• The Never Ending Dungeon V.5 - You slip on a banana peel and land face first on a landmine
    677 replies, posted
Reanimate the hellfire king, and have him move my brain away to the 4th arena. [editline]15th August 2012[/editline] Anybody else notice that zake uses firefox?
Because TF2 won't launch and because I said I would, here is an update for you folks. [B]-Ally Commands-[/b] __________________________________________________________________________________ Magma's team: Magmacow358: I press New Reliable against the Lord of Sin's forhead and fill his squishy, pathetic skull with buckshot. (Lucky shoes: +1 on all non crit fail rolls) [B]Roll: 8+1=9. Success! You walk up to the weakened Lord of Sins, helplessly dragging himself across the ground. You roll him onto his back with a light kick, prime your shotgun. With one hand, you place the barrel right between his eyes. "I'll see you in hell." With a quick pull of the trigger, the Lord of Sins is now a big red mess all over the ground. (Lord of Sins: DEAD! +2 crits for your shotgun!)[/B] T-80U: Try again to fire a HEAT round at JuggerNougat [B]Roll: 4. Minor Failure. While loading the shell, the gunner gets his hand caught in the firing mechanism, leading to alot of cussing and a bloody hand. (100 damage to T-80U)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ Combiner's team: Combiner: Who was that rude fellow? He really needs to learn some manners. And, as we all know, the best way to learn manners is to have the dark forces of the beyond crush his mind beyond recovery, so that he couldn't make the mistake of vomiting ever again. [B]Roll: 8. Success. With a perturbed look on your face, you ponder what just happened. After a brief moment of consideration, you conclude that the rude fellow who ran at you, then ran away vomiting must have been trying to kill you. How rude! And even WORSE than that, he got vomit all over the place! Eugh! At this point you come to the perfectly sane decision to make Juggernougat's brain implode, that way he can't make the same mistake of puking everywhere again. Some brief concentration and a swift hand gesture later, and Juggernougat's brain is leaking out of his eyes and ears. Turns out it killed him. Meh, works either way. (Juggernougat: Dead!)[/B] Horse Ebooks: BUY SOME BOOKS AND TAKE THEM DOWN [B]Roll: 9. Success! The Horse Ebooks floats its way into a classy bookshop, filled with incredibly long books the size of a stack of bibles. Then someone updates their Twitter with the out of context phrase: "BUY SOME BOOKS AND TAKE THEM DOWN". With this, the Ebooks purchases every book in the store, goes outside, and starts throwing them in completely random directions. Thankfully only the enemies got hit by the onslaught of paperback projectiles. (800 damage to all enemies!)[/B] Cucco: That "Lord of Whatever" guy has a REALLY ugly jaw. It's disgusting! Quick, perform plastic surgery by brutally ramming it multiple times in a row! [B]Roll: 0. The entirety of the Lord of Sin's head is now some chunky bits and a puddle of blood, so Cucco just kicks the corpse a few times.[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ Zarjk attempts to upgrade his power armor into Hellfire armor [b](Notice: The aluminum bat's "Attack twice" ability only applies for the bat. Sorry, should have worded that better.)[/b] [B]Roll: 3. Failure. Most of your power armor upgrading skills seem to have gotten rather rusty. A point which is made very clear after spending 3 hours "upgrading" your armor only to find that you somehow removed several chunks of your torso. (500 damage to you)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ Ian: I Retreat from the dungeons to the great temple at Mount Swag to reforge a much more powerful Swagnum. [B]Roll: 4. Minor Failure. After a very long, painful journey you find yourself at the doors of the great temple of [U][I]MOUNT SWAG.[/I][/U] You confidently stride up to the massive, gem incrusted doors an- oh for FUCKS SAKE! Security won't let you in because you "Don't have enough swag". Pshhhht, what a bunch of scrubs. (100 anger damage to you)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ Fuzzwaddle: I proceed to bash The lesser demon of Gluttony with Wabbajack [B]Roll: 2. Failure! Despite not know how to use the Wabbajack, or really even how the damn thing WORKS, you decide it would be a splendid idea to run up to the big fat demon being pelted by books and whack him with it. With an uncertain war-cry, you charge forth and swing the Wabbajack. However, in doing so you seem to have activated it and turned yourself into a chicken. Oh dear. (You are now a chicken! -1 on all rolls, -1,900 max hp!)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ Nyan: FUCK I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE, Repeats the action when he first died, and goes to the amazing Spawn tower of Light. [B]Roll: 3. You can't seem to find your way back to the Spawn tower, so you just join Cthulhu and his pals for a game of monopoly. [/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ Cookie53: continue to be dead and hopefully help trip someone. [B]Roll: 4. Your body remains half buried in the ground, long forgotten. A passing demon trips over your ribcage, but it seems to have done nothing other than piss it off.[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ Zake's team: Zake: KILL that ..... jealously attacking me motherfucker? [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. You prepare to rip that bastard's spine out as a trophey, but you can't seem to find him anywhere. Coward probably legged it. [/B] merc: get body armor [B]Roll: 9. Success! As he returns back to base, the Mercenary stumbles upon a small abandoned shack. Inside, he finds an assortment of competley random crap and a locker with a very sturdy looking Kevlar vest in it, complete with helmet! (Added Body armor)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ Folcrum_Flyer: Reanimate the hellfire king, and have him move my brain away to the 4th arena. [B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL! What's this? The Hellfire King isn't dead? PAH! Possessing the dead and friendly is far too easy for someone with possession abilities like yours! Possessing the king of a Demon army? Now THAT is a challenge! (Almost.) You focus your mind, and take control of the disembodied head of the Hellfire King. Despite only having a few seconds to re-attach the head before it dies, you easily manage to command the body to sew the head back on (Thanks to your SUAVE FACE ATTACHING SKILLS). With a final concentrated burst of energy, you manage to restore the Hellfire King's body back to full condition, hell, even BETTER! His first orders? Move your brain to a more secure location, of course. (New body: Hellfire king, 10,000/10,000. Added 100 maxhp to your brain.)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ [B]-Enemy Commands-[/B] Demon of lust: Punch Zarjk in the face [B]Roll: 1. CRITICAL FAILURE! With all of it's friends dead, the Demon of Lust makes a last ditch effort to try and kill SOMEONE. It blindly charges into the field of battle, attempting to strike the first person it sees. However, with no other targets to distract the FP crew, they all open fire and the final demon falls. (Demon of Lust: DEAD!)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ [B]-Events-[/B] [B]As the FP crew celebrates their victory against the Demon horde, the mysterious screeching can be heard again, but this time a hell of a lot closer and louder. As the allies all pour outside to see what all the racket is about, it becomes quite clear that this is no time to party, for there is an incredible army on the move. It is far too foggy and hazy in that direction to tell what the enemies are exactly, but one thing is for certain: They are big, pissed off and there are many of them. Better get ready, this isn't going to be easy.[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________ [B]-Allies-[/B] Team Billy: Billy Maize: 1100/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle) (Attackers will do 25% more damage for 2/3 turns.) Polar Bear: 100/2000 Team Combiner: Combiner8761: 2,100/2,100 (dark powers) Horse ebooks: 2,000/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.) Cucco: 800/1,500 (Will deal 2000 damage to killer) (Cucco rage perk: gets +1 to rolls if damaged the previous turn.) (Motivated: +1 on all rolls for 2/3 turns!) Team DJ999: DJ999: 1,000/2,000 Team Face: Mr. Face: 2,000/2,000 Team Firearms: Firearms136 (aka dagger): 1,100/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger)(On fire: -100 hp every turn for 3/4 turns) Dawson: 1,000/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.) Homer: 1,500/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula) Cortez: 1,400/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things)) Team Folcrum Folcrum_flyer: 300/300 Current body: Hellfire King: 10,000/10,000 (Brain in a jar)(Cannot heal controlled bodies)(Suave face reattaching skills; +3 to rolls healing facial wounds or decapitation.) Team Fuzz: Fuzzwaddle: 100/100 (Wabbajack (Doesn't know how to use))(Is a Chicken: -1 on all rolls) Team Ian: Ian: 1,100/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk)(Quasar Crown)(The one, "true", Swagnum)(Minor egotism perk: Heals Ian when he makes a killing blow; 1/4 of the damage dealt heals him. Can be upgraded by further healing.)(Weakened Sandwich of Gods.) Team Jarrod: Jarrod: 1,400/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet) Team Magma: Magmacow358: 1,600/2,000 (Armor(600/1,500))(The Original Swagnum (6/7))(Arm Blaster)(New reliable (6/8)(2 Crits))(Lucky Shoes: +1 on all rolls aside from Crit fails.) T-80U: 3,100/4,000 Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots/mechanical things). Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons. Team Nobody: Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates) Team Nyan: Nyan Squirrel: DEAD! Team Samiam: Samiam22: 1,900/2,000 Team Smas: Smas: 840/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats) Tony Stark: 2,000/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000) Team Sunny: Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe) DuffleBag: 3,000/3,000 (Space marine, not a leather bag.) Apache: 4,900/5,000 (Gatling Laser) (Drones 10/10) Team Zake: Zakedodead: 2,200/3,000 (Slaughterborn: You are fully healed and gain a 3 turn 50% damage boost for every enemy you kill!) Merc Point-man: 1,500/2,000 (Body armor: 1,500/1,500) (The Best Tacticool Crossbow: 50% more damage, heals 100 hp on a successful hit, +1 on rolls.) (Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.) Team Zarjk: Zarjk: 100/2,000 (Angry Grandpa Minigun) (Power Armor; -1 to attacks against Zarjk, lasts 4 times. 3/4) (Aluminum bat: -25% damage, Can attack twice in one turn with the bat.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]-Enemies-[/B] [B]INCOMING ARMY! YOU HAVE [U]3[/U] TURNS TO PREPARE![/B] [B]ENEMIES UNKNOWN[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]-Neutral-[/B] The Grotesque: 3,800/4,000 Sheogorath: ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair) Agent 9: 9,850/10,000 Horde of allies: 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars) Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs)) Scald: 1,700/2,000 Damon: 1,200/2,000 Steve: 2,000/2,000 (Some sort of respawn perk: After being revived, Steve is automatically re-added to Nyan's team with a temporary 1000 maxhp boost!) Clusterfuck of Mobs: 5,000/5,000 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Better get ready and shit guys. My commands: I walk up to the temple of Swag and shoot all the security personnel so Ian may enter unhindered and upgrade his weaponry. T-80U: Have the crew get out and revive all the dead allies.
I have the worst luck. Command: I lay magical eggs that heal all allies.
Combiner: Summon my recently beaten over the head eldritch friends to aid us in our battle. Keep in mind that if they refuse I still got that hammer handy. Horse Ebooks: I am going to help you become the person you know Cucco: That puddle of goo is only SLIGHTLY less disgusting than what he used to be. Oh well. I guess that if something, I should probably make my feathers magical and shit by the use of magic and shit. Wait, no, not in that way!
Also, note to all players: I am going to try my best to start updating daily at the very least, perhaps even more. No promises, but there's a pretty good chance you will be seeing the thread go at a much faster pace from now on. (Atleast until the end of august, then I'm going to Seattle for a week then coming back to school.)
Nyan: Tries to revive him self by some odd power of something
Hey, I live near Seattle! Just across the Puget Sound, in fact! [editline]16th August 2012[/editline] folc (hellfire king): summon an army of demonic underlings to prepare for the incoming army.
zake: Set up walls to combat the oncoming enemies from. merc: Become part cyborg. [editline]16th August 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=folcrum_flyer;37273012]Hey, I live near Seattle! Just across the Puget Sound, in fact! [editline]16th August 2012[/editline] folc (hellfire king): summon an army of demonic underlings to prepare for the incoming army.[/QUOTE] Where at? I'm in Shelton.
Zarjk decides to not be near death.
[QUOTE=zakedodead;37273179]zake: Set up walls to combat the oncoming enemies from. merc: Become part cyborg. [editline]16th August 2012[/editline] Where at? I'm in Shelton.[/QUOTE] Port Orchard
[QUOTE=folcrum_flyer;37275311]Port Orchard[/QUOTE] Wow, you're semi close to me.
While I'm there I can throw shit at your windows I guess. Incoming update! [B]-Ally Commands-[/B] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ Magma's team: Magmacow358: I walk up to the temple of Swag and shoot all the security personnel so Ian may enter unhindered and upgrade his weaponry. [B]Roll: 8. Success! Because you apparently have nothing better to do, you decide to climb up to the temple of Swag and talk to the security guards there. After spending 30 seconds talking with them, you pull out a gun and shoot them all in the face, allowing Ian to enter and upgrade his Swagnum. (Upgraded Ian's swagnum to have the same stats as yours, IE: Swagnum: >Gold plated Desert eagle firing Diamond-tipped 50.cal rounds +Ignores any armor or defence buffs +1.5x damage when an Odd number is rolled +500 Hp heal if an enemy is killed with this weapon -After 7 shots, weapon needs to be reloaded which takes 1 turn -1.5x backfire damage if an even number below 5 is rolled)[/B] T-80U: Have the crew get out and revive all the dead allies. [B]Roll: 9. Success! The T-80U crew hops out of their tank with a set of defibrillators and first aid kits in hand, then proceeds to go around smashing dead things in the face with electrified metal bricks. A few short minutes later and everyone is back up and in fighting condition. (Revived all allies) [/B] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ Fuzzwaddle: lay magical eggs that heal all allies. [B]Roll: 7-1=6. Minor Success. Deciding to make lemonade out of the lemons life just gave you, you lay a few magical healing eggs. Although it seems they must have been sitting in your ass for quite some time and their effect has mostly deteriorated. (Healed 100 hp for all allies)[/B] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ Combiner's team: Combiner: Summon my recently beaten over the head eldritch friends to aid us in our battle. Keep in mind that if they refuse I still got that hammer handy. [B]Roll: 8. Success. This approaching force looks like it will be rather problematic, you think to yourself. Extra backup will be a must have, and what better backup is there than a bunch of horrible monsters that you smashed with a hammer? You grab the nearest payphone and call them, hoping they arent too upset over your last encounter. Aside from being very anxious and agitated, they seem like they have moved on and would be glad to help fight an army of somethings. (Added: Cthulhu, Death.)[/B] Horse Ebooks: I am going to help you become the person you know [B]Roll: 3. Failure. To pass the time, the Horse Ebooks decides to give a shot a psychiatry, a hobby which it quickly drops after somehow convincing part of itself to disintegrate while talking about Combiner's childhood. (500 damage to Horse Ebooks) [/B] Cucco: That puddle of goo is only SLIGHTLY less disgusting than what he used to be. Oh well. I guess that if something, I should probably make my feathers magical and shit by the use of magic and shit. Wait, no, not in that way! [B]Roll: 4. Minor Failure. Because magic and shit is cool and shit, Cucco decides and shit to make his feathers and shit magical with magic and shit. The magic part of his plan goes well, but when it comes to the shit he gets confused and smears crap all over himself, causing quite the scene when he returns to the barracks with a dirty sanchez all over his body. (100 emotional damage to Cucco)[/B] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ Nyan: Tries to revive him self by some odd power of something [B]Roll: 8. Try as you might, you cannot revive yourself with some sort of power belonging to some sort of classification of some sort of magic or something. So you just sit and continue playing monopoly with what is left of Cthulhu's pals. [/B] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ Folc (hellfire king): summon an army of demonic underlings to prepare for the incoming army. [B]Roll: 2. Failure! You decide to put your first body to use and attempt to summon a few underlings to help you fight. Seems like summoning is something you aren't that talented at, however as you instead summon a piano to land on your head. (1,000 damage to your body!)[/B] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ Zake: Set up walls to combat the oncoming enemies from. [B]Roll: 3. Failure. Your attempt to set up some walls goes horribly wrong when you make like Dawson and try to lift up a large concrete wall that is FAR too heavy for you, causing it to fall over and crush you. Thankfully you're bones are tougher than most and you manage to survive. (500 damage to you)[/B] Merc: Become part cyborg. [B]Roll: 7. Success. Deciding that his body armor is not enough, the Mercenary chops off his hand and replaces it with a nifty robotic one, giving him a small health boost and an answer to the question: How bad does it hurt to chop your hand off? (+500 maxhp to Mercenary)[/B] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ Zarjk: I decide to not be near death. [B]Roll: 6. Minor Success. Not having and medkits, stimpacks or otherwise healing items is a big problem for any warrior, for it proposes a paradox when one is at low health: Do I not try anything for fear out of dying, or do I risk what health I have in attempt to heal myself through other means? Your answer to this paradox is to close your eyes and think about not dying for a solid 30 minutes. As the time passes by, you feel your body healing itself, mending its own wounds through sheer will-power! Feeling that you have been healed enough, you open your eyes and see that you finally stopped bleeding! Then you also see that there is tons of blood on the ground and several scabs where wounds used to be. Well, good to see your skin cells still regenerate. (Healed 100 hp)[/B] ___________________________________________________________________________________________________ [b]-Allies-[/B] Team Billy: Billy Maize: 1200/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle) (Attackers will do 25% more damage for 2/3 turns.) Polar Bear: 100/2000 Team Combiner: Combiner8761: 2,100/2,100 (Dark powers) Horse ebooks: 1,500/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.) Cucco: 800/1,500 (Will deal 2000 damage to killer) (Cucco rage perk: gets +1 to rolls if damaged the previous turn.)(+1 on rolls: 0/1 turns) Cthulhu: 3,500/3,500 Death: 3,500/3,500 Team Cookie: Cookie53: 2,000/2,000 Team DJ999: DJ999: 1,100/2,000 Team Face: Mr. Face: 2,000/2,000 Team Firearms: Firearms136 (aka dagger): 1,100/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger) Dawson: 1,100/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.) Homer: 1,600/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula) Cortez: 1,500/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things)) Team Folcrum Folcrum_flyer: 300/300 Current body: Hellfire King: 9,000/10,000 (Brain in a jar)(Cannot heal controlled bodies)(Suave face reattaching skills; +3 to rolls healing facial wounds or decapitation.) Team Fuzz: Fuzzwaddle: 100/100 (Wabbajack (Doesn't know how to use))(Is a Chicken: -1 on all rolls) Team Ian: Ian: 1,200/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk)(Quasar Crown)(Upgraded Swagnum)(Minor egotism perk: Heals Ian when he makes a killing blow; 1/4 of the damage dealt heals him. Can be upgraded by further healing.)(Weakened Sandwich of Gods.) Team Jarrod: Jarrod: 1,500/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet) Team Magma: Magmacow358: 1,700/2,000 (Armor(600/1,500))(The Original Swagnum (6/7))(Arm Blaster)(New reliable (5/8)(2 Crits))(Lucky Shoes: +1 on all rolls aside from Crit fails.) T-80U: 3,100/4,000 Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots/mechanical things). Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons. Team Nobody: Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates) Team Nyan: Nyan Squirrel: 2,000/2,000 Team Samiam: Samiam22: 2,000/2,000 Team Smas: Smas: 940/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats) Tony Stark: 2,000/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000) Team Sunny: Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe) DuffleBag: 3,000/3,000 (Space marine, not a leather bag.) Apache: 5,000/5,000 (Gatling Laser) (Drones 10/10) Team Zake: Zakedodead: 1,800/3,000 (Slaughterborn: You are fully healed and gain a 3 turn 50% damage boost for every enemy you kill!) Merc Point-man: 2,100/2,500 (Body armor: 1,500/1,500) (The Best Tacticool Crossbow: 50% more damage, heals 100 hp on a successful hit, +1 on rolls.) (Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.) Team Zarjk: Zarjk: 300/2,000 (Angry Grandpa Minigun) (Power Armor; -1 to attacks against Zarjk, lasts 4 times. 3/4) (Aluminum bat: -25% damage, Can attack twice in one turn with the bat.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]-Enemies-[/B] [B]INCOMING ARMY! YOU HAVE [U]2[/U] TURNS TO PREPARE![/B] ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]-Neutral-[/B] The Grotesque: 3,800/4,000 Sheogorath: ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair) Agent 9: 9,850/10,000 Horde of allies: 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars) Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs)) Scald: 1,700/2,000 Damon: 1,200/2,000 Steve: 2,000/2,000 (Some sort of respawn perk: After being revived, Steve is automatically re-added to Nyan's team with a temporary 1000 maxhp boost!) Clusterfuck of Mobs: 5,000/5,000 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Folc (hellfire king): Try and light most of the battlefield on fire to injure enemies as they approach. But, seriously, let's figure out somewhere to hang out. I'll probably have my license by then, adn I can force nyan to come along.
Nyan: I'm going to try to call back my team
[QUOTE=Nyan Squirrel;37276329]Nyan: Fuck it if nobody will revive me or I can't revive my self I will pass on this update.[/QUOTE] I (Or rather my tank crew) revived EVERYBODY, If you where dead before that is no longer the case.
[QUOTE=Magmacow358;37276356]I (Or rather my tank crew) revived EVERYBODY, If you where dead before that is no longer the case.[/QUOTE] Shit why do I forget that I read the whole update I will edit my post
Zake: gain control of the neutral npcs Merc: Get a reflex implant.
Try to find a way to turn back into a human
I call my old friend, the Energy Being and request his assistance. T-80U: Repair my armor and heal me
Oh fuck those [B]PHILISTINES[/B], last time I got in without ANY swag. "Magmacow358: I walk up to the temple of Swag and shoot all the security personnel so Ian may enter unhindered and upgrade his weaponry." Oh. Oh my. This is a very nice gesture. I will now craft my newly upgraded Swagnum with the Quasar Crown, to make the [highlight]Gravity Cluster Swagnum![/highlight] It'll use compressed galaxies as ammo, which are generated from the parts from the Quasar Crown. Its appearance also changes to a break-top white-gold revolver with jewels on the side showing how many galaxies are currently charged in it. Sadly, it only holds 6 compressed galaxies at a time, and to reload it takes 1 turn per galaxy. The galaxies start recharging as soon as they've been fired.
Update time. [B]-Ally Commands-[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Folc (hellfire king): Try and light most of the battlefield on fire to injure enemies as they approach. [B]Roll: 2. Failure! Despite the last incident with your new body and summoning things, you are up for another try as you attempt to light the area in front of the army on fire. Instead you manage to create a massive explosion directly under yourself, dealing severe damage to your body. (1,000 damage to your body!) [/B] __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Nyan: I'm going to try to call back my team [B]Roll: 4. Minor Failure. You grab the nearest soap-box and stand atop of it, preparing to make one of the best inspirational speeches of all time. But go figure, your voice cracks the first word you say and everyone just laughs at you. Just your luck. (100 emotional damage to you)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Zake's team: Zake: gain control of the neutral npcs [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. You cannot seem to convince the Neutrals to side with you, as they are too busy cowering in fear and confusion.[/B] Merc: Get a reflex implant. [B]Roll: 6. Minor success. Because you can just never have enough augmentations, the Merc decides to get an implant to enhance his reflexes. "Wait, TEN GRAND?! To hell with that just give me the surplus module." (Minimally Increased Reflexes: 4's will be changed to 5's from now on)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Fuzzwaddle: Try to find a way to turn back into a human [B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL! There is an ARMY on the move, and you are stuck as a CHICKEN! This is no way to be during a massive battle, no way to be at all! Blast that damned Wabbajack, for all the good it's done you! How DARE it turn YOU into a fucking CHICKEN. You awkwardly waddle up to the Wabbajack to peck at it in revenge, but then you notice an ancient inscription on the handle. It would appear to be written in a completely dead language, consisting of strange symbol's nobody recognizes... except for you, because you decided to take that dead languages course in high-school! You easily translate the script into english, and figure out that it says, "In case of accidentally turning yourself into a chicken, please peck tip of staff 3 times." Following the instructions, you peck at the tip 3 times, causing the Wabbajack to power up and turn you back into a human... sort of, anyways. It seems your re-transformation had an unintended side effect, because your skin would appear to be made of stone, you are suddenly twice your original size and you are BUFF AS HELL. Well, how unexpected. You don't seem intent on complaining however. (1,000 maxhp boost, 25% damage reduction from all sources, cannot be stunned or lit on fire.)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Magma's team: Magmacow358: I call my old friend, the Energy Being and request his assistance. [B]Roll: 7+1=8. Success. You pull out your old cell-phone and call the Energy being, figuring his vacation has been long enough. After a quick chat, you ask that he return to the fight because there is a huge army of something coming to destroy everything ever. He glady accepts your request, eager to slaughter enemies once more. (Added Energy Being to team)[/B] T-80U: Repair my armor and heal me [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. The T-80U crew is too busy fixing the gunners hand and cleaning all the scorch marks out of the inside of the tank.[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Ian: I will now craft my newly upgraded Swagnum with the Quasar Crown, to make the Gravity Cluster Swagnum! [B]Roll: 6. Minor success. You manage to collect most of the components required, but are missing a few and cannot assemble the weapon. (+3 on roll next time you try to make a weapon)[/B] __________________________________________________________________________________________________ [B]-Allies-[/B] Team Billy: Billy Maize: 1200/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle) (Attackers will do 25% more damage for 2/3 turns.) Polar Bear: 100/2000 Team Combiner: Combiner8761: 2,100/2,100 (Dark powers) Horse ebooks: 1,500/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.) Cucco: 800/1,500 (Will deal 2000 damage to killer) (Cucco rage perk: gets +1 to rolls if damaged the previous turn.) Cthulhu: 3,500/3,500 Death: 3,500/3,500 Team Cookie: Cookie53: 2,000/2,000 Team DJ999: DJ999: 1,100/2,000 Team Face: Mr. Face: 2,000/2,000 Team Firearms: Firearms136 (aka dagger): 1,100/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger) Dawson: 1,100/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.) Homer: 1,600/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula) Cortez: 1,500/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things)) Team Folcrum Folcrum_flyer: 300/300 Current body: Hellfire King: 8,000/10,000 (Brain in a jar)(Cannot heal controlled bodies)(Suave face reattaching skills; +3 to rolls healing facial wounds or Head injuries.) Team Fuzz: Fuzzwaddle: 3,000/3,000 (Wabbajack (Doesn't know how to use))(Stone skin: 25% damage recuction, cannot be stunned or lit on fire.) Team Ian: Ian: 1,200/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk: If an odd number above 1 is rolled, it is boosted by one.)(Quasar Crown)(Upgraded Swagnum)(Minor egotism perk: Heals Ian when he makes a killing blow; 1/4 of the damage dealt heals him. Can be upgraded by further healing.)(Weakened Sandwich of Gods.)(+3 on roll next time you try to create a weapon Team Jarrod: Jarrod: 1,500/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet) Team Magma: Magmacow358: 1,700/2,000 (Armor(600/1,500))(The Original Swagnum (6/7))(Arm Blaster)(New reliable (5/8)(2 Crits))(Lucky Shoes: +1 on all rolls aside from Crit fails.) Energy Being: 2,000/2,000 T-80U: 3,100/4,000 Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots/mechanical things). Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons. Team Nobody: Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates) Team Nyan: Nyan Squirrel: 1,900/2,000 Team Samiam: Samiam22: 2,000/2,000 Team Smas: Smas: 940/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats) Tony Stark: 2,000/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000) Team Sunny: Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe) DuffleBag: 3,000/3,000 (Space marine, not a leather bag.) Apache: 5,000/5,000 (Gatling Laser) (Drones 10/10) Team Zake: Zakedodead: 1,800/3,000 (Slaughterborn: You are fully healed and gain a 3 turn 50% damage boost for every enemy you kill!) Merc Point-man: 2,100/2,500 (Body armor: 1,500/1,500) (The Best Tacticool Crossbow: 50% more damage, heals 100 hp on a successful hit, +1 on rolls.) (Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.)(Better reflexes: 4's will be changed to 5's) Team Zarjk: Zarjk: 300/2,000 (Angry Grandpa Minigun) (Power Armor; -1 to attacks against Zarjk, lasts 4 times. 3/4) (Aluminum bat: -25% damage, Can attack twice in one turn with the bat.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]-Enemies-[/B] [B]INCOMING ARMY! YOU HAVE [U]1[/U] TURN LEFT TO PREPARE![/B] ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ???: ???/??? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B] -Neutral-[/B] The Grotesque: 3,800/4,000 Sheogorath: ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair) Agent 9: 9,850/10,000 Horde of allies: 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars) Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs)) Scald: 1,700/2,000 Damon: 1,200/2,000 Steve: 2,000/2,000 (Some sort of respawn perk: After being revived, Steve is automatically re-added to Nyan's team with a temporary 1000 maxhp boost!) Clusterfuck of Mobs: 5,000/5,000 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Terribly sorry for the wait
My commands: I rally the Allied forces and boost their confidence with the most badass speech of all time. Energy Being: Attempt to find the Flaming Bone Serpent and recruit him T-80U: Toss me a first aid kit and some armor repair parts
folc: Abandon the hellfire king body; it's not working. Instead, psychokinetically open my raw parts freezer and animate my various piles of bodies and bits.
Nyan: Just tell my team to get the fuck back and ready up.
Do some weight lifting to buff my stone form even more.
Reroll to combine my Swagnum with my Quasar crown to create the Gravity Cluster Swagnum!
[QUOTE=Ian;37321958]Reroll to combine my Swagnum with my Quasar crown to create the Gravity Cluster Swagnum![/QUOTE] You do remember that your Quasar crown has some wicked nasty stats, right? [quote]Upon activation, the Quasar crown unleashes a deadly attack on the enemy with the most health. The attack ignores any buffs and will deal 500 damage with the multiplier being your roll. (Ie roll a 5 and you will do 500 x 5 damage.) Has a 6 turn cooldown period.)[/quote]
zake: Prepare for this shit to go down by getting out my chrome .45 merc: Tie a bandana around my head and make martial arts battle poses.
After being hit by one of the demons and being knocked unconscious for way too many turns, I find a way to heal myself (and buff myself a bit too), [sp]somehow remembering about horse_ebooks command result that adds +1 to EVERY healing command from then to the end of time.[/sp] [editline]20th August 2012[/editline] Also, dammit fulc, you stole my idea of becoming a lich. Now I'll have to find another way of becoming immortal.
Combiner: I channel the power from all my allies, be it souls, code or eldritch madness, and focus it to a single pinpoint, ready to unleash it at my incoming foes. Because of the [del]forced[/del] [i]voluntary[/i] drain of whatever can be considered their souls, they are unable to do anything until the energy is released.
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