The Never Ending Dungeon V.5 - You slip on a banana peel and land face first on a landmine
677 replies, posted
Gah, how long was I away from this thread?
Guys, once we have enough commands, I'll take the stance for the next update, alright?
Also, commands;
Combiner: Well, since my allies are, for some unexplained reason, crippled without me, I'll simply decide to teach those annoying eldritch pests a lesson; I'll ask for a resurrection, and every time they refuse I'll hit them over the head with an incorporeal hammer. THAT should teach them!
I look for a chainsaw to chop the hordes down
Commands:
T-80U: Shoot the Lord of Sin in the kneecap with a high-explosive round
I unholster my faithful shotgun (New Reliable) and blow the Lord of Sin's lower jaw off.
("New Reliable"
>Old 12-gauge pump-action shotgun.
+1.5x damage
+Weapon cannot be lost, even after death.
+Weapon gains 2 free crits for every enemy killed (Enemy must have more than 2,999 Maxhp and can only be used with this weapon)
-Holds 8 shots, after shells are used weapon must be reloaded which takes 1 turn
-25% more backfire damage
-No random crits, any 10s rolled using this gun will be reduced to a 9)
Zarjk decides fuck this shit once again, once again he attacks a enemy, this time the Juggernougat
He beats the fuck out of it with no regard for life.
(I would kindly offer to update the thread.)
Folc: Agh, my face! I can't be seen without my face! Must reattach, must reattach...
I very deliberately made his name Juggernougat. The character ho creates him in the story he's actually from is an eight year old girl.
Meanwhile, somewhere near the end of v3, during the Final Fight with Khane:
DJ999 (650/2500): Ugh *coughs up blood* Fuck, that healing spell didn't work, and only hurt me further. I really need some healing...
SUDDENLY, A WILD PORTAL APPEARS!
DJ999: WTF? AAAAAAHHH!!
All I saw was was a long passageway, as far as the eye could see. I then blacked out.
When I came to, I was greeted by a mysterious man.
DJ999: Who are you?
???: My name is Titanium Knigh7. I am the keeper of this place, known as the Halls of Time.
Titanium Knigh7: I have healed you of your wounds.
DJ999: How did I get here?
Titanium: You came here through a portal; but how it formed, I can not say.
DJ999:Oh crap! Khane's still out there, I need to help the allies!
Titanium: I am sorry, but you will not be able to help in the fight. It seems you don't show up in the battlefield for a while.
Titanium:However, do not worry about Khane, he was already defeated.
DJ999:Wait, why can't I go back?
Titanium: Because it would create a time paradox, and do terrible things to this universe. No, I know when on the timeline you need to reappear. (summons another portal)
DJ999: Wait, wait, waaaaaaaaaiiiittt...
Back in v5:
Another portal appears, with DJ999 coming out of it!
[sp] I apologize to Titanium Knigh7 if I haven't portrayed him or his character correctly. [/sp]
Nyan: Hey I forgot I have a pocket of everything, Pulls out his primary weapon for now on, pulls out a FAD with a Grenade launcher, Then Aims like a MW3 Nerd who is the highest level you can get in MW3, Finnaly shoots the fuck out of Lord of Undead.
Damon: Tries calling Verda to stay on the team.
Steve: I'm going to clone my self, (Role For Herobrine)
Clusterfuck of Mobs: Enderdragon Go kill Lord of Undead,
I demand to have my Swagnum be accurately labeled as the one true Swagnum, and not a 'bootleg' swagnum.
I'd say we have enough commands for an update, combiner.
Indeed.
I will start working now.
Let's see if I actually manage this properly.
Yes, here it is. I have returned to deliver this update to you, the people.
[B]-Ally Commands-
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[/B][B]Combiner8761:[/B] I'll ask for a resurrection, and every time they refuse I'll hit them over the head with an incorporeal hammer.
[B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL REVIVAL! In a vast spirit plan, home to only forgotten souls and vile abominations of magic, there is, somewhere in that realm, a floating table, occupied by eldritch inhabitants and a single soul, all staring down on a die, rolling across some kind of game board.
"... 4."
"MAY CTHULU CURSE YOU ALL!"
"Cthulu? He is small time, my fellow abomination. Why, I had a friend that-"
"Forgive me, my Eldritch friends, but there is still the matter of my, oh, I don't know, [I]Resurrection?"
[/I]"Combiner, Combiner! We already told you! You need to roll a ten."
The banter is interrupted by a few seconds of silence, before the non-Eldritch player grasps the die in his hand and almost throws it down at the table.
"... HAHA! There! There, you see? It's a ten!"
"Well, um, you see, that is actually a 20 sided die. A ten on that would be... well, more of a five on one with 10 sides."
"Sorry, old chap. You won't get the resurrection this time!"
A horrific collection of sounds reverbrate through the plane, the which is actually the closest thing that Eldritch apperations would consider to be "laughing."
This detail did not go unnoticed by the odd soul, who promply slams down his incorporeal hands on the incorporeal table.
"... Listen, this is a warning. Give me my resurrection, [I]or else."
[/I]"... Or else [I]what? [/I]Mr. Friendlyface, you can't simply cut the sentence like that! You need to specify what would happen! Also, about your resurrection, well..."
"No."
"Yeah, what he said. No."
"... Well, in that case, I suppose I should finish my sentence for you.
"Oh, please do. I abhor bad grammar."
"Now then, give me my resurrection... or else [I]hammer!"
[/I][I]"Now you only screwed up the grammar mo-"
[/I]Whatever that abomination would utter will noone ever known, for at that moment the impatient soul brings down a hammer of humongous size down at the Eldritch participants, cutting into their speech and causing them extreme pain.
"... We should have expected that. RUN AWAY! Er, I mean, slither away?"
Continuing on his rampage, the soul manages to trap one of his "friends" under his everpresent blows of his hammer.
"STOP! STOP! No more, I'll give you what you want!"
Stopping the blows, the hammer is lifted up from the Eldritch abomination, who squirms pitifully on the incorporeal ground. The hammer-weilding psychopath puts on his horrible grin and with his awful mouth he utters a single, horrifying word that will be uttered on the lips of the dying men in the next hundreds of thousands of years...
"Good!"
After the proper spells are costs and the near-rotting body is restored to its prime, the eldritch-faced man looks over the battlefield and pulls a sigh of relief before stopping himself.
"What the [I]fuck [/I]happened to this place?"
[I](Combiner is revived!)[/I]
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DJ999: [/B]Another portal appears, with DJ999 coming out of it!
[B]Roll: 2. Failure. Isn't this amazing?
Coughing up blood, about to die to some kind of Final Boss? And then suddenly being sucked through a convient portal to end up in halls of time with a rambling dude?
And then ending up here.
Well, this looks like the standard stuff right here, people hitting each other over the head with sticks. It's obvious this is the good old dungeon.
Even the wacky hijinks are back; for example, you are sitting right now on some Helldemon's decapitated windpipe.
"Hi there! Would you mind... putting me down?"
The Helldemon politely gurgles that such an act would only hinder his progress to greviously harm people.
"Oh. So, how would we be able to fix this?"
The Helldemon responds by punching you.
The initial blow was bad enough, but when you almost break your neck on the ground it's become obvious that the healing from the knight dude was only good for preventing you dying instantly. Well, at least you don't cough up blood anymore.
Wait, what happened with your extra HP?
Oh, dammit.
[I](DJ999 is back from V3. Has 1000/2000 hp.)[/I]
[sp]Welcome back to the game. Sorry, but because of your long absence I need to restore you with initial stats. Anyway, good luck![/sp]
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Folcrum:[/B] Agh, my face! I can't be seen without my face! Must reattach, must reattach...
[B]Roll: 10! CRITICAL FACE REATTACHING SKILLS! What are you doing, face first in concrete?
Oh. Right, now you remember.
Well, when you think about it, you're not really "face first in concrete," because even though the Juggernougat's frenzy drove your head through the wall, he also RIPPED YOUR GODDAMN FACE OFF.
HE RIPPED YOUR FACE OFF.
OH MY GOD!
This won't work, obviously! You mean, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A FACE.
THIS IS KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
[/B][B]You probably look hideous without it! You need to do something about it.
Like...
Reattach it!
How? That's not important! Why not? It's right there, perfectly intact, even though the Juggernougat rippped it COMPLETELY OFF. It's worth a try, right?
Taking your face from the ground, you promptly shove it onto the bloody mess that could be considered your head. Despite your initial panic, you sense something deep inside of you. Like this is what you were meant for. This is who you are.
You pluck out some string from your clothes and pick up a particularly small and sharp piece of concrete. This will be your tools.
You begin to masterfully sew your face together without any kind of difficulty. You are calm and composed when you fasten the last centimeters and cut the string. Finally, you turn towards a shattered mirror only barely hanging on the wall.
You are shocked and amazed at the fact that not only is your face attached without any sort of flaws, but you look even better than before! All those flaws that used to be present; gone!
Well, that's that now. You have to deal with the Juggenougat. You have to love your luck in misfortune, though.
[I](1000 HP gained! New perk; Suave Face Reattaching skills! +3 to rolls involving healing facial wounds and decapitation. Yes, +3.)[/I]
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Fuzzwaddle: [/B]I look for a chainsaw to chop the hordes down.
[B]Roll: 2. Severe failure! After your failed attempt of stealth, it's obvious to you that the absolute opposite of tactics is more viable; the charge in and chop tactics, that is. And how do you make a tactic so viable more viable? By using viable weapons! And that is a CHAINSAW!
So, in order to find such a weapon, what would be the most viable course of action?
Why, looking directly under you, of course! You're standing on one.
Why not? It's perfectly viable.
After picking up the chainsaw, you can hear the hordes of undead nearby. Good, now you can use the chainsaw to progress with the charge and chop tactics, of which we have established is perfectly viable.
Now then, you have completed the first step of the plan; charging.
You have more problem with the second, chopping.
It turns out that standing on the chainsaw actually damaged it, and as soon you rev up the engine the actual chain part of the chainsaw fly off in your face, causing some nasty bruises. This makes it less than a viable weapon.
Also, you're in the middle of a horde of undead. About that.
The horde closes in and begins tearing at you. The only viable course of action at this point is to scream.
And so you do. [I](800 damage to Fuzzwaddle.)[/I]
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[B]Ian:[/B] I demand to have my Swagnum be accurately labeled as the one true Swagnum, and not a 'bootleg' swagnum.
[B]Roll: 6. Minor success. With a cigar in your mouth and shutter shades over your eyes, the true King of SWAG is back for business. Your first course of action is to properly inspect your belongings of true SWAG-ness, in order to ensure that nothing has gone wrong.
But, to your SWAG-filled anger, it has.
"What the FUCK is this piece of garbage?" you growl as the you inspect the writing on what LOOKS like your trusted revolver. LOOK being the keyword here.
Bootleg Swagnum.
Bootleg.
Swagnum.
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING PIECE OF WORTHLESS SHIT HAS DONE THIS?
WHOEVER IT IS, HE WILL PAY. IF YOU HAVE BREAK ASUNDER THE FABRIC OF TIME, UTTERLY DEMOLISHING THE FOURTH WALL AND DESTROYING ANY KIND OF SENSEFUL NARRATIVE, I WILL HAVE MY SWAGNUM REBRANDED TO BE TO ONE, TRUE, SWAGNUM, NOT THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE.
DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT? THAT'S RIGHT. I WASN'T FUCKING AROUND. RESTORE IT! OR ELSE THE REST OF THIS UPDATE WILL BE WRITTEN IN ALL-CAPS! ALL IN DETICATION TO HOW MUCH YOU SUCK!
DO IT.
NOW!
After the odd destruction of proper narrative there, the SWAG king looks back to his Swagnum, only to find the word "Bootleg" crossed out and hastily replaced with "The one, [I]true,[/I]" making it the "The one, [I]true, [/I]Swagnum."
Satisfied with this order of events you take out the cigar of your mouth and smile, getting ready to begin things proper. [I](Bootleg Swagnum rebranded to [del]Bootleg[/del] The one,[/I] true[I], Swagnum")[/I]
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[B]Magma's team:
[/B]
[B]T-80U: [/B]Shoot the Lord of Sins in the kneecap with a high-explosive round.
[B]Roll: 6. Minor success. After bouncing of the neck stump of the Hellfire king, the T-80U lands right next to the Lord of Sins. After exchaning puzzled looks between eachother, one member of the crew frantically demands a mag of exploding rounds in order to shoot the Lord. After some minor discussion the crew member is eventually handed a mag from a different crew member, a perfect example of teamwork. After loading the rifle with the proper ammunition the crewman manages to stick the rifle out of the tank and fire a shot at the Lord of Sins, a perfect shot to the knee! To his dismay, the bullet doesn't explode at all! The Lord of Sins merely winces, before pulling a shrug and walking away with a slight limp. Enraged, the crewman asks why the bullet didn't explode.
"Because there already IS an explosion in order to propel the bullet! I thought that was what you meant."
As an answer to this, the entire crew simply stays in stunned silence, not even bothering with a response, letting the man feel ashamed of himself. [I](100 damage to the Lord of Sins.)
[/I][/B]
[B]Magmacow:[/B] I unholster my faithful shotgun (New Reliable) and blow the Lord of Sins' lower jaw off.
[B]Roll: 9. Major success! Watching the specactle of the T-80U bouncing of the Hellfire King and miserably failing to properly kill the Lord of Sins, you decide to have your own chance at killing him. It seems that the guy is still taking his comfortable stroll with his bleeding leg, and so you decide to unholster your New Reliable and charge towards him. He conveniently turns his head in surprise, just in time for you to shove the shotgun at the side of his jaw and pull the trigger. That created... quite a bloody mess. You didn't quite blow his jaw off as you blowed it to small, bloody, pieces. Pulling back, the Lord of Sins clutches his face in pain and prepares to chant a spell. Only to gurgle something inane out.
It's obvious that he won't be pulling magic tricks any time soon, and he seems to be aware of this as he quickly runs away.
You smile, and begin cleaning the bloodsplattered barrel of the gun. Not that it matters, it's extremly reliable. [I](1500 damage to the Lord of Sins! The Lord of Sins is missing his lower jaw; can't chant spells, including monster healing, unless he himself is healed.)[/I][/B]
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[B]Team Nyan:[/B]
[B]Nyan: [/B]Pull stuff out of my [del]ass[/del] pocket, and shoot the fuck of Lord of Undead.
[B]Roll: 3. Failure. Recovering from the fire fiasco, you look over your clothes for how damaged they are when you notice something; a pocket.
Oh [I]yeah, [/I]you DID have one of those, didn't you? Of hyperspace arsenal quality, in fact.
Reaching down into the depths of your pocket you grasp a weapon with downright video game quality - literally. From the deepest depths of Modern Warfare 3 comes the FAD, and with your nerdiness skills at hand, you aim at the Lord of Undead and fire!
Yes, fire. The FAD is burning.
What, do you think that pocket was spared from the flames? Nope.
The barrel is partially melted, and so when the bullet is fired the front of the gun explodes sending shrapnel everywhere. You are bleeding horribly, but are relieved that's the only accident that happened.
Well, at least until you notice that the grenade launcher is burning [I]too.[/I]
The ensuing explosion sends you flying a few meter away, with a few parts of your body missing, and the rest bleeding. What now?
[I](700 damage to Nyan.)
[/I]
Damon: [/B]Tries to call Verda for her to stay on the team.
[B]Roll: 8. Success! Yeah, despite the fun from her last visit, Damon knows that he and his friends actually needs Verda's help. Because of this he ponders aloud what he should do now? Since Verda doesn't exactly pop out of nowhere. You would need to mention her in order for her to actually make an appearance, and that's hard in this situatio- OH HEY LOOK AT THAT.
Aww, she already wants to utterly kill Damon. He doen't like to neglect Verda's mauling skills, but right now he doesn't really have much of a choice. He tells her to stop killing everybody for a second or two.
She does! Isn't she the cutest?
Anyway, Damon explains to her;
"Don't kill everyone - Kill everyone who isn't us!"
She nods and runs off to maul a poor demon. Hooray for profiling! [I](Verda added to Nyan's team. How many allies will you have anyway?)
[/I]
Steve: [/B]I'm going to clone myself!
[B]Roll: 5. Neutral. Even though there are monsters and allies amassing everywhere in order to either help or kill him, Steve simply can't help but think; there's no such thing as enough Steves! And because of that, he begins thinking of creating a new himself. How? Cloning perhaps? Or...
He can't snap his fingers, since he have boxes for hands, but simply imagine that image. Steve has actually come up with a great idea for his multiple Steve purposes, actually a really easy solution!
He takes out a laptop... [I]borrowed[/I] from an old friend of his and turns it on. Naturally, he has already installed Minecraft on it. He boots up Minecraft and selects to create a new world... And...
Bam! Now a new Steve has spawned in the game! The cloning experiments are complete.
Well, we said it would be easy, but not efficient!
Enderdragon (Clusterfuck of Mobs): [/B]According to Nyan, I am to "go kill Lord of Undead." I suppose I will, then.
[B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL KILLING! Yep, let's do this. Flying over the battlefield, the Enderdragon looks down upon his next victim; the crazy dude that is laughing maniacally while holding the organs of a teammate.
[I]Seriously,[/I] the Enderdragon thinks to himself, [I]how could I defeat such a maniacal BASTARD?
Well, let's find out!
[/I]Without really thinking at all the Enderdragon charges in head first towards the Lord of Undead. The Lord notices this, obviously, and goes to take up one of his minions as a shield, but they slip from his grasp because of the slippery juices on his hand left from Zake's organs. Without the time to even say a single "Oh shit" the Enderdragon crashes right on him. The Enderdragon gains a cuncussion out of this and is dazed long enough for the Lord of Undead to crawl away from him, miraculously survived. But the Enderdragon comes back to his senses and proceeds to try and bat at the Lord with his arms, but the Lord of Undead manages to dodge all the blows, and when the Enderdragon stands up for another shot at the guy the Lord of Undead takes a knife and plunges it into one of his arms, making the dragon lose his balance. And collapse... right on top of the Lord of Undead.
Again.
But this time, he doesn't try to crawl away; he's finally dead. About time, too. ([I]Enderdragon went killed Lord of Undead. Yes, he's now DEAD.)
[/I][/B]
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[B]Zarjk:[/B] Zarjk decides fuck this shit once again, once again he attacks a enemy, this time the Juggernougat.
[B]Roll: 7. Success. Seeing the Juggernougat stomping around the battlefield in a frenzy, you decide that this shit has gone too far. You begin a valiant rush in order to kill the Juggernougat with your bare fucking hands! As you approach it the 'nougat throws a fist at you, which you easily dodge and use the opening to punch his face once, or twice, or even three times. Your third blow manages to reopen his head, revealing his small brainhalves, left from the failed operation of Folcrum. You have no qualms of killing this beast, and so you punch one of the halves inside. Unfortunately, it doen't have much of an impact, probably because the guy doesn't rely on it too much. You pull away, knowing you've severly wounded the beast, but not killed it. [I](600 damage to the Juggernougat.)[/I][/B]
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[B]Team Zake:[/B]
[B]Zake:[/B] KILL that organ stealing motherfucker.
[B]Roll: 3. Major failure. (Not applicable.) You get ready to take your revenge on the cackling organ-stealing maniac when suddenly a dragon crashes down out of nowhere! It has a short struggle with the Lord of Undead, and finally manages to kill it. What BULLSHIT! YOU were meant to do that! Not some goddamn nonimportant dragon![/B]
[B]Merc: [/B]Shoot your crossbow at the chandelier above the enemies heads.
[B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL HIT! Now that the Lord of Undead is deader than undead, you can do some major damage to the rest of the demonic enemies. Preparing your crossbow and compensating for the ridiculous arc trajectory, you notice something in the ceiling.
... How come the there is a GIGANTIC CHANDELIER THAT IS HUNG OVER A GOOD PART?
AND HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE IT BEFORE?
Conveniently enough, the part it covers is only occupied by the masses of enemies you face. Hmm...
It doesn't take a genius to figure out what to do, and so you reaim the crossbow and fire at the wires suspending the thing.
That was an amazing shot, the bolt manages to ricochet multiple times, utterly demolishing whatever could be considered "support" for the huge thing. With nothing stopping it, the chandelier falls down on the masses of demons and monsters before they could even consider saying the "oh" of "oh shit." What ensues kills or greviously wounds many enemies, and traps just about everyone.
You think you're beginning to really love this crossbow. Best in the world indeed... [I](1000 damage to the Lesser Demon of Lust, Gluttony and Horde of Undead, Horde of Undead is DEAD as a result, and the rest is trapped for a single turn!)[/I]
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-Enemy Commands-
Juggernougat:[/B] KILL THE ZARJK.
[B]Roll: 8 - 7 (Power armor.) Success. Enraged by Zarjk's assault, Juggernougat responds in kind; he even got the same roll. Like Zarjk, the Juggernougat rushes towards against him, which makes Zarjk try to punch him in his charge, but he Juggernougat blocks it, and uses the opportunity to hit Zarjk once in the head. Or twice. Or three times.
Unlike Zarjk own attack, the Power Armor prevents Zarjk's head from splitting open, but those punches still left him with hemorrhaging in his brain. That's gotta hurt.[/B] [B](700 damage to Zarjk.)
Lord of Sins: [/B]Do something about your jaw! OW, that hurts...
[B]Roll: 8. Success! Running away from the crazy-as-fuck Magmacow, the Lord of Sins is, understandably, a little panicked. He keeps muttering, well, more like shouting, to himself as to what he should do about his missing jaw. And that's when he accidently trips over one of his former children, the lesser demon of sloth. The fat fuck was eating to his very last second, eh? And that's when the Lord gets the idea.
One of the few spells he doesn't have to chant are the ones that mends or erodes flesh. But... to his very own child?
Hell, why not. He is a Lord of Sins after all.
The lord of sins erodes the parts around the Demon's jaw, allowing it to be detached. Then, it's as easy as putting it on your face and mending it together.
That's... way too big. The jaw is really way too big for the Lord. He is dismayed over the fact that he is now even uglier than before. Oh well. At least he can now do his busywork. (Restored ability to chant spell! But has now a REALLY ugly jaw.)
All other enemies are either trapped or DEAD.
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[B]-Allies-[/B]
[B]Team Billy:[/B]
Billy Maize: 1100/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle) (Attackers will do 25% more damage for 1/3 turns.)
Polar Bear: 100/2000
[B]
Team Combiner:[/B]
Combiner8761: 2,100/2,100 (dark powers)
Horse ebooks: 2,000/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.)
Cucco: 800/1,500 (Will deal 2000 damage to killer) (Cucco rage perk: gets +1 to rolls if damaged the previous turn.) (Motivated: +1 on all rolls for 0/3 turns!)
[B]Team [B]DJ999:
[/B][/B]DJ999: 1,000/2,000
[B]Team Face:[/B]
Mr. Face: 2,000/2,000
[B]Team Firearms:[/B]
Firearms136 (aka dagger): 1,300/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger)(On fire: -100 hp every turn for 1/4 turns)
Dawson: 1,000/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.)
Homer: 1,500/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula)
Cortez: 1,400/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things))
[B]Team Folcrum[/B]
Folcrum_flyer: 2,000/2,000 (Suave face reattaching skills; +3 to rolls healing facial wounds or decapitation.)
[B]
Team Fuzz:[/B]
Fuzzwaddle: 700/2,000
[B]
Team Ian:[/B]
Ian: 1,700/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk)(Quasar Crown)([del]Bootleg[/del] The one, [I]true,[/I] Swagnum)(Minor egotism perk: Heals Ian when he makes a killing blow; 1/4 of the damage dealt heals him. Can be upgraded by further healing.)(Weakened Sandwich of Gods.)
[B]Team Jarrod:[/B]
Jarrod: 1,400/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet)
[B]Team Magma:[/B]
Magmacow358: 1,600/2,000 (Armor(600/1,500))(Swagnum (6/7))(Arm Blaster)(New reliable)(Lucky Shoes: +1 on all rolls aside from Crit fails.)
T-80U: 4,000/4,000
Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots/mechanical things).
Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons.
[B]Team Nobody:[/B]
Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates)
[B]
Team Nyan:[/B]
Nyan Squirrel: 700/2,000
Damon: 1,200/2,000
Steve: 2,000/2,000 (Some sort of respawn perk: After being revived, Steve is automatically re-added to Nyan's team with a temporary 1000 maxhp boost!)
Clusterfuck of Mobs: 5,000/5,000
Verda: 2,000/2,000
[B]Team Samiam:[/B]
Samiam22: 1,900/2,000
[B]
Team Smas:[/B]
Smas: 840/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats)
Tony Stark: 2,000/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000)
[B]
Team Sunny:[/B]
Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe)
DuffleBag: 3,000/3,000 (Space marine, not a leather bag.)
Apache: 4,900/5,000 (Gatling Laser) (Drones 10/10)
[B]
Team Zake:[/B]
Zakedodead: 1,200/2,000
Merc Point-man: 1,500/2,000 (The Best Tacticool Crossbow: 25% more damage, heals 100 hp on a successful hit.) (Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.)
[B]
Team Zarjk:[/B]
Zarjk: 300/2,000 (Angry Grandpa Minigun) (Power Armor; -1 to attacks against Zarjk, lasts 4 times. 3/4)
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[/B]
[B]-Enemies-[/B]
Lesser Demon of Lust: 900/2,000 (Attackers become slaves upon failures, and remain so until they successfully roll/are successfully rolled for freedom. All slaves are free when the Demon is killed)(+1 to all rolls against Sunny Dei, Zake and Billy Maize.)
Lesser Demon of Gluttony: 400/2,000 (A successful attack recovers its health by the amount of damage inflicted.)
Lord of Sins: 2,100/5,000 (Lesser Demons recover 200 HP each turn) (Ugly lower jaw.)
Lord of Undead: 0/2,000 (DEAD.
Horde of Undead: 0/1,000 (DEAD.)
Hellfire King: 4,800/10,000 (Flying, Bitch! Also, Cremates foes when it kills them, requires more effective methods of lifesaving (And 8 or better on recovery rolls to be successful Still neutral on 5, 6, and 7))(Headless: -500 hp for 1/4 turns!)
Juggernougat: 500/2,000 (Mudderfuckin Kanabos)
[B]------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
[B]-Neutral-[/B]
The Grotesque: 3,800/4,000
Sheogorath: ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair)
Agent 9: 9,850/10,000
Horde of allies: 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars)
Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs))
Scald: 1,700/2,000
[B]------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
This update had really good rolls, we got three 10!
I hope this makes up for my absence.
Awesome update, very well written.
Commands:
I prime New Reliable and chase down the Lord of Sins, then proceed to blow both of his kneecaps out with buckshot.
("New Reliable"
>Old 12-gauge pump-action shotgun.
+1.5x damage
+Weapon cannot be lost, even after death.
+Weapon gains 2 free crits for every enemy killed (Enemy must have more than 2,999 Maxhp and can only be used with this weapon)
-Holds 8 shots, after shells are used weapon must be reloaded which takes 1 turn
-25% more backfire damage
-No random crits, any 10s rolled using this gun will be reduced to a 9)
T-80U: Load a HEAT shell into the main gun and fire it at Juggernougat
"I need a weapon... who better to ask than the lord of madness himself Sheograth!" I pray to sheograth for Wabbajack
I enjoyed that.
[B]NOT ENOUGH TO GET RID OF THE FACT YOU JUST CHANGED ITS NAME[/B]
If you want to play it like that, fine.
I roll to buff my Swagnum into the Legendary Weapon category.
Zarjk goes to find a baseball bat or something, also he hopes to find a med kit somewhere so he won't die in the next battle.
zake: SLAY that kill stealing motherfucker dragon.
Merc: Get an extended mag akimbo red dot acog package for the Best Crossbow in the World.
In this world of demonic forces and scientific reasoning, sometimes, clandestine methods must be taken. Using the Eldritch Tome I keep hidden under my control desk, I will attempt to bind my soul to my favorite brain-in-a-jar in an attempt to ascend to lichdom. Should I succeed, I will attain a means of immortality so long as my jarred brain is preserved.
Not doing a lot this turn
Nyan: Tries healing him self with some stimppack he found on the ground.
Damon: Backs up and helps nyan heal him self
Verda: Tries eating Juggernougat
Steve: Gets bored and builds a house for the team thats like a FUCKIN Castle
Clusterfuck of mobs: Take a break and go scavange for OP weapons for Damon, Steve, and Nyan
Can we all agree updating after 4-6 guys have posted is okay if more than three days since the last posted command have passed?
[QUOTE=folcrum_flyer;37240217]Can we all agree updating after 4-6 guys have posted is okay if more than three days have passed?[/QUOTE]
All who agree say yay, all who disagree say nay.
Yay
[QUOTE=zakedodead;37240313]All who agree say yay, all who disagree say nay.
Yay[/QUOTE]
Yay
Fine, I will post an update sometime tomorrow.
Or the day after that
Or eventually
[editline]14th August 2012[/editline]
Or.... RIGHT NOW! BWAHAHAH SURPRISE UPDATE!
[B]-Ally Commands-[/B]
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Magma's team:
Magmacow358: I prime New Reliable and chase down the Lord of Sins, then proceed to blow both of his kneecaps out with buckshot.
[B]Roll: 8. Success. You pump your shotgun and follow the trail of blood and teeth that the Lord of Sins left behind. You find him huddled up against a rock, awkwardly trying to sew a new jaw on. When he sees you, he gets up and attempts to leg it, and so you respond by blowing both his legs off with a single well placed shot. (1,200 damage to Lord of Sins)[/B]
T-80U: Load a HEAT shell into the main gun and fire it at Juggernougat
[B]Roll: 3. Failure. The T-80U gunner loads up a HEAT shell into the main gun and fires, but he loaded it in backwards and somehow the shell is sent flying back into the tank, causing moderate damage. (500 damage to T-80U) [/B]'
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Fuzzwaddle: I pray to sheograth for Wabbajack
[B]Roll: 4. Minor Failure. You pray to Sheograth in hopes that it will grant you the fabled Wabbajack, even going so far as to set up a pentagram, candles and some music in the background. It works, and before you lies the Wabbajack. Its too bad you have no idea how the fuck to use it though, otherwise you might not have turned your dick into a swordfish. (Added Wabbajack (Doesn't know how to use)) [/B]
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Ian: I roll to buff my Swagnum into the Legendary Weapon category.
[B]Roll: 5. You roll the dice in an attempt to boost your Swagnum, but you roll a 5 and alas: fuck all happens.[/B]
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Zarjk: Zarjk goes to find a baseball bat or something, also he hopes to find a med kit somewhere so he won't die in the next battle.
[B]Roll: 7. Success. You decide to go scavenging in the ruins of older battles, and while doing so you find an aluminum baseball bat with a small round dent in it, and next to it an old half-used first aid kit. Overall, you feel it was a good day. (Restored 300 hp, added Aluminum bat: -25% damage, Can attack twice in one turn.)[/B]
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Zake's team:
zake: SLAY that kill stealing motherfucker dragon.
[B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL! Upon seeing some blocky dragon steal YOUR kill, you go into a fiery rage, ripping through MOUNTAINS to get to him. The enderdragon hears you coming up from behind, and turns around to see HIS OWN PERSONAL APOCALYPSE coming towards him. The coward tries to fly off, but you grab his tail and slam that fucker into the cold, hard ground. You walk up to the Enderdragon and proceed to rip it's throat out, leaving to to bleed out. As you walk away, leaving Nyan to cry over the bloody body of his former ally, you feel a new power inside you, and thus you realize your true potential. FOR YOU ARE SLAUGHTERBORN, DESTROYER OF UNIVERSES! (Killed Enderdragon, +1000 maxhp, Added: Slaughterborn: You are fully healed and gain a 3 turn 50% damage boost for every enemy you kill!)[/B]
Merc: Get an extended mag akimbo red dot acog package for the Best Crossbow in the World.
[B]Roll: 10. DOUBLE-CRIT! As the Mercenary browses the internet, trying to find a good deal on a incredibly tacticool modification package for his wicked sick crossbow, he discoveres something about the Hellfire king: He is a crossbow enthusiast, and no doubt has the mods he's looking for! The Merc stands up from his computer and kicks open the door to the barracks, his objective set: Get those modifications. The Mercenary charges forth through the chaos, dodging explosions and fireballs. The Headless Hellfire King notices his mad charge, and begins to panic, throwing the lessers of his army in his path. The Merc tosses them aside like old wet rags, un-phased by the King's attempt to save himself.
Many say that they will tell stories about the resulting slaughter several hundred years from now, about how the Hellfire king let out crys of pain so grotesque even the eldrichtest of abominations cringed. To the Mercenary, it does not matter, for he has completed his goal. (2,500 damage to Hellfire King, Crossbow now gets +1 on rolls and has a 50% damage boost.)[/B]
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Folcrum Flyer: In this world of demonic forces and scientific reasoning, sometimes, clandestine methods must be taken. Using the Eldritch Tome I keep hidden under my control desk, I will attempt to bind my soul to my favorite brain-in-a-jar in an attempt to ascend to lichdom. Should I succeed, I will attain a means of immortality so long as my jarred brain is preserved.
[B]Roll: 6. Minor Success. Through alot of scientific magic tricks and bending over backwards a few times, you manage to put your soul into a brain in a jar. However it seems you didn't think this through very well, as now you are a helpless brain in a jar with no body. (You are now a brain in a jar, you can remotely control bodys and will not die if they die, but if you have to body you are extremely vulnerable.)[/B]
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Nyan's team:
Nyan: Tries healing him self with some stimppack he found on the ground.
[B]Roll: 8. Success. After looking around for awhile, you find some old rusty stimpacks on the ground. Being the man of chance you are, you immediately inject them into your arms and pray they weren't actually used Heroin needles. Lucky for you, they where indeed stimpacks. (Healed 600 hp)[/B]
Damon: Backs up and helps nyan heal him self
[B]Roll: 1. CRITICAL FAILURE! After your first success, you start to feel lucky and ask Damon for help finding more needles on the ground. He accepts and begins searching. A few short moments later and Damon returns with a slender, rusted needle. He jams it into your arm and viola, your internal organs melted because the syringe was full of extremely powerful acid. (Nyan is DEAD!)[/B]
Verda: Tries eating Juggernougat
[B]Roll: 0. Failure. Verda would have alot of trouble doing this, as it's throat was ripped out.[/B]
Steve: Gets bored and builds a house for the team thats like a FUCKIN Castle
[B]Roll: 5. Neutral. Steve doesn't feel like it and tells your corpse to ask again later.[/B]
Clusterfuck of mobs: Take a break and go scavange for OP weapons for Damon, Steve, and Nyan
[B]Roll: 5. Neutral. The mobs don't go in search of gamebreaking items in fear of having the Gamemasters crush them for ruining the game balance. (What little there is, anyways.)[/B]
_____________________________________________________________________________________
[B]-Enemy Commands-[/B]
Demon of Lust: Attack Zake out of jealousy
[B]Roll: 8+1=9. Success! While strutting back to the Barracks, Zake is ambushed by the Demon of Lust who stabs him in the leg with a rusty shiv several times. (1,000 Damage to Zake)[/B]
Demon of Gluttony: Fall over onto Ian in an attempt to crush his spine.
[B]Roll: 7. Success. The Demon of Gluttony walks up behind Ian and Trustfalls onto him, trusting he will die a horrible, messy death. Fortunately for Ian, all his swag protected him, allowing him to walk away with a few broken ribs. (500 damage to Ian)[/B]
JuggerNougat: Brutally maul Combiner.
[B]Roll: 4. Minor Failure. While charging, Juggernougat makes the mistake of looking at Combiner's face. The image produced makes Juggernougat recoil in horror, leaving a trail of vomit and urine as it retreats. (100 psychiatric damage to Juggernougat)[/B]
_____________________________________________________________________________________
[B]-Allies-[/B]
Team Billy:
Billy Maize: 1100/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle) (Attackers will do 25% more damage for 2/3 turns.)
Polar Bear: 100/2000
Team Combiner:
Combiner8761: 2,100/2,100 (dark powers)
Horse ebooks: 2,000/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.)
Cucco: 800/1,500 (Will deal 2000 damage to killer) (Cucco rage perk: gets +1 to rolls if damaged the previous turn.) (Motivated: +1 on all rolls for 1/3 turns!)
Team DJ999:
DJ999: 1,000/2,000
Team Face:
Mr. Face: 2,000/2,000
Team Firearms:
Firearms136 (aka dagger): 1,200/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger)(On fire: -100 hp every turn for 2/4 turns)
Dawson: 1,000/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.)
Homer: 1,500/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula)
Cortez: 1,400/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things))
Team Folcrum
Folcrum_flyer: 200/200 Current body: None. (Brain in a jar)(Suave face reattaching skills; +3 to rolls healing facial wounds or decapitation.)
Team Fuzz:
Fuzzwaddle: 700/2,000 (Wabbajack (Doesn't know how to use))
Team Ian:
Ian: 1,200/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk)(Quasar Crown)(The one, "true", Swagnum)(Minor egotism perk: Heals Ian when he makes a killing blow; 1/4 of the damage dealt heals him. Can be upgraded by further healing.)(Weakened Sandwich of Gods.)
Team Jarrod:
Jarrod: 1,400/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet)
Team Magma:
Magmacow358: 1,600/2,000 (Armor(600/1,500))(The Original Swagnum (6/7))(Arm Blaster)(New reliable (6/8))(Lucky Shoes: +1 on all rolls aside from Crit fails.)
T-80U: 3,500/4,000
Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots/mechanical things).
Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons.
Team Nobody:
Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates)
Team Nyan:
Nyan Squirrel: DEAD!
Team Samiam:
Samiam22: 1,900/2,000
Team Smas:
Smas: 840/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats)
Tony Stark: 2,000/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000)
Team Sunny:
Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe)
DuffleBag: 3,000/3,000 (Space marine, not a leather bag.)
Apache: 4,900/5,000 (Gatling Laser) (Drones 10/10)
Team Zake:
Zakedodead: 2,200/3,000 (Slaughterborn: You are fully healed and gain a 3 turn 50% damage boost for every enemy you kill!)
Merc Point-man: 1,500/2,000 (The Best Tacticool Crossbow: 50% more damage, heals 100 hp on a successful hit, +1 on rolls.) (Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.)
Team Zarjk:
Zarjk: 600/2,000 (Angry Grandpa Minigun) (Power Armor; -1 to attacks against Zarjk, lasts 4 times. 3/4) (Aluminum bat: -25% damage, Can attack twice in one turn with the bat.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[B]-Enemies-[/B]
Lesser Demon of Lust: 1,100/2,000 (Attackers become slaves upon failures, and remain so until they successfully roll/are successfully rolled for freedom. All slaves are free when the Demon is killed)(+1 to all rolls against Sunny Dei, Zake and Billy Maize.)
Lesser Demon of Gluttony: 600/2,000 (A successful attack recovers its health by the amount of damage inflicted.)
Lord of Sins: 900/5,000 (Lesser Demons recover 200 HP each turn) (Ugly lower jaw.)
Hellfire King: 2,300/10,000 (Flying, Bitch! Also, Cremates foes when it kills them, requires more effective methods of lifesaving (And 8 or better on recovery rolls to be successful Still neutral on 5, 6, and 7))(Headless: -500 hp for 1/4 turns!)
Juggernougat: 400/2,000 (Mudderfuckin Kanabos)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[B]-Neutral-[/B]
The Grotesque: 3,800/4,000
Sheogorath: ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair)
Agent 9: 9,850/10,000
Horde of allies: 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars)
Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs))
Scald: 1,700/2,000
Damon: 1,200/2,000
Steve: 2,000/2,000 (Some sort of respawn perk: After being revived, Steve is automatically re-added to Nyan's team with a temporary 1000 maxhp boost!)
Clusterfuck of Mobs: 5,000/5,000
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My commands:
I press New Reliable against the Lord of Sin's forhead and fill his squishy, pathetic skull with buckshot. (Lucky shoes: +1 on all non crit fail rolls)
T-80U: Try again to fire a HEAT round at JuggerNougat
Combiner: Who was that rude fellow? He really needs to learn some manners. And, as we all know, the best way to learn manners is to have the dark forces of the beyond crush his mind beyond recovery, so that he couldn't make the mistake of vomiting ever again.
Horse Ebooks: BUY SOME BOOKS AND TAKE THEM DOWN
Cucco: That "Lord of Whatever" guy has a REALLY ugly jaw. It's disgusting! Quick, perform plastic surgery by brutally ramming it multiple times in a row!
Zarjk attempts to upgrade his power armor into Hellfire armor, then walks into battle shooting the fuck out of Juggernougat with the Angry Grandpa Minigun.
It's like all I fucking roll are 5's and 6's.
As much as it [B]FUCKING[/B] pains me, I'll offer my Quasar Crown and Weakened Sandwich of Gods to Magmacow for my original Swagnum back.
If he accepts, I roll to: Shoot the Lesser Demon of Gluttony straight in the fucking dome-piece then celebrate with obligatory high-fives with everyone.
If he denies, I roll to: Retreat from the dungeons to the great temple at Mount Swag to reforge a much more powerful Swagnum. (If successful, I'll be away from the dungeon for 5 turns.)
I proceed to bash The lesser demon of Gluttony with Wabbajack
Wait when you die you lose your teammates?!?
Nyan: FUCK I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE, Repeats the action when he first died, and goes to the amazing Spawn tower of Light.
[QUOTE=Ian;37247755]It's like all I fucking roll are 5's and 6's.
As much as it [B]FUCKING[/B] pains me, I'll offer my Quasar Crown and Weakened Sandwich of Gods to Magmacow for my original Swagnum back.
If he accepts, I roll to: Shoot the Lesser Demon of Gluttony straight in the fucking dome-piece then celebrate with obligatory high-fives with everyone.
If he denies, I roll to: Retreat from the dungeons to the great temple at Mount Swag to reforge a much more powerful Swagnum. (If successful, I'll be away from the dungeon for 5 turns.)[/QUOTE]
Wait, do you mean you want MY Swagnum, forged from your original swag back in V4?
In that case, nope.
Also gonna post an update sometime tonight
Me: continue to be dead and hopefully help trip someone.
Zake: KILL that ..... jealously attacking me motherfucker? (with slaughterborn)
merc: get body armor
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