The Never Ending Dungeon V.5 - You slip on a banana peel and land face first on a landmine
677 replies, posted
I have but a single word to accompany this update; finally.
This ended up to be a strange update. Folcrum originally wrote all of the commands, but I ended up pretty much rewriting everything. I've even changed many of the outcomes. His ideas are still there. Well, most of them, anyway, but I pretty much changed the wording of everything completely. There are a few where I've kept his original wording, or at least parts of it. I also added some commands that he skipped (like DJ999, again. Don't know why.) and I also did all enemy commands. I've honestly done these changes without the permission from folcrum, even though I've PM'd him about it. But I don't want to delay the update any longer, so I've posted it anyway.
Generally the longer descriptions of rolls are done by me, and shorter are made by Folcrum.
Still, it was him that got me off my fat ass. And I'm certainly not one to take credit for what he's accomplished.
Also, do you remember that post where I whined about my own incompetence?
Well, turns out that when I ran by the rolls again, it produced the very same results!
So, here it is. The update. The thing.
Enjoy.
[B]Ally Commands:
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[B]ALL ALLIES GET A 3X DAMAGE BOOST(Stacks with other damage buffs) AND +1 ON ROLLS FOR 3 TURNS! (1/3)
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[B]----------------------------------------------------------[/B]
[B]folc:[/B] try to expand your reanimation powers to that cash tiger (I am proud of that one,) while maintaining control over meatloaf.
[B]Roll: 9 + 1 = 10. CRITICAL SUCCESS. The sound of flying money rustles throughout the air as the tiger spirit of funds is forced back into hos form of million dollar bills. As it comes to life, it proceeds where it left off, and rips COM-B1N3R's other arm off. [I](COM-B1N3R: -3000 health, forced into second ARM that it really can't afford, Armless. Added: Money Animal - Tiger. 5000 Health. Gets bonus/cut to rolls equal to change in value of microsoft stock on day of update x10, rounded down. (Currently microsoft stock has gone up .2, so, if an update where it had a roll were today, it would get +2.)[/I][/B]
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DJ999: [/B]After informing the DM that my last command was skipped, I take a few potshots at whoever attacked me.
[B]Roll: 3 + 1 = 4. Minor failure. Irritated of the fact that you were skipped from doing anything last time, you inform the ancient god that bears the name of "dee-emm" to not do that anymore. You were almost ignored, but a different part of the "dee-emm" takes notice of your command and begins to process it.
Enough with the meta, it's time to gun down your attacker. That attacker just happens to be a robot that goes by the name of "[/B][B]ZAR-K9." His frickin' laser beams proved themselves to be a problem, so instead you hide behind a rock and prepare yourself for taking potshots at him. But as it happens a minor nuclear explosion ensues near you, and the shockwave sends you out from your hiding spot. Your attacker sees you, and once again fires his lasers, that go right through your arm. Ouch. [I](200 damage to DJ999.)[/I][/B]
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[B]Fuzzwaddle: [/B]Retreat to find a way to heal
[B]Roll: 7+2 = 9. Major success. You jump in a nearby comfy crater, probably created by recent shenanigans, and jam a stimpack into your bloody stump. These things are everywhere, aren't they? [I](Fuzzwaddle: Bunkered up: -1 to rolls against, lost if command involves moving from crater. Also, +500 Health)[/I][/B]
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[B]Team Combiner:[/B]
[B]Combiner:[/B] It was a bad idea to rely on others, so I go and use my powers to completely lock down my robotic enemies, stopping their gears from grinding and code from running.
[B]Roll: 2 + 1 = 3. Failure. [/B]
[B]After engaging with a staring contest with Cthulhu over the theft of your powers, (It ended in a draw. The asshole wouldn't concede that it was a staring contest, instead he said that he was simply regarding your eldritch face with nostalgia.) you start to rev up your magic powers in order to prove Cthulhu that you are much more qualified to handle them. You do this by throwing them out at the robots, trying to stop their gears or cause some kind of stack overflow. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like the robots use PHP so what you do instead is flaunder around with your powers to no avail. Just before yo think you got it you get slapped hard by Cthulhu. Not only for being so ineffective, but also because of you using your powers in such an mundane way. The fucker even absorbed most of your powers only to add salt to the wound, and doesn't seem he's going to hand them back. That conniving offspring of an eldritch prostitute! [I](Combiner: 500 damage, Dark powers partially drained! -50 % damage with dark power attacks until recovered.)[/I][/B]
[B]Horse Ebooks:[/B] Imagine your richest thoughts flowing magically from your brain
[B]Roll: 5 + 1 = 6. Success. [/B]
[B]I don't really know how a spamot could have anything resembling thoughts or imagination, but it appears that despite my personal doubts the horse imagines so hard that the machines get overloaded with spam, hindering them from even walking straight. [I](Robots' rolls, with the exception of [/I][/B][I][B]COM-B1N3R[/B][/I][B][I], are reduced by 1 for the current turn.)[/I][/B]
[B]Cucco:[/B] Heal yourself with the pure power of RAGE
[B]Roll: 4 + 3 = 7. Minor success. With your immense power of RAGE at hand you once again restore your being, fluffing up feathers and healing up skin. Even with your RAGE clouding up your mind it works anyway, because even though you're a fool, the healing you do is fool-proof.[I] (+600 health.)[/I][/B]
[B]Cthulhu:[/B] After slapping Combiner, I enhance the elder army with my own powers of darkness before ordering them to rush in at the metallic robots.
[B]Roll: 8 + 1 = 9. Major success. You were right all along, Combiner is too inadequate to handle his own mountain of power. How he got so much in the first place you don't even know. In order to put his power in good use you channel it temporarily directly into the eldritch army, they will need it and- ... by Ubbo-Sathla, that's a [I]lot [/I]of power. Have you ever even handled this much power before? Oh well, let's see how this will turn out. Charge, my minions! Go in like the US Marshals! And his three daughters, lest we lose the vaccine!
Heh, nobody will get that joke but you. Ah, that was a long time ago. I remember when I first met that pigeo-
Wait, what's that light?
[I]Holy sh-[/I]
[I](Elder army: 2.5x damage this turn.)[/I][/B]
[B]Death:[/B] I reap the code of PV7-V41N. Even for one who speaks telepathically, that is still hard to pronounce.
[B]Roll: 1 + 1 = 2. Severe failure.
You prepare to file out the necessary paperwork in order to reap such a powerful and arrogant robot. However, you run into quite a bit of a problem; namely the robot's name. You can't make heads or tails on how to spell or pronounce it, and while you are struggling with your thoughts the robot punches you in your incorporeal face, insulted by your inability to remember his name. The shock over how he can punch something that, in the physical sense, doesn't exist shocks you to the point that you the wound is even worse than it should normally be. It almost hurts, but then you remember that you cannot feel pain. What shocks you though isn't the punch, but what happened directly after the punch. (Death: -1000 life.)
Elder army:[/B] At Cthulhu's command, we go in, and go in, and go in like the US Marshals. Not that we know what the US Marshals are.
[B]Roll 10 + 1 = 10. CRITICAL CHARGE!
Life isn't exactly swell for the elder army, or the eldritch army, or however you would like to call them.
They are the pinnacle of eldritch forces. The army is made of 60% souls of compulsive serial killers, which feels the very same pain they inflict. They're the mooks of the army. 30% are the abominations of flesh, best compared to tanks. They're built of blessed orphans, the very picture of innocence. The traders were able to get their hands on them by conning the christian God himself. He's still enraged by it to this very day.
The last 10% are made of door-to-door salesmen. Many eldritch are disgusted by the inclusion of these, as they are seen as immoral for even the worst of evils. The traders didn't shy away though. And neither did Cthulhu, who bought the army.
All of these people had been tortured in specific ways appealing to irony. Eldritch are suckers for irony. For example, there's an athlete in the army. Worldfamous runner, and even mor famous serial killer of 40 victims. When he died the first thing the eldritch did was break every bone in his legs, forcing him to crawl along the ground with his arms.
So, you can probably see why this isn't the best day for any of them.
And yet, when Cthulhu sent away the army with his own little in-jokes, letting them shamble away, that started to change.
It started with a simple change at first; the athlete, which we mentioned before, suddenly noticed that he wasn't crawling nor shambling, but he was running.
He didn't dare stop in his tracks, despite the major shock that had overtaken him. He knew that it couldn't have been Cthulhu that had healed him; the eldritch would never abandon their precious irony.
So why was he running?
He looked around, and noticed that the singing killer, his best friend, has started singing some notes, even though his vocal chords should be removed. He looked past him, and saw that the salesmen, deprived of their skills at annoying people for a long time, suddenly convinced a flesh abomination to buy a new sofa. The flesh abomination itself had its orphans smile instead of cry, their glorias shining once more, after being dimmed ever since the monstrosities were created.
The entire army had rid themselves of the old curses that adorned their existence, being in even better spirits than before.
The athlete smiled and thanked whatever force had caused this change, as he noted that not only did the dark mist of eldritch power sorround them, but also a distinctive aura of light, creating swirls of the two powers.
How ridiculous it may be, the eldritch army was suddenly the most powerful thing on the battlefield. And they didn't [I]stop.[/I]
The athlete, together with everyone else, discovered that they could suddenly run faster, and faster, and faster. They had broken the sound barrier, and only kept on running. Despite the blinding speeds, they were far from blinded themselves, taking in every detail of the world, seeing the very atoms in front of them scatter, and then start breaking apart. In the end, even light were hard-pressured to keep up with them. And as they approach their robotic foes, they lift up their fists, and then swiftly bring themselves down at the metal.
And as their fists collide, they see how the metal turns from red to orange to impossibly yellow, with bolts of fire slinging up in the air, only to branch out in every direction.
It was at that point the army realized they witnessed an gigantic chain of nuclear reactions.
It was also at that point they realized what it was like to be a god.
The nuclear explosion in itself was tiny in comparison to what can be achieved today. But for a nuclear explosion that wasn't created artificially, it is considered by a professional team of nuclear scientists to be "fucking impossible."
It covers most of the battlefield, enveloping most robots, but also causing some minor damage to a few number of allies. Despite that mosts of the robots are dead and gone, some have still survived. Damn, those things are built to last.
When the dust has settled the elder army is still standing, completely unharmed. They appear to be sporting double pairs of sunglasses. Fitting, for the amount of cool they're currently radiating. Indeed, instead of radiation the only thing that explosion provided was the element of cool.
And some scrapped robots, of course.
[I](7500 damage with a 3x AND 2.5x damage multiplier; 56250 TOTAL DAMAGE. Distributed among the robots like this;
[/I][/B][quote][B][I]5000 damage to C00-KI3, [/I][/B][I][B]D#J999[/B][/I][B][I][I], [/I]MR4-FCE, J4R-0DD and JST-NBDY. They're all DEAD. 15,000 damage to PV7-V41N's armor, and 5000 damage to TI7A-N1UM's armor; both armors are destroyed. 10000 damage to the assembly machine, and the remaining 1250 damage is dealt to I4-NL.[/I][/B][/quote][B][I] Also deals 100 damage to Combiner, Cthulhu, Horse Ebooks, Death, Fuzzwaddle, Merc. Pointman and Dagger. That was a blast. Literally.)[/I]
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[B]Nyan:[/B] *Start's glowing green, YUCK WHAT THE HELL IS THAT TASTE *Spits out radiation goo* *See's a Shard of glass and look at his reflection*, What the..... is that my..... face.... I'm a..a...a...a GHOUL!!!(Role for a perk where I Heal 200 health each update because I'm a glowing one and I have a chance of infecting Enemy's with radiation poising, Which would be like, Agent 1 2000/2000 (Rad Poisoning 200 damage for the next two rounds)
[B]Roll: 6 + 1= 7. Success. Good for you. Or not good for you. Dunno if it was the explosion or something that caused it.[/B]
[B]Now, in case you didn't know yet you've become an ageless abomination of nature. You now cause things to reach their annual maximum radiation dosage by having them stand within 10 feet of you for more than ten seconds. [I](Nyan: Glowing one. +200 HP each round, enemies get Radiation debuff if direct combat ensues, causing them 100 hp damage per turn, though it can only be applied to biologicals. It endures until radiation is cleansed from their system, somehow, or it's purged over time. Note that "purged over time" in this case would be something along the lines of 50 years.)
[/I][/B]
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[B]Mr. Face:[/B] A new combatant joins the fray. He is a highly skilled dark elf ranger named Drizzt Do'Urden.
[B]Roll: 5 + 1 = 6. Minor success. Suddenly, out of nowhere, fulfilling your wishes, a dark skinned silhouette with pointy ears and gleaming swords appears on top of a nearby hill, and you smile a slightly smug smile as he begins to walk down the slope... before there is a gigantic explosion, and he slips and promptly starts tumbling down.
You're not smiling anymore. In fact, this total surprise has left your mouth agape. You rush to the new figure, hoping this can't get any worse, when, unsurprisingly, it does.
The "elf" is actually a black-painted manchild with cosmetics to give him a vaguely elf-like appearance, if you were blind. He rises to his feet, carrying two swords of aluminium and paper-maché, as he smiles a smudged smile, some of the paint gone.
"I am here to help you in your adventures throughout this eternal cave!" He screeches out with a grating voice. Your face is now in a fullfledged scowl.
"I have more power than even the most wicked of enemies! I am the child of Dumbledore, Edward and Legolas! I am a demi-god!"
Oh [I]hell [/I]no. No.
"... Look, Drizzt. It would be swell if you-"
"Drizzt?!" he exclaims, shocked and offended, as he pitifully swings his [/B][B]paper-maché sword on your head. "I'm not Drizzt! I'm my original character, Frizzt!"
You merely shake your head, facepalming, as your mind is filled with the same question, repeated over and over again, dominating your thoughts; [U][I]WHY?
OH GOD WHY?
[/I][/U][/B][I][B](Frizzt To'Urden added to Mr. Face's team, has 750/750 health, and carries a -1 to rolls when using his favourite unique weapons; "SUPER LEGENDARY SWORDS."
I'm sorry Mr. Face, I really am.)
[/B][/I]
[B]------------------------------------------------[/B]
[B]Team Firearms:[/B]
[B]Calvin:[/B] Calvin begins to scavenge the battlefield in hopes of acquiring precious (worthless) metals (toothpicks and plastic cups) to construct an item.
[B]Roll: 7 + 1 = 8. Success! and 6 (Specialized roll). Synthesize Weapon!
The ferocious man of [I]Calvnan the Barbarian[/I] rushes in to find weaponry to defend himself. With the air thick with blood the animal in human form finds the weapon all men fall before; a [del]can opener[/del] [I]battleaxe[/I] dropped by a poor soldier somepoint in the fray. Despite it's size, Calvnan the Barbarian has no problems picking up the weapon, due to his own [I]superhuman strength.[/I] The weight of the weapon is enough to swing into enemies with ten times the speed of what could be considered physically reasonable. That is because physics matters not to Calvnan. Only [I]might and strength![/I]
[I](Added Fearsome battleaxe. Damage is equal to roll multiplied with 100 when the roll is a success, keep in mind that the 75% damage boost you specified applies as well, and failures are 3000 divided by roll.)[/I][/B]
[B]Hobbes:[/B] Hobbes aids Calvin in collecting supplies (junk).
[B]Roll: 3 + 1 = 4. Minor Failure. Caught up in your quest for equipment, you fail to notice the bloody stimpack that was jammed into Nyan's eye earlier in the game. There are so many stimpacks in this dungeon so that you've stopped noticing them. This ends with the syringe stabbing you in the foot. Despite hurting badly it doesn't seem to have caused any lasting injury. [I](-100 health to Hobbes.)[/I][/B]
[B]Homer:[/B] Homer keeps searching for something edible - hopefully something that can allow him to replenish HP.
[B]Roll: 2 + 1 = 3. Failure. Homer has still no success finding food, and begins to die a slow, horrible death at the hands of starvation. [I](200 damage to Homer, who now suffers at the hand of starvation; 200 damage each turn that grows 100 damage more severe every turn. Is cured by eating food.)[/I][/B]
[B]Cortez:[/B] After merging a severed limb and the Spectral Gun together, Cortez (somehow) manages to synthesize a powerful shotgun. He immediately begins testing his new toy on the Assembly Machine.
[B]Roll: 1 + 1 = 2. Severe failure. You underestimate both the length of the assembly machines arms, and the actual range of your weapon. As you approach, it jams a drill into your eye. After inducing some severe trauma, it returns to modifying and boosting its creations, leaving you weeping on the floor. [I](Cortez: -1000 Health.)[/I][/B]
[B]Dagger:[/B] Dagger scrambles through his briefcase for something to heal himself with.
[B]Roll: 3 + 3 = 6. Minor success. Yet [I]another [/I]convenient stimpack. These things are everywhere! Shame this one is only half-filled. (Dagger: +200 Health)[/B]
[B]Dawson: [/B]Dawson assists Dagger with finding medical supplies.
[B]Roll: 7 + 2 = 9. Major success. Seeing Dagger disappointed by the minor effect of the stimpack you take the briefcase in hand and dig through it for additional healing aids. You cheer when you find yet another convenient stimpack. That's when you notice the gleam of another convenient stimpack. You take that one out, only to discover another. Then another, then another, before thinking that the briefcase has an infinite supply of stimpacks. Even for this dungeon this is a [I]lot [/I]of stimpacks. But you finally come across a damaged crate filled with nothing but stimpacks. While the marks on the side of the box say 250 Count, much of the fluid is leaking out. But you still estimate there's enough to probably share one with all your living allies. So you take the box in hand and start throwing syringes all around you. (All allies: +400 Health)[/B]
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[B]Ian:[/B] I empty my Gravity Swagnum on PV7-V41N in a glorious cacophony shredding metal and robotic screams.
[B]Roll: 9 + 2 = 10. CRITICAL HIT! After that nuclear explosion, you decide to follow up with your own, by shooting with the Gravity Swanum. Your immense SWAG turns the bullets themselves into some kind of gods, and the explosions of supernovas can be heard as bits and pieces of P7T flies around all over the place. As your sixth, and final shot is fired you can see that the asshole is still standing. How does a mere robot keep up with this shit? [I](5000 damage with 3x multiplier; 15,000.)[/I][/B]
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[B]Team Zake:[/B]
[B]zake:[/B] KILL that being a robotic copy of me motherfucker? (kill Z4K-3)
[B]Roll: 4 + 1 = 5. Neutral. Confused with the idea of robotic clones and your own grammatical errors, you can't focus enough to get around to KILLING something.[/B]
[B]Merc. pointman: [/B]shoot the best tacticool crossbow at FIR-34/ARM's generator/battery.
[B]Roll: 9 + 1 = 10. CRITICAL HIT! It seems that you've hit some kind of stroke of luck, as the bolt not only pierces, but utterly demolishes most of the robot's power source. The damage caused to the battery renders it working at only a third of it's capacity, and with other major hardware destroyed, FIR-34/ARM is forced to compensate by shutting down non crucial systems and initializing self-repair protocol. [I](FIR-34/ARM: 2500 damage with 3x multiplier: 7500 damage to [/I][/B][I][B]FIR-34/ARM, gains -2 to rolls, and Optimization Officer perk lost. Self-repair protocol initiated; +1500 health each turn until 10000 health is reached.)[/B][/I]
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[B]Enemy Commands:[/B]
[B]PV7-V41N:[/B] Retaliate against the elder army with your own weaponry.
[B]Roll: 5 - 1 = 4. Minor failure. You would love to, but this little onslaught of code and explosions and supernovas has left you kind of crippled. NO, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ADSENSE, YOU- ARGH, YOUR CENTRAL PROCESSING UNIT!
Okay, this won't work. I mean, yeah, you're powerful, but this is ridiculous! (100 damage to [/B][B]PV7-V41N.)[/B]
[B]S-M45:[/B] Forget about that abomination of a man, I'll instead go and kill PV7-V41N assailant.
[B]Roll: 10 - 1 = 9. Major success! It turns out that cliff was good for something after all, as it let you narrowly escape nuclear death. You retreat to find your leader, PV7-V41N, and make sure he's unharmed. As it happens, some kind of SWAG king has unloaded a couple of rounds into V41N, and is currently reloading. Taking this as an opportunity, you go and skewer the motherSWAGer with one of your metal claws. Yeah, you have those. It would pierce through his heart, killing him instantly, if there wasn't any GOD DAMN HORSES FILLING YOUR THOUGHTS WITH EBOOKS.
Instead of killing Ian you only greviously wound him. He pulls back, noticably not dead, as he completes his reload. (1200 damage to Ian.) [/B]
[B]M4/6MA:[/B] Kill Zarjk. He only has 300 health.
[B]Roll: 2 - 3 = 1. CRITICAL FAILURE! You'd rather avoid the army for a moment, so you instead choose a more easier target to kill; Zarjk. He only has a pathetic 300, when you have a hundred times more health!
You want to continue with your rock throwing, as that did an exact 300 damage. You pick up the very same rock, and walk over as stealthly as you can towards the man. Since he's only standing there, you have no problem with throwing the rock at him as most powerful your arms can make it throw. It flies at tremendous speeds... only for it to bounce off his armor, and fly back at you 33 times faster than when you throwed it.
You can only muster a "[I]but that breaks the laws of physics" [/I]before your head is completely demolished by flying rock. This doesn't kill you or anything, as your head only holds one of the many processors in your body, so you'll manage. [I](10000 damage to [/I][/B][I][B]M4/6MA.)[/B][/I]
[B]COM-B1N3R:[/B] As I'm the only guy unaffected by the nukepocalypse AND spam, I take this chance to kill my counterpart, Combiner.
[B]Roll: 8. Success! That was a big explosion. You're happy you could avoid it. Again, the problem comes from Combiner's team. That non-robotic asshole variant of you. It turns out that the guy even has his powers weakened, so hooray!
I channel my own [I]scientific [/I]dark powers, by the use of instruments people often call "flame throwers" built into your chest. It actually works, who would have thought. The asshole is burning all kinds of red, screaming like a pathetic baby. Incompetent fool. [I](600 damage to Combiner. 100 damage each turn until fire is extinguished.)[/I][/B]
[B]FIR-34/ARM:[/B] Change the setting of the grenade launcher to "shock and awe" and shoot grenades filled with the power of electricity all around you.
[B]Roll: 9 - 1 = 8. Success! Why stop shooting the Merc? Why not change the setting in order to empower the grenades with electricity and then shooting them at whatever you see? There's isn't a reason to [I]not [/I]to that, so you do it!
You shut down your optical sensors and, against your better judgement, shoot grenades everywhere. You falter quite a bit with rich thoughts racing around in your mind, but that doesn't stop you from being able to shock Magmacow and Mr. Face. They are very awestruck by the shocks. [I](500 damage to Magmacow and Mr. Face.)[/I]
[/B]
[B]B1-LLYMZ3:[/B] Since you're not dead, make something that isn't dead dead. That thing should not be not dead in the same manner you're not dead.
[B]Roll: 10 - 1 = 9. Major success! One thing that should be dead, but still is not dead in a different manner you're not dead, and isn't dead is that Cucco. It's RAGE shouldn't make him not dead like that, that would go against what you consider common sense. So, by the power of your will alone that it should be dead since it's not dead and not dead in a different manner you're not dead the cucco is now dead.
You are initially satisfied with the fact that it's dead, but you then notice that there are more things that are not dead in the same manner as the cucco who is dead when he wasn't dead. Since they're not dead in a different manner than you're not dead you attack them to make sure they're dead.
They're not, and they begin attacking you in the name of RAGE, almost leaving you dead. You manage to fend them off, even though in the end they're not dead unlike the one who's dead.
Yes.[I]
(Cucco is DEAD. How many times will I write that? [/I][/B][I][B]B1-LLYMZ3 takes 2000 damage as a result.)[/B][/I]
[B]F0LK-R4M/FL3R: [/B]Okay, yeah the bear's too cute, I should attack that Horse instead, who's soon going to make me FLIP OUT.
[B]Roll: 9 - 1 = 8. Success! Fed up with the spam you're getting from the horse you go and punch that thing in the mouth. That was surprisingly easy.
Hm. There's nothing more to it than that.
How boring. (800 damage to Horse Ebooks.)[/B]
[B]ZAR-K9:[/B] Shoot Billy Maize with your ZAPPIER LASER EYES
[B]Roll: 2 - 1 = 1. CRITICAL FAILURE. Because your ZAPPY LASER EYES did so much damage to DJ999, you want to go with even ZAPPIER LASER EYES, and test them out on Billy Maize! Not his bear, that bear is too cute.
You begin to tune your power output directly to your eyes, or "optical sensors" that some stuck-up robots call them, to new, untested levels. But as you get ready to fire a spam advert pops up in your mind, surprising you and making you lose control of the LASERS. The levels of ZAPPINESS contained within your eyes are too much, and now surges all your power before in a single beam, that is unleashed upon yourself. The ZAPPY LASERS not only completely drains your power level, but also leaves your body a pile of slag on the floor. Billy Maize watches in mild amusement as he sips some of his cola.[/B]
[B]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
[B]-Allies-[/B]
[B]Team Anderson:[/B]
Mr.Anderson: DEAD!
[B]Team Billy:[/B]
Billy Maize: 1600/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle)
Polar Bear: 500/2000
[B]Team Combiner:[/B]
Combiner8761: 1,300/2,100 (Dark powers partially drained!) (On fire: 100 damage each turn.)
Horse ebooks: 1,800/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.)
Cucco: 0/1,500 (DEAD.) (Will deal 2000 damage to killer) (Cucco rage perk: gets +1 to rolls if damaged the previous turn.)
Cthulhu: 3,500/3,500 (Has Combiner's dark powers.)
Death: 2,800/3,500
Eldrich army: 5,000/5,000
[B]Team Cookie:[/B]
Cookie53: 2,000/2,000
[B]Team DJ999:[/B]
DJ999: 2,700/3,000 (Man of Steel: Cannot be De-buffed)
[B]Team Egbert:[/B]
John Egbert: 1,900/2,000
Sentry: 2,000/2,000 (Level 2)(Immobile: enemies get +1 rolls against)(Attacks a random enemy each round)
[B]Team Face:[/B]
Mr. Face: 1,300/2,000
Frizzt To'Urden: 750/750 (SUPER LEGENDARY SWORDS)
[B]Team Firearms:[/B]
Firearms136 (aka dagger): 1500/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger)
Dawson: 1,500/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.)
Homer: 1,800/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula) (Starvation; 200 damage each turn that grows 100 damage worse each turn.)
Cortez: 900/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things))(Double Barreled Combat Shotgun: +50% Damage (12/12))
Calvnan: 3,500/3,500 (Stats of some kind) (Fearsome battleaxe)
Hobbes: 3,500/3,500 (Stats of some kind)
[B]Team Folcrum[/B]
Folcrum_flyer: 300/300 Current body: Meatloaf Man: 5,000/5,000 (<- Can be healed)(Brain in a jar)(Cannot heal controlled bodies)(Suave face reattaching skills; +3 to rolls healing facial wounds or Head injuries.)
Money tiger: 5000 Health (Gets bonus/cut to rolls equal to change in value of microsoft stock on day of update x10, rounded down.)
[B]Team Fuzz:[/B]
Fuzzwaddle: 1,300/3,000 (Wabbajack (Doesn't know how to use))(Stone skin: 25% damage recuction, cannot be stunned or lit on fire.)(Missing arm)(Bunkered up: -1 to rolls against him.)
[B]Team Ian:[/B]
Ian: 400/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk: If an odd number above 1 is rolled, it is boosted by one.)(Gravity Swagnum(2/3))(Minor egotism perk: Heals Ian when he makes a killing blow; 1/4 of the damage dealt heals him. Can be upgraded by further healing.)(Weakened Sandwich of Gods.)
[B]Team Jarrod:[/B]
Jarrod: 1,900/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet)
[B]Team Magma:[/B]
Magmacow358: 1,500/2,000 (Armor(1,200/1,500))(The Original Swagnum (6/7))(Arm Blaster)(New reliable (5/8)(2 Crits))(Lucky Shoes: +1 on all rolls aside from Crit fails.)
Energy Being: 900/2,000
T-80U: 3,500/4,000
Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots/mechanical things).
Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons.
[B]Team Nobody:[/B]
Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates)
[B]Team Nyan:[/B]
Nyan Squirrel: 600/2,000 (Glowing one. +200 HP each round, enemies get Radiation debuff if direct combat ensues, causing them 100 hp damage per turn, though it can only be applied to biologicals.)
[B]Team Samiam:[/B]
Samiam22: 2,000/2,000
[B]Team Smas:[/B]
Smas: 1340/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats)
Tony Stark: 2,000/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000)
[B]Team Sunny:[/B]
Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe)
DuffleBag: 3,000/3,000 (Space marine, not a leather bag.)
Apache: 5,000/5,000 (Gatling Laser) (Drones 10/10)
[B]Team Zake:[/B]
Zakedodead: 2,200/3,000 (Slaughterborn: You are fully healed and gain a 3 turn 50% damage boost for every enemy you kill!)(Chrome .45: +50% damage, +50% backfire damage.)
Merc Point-man: 2,400/2,500 (Body armor: 700/1,500) (The Best Tacticool Crossbow: 50% more damage, heals 100 hp on a successful hit, +1 on rolls.) (Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.)(Better reflexes: 4's will be changed to 5's)
[B]Team Zarjk:[/B]
Zarjk: 700/2,000 (Angry Grandpa Minigun) (Power Armor; -1 to attacks against Zarjk, lasts 4 times. 2/4) (Aluminum bat: -25% damage, Can attack twice in one turn with the bat.)
[B]------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
[B]-Enemies-[/B]
[B]PV7-V41N:[/B] 44,900/60,000 (Logic-Armor: Cannot receive backfire damage)(Auto Failure: 5s rolled against him will be counted as 2s.)
[B]TI7A-N1UM:[/B] 28,400/30,000 (Rare appearance: Only attacks if attacked that turn)(Charismatic Processors: -1 on the rolls of attackers) (Frozen: 2/4)
[B]S-M45:[/B] 25,000/25,000 (Armor: 9,500/10,000 (Only protects against physical attacks))(Racist rampager: +1 on rolls and 2x damage against non-human allies or heavily mutated humans.)
[B]M4/6MA:[/B] 20,000/30,000 (Armor: 4,000/5,000 (Only protects against physical attacks))(Unlucky as fuck: -1 on all rolls)(Occasional annihilator: 3x damage)
[B]COM-B1N3R:[/B] 11,000/15,000 (Metal Mancer: Immune to non physical attacks)(Missing arms)
[B]FIR-34/ARM:[/B] 4,000/15,000 (Self-repair protocol; +1500 health each turn until 10,000 health is reached.)
[B]C00-KI3: [/B]0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]B1-LLYMZ3:[/B] 2,500/5,000
[B]D#J999: [/B]0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]MR4-FCE:[/B] 0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]F0LK-R4M/FL3R: [/B]5,000/5,000
[B]F-ZZZWDD3L:[/B] 5,000/5,000
[B]I4-NL: [/B]3,250/5,000 (Cheap aluminum "Swag")
[B]J4R-0DD:[/B] 0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]JST-NBDY:[/B] 0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]NY4-N:[/B] 5,000/5,000
[B]S4M1M:[/B] 5,000/5,000
[B]5UNY-D:[/B] 5,000/5,000
[B]Z4K-3:[/B] 5,000/5,000
[B]ZAR-K9: [/B]0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]Assembly Machine:[/B] 5,000/15,000 (Produces a robot every 3 turns)(Building robot: 1/3 turns)(Cannot move)
[B]------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
[B]-Neutral-[/B]
[B]The Grotesque:[/B] 3,800/4,000
[B]Sheogorath:[/B] ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair)
[B]Agent 9: [/B]9,850/10,000
[B]Horde of allies:[/B] 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars)
[B]Axebeard Thundernipples:[/B] 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs))
[B]Scald:[/B] 1,700/2,000
[B]Damon: [/B]1,200/2,000
[B]Steve:[/B] 2,000/2,000 (Some sort of respawn perk: After being revived, Steve is automatically re-added to Nyan's team with a temporary 1000 maxhp boost!)
[B]Clusterfuck of Mobs:[/B] 5,000/5,000
[B]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
Zarjk lies down, and decides to think about how hard it would to become a god.
Turn all the Stimpacks into a makeshift arm.
I call M4/6MA out on being a cheaply made pile of shit that isn't even close to being worthy enough to be my robot stunt double.
Energy Being: Heal yourself
T-80U: Ram into the Assembly machine several times
Drizzt: Continue searching for allies.
Frizzt: Uh....try not to hurt yourself.
Devour weakened sandwich of the gods.
Continue reloading.
Folc: I enter the Ludum Dare and make an award winning game about paradoxes, before using digital back doors revealed be Horse e-Books to forcibly send and activate them inside the machine armies heads.
Cash Tiger: Devour I4-NL and process him into first edition Susan B. Anthony silver dollars.
Oh hey, an update. Finally.
Seeing as I'll probably never get that skipped command back, I spend this turn looking for allies.
Man, we need to get back to that thing where we were updating nearly every day... It kept the load down, and made it so you could do stuff more often.
Problem is nobody updates ever aside from me and Combiner and I don't fucking want to do it anymore and have school and Combiner probably doesn't want to fucking do it anymore/has other more important shit to do, thus it doesn't get done
Fuck it. From now on, ANYONE is free to update any time.
Yeah, no. I refuse to be the wiki of play-by-posts.
Nyan: Pulls a Arc welder and shoots the fuck out of NY4-N
Here, have an update.
[B]-Ally commands-[/B] (3x damage buff and +1 on all rolls yadayadayada)
_________________________________________________________________________________
Zarjk: lie down, and decide to think about how hard it would to become a god.
[B]Roll: 7+1=8. Success. You decide to stop and take a breather, and really consider the difficulty behind becoming a deity. Well, for starters there are no records of mortals successful becoming immortal that you can recall. Sure some came CLOSE, but usually died a fiery death in a volcano or failed to come back to life after shooting themselves in the head. Second, how does one GO about becoming a god? Wish upon a star? Fill out a pamphlet? You figure you probably have to go on some quest for an ancient potion/book/cupcake or some shit. And third; becoming a god seems to require dying as a mortal after preparations are completed, and nobody has successfully popped back to life after blowing their brains out/being incinerated. On the other hand, they never actually MADE and preparations, they just killed themselves and hoped for the best. Hmm. (+2 on any rolls involving attaining Immortal status!) [/B]
_________________________________________________________________________________
Fuzzwaddle: Turn all the Stimpacks into a makeshift arm.
[B]Roll: 8+1=9. After stretching and being grateful that you found a very oddly placed stimpack lying in some random crater, you accidentally prick yourself with ANOTHER one lying on the ground. "What the? Two? Wait... No, three... four... five... six... Fucking hell, how many are there?" As you continue to count the stimpacks, you then finally notice the blatantly obvious massive pile of stimpacks in the middle of the crater that you missed somehow. After picking your jaw up off the ground, you ponder briefly about what to do with such a stockpile. Tell the team about it so they can use it? Nah, those freeloaders can find their own healing items. After a brief attention shift to your missing arm, you decide that the sane thing to do would be to make an arm entirely out of stimpacks for the time being. An innovative 30 minutes later and you now have an arm made entirely of stimpacks, scrap metal, and whatever else you could find. After using it to heal yourself, you sit back down and have a nap. (Added Stim-arm: +1 on healing rolls, heals 50% more, healed to full health.) [/B]
_________________________________________________________________________________
Magma's team:
Magmacow358: I call M4/6MA out on being a cheaply made pile of shit that isn't even close to being worthy enough to be my robot stunt double.
[B]Roll: 9+1=10. CRITICAL! You stare in disgust at the walking garbage can sculpted to look vaguely similar to you. How DARE it try to look like you, then be a worthless pile of shit, thus making you look bad! It pisses you off, so much infact that you walk right up to the 30 ft behemoth and call him out on it. "Who the hell sends a walking dumpster to represent a badass? Shit, I think my alarm clock poses more of a threat to my safety than you do!" This statement seems to be all M4/6MA needs to have it's insecurity finally get to it. The robot slumps to the ground, its head angled downwards. [I]"DAMNIT, I WISH I DIDN'T HATE MYSELF SO MUCH. I WISH I WASN'T SO CLUMSY AND I WISH I COULDN'T GET TALKED DOWN TO SO EASILY BY EXOSKELETONLESS INSECTS."[/I] As the mech continues to mumble to itself, reliving everything it ever regretted all over again, you see a perfect opportunity. "You SHOULD hate yourself! There is a goddamn WAR going on and what are you doing? Sitting in the dirt contemplating suicide! When I saw a giant robot marching towards the allies, I was expecting a badass, not a loser! Get the hell up and listen to me, for you still have one chance at redemption: Join me in my quest to remove the metallic spinal cords from your "allies". Prove to me that you can slaughter. Prove to yourself that you are good for something." After your speech, the robot gets up, "cracks" it's "knuckles" and says to you: [I]"KILL ALL ROBOTS."[/I] (Added M4/6MA to your team)[/B]
Energy Being: Heal yourself
[B]Roll: 6+1=7. Success. The energy being sticks it's finger into an electrical socket and finally manages to regain some health. (+500 hp)[/B]
T-80U: Ram into the Assembly machine several times
[B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL! Whilst in the middle of a coffee break, the T-80U crew notices some rocket engines lying the dust. After going to investigate, they discover that there isn't just rocket engines here, but a whole spaceship! And it certainly does not appear to be terrestrial. The crew begin to rip parts off, and decide to get creative with the assortment of fusion reactors, laser cannons and advanced technology.
[I]Ding.[/I] As the assembly machine finished yet another robot, an unusual shadow was cast upon it and it's recent work. Its simplistic processors began to determine what the cause was, but before it could finish scanning it was COMPLETELY VAPORIZED by the massive, 1000 tonne war machine landing on it. The T-80U is a simple battle tank no longer, it is now the vehicular embodiment of DESTRUCTION ITSELF. Behold! THE T-8000U! So massive it can run over OTHER tanks, so powerful it can destroy mountains, so badass that it has MOTHERFUCKING ROCKET BOOSTERS on the back! (Destroyed every atom of the assembly machine, upgraded T-80U: +2000 maxhp, 50% more damage, Rocket engines: After 2 turns of charging, allows the tank to accelerate to any given target at insane speeds, deaing 5x damage. This attack cannot roll lower than a 5.) [/B]
_________________________________________________________________________________
Face's team:
Drizzt: Continue searching for allies.
[B]Roll: 5+1=6. Minor success. After exhausting himself searching for allies, Drizzt only manages to find a medium sized garden snake. Oh well, better than nothing. (Added Garden snake)[/B]
Frizzt: Uh....try not to hurt yourself.
[B]Roll: 6+1=7. Success. Frizzt manages to avoid accidental injury, and somehow even increases his Maxhp a little. (+150 maxhp)[/B]
_________________________________________________________________________________
Ian: Devour weakened sandwich of the gods.
[B]Roll: 4+1=5. Neutral. The sandwich seems to have lost it's godlike effects, but it was still a damn good sandwich.[/B]
_________________________________________________________________________________
Folc's team:
Folc: I enter the Ludum Dare and make an award winning game about paradoxes, before using digital back doors revealed be Horse e-Books to forcibly send and activate them inside the machine armies heads.
[B]Roll: 4+1=5. Neutral. Your plan is flawless! Time to get to wor- oh wait, that's right. You don't know how to program. Shit. [/B]
Cash Tiger: Devour I4-NL and process him into first edition Susan B. Anthony silver dollars.
[B]Roll: 9+1=10. CRITICAL! The Cash Tiger pounces onto I4-NL and rips him apart, mauling the machine apart to the point where it gets downright terrifying how easily the tiger is tearing through steel. After mauling, flattening, then digesting I4-NL, Cash tiger shits out the scrap metal in the form of MONEY, thus increasing its power! (+4000 hp)[/B]
_________________________________________________________________________________
DJ999: Look for allies
[B]Roll: 8+1=9. Success! Lonely ain't no way to be, so you head out in the search of an ally to draw all the fire for you. After a long, lonely walk, you come across an absurdly large, lonesome looking crab. After seeing you it cheerfully scuttles over. It seems content with following you. (Added Giant Crab)[/B]
_________________________________________________________________________________
Nyan: Pulls a Arc welder and shoots the fuck out of NY4-N
[B]Roll: 9+1=10. CRITICAL! You stand alone in a dusty plain, facing down with your arch nemesis: NY4-N. The sun is almost at the top of the sky, and both of you stand, hands on your holsters. (I'm assuming by arc welder you mean some sort of pistol, not an actual arc welder.) Then, you watch beeps. It's high noon. Your robot nemesis unholsters his laser pistol, but before he could even calculate pulling the trigger both of the walking garbage can's arms are 10 feet away. You stand in an upright position, casually grasping your trusty arc welder, the barrel smoking. The cowardly machine attempts to run away, but you shoot him right in the kneeplate, incapacitating him. The metal clone looks up at you, and the image of you holding a pistol to his forehead is the last thing his optic sensor's ever detect. (Executed NY4-N, +1000 maxhp to you for being a badass)[/B]
_________________________________________________________________________________
Egberts sentry: Shoot PV7-V41N.
[B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL! BEEP BEEP! The Sentry gun unleashes a storm of lead upon PV7, causing considerable damage! (2,000 damage to PV7-V41N)[/B]
_________________________________________________________________________________
[B]-Enemy commands-[/B]
PV7-V41N: Fire shoulder mounted rocket launchers at Zakedodead
[B]Roll: 9. Success! PV7 activates the obligatory shoulder rocket launchers it has and unleashes a volley of exploding death right at Zake's face, replacing most of his muscle tissue with shrapnel. (1,000 damage to Zake)[/B]
S-M45: Beat the shit out of that traitorous M4/6MA.
[B]Roll: 4+1=5. Neutral. S-M45 considers attacking M4, but ultimately decides against it because doing so would probably result in losing the lower half of it's platform.[/B]
COM-B1N3R: Headbutt Magmacow
[B]Roll: 7. Success. COM awkwardly sprints up to Magmacow and takes advantage of it's steel forehead by using it to cause head trauma. (500 damage to Magmacow358)[/B]
FIR-34/ARM: Throw a dumpster at DJ999
[B]Roll: 3. Failure. FIR-34 attempts to pick up a dumpster and throw it, but it's hydraulics are not strong enough and it just wind's up damaging it's internal parts. (500 damage to FIR-34)[/B]
S4M1M: Use arm mounted machine gun to shoot Billy Maize
[B]Roll: 1. CRITICAL FAILURE! S4M's attempt to shoot the hell out of Billy goes horribly wrong when it's machinegun loads a round backwards, causing it to set all the other stored bullets off and thus blowing S4M1M up entirely. (S4M1M: Dead!)[/B]
_________________________________________________________________________________
-Allies-
[B]
ALL ALLIES GET A 3X DAMAGE BOOST(Stacks with other damage buffs) AND +1 ON ROLLS FOR 3 TURNS! (2/3)[/B]
Team Anderson:
Mr.Anderson: DEAD!
Team Billy:
Billy Maize: 1600/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle)
Polar Bear: 500/2000
Team Combiner:
Combiner8761: 1,300/2,100 (Dark powers partially drained!) (On fire: 100 damage each turn.)
Horse ebooks: 1,800/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.)
Cucco: 0/1,500 (DEAD.) (Will deal 2000 damage to killer) (Cucco rage perk: gets +1 to rolls if damaged the previous turn.)
Cthulhu: 3,500/3,500 (Has Combiner's dark powers.)
Death: 2,800/3,500
Eldrich army: 5,000/5,000
Team Cookie:
Cookie53: 2,000/2,000
Team DJ999:
DJ999: 2,700/3,000 (Man of Steel: Cannot be De-buffed)
Giant Crab: 3,000/3,000
Team Egbert:
John Egbert: 1,900/2,000
Sentry: 2,000/2,000 (Level 2)(Immobile: enemies get +1 rolls against)(Attacks a random enemy each round)
Team Face:
Mr. Face: 1,300/2,000
Frizzt To'Urden: 900/900 (SUPER LEGENDARY SWORDS)
Garden Snake: 500/500
Team Firearms:
Firearms136 (aka dagger): 1500/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger)
Dawson: 1,500/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.)
Homer: 1,800/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula) (Starvation; 200 damage each turn that grows 100 damage worse each turn.)
Cortez: 900/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things))(Double Barreled Combat Shotgun: +50% Damage (12/12))
Calvnan: 3,500/3,500 (Stats of some kind) (Fearsome battleaxe)
Hobbes: 3,500/3,500 (Stats of some kind)
Team Folcrum
Folcrum_flyer: 300/300 Current body: Meatloaf Man: 5,000/5,000 (<- Can be healed)(Brain in a jar)(Cannot heal controlled bodies)(Suave face reattaching skills; +3 to rolls healing facial wounds or Head injuries.)
Money tiger: 9000 Health (Gets bonus/cut to rolls equal to change in value of microsoft stock on day of update x10, rounded down.)
Team Fuzz:
Fuzzwaddle: 3,000/3,000 (Wabbajack (Doesn't know how to use))(Stone skin: 25% damage recuction, cannot be stunned or lit on fire.)(Stim-arm: +1 on healing rolls, heals 50% more.)(Bunkered up: -1 to rolls against him.)
Team Ian:
Ian: 400/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk: If an odd number above 1 is rolled, it is boosted by one.)(Gravity Swagnum(2/3))(Minor egotism perk: Heals Ian when he makes a killing blow; 1/4 of the damage dealt heals him. Can be upgraded by further healing.)
Team Jarrod:
Jarrod: 1,900/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet)
Team Magma:
Magmacow358: 1,500/2,000 (Armor(700/1,500))(The Original Swagnum (6/7))(Arm Blaster)(New reliable (5/8)(2 Crits))(Lucky Shoes: +1 on all rolls aside from Crit fails.)
Energy Being: 1,400/2,000
T-8000U: 6,000/6,000 (+50% more damage)(Rocket engines: After 2 turns of charging, allows the tank to accelerate to a target at insane speeds, deaing 5x damage. Cannot roll below 5.)
M4/6MA: 20,000/30,000 (Armor: 4,000/5,000 (Only protects against physical attacks))(Unlucky as fuck: -1 on all rolls)(Occasional annihilator: 2x damage)
Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots/mechanical things).
Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons.
Team Nobody:
Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates)
Team Nyan:
Nyan Squirrel: 1,600/3,000 (Glowing one. +200 HP each round, enemies get Radiation debuff if direct combat ensues, causing them 100 hp damage per turn, though it can only be applied to biologicals.)
Team Samiam:
Samiam22: 2,000/2,000
Team Smas:
Smas: 1340/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats)
Tony Stark: 2,000/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000)
Team Sunny:
Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe)
DuffleBag: 3,000/3,000 (Space marine, not a leather bag.)
Apache: 5,000/5,000 (Gatling Laser) (Drones 10/10)
Team Zake:
Zakedodead: 1,200/3,000 (Slaughterborn: You are fully healed and gain a 3 turn 50% damage boost for every enemy you kill!)(Chrome .45: +50% damage, +50% backfire damage.)
Merc Point-man: 2,400/2,500 (Body armor: 700/1,500) (The Best Tacticool Crossbow: 50% more damage, heals 100 hp on a successful hit, +1 on rolls.) (Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.)(Better reflexes: 4's will be changed to 5's)
Team Zarjk:
Zarjk: 700/2,000 (Angry Grandpa Minigun) (Power Armor; -1 to attacks against Zarjk, lasts 4 times. 2/4) (Aluminum bat: -25% damage, Can attack twice in one turn with the bat.)(+2 on any rolls involving attaining Immortal status!)
_________________________________________________________________________________
-Enemies-
PV7-V41N: 42,900/60,000 (Logic-Armor: Cannot receive backfire damage)(Auto Failure: 5s rolled against him will be counted as 2s.)
TI7A-N1UM: 28,400/30,000 (Rare appearance: Only attacks if attacked that turn)(Charismatic Processors: -1 on the rolls of attackers) (Frozen: 2/4)
S-M45: 25,000/25,000 (Armor: 9,500/10,000 (Only protects against physical attacks))(Racist rampager: +1 on rolls and 2x damage against non-human allies or heavily mutated humans.)
COM-B1N3R: 11,000/15,000 (Metal Mancer: Immune to non physical attacks)(Missing arms)
FIR-34/ARM: 5,000/15,000 (Self-repair protocol; +1500 health each turn until 10,000 health is reached.)
B1-LLYMZ3: 2,500/5,000
F0LK-R4M/FL3R: 5,000/5,000
F-ZZZWDD3L: 5,000/5,000
NY4-N: 5,000/5,000
5UNY-D: 5,000/5,000
Z4K-3: 5,000/5,000
_________________________________________________________________________________
-Neutral-
The Grotesque: 3,800/4,000
Sheogorath: ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair)
Agent 9: 9,850/10,000
Horde of allies: 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars)
Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs))
Scald: 1,700/2,000
Damon: 1,200/2,000
Steve: 2,000/2,000 (Some sort of respawn perk: After being revived, Steve is automatically re-added to Nyan's team with a temporary 1000 maxhp boost!)
Clusterfuck of Mobs: 5,000/5,000
_________________________________________________________________________________
Drizzt: Finally noticing the wounds, look for some medical supplies
Frizzt: Stay out of the way
Zarjk decides to go out in a blaze of glory by running into the Combiner and filling it's chest with rounds of 5mm.
Magma, Have you ever played Fallout NV with the DLC Old World Blues, becuase it shows what a Arc welder is.
Nyan: HOLY SHIT, I'm a badass ghoul. Use my reasoning ways to summon all the Fallout New vegas Meeting people Magazines ( + 10 speech) to recall my old team, Steve, Damon, and Clusterfuck of Mobs
I ate my sandwich but gained no health. Cool.
I opt to use my [B][I]OWN SWAG[/I][/B] to heal myself.
folc: Disassemble the motor on an electric fan partially, then hook it up to a car battery as an EMP.
Cash Tiger: By the infinite power of funding, induce a causality loop to make the armor on S-M45 have been nothing but cheap toy grade plastic before it was even created.
[QUOTE=Nyan Squirrel;37851450]Magma, Have you ever played Fallout NV with the DLC Old World Blues, becuase it shows what a Arc welder is.
Nyan: HOLY SHIT, I'm a badass ghoul. Use my reasoning ways to summon all the Fallout New vegas Meeting people Magazines ( + 10 speech) to recall my old team, Steve, Damon, and Clusterfuck of Mobs[/QUOTE]
I've played the first bit of OWB, but I haven't really tapped into the DLC that much. I am quite familiar with New Vegas itself though.
Apparently it is a a heavy weapon that constantly fires electricity. Oh well.
My commands:
I use one of the Free Crits I have on my shotgun to blow the top half of FIR-34/ARM clean off with a single shot.
Energy Being: Give my armor a boost
T-8000U: Fire the twin 200mm cannons at PV7
M4/6MA: Step on Z4K-3
[QUOTE=Nyan Squirrel;37851450]Magma, Have you ever played Fallout NV with the DLC Old World Blues, becuase it shows what a Arc welder is.
[/QUOTE]
... It's Lonesome Road, dumbass. And not everyone is a fallout superfan like you or I.
[QUOTE=folcrum_flyer;37862572]... It's Lonesome Road, dumbass. And not everyone is a fallout superfan like you or I.[/QUOTE]
That was really rude, there's no reason you have to be an asshole towards someone because they forgot which DLC a gun is from.
[sp] And I actually happen to be a huge fan of the Fallout franchise, I just haven't gotten around to buying the DLC for new vegas.[/sp]
[QUOTE=folcrum_flyer;37862572]... It's Lonesome Road, dumbass. And not everyone is a fallout superfan like you or I.[/QUOTE]
First off, I don't give a fuck and second of all, I haven't play Fallout NV in awhile
[QUOTE=Nyan Squirrel;37888599]First off, I don't give a fuck and second of all, I haven't play Fallout NV in awhile[/QUOTE]
Remember that I happen to know where you live.
[editline]3rd October 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Magmacow358;37865142]That was really rude, there's no reason you have to be an asshole towards someone because they forgot which DLC a gun is from.
[sp] And I actually happen to be a huge fan of the Fallout franchise, I just haven't gotten around to buying the DLC for new vegas.[/sp][/QUOTE]
Actually, since his mom is basically useless as a parent, and his brother is forced to stay with his dad in Montana, I'm kind of forced to more or less raise him. I'd rather not let someone I'm supposed to keep from turning into a felon be a troll just because they're not committing a crime, and I found his comment to be pretty trolly. Also, dumbass is just part of the banter we exchange between one another in normal conversation.
[QUOTE=folcrum_flyer;37894660]Remember that I happen to know where you live.[/QUOTE]
Maybe you should take a step back from this thread when you're borderline threatening people.
Is it cool if I attempt an update? No one seems to be doing anything.
[QUOTE=Ian;37901879]Maybe you should take a step back from this thread when you're borderline threatening people.[/QUOTE]
Sorry, halfhearted threat. He lives a street up from me, and we've known each other for a long time.
[QUOTE=Ian;37901879]Maybe you should take a step back from this thread when you're borderline threatening people.
Is it cool if I attempt an update? No one seems to be doing anything.[/QUOTE]
Sure. Anyone can, due to shortage of actual Game-masters.
DJ:Fire a rawket at FIR-34/ARM with my rawket lawnchair.
Giant crab: Get some armor[sp]to cover up that weakpoint[/sp]
Thread un continued?
It updates when people feel like updating it I guess.
[b]Ally Commands[/b]
[b]Team Face[/b]
Drizzt: Finally noticing the wounds, look for some medical supplies
Frizzt: Stay out of the way
Roll #1: 5 (Neutral)
Roll #2: 8 (Highly successful!)
Drizzt notices his wounds and begins the search for medical supplies, however long that might take due to the fact that we're in a dungeon. We'll see how that goes next roll.
Frizzt takes a polite step to the other direction, getting out of "the way" as some might say. He takes this time to help Drizzt find medical supplies, and to his luck, they find it almost right away! (+500 health to Drizzt)
[b]Team Zarjk[/b]
Zarjk: Zarjk decides to go out in a blaze of glory by running into the Combiner and filling it's chest with rounds of 5mm.
Roll: 9 (Nigh-critical! Holy fuck!) (+ X3 DAMAGE BOOST!)
Zarjk steps with a great stride, then picks up immense speed as he bolts towards the Combiner. His grevious lack of arms leaves him wide open for your patented "FUCK YOU, EAT THESE BULLETS" attack. Zarjk begins to revv his Angry Grandpa Minigun to the same speed as his screams, and launches towards the robot, balls deep. Several explosions and projectilized robotics later, the smoke clears to show a mere shell of the robot that was once COM-B1N3R. (-1,200 [x3] health to COM-B1N3R)
[b]Team Nyan[/b]
Nyan: HOLY SHIT, I'm a badass ghoul. Use my reasoning ways to summon all the Fallout New vegas Meeting people Magazines ( + 10 speech) to recall my old team, Steve, Damon, and Clusterfuck of Mobs
Roll: 8 (Highly successful!)
Nyan fully recalls his entire previous team comprised of Steve, Damon, and a 'Clusterfuck of Mobs'! This Clusterfuck is quite the fuck of clusters, you would wager. So fucking cluster-y that you might be able to count it as 1 entire unit. A tank unit, perhaps? (+Steve, Damon, and Clusterfuck of Mobs)
[b]Team [highlight]SWAG[/highlight][/b]
Ian: I opt to use my [b][i]OWN SWAG[/i][/b] to heal myself.
Roll: 8 (Highly successful!)
Ian quickly takes off his brilliant white fur coat and SWAGJACKET™ to focus his swag to its highest potential: Self healing. He thinks wonderfully extravagant thoughts, thoughts of indoor waterslides leading to a SWAGPOOL™. Thoughts of beautiful oceans covered with nothing but the most expensive hot-pink SWAGVELVET™. Revolvers coated in only the most aristocratic diamonds and made from the strongest metals, also known as the GRAVITY CLUSTER SWAGNUM™. These thoughts bring him to a higher level of SWAGTHOUGHT™ and deliver onto him a modest amount of restoration properties. (+1,200 health to Ian) (+1 point to Swag Regeneration perk, allowing Ian to heal allied players with his swag.)
[b]Team Folcrum[/b]
folc: Disassemble the motor on an electric fan partially, then hook it up to a car battery as an EMP.
Cash Tiger: By the infinite power of funding, induce a causality loop to make the armor on S-M45 have been nothing but cheap toy grade plastic before it was even created.
Roll #1: 6 (Mild success)
Roll #2: 2 (Failure)
Folcrum, with his expert science skill, disassembles the motor on the electrical fan and uses it to ghetto-rigg an EMP with the help of a car battery. How this works? You don't really want to know. How it fairs in combat? I think that's for another time as well. (+1 Car Battery EMP)
The Cash Tiger attempts to induce a casuality loop on S-M45, but fails because his higher-ups did not greenlight this sort of spending! "This is the sort of dumb, wreckless shit that got us into a recession," they say, "You're lucky your review has already been conducted, or else you would be getting some serious backfire for this, you fucking tiger." They don't understand Cash Tiger. He thinks that it is just because he is too fast, no one can got him.
[b]Team Magma[/b]
I use one of the Free Crits I have on my shotgun to blow the top half of FIR-34/ARM clean off with a single shot.
Energy Being: Give my armor a boost
T-8000U: Fire the twin 200mm cannons at PV7
M4/6MA: Step on Z4K-3
Roll #1: 10 [highlight](IGNORE THIS CRIT, IT'S BORING)[/highlight]
Roll #2: 4 (Minor failure)
Roll #3: 7 (Success)
Roll #4: 5 (Neutral)
Magmacow loads and fires his Ol' Reliable at FIR-34/ARM and deals massive damage (The fucking post glitched and I lost the command for this.)
Energy Being charges his energy to give you an energetic boost to your energy armor, but he didn't have enough energy.
T-8000U lets off a barrage of 200mm shells down range, in the direction of a certain PV7-V41N. Incredibly beautiful explosions follow, solidifying that this is probably the most explosive dungeon run in a long time. Michael Bay is probably behind this somehow, but that's impossible, because he died several years ago. It was a tragedy, really, a wonderful tragedy. Attempted suicide off of a bridge that was ended with several tons of explosives lined across the entire bridge. Some say he died that day, others think he may have escaped during the explosions. Anyway, PV7-V41N suffers major damage due to 200mm shells being just TOO STRONK. (-12,000 health to PV7-V41N [x3])
M4/6MA tries his hardest to step on Z4K-3, and succeeds. But at what cost? (-100 health to Z4K-3)
[b]Team DJ999[/b]
DJ:Fire a rawket at FIR-34/ARM with my rawket lawnchair.
Giant crab: Get some armor
Roll #1: 10 [highlight](MOTHERFUCKING CRITS, SON)[/highlight]
Roll #2: 10 [highlight](HOLY FUCKING DOG SHIT, DOUBLE CRITS)[/highlight]
DJ becomes the strongest motherfucker on the battlefield with one swift movement, firing an immense rawket at FIR-34/ARM. This extreme display of not only manliness, but also power, has both damaged every single robot on the field and frightened them from attacking. How can robots feel fear, you ask? My only response is, "A man named DJ."
Giant Crab goes off on his mission to find 'some armor'. This is a difficult task, especially for a Giant Crab. He treks through countless mountains and plains until he finds the perfect option: A colossus. This encounter sparked a tale that would be rung through the ages, a Giant Crab versus a Colossus. Many legends were spun from this event, the most popular being the one with Hercules. Of course as we all well know, the Giant Crab won. A mere victory was not enough, no, not enough for this Crab. He ripped the armor from the colossus and merged it with his shell, and as he finished up, he began to feel a strange commotion in his body. This is when the Giant Crab became more than just a Giant Crab, he had reached a higher echelon than that. This... This is COLOSSUS CRAB. (+ Colossus Crab, a huge, powerful ally with 80,000 health and a resistance to most robotic attacks.)
[B]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
[b]ENEMY COMMANDS[/b]
[highlight] FIR-34/ARM HAS BEEN SLAIN BY DJ999![/highlight]
-- The enemy robots would make a comeback, but they are too scared to. What babies.
[B]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
[B]-Allies-[/B]
[B]Team Anderson:[/B]
Mr.Anderson: DEAD!
[B]Team Billy:[/B]
Billy Maize: 1600/2,000 (Heavy Pistol) (Semi-auto Assault Rifle)
Polar Bear: 500/2000
[B]Team Combiner:[/B]
Combiner8761: 1,300/2,100 (Dark powers partially drained!) (On fire: 100 damage each turn.)
Horse ebooks: 1,800/2,000 (Twitter-based spambot of random nature - posts tweets as commands.)
Cucco: 0/1,500 (DEAD.) (Will deal 2000 damage to killer) (Cucco rage perk: gets +1 to rolls if damaged the previous turn.)
Cthulhu: 3,500/3,500 (Has Combiner's dark powers.)
Death: 2,800/3,500
Eldrich army: 5,000/5,000
[B]Team Cookie:[/B]
Cookie53: 2,000/2,000
[B]Team DJ999:[/B]
DJ999: 2,700/3,000 (Man of Steel: Cannot be De-buffed)
Colossus Crab: 80,000/80,000
[B]Team Egbert:[/B]
John Egbert: 1,900/2,000
Sentry: 2,000/2,000 (Level 2)(Immobile: enemies get +1 rolls against)(Attacks a random enemy each round)
[B]Team Face:[/B]
Mr. Face: 1,300/2,000
Frizzt To'Urden: 750/750 (SUPER LEGENDARY SWORDS)
[B]Team Firearms:[/B]
Firearms136 (aka dagger): 1500/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls)(Master Espionage Perk)(Ice Gun)(Manly as fuck perk: Enemies get -1 on roll when attacking Dagger)
Dawson: 1,500/2,000 (Loyalty perk - can't betray his team and gains +1 on rolls assisting or cooperating with other teammates/allies.)
Homer: 1,800/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula) (Starvation; 200 damage each turn that grows 100 damage worse each turn.)
Cortez: 900/2,000 (Spectral Gun(3x Against Ghosts)(Useless against Living things))(Double Barreled Combat Shotgun: +50% Damage (12/12))
Calvnan: 3,500/3,500 (Stats of some kind) (Fearsome battleaxe)
Hobbes: 3,500/3,500 (Stats of some kind)
[B]Team Folcrum[/B]
Folcrum_flyer: 300/300 Current body: Meatloaf Man: 5,000/5,000 (<- Can be healed)(Brain in a jar)(Car Battery EMP)(Cannot heal controlled bodies)(Suave face reattaching skills; +3 to rolls healing facial wounds or Head injuries.)
Money tiger: 5000 Health (Gets bonus/cut to rolls equal to change in value of microsoft stock on day of update x10, rounded down.)
[B]Team Fuzz:[/B]
Fuzzwaddle: 1,300/3,000 (Wabbajack (Doesn't know how to use))(Stone skin: 25% damage recuction, cannot be stunned or lit on fire.)(Missing arm)(Bunkered up: -1 to rolls against him.)
[B]Team Ian:[/B]
Ian: 1,600/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk: If an odd number above 1 is rolled, it is boosted by one.)(Gravity Swagnum(2/3))(Minor egotism perk: Heals Ian when he makes a killing blow; 1/4 of the damage dealt heals him. Can be upgraded by further healing.)(Weakened Sandwich of Gods.)
[B]Team Jarrod:[/B]
Jarrod: 1,900/2,000 (Fixed Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet)
[B]Team Magma:[/B]
Magmacow358: 1,500/2,000 (Armor(1,200/1,500))(The [s]Original[/s] STOLEN Swagnum (6/7))(Arm Blaster)(New reliable (5/8)(1 Crit))(Lucky Shoes: +1 on all rolls aside from Crit fails.)
Energy Being: 900/2,000
T-80U: 3,500/4,000
Crate of Supplies: 3/5 Medkits (Instantly restore 500 hp), 5/5 Repair parts (Same as medkits, but only works for robots/mechanical things).
Crate of Weapons: Weapons: 2/3. When using a weapon-get command, your roll goes up by 1 and the lowest roll you can get is 3. Bad rolls do not use up weapons.
[B]Team Nobody:[/B]
Justnobody: 2,200/2,200 (The Power of Plates)
[B]Team Nyan:[/B]
Nyan Squirrel: 800/2,000 (Glowing one. +200 HP each round, enemies get Radiation debuff if direct combat ensues, causing them 100 hp damage per turn, though it can only be applied to biologicals.)
Steve: 3,000/3,000 (Temporary Health Boost 0/1 turns)
Damon: 2,000/2,000
Clusterfuck of Mobs: 5,000/5,000
[B]Team Samiam:[/B]
Samiam22: 2,000/2,000
[B]Team Smas:[/B]
Smas: 1340/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) (Bursting into Treats)
Tony Stark: 2,000/2,000 (Mark MCCCXXXVII Iron Man: 1,000/1,000)
[B]Team Sunny:[/B]
Sunny Dei: 2,000/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo))(Ghost Stompers(Can strike undead)) (Chainaxe)
DuffleBag: 3,000/3,000 (Space marine, not a leather bag.)
Apache: 5,000/5,000 (Gatling Laser) (Drones 10/10)
[B]Team Zake:[/B]
Zakedodead: 2,200/3,000 (Slaughterborn: You are fully healed and gain a 3 turn 50% damage boost for every enemy you kill!)(Chrome .45: +50% damage, +50% backfire damage.)
Merc Point-man: 2,400/2,500 (Body armor: 700/1,500) (The Best Tacticool Crossbow: 50% more damage, heals 100 hp on a successful hit, +1 on rolls.) (Bonus of +25% damage with all unarmed attacks, but using it makes him feel ashamed of himself.)(Better reflexes: 4's will be changed to 5's)
[B]Team Zarjk:[/B]
Zarjk: 700/2,000 (Angry Grandpa Minigun) (Power Armor; -1 to attacks against Zarjk, lasts 4 times. 2/4) (Aluminum bat: -25% damage, Can attack twice in one turn with the bat.)
[B]------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
[B]-Enemies-[/B]
[B]PV7-V41N:[/B] 32,900/60,000 (Logic-Armor: Cannot receive backfire damage)(Auto Failure: 5s rolled against him will be counted as 2s.)
[B]TI7A-N1UM:[/B] 28,400/30,000 (Rare appearance: Only attacks if attacked that turn)(Charismatic Processors: -1 on the rolls of attackers) (Frozen: 2/4)
[B]S-M45:[/B] 25,000/25,000 (Armor: 9,500/10,000 (Only protects against physical attacks))(Racist rampager: +1 on rolls and 2x damage against non-human allies or heavily mutated humans.)
[B]M4/6MA:[/B] 20,000/30,000 (Armor: 4,000/5,000 (Only protects against physical attacks))(Unlucky as fuck: -1 on all rolls)(Occasional annihilator: 3x damage)
[B]COM-B1N3R:[/B] 9,800/15,000 (Metal Mancer: Immune to non physical attacks)(Missing arms)
[B]C00-KI3: [/B]0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]B1-LLYMZ3:[/B] 2,500/5,000
[B]D#J999: [/B]0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]MR4-FCE:[/B] 0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]F0LK-R4M/FL3R: [/B]5,000/5,000
[B]F-ZZZWDD3L:[/B] 5,000/5,000
[B]I4-NL: [/B]3,250/5,000 (Cheap aluminum "Swag")
[B]J4R-0DD:[/B] 0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]JST-NBDY:[/B] 0/5,000 (DEAD.)
[B]NY4-N:[/B] 5,000/5,000
[B]S4M1M:[/B] 5,000/5,000
[B]5UNY-D:[/B] 5,000/5,000
[B]Z4K-3:[/B] 4,900/5,000
[B]ZAR-K9: [/B]0/5,000 (DEAD.
[B]Assembly Machine:[/B] 5,000/15,000 (Produces a robot every 3 turns)(Building robot: 2/3 turns)(Cannot move)
[B]------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
[B]-Neutral-[/B]
[B]The Grotesque:[/B] 3,800/4,000
[B]Sheogorath:[/B] ???/??? (Immortal/Can't Be moved from Neutral Team)(Flying Chair)
[B]Agent 9: [/B]9,850/10,000
[B]Horde of allies:[/B] 1500/3000 (Rusty M4A1s.) (Binoculars)
[B]Axebeard Thundernipples:[/B] 3,500/3,500 (Super Viking Powers) (Hero’s Axe(Rolls of 10 Instant Kill)(Ignore Defense Buffs))
[B]Scald:[/B] 1,700/2,000
[B]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/B]
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