma Said he would update........
I will post results in a bit, my power supply died on my main computer and I'm stuck with a slow backup.
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