• The Never Ending Dungeon V.5 - You slip on a banana peel and land face first on a landmine
    677 replies, posted
[IMG]http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww343/Firearms_136/The%20Never-Ending%20Dungeon%20Icons/DawsontheRiotOfficer2.jpg[/IMG] [B]Dawson the Riot Officer:[/B] [SUB]"Ah it's great to be back home from outer space! Thank God nothing has seriously gone wrong while I've been go-- [I]GAAAAAUGH!!![/I] WHAT THE [I]F***[/I] HAPPENED TO DAGGER'S ARMS!!??"[/SUB] After managing to get back onto Earth, Dawson is greeted by the horrific sight of Dagger: armless, and wallowing in agony. Resisting the feeling of passing out, Dawson picks up his ally and goes off in search for a usable hyperbaric chamber. If such a device can be found, it may be able to regenerate Dagger's tattered limbs back to normal (as well as conveinently utilizing the genetics of his clothes to repair his sleeves, too!). ------------------------------------------------ [IMG]http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww343/Firearms_136/The%20Never-Ending%20Dungeon%20Icons/HomerAttack.jpg[/IMG] [B]Homer:[/B] [SUB]"Damnit!"[/SUB] Realizing that he screwed up big time with trying to find Dagger's limbs, Homer slings one of Blackula's arms onto the ground and beings stomping on it in frusteration. While this is going on, Cortez has finally managed to track down his allies' coordinates and emerges through the time rift. He interrupts Homer's improvised rage therapy and announces his return! [release][B]*Meanwhile off in the distance... Again.*[/B][/release] [IMG]http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww343/Firearms_136/The%20Never-Ending%20Dungeon%20Icons/Joke1.jpg[/IMG] [B]Joke (aka the Black Spy):[/B] [sub]"I may be stuck for now, but when I get out someone's gonna get clubbed to tears! The Black Spy [I]never[/I] quits!"[/sub]
[QUOTE=DrasarSalman;35009271]I just realized that this page does not have any battle music. Did we abandon that rule?[/QUOTE] Huh. Well here, have some pendulum: [video=youtube;HmiTHPTDkF8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmiTHPTDkF8[/video] This music is also surprisingly fitting for Gmod cagefights...
I raise my MAGIC MIRROR into the air, and use only half of it's power (roll a 6 or above) to swap BILLY MAIZE'S (caught in death funnel!) And the ghost's (cannot be hit by physical objects)! "Could someone patch me up? I'm like, bleeding from everywhere and the pain is unbearable."
Shit wait im alive? I Jump out of no where and blast the Eldrich Abomination.
[QUOTE=DrasarSalman;35009271]I just realized that this page does not have any battle music. Did we abandon that rule?[/QUOTE] I was going to post some music on my post, but I couldn't find anything suitable. =/
[QUOTE=Combiner8761;35003377]Dammit, I [I]liked[/I] my monstrous, unholy, writhing and twisted face. Oh well, maybe these golden shades could prove useful. I would feel sorry for you Ian, but I don't. I'm actually jealous that you inherited the true power of the unholy grin. Hmm, wait, the MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON is flying? Real high. I scowl realizing that flying is pretty SWAG, and feel that I must prove to the MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON who's the real boss around here. I launch myself up in the air with powers that bitches would die for, and I twiddle my Swagnum before firing it straight into the dragons skull, making it blow up with an explosion. All of this while looking away and smoking a cigarette.[/QUOTE] Fuck everything. I'mma' make a sandwich for this turn, but I won't do anything with it.
I dedicate myself the healer of the entire group, equipping myself with a large amount of various medical gear.
I enter the world for the first time, ripping a hole in a random sheep. I jump through said hole insanely and retardedly, yet with some sort of sophistication and shape (Of some sort of 3 armed mutant) and peer into the sky, spotting something flying, it appears to be some sort of dragon! I realize shits going down and attempt to arm myself with my fists of fury!
Holy shit I completely forgot about this thread. Posting results. [editline]13th March 2012[/editline] [B]-Ally commands-[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zakedodead: I use the edge power to try and convert the MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON [B]Roll: 4. Minor Failure. You focus your energy and begin the ritual to convert the Motherfucking Dragon. You prepare to start chanting, but can't remember what you are supposed to chant. The Dragon calls you a dumbass, dealing 100 emotional damage.[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billy Maize: I try to apologize to the MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON and say it was a joke, and ask him to let me out of the funnel [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. The whir of the funnel is too loud for the Dragon to hear you. He probably wouldn't have accepted your apology anyway, cause he's an asshole.[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Smas: Obtain a magic sword to fight the powers that be Zombie/Ghosts. [B]Roll: 7. Because you hate Zombies and Ghosts, you decide to find a sword that will help you rid the world of them. After a grueling 2 minute journey, you find yourself at the [U]ANCIENT TEMPLE OF SOMETHING OR OTHER.[/U] after dodging many traps and solving an alarming amount of puzzles related to animals, you come to the main chamber where you find a glowing broadsword lying on a fine wooden table. You pick up the sword and turn around, accidentally decapitating a Dragaur standing behind you. The Dragaur explodes, killing all the other Dragaur in the room. You shrug and leave the temple. (Added Sword of anti-dead. Deals 2x damage to Undead and Ghosts, Upon killing Undead or a Ghost, said enemy will explode dealing 50% of the damage done to the killed enemy that round to all other Undead and ghost enemies.)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Magmacow358: I snicker subtly at Ian's misfortune before re-equipping my Armor, Arm Blaster and Swagnum. [B]Roll: 6. Minor Success. Your snicker gets you a nasty look from Ian, but he doesn't act. You go back to where you died, but you can only find your Swagnum. Oh well. (Added Swagnum)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DrasarSalman: I'll attempt to keep sitting around hoping that the gods send a box of something even more useful, like a generic side-character to aid me in battle. [B]Roll: 9. Success! You continue sitting, waiting for the gods to send you some more stuff. After sitting around for a few seconds, an unknown being from above the sky shouts "FINE! JESUS YOU ARE NEEDY." before a large crate plummets from the sky and lands infront of you. You pry it open to find the gods sent you a Wizard in a sharp looking red robe. He has a handgun for some reason. (Added Wizard)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sunny Dei: I drop into the battlefield via drop-pod right on top of the MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON [B]Roll: 3. Failure. You hop into a cheaply made drop-pod and begin your decent to the surface. The Motherfucking Dragon notices the pod heading towards it, however and as a counter it uses its nearly indestructible tail to swat the pod to the side, sending it rolling down a hill. Near the bottom of the hill, the pod hits a rock and breaks open, sending you flying into a field of cacti. (500 damage to you)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bl1tzX: I charge up my cannon to it's maximum potential. [B]Roll: 1. CRITICAL FAILURE! While charging up your cannon, you get distracted by the comedic sight of Sunny Dei cussing like a trucker while stumbling through a field of cacti. This distraction causes you to stop paying attention to your cannon's charge percent, leading it to overcharge. Once you stop laughing at Sunny, you turn to your cannon to find it at 2000% charge. You reach to turn it off, but the cannon explodes before you can stop it. The blast blows half of your entire body off and gets incredibly hot plasma all over the other half. You die a fairly quick but agonizing death! (You are DEAD!)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Combiner8761: I launch myself up in the air with powers that bitches would die for, and I twiddle my Swagnum before firing it straight into the dragons skull, making it blow up with an explosion. All of this while looking away and smoking a cigarette. [B]Roll: 9. Success! You set off a pile of explosives while standing on it, causing you to be propelled into the air. You spin the swagnum on your finger before tilting it sideways and blowing a hole in that dragons head. The bullet hits the Dragon's fire-breath storage, causing it to explode. You casually walk away from the explosion with a pair of sunglasses and a cigar in your mouth. (1,500 damage Motherfucking Dragon)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Samppa's team: Samppa: Look around for electrical devices to strip of batteries. [B]Roll: While looking for batteries, you stumble across a box of heavy duty vibrators. Lucky for you, they all have D batteries inside! You begin taking the batteries out while considering leaving some in one of the vibrators, for later use...[/B] Axebeard Thundernipples: Use your super viking powers to call upon Thor, the god of thunder, to bring forth his thundering rainclouds to hinder the disastrous [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. Its Thor's day off, so when you call him he tells you to piss off.[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zarjk: I go back home, and try to find a gun to fight the Eldrich zombies with. [B]Roll: 10. CRITICAL! You run back to your secret base in search of a firearm. There are zombies to fight! While searching, you come across a toy you left lying around for a rainy day. Its not raining, but it will be once you shoot someone with this baby. You return to the battlefield shortly after, with a [I]massive[/I] gun in your hands. Your enemies look at you with a look of terror in their eyes, and your allies stare wide-eyed at your glorious weapon. You brought no mere gun to this fight, but a weapon the gods would fear. In your hands, you have the "Angry Grandpa" 50.Cal minigun. It weighs 450Kg and fires custom tuned 50.Cal bullets at 30,000 rounds per minute. You put an oversized cigar in your mouth and place some cool ass shades over your eyes before beginning to rev of the weapon. You pause dramaticly before pulling the trigger and unleashing a hailstorm of lead upon the enemies. They are shredded to bits as if a nuke went off next to them, tearing off limbs, skin and flesh. You don't stop shooting until you hear the gun go "Click", at which point there is so much smoke coming out of the barrels that it looks like it might be on fire. (Added Angry Grandpa: 2x Damage, damages all enemies on a crit, has a 1 turn cooldown between uses, 2 turns if its a critical. 4,000 damage to all enemies.)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Firearm's Team: Dawson the riot officer: After managing to get back onto Earth, Dawson is greeted by the horrific sight of Dagger: armless, and wallowing in agony. Resisting the feeling of passing out, Dawson picks up his ally and goes off in search for a usable hyperbaric chamber. If such a device can be found, it may be able to regenerate Dagger's tattered limbs back to normal (as well as conveinently utilizing the genetics of his clothes to repair his sleeves, too!). [B]Roll: 9. Success! Dawson slings Dagger over the shoulder and begins sprinting towards the nearest Hyperbaric chamber. Once he arrives, he chucks Dagger inside and flips the on swich. After a short five minutes, Dagger is good as new, and then some! (Re-added limbs, full heal, 200 Maxhp boost.)[/B] Homer: Realizing that he screwed up big time with trying to find Dagger's limbs, Homer slings one of Blackula's arms onto the ground and beings stomping on it in frusteration. While this is going on, Cortez has finally managed to track down his allies' coordinates and emerges through the time rift. He interrupts Homer's improvised rage therapy and announces his return! [B]Roll: 9. Success! Cortez hops out of the time rift and pats Homer on the head, quelling his rage. "I'm back, bitches!" (Added Cortez)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- xxFalconxx: I raise my MAGIC MIRROR into the air, and use only half of it's power (roll a 6 or above) to swap BILLY MAIZE'S (caught in death funnel!) And the ghost's (cannot be hit by physical objects)! [B]Roll: 7. You use your Magic Mirror to swap Billy Maize's and the Ghost's position. To your suprise, it works. You feel proud of yourself and gain 100 hp. (+100 hp, Ghost is now in Death funnel.)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cookie53: I Jump out of no where and blast the Eldrich Abomination. [B]Roll: 1. CRITICAL FAILURE! You hop into a portal, hoping to come out next to the Eldrich Abomination. Unfortunately, you seem to have forgotten that portals usually don't have random locations, and that when they are labled: "Volcano" that means it will come out at a volcano. You leap out, shotgun in hand, ready to kick some ass, only to find yourself falling towards a pool of lava. You die slowly and painfully. (You are DEAD... AGAIN!)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ian: I'mma' make a sandwich for this turn, but I won't do anything with it. Roll: 10. CRITICAL! You open up the fridge of sheer awesome and pull out abunch of random but tasty ingredients. You say to yourself "I SHAL MAKE THIS STUFF INTO A SANDWICH!" heroically before getting to work. One hour of surprisingly epic sammich making later and you are left with the end result: THE SANDWICH OF GODS. It looks mighty tasty, although you are unsure why it has a bright blue aura around it. (Added SANDWICH OF GODS; Upon consumption, this delicious sandwich will grant the user a full heal and a 4x Damage crit! (Does not take a turn to consume)) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Samiam22: I dedicate myself the healer of the entire group, equipping myself with a large amount of various medical gear. [B]Roll: 4. Minor Failure. The only medical supplies you can find is an old, rusty needle that you accidentally poked yourself with. (100 damage to you)[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Insanitysbitch: I enter the world for the first time, ripping a hole in a random sheep. I jump through said hole insanely and retardedly, yet with some sort of sophistication and shape (Of some sort of 3 armed mutant) and peer into the sky, spotting something flying, it appears to be some sort of dragon! I realize shits going down and attempt to arm myself with my fists of fury! [B]Roll: 5. You are about to join the game when you decide that you will do it tomorrow, or maybe the day after that...[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [B]-Enemy commands-[/B] Motherfucking Dragon: Shout at Ian [B]Roll: 5. Neutral. The Dragon cant decide whether or not it should shout at Ians body or his mind, which are in separate locations.[/B] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -Allies- Team Anderson: Mr.anderson: 1,500/2,000 Enderdragon: 1,500/4,000 (Immune to Fire) (no wings) (caught in death funnel) (immune to said death funnel) Grey Knight: 2,000/2,000 Team Billy: Billy Maize: 1/2,000 Team Bl1tz: Bl1tzX: [B]DEAD![/B] Team Ian: Combiner8761: 1,000/2,000 (dark powers) (Body swapped with combiner! 1/6) (SANDWICH OF GODS!) Team Cookie: Cookie53: [B]DEAD![/B] Team Drasar: Drasarsalman: 2,000/2,000 (4 leaf clover) Wizard: 2,000/2,000 (Lucky M1911: +1 on roll when weapon is used) Team Egbert: John Egbert: 2,000/2,000 Jade Harley: 2,000/2,000 Rose Lalonde: 2,000/2,000 Team Falcon xxFalconxx: 400/2,000 (Magic Mirror (Health swap ability) ) Team Firearms: Firearms136 (aka dagger): 2,200/2,200 Dawson: 2,000/2,000 Homer: 2,000/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula) Cortez: 2,000/2,000 Team Folcrum Folcrum_flyer: 2,000/2,000 (Zeus Minigun) The Grotesque: 3,200/4,000 Scald: 2,000/4,000 (HANDLESS) (Repairing hands (2/3)) Haze: 1,500/2,000(Flying) (noxious gas vents) (reduces enemy defence to 80% on successful gas-based attack until enemy rolls 5 or above) Team Hidole: Hidole555: 2,100/2,200 Team Combiner8761: Ian: 1,200/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk) (Quasar Crown) (Swagnum) (T-t-t-t-Team Killer!) (body swapped with ian! 1/6) Team Magma: Magmacow358: 1,500/2,000 (Swagnum) Team Mr.Destroy Mr.Destroyer: 2,000/2,000 (SPESS MARINE Suit: 1,900/2,000) Samiam22: 1,900/2,000 Team Smas: Smas: 2,000/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead) Team Sunny: Sunny Dei: 1,500/2,000 That Team: That Ninja: 1,500/2,000 Team Samppa: Samppa: 2,000/2,000 (Missing Detonator) (universal remote) (Heavy Duty Vibrator) Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,400/3,000 (Super Viking Powers) Team Zake: Zakedodead: 1,900/2,000 Team Zarjk: Zarjk: 2,000/2,000 (copy of halo 3) (Angry Grandpa Minigun) -Enemies- MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON: 8,900/20,000 (Bomb collar) (berserk!) (flying high) Joke(aka BLACK SPY): 29,000/35,000 (deus ex dolus) (Stuck in ground! 1/3) Deathfunnel: ???/??? (burning up atmosphere! (1/9) Random chance of sucking someone in!) Eldrich zombie mob 2: (1,000/1,000) (3/4 zombies) Ghost: 1,900/1,900 (cannot be hit physically) (Passes through obstacles) (In Deathfunnel) 1: Phasing into reality: (1/??)(Rock trap(-500 HP/turn)) 5: Phasing into reality: (1/??)(Rock trap(-500 HP/turn)) 9: Phasing into reality: (1/??)(Rock trap(-500 HP/turn)) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ -Neutral- Tony Stark: 600/2,000 (Powersuit: 0,000/1,000) (recharge disabled (3/4)) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There it be.
In an attempt to combat my lazyness I rip another hole in a different sheep, this time eating some delectable chicken
I drink a refreshing Coca-Cola™ in an attempt to regain my health.
I thank you Magmacow for once again providing an update, when I myself have probably not updated in a few weeks. I'll probably have one out this Friday, and it is highly probable that I might do one tomorrow afternoon as well, to make up for the slowness that is this thread. Despite that, here are my commands: Smas: Take a stab at the ghost using my awesome new sword.
I draw my infamous flaming battle axe and slice at Black Spy
[release][IMG]http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww343/Firearms_136/The%20Never-Ending%20Dungeon%20Icons/DawsontheRiotOfficer2.jpg[/IMG] [B]Dawson the Riot Officer:[/B] [SUB]"Guys, I feel really uncomfortable about that gaping, menacing vortex in the sky. It seems to be slowly burning up the atmosphere - we'll be baked alive unless we do something about it!"[/SUB] [IMG]http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww343/Firearms_136/The%20Never-Ending%20Dungeon%20Icons/CortezTNED1.jpg[/IMG] [B]Cortez:[/B] [SUB]"Dawson's right: we also may not be as lucky to escape this time as before. I'll try lobbing a time grenade into the rift - we may be able to freeze it in time if we're lucky enough. Everyone else should try disrupting the vortex with explosives..."[/SUB][/release] ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [IMG]http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww343/Firearms_136/The%20Never-Ending%20Dungeon%20Icons/CortezTNED1.jpg[/IMG] [B]Cortez:[/B] [SUB]"Here goes nothing... Hopefully this won't backfire catastrophically for all of us."[/SUB] Cortez takes out a time grenade and slings it into the vortex in hopes of subjecting it to some form of stasis. ------------------------------------------------ [IMG]http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww343/Firearms_136/The%20Never-Ending%20Dungeon%20Icons/DaggerTNED1.jpg[/IMG] [B]Dagger (aka White Spy):[/B] [SUB]"I better proofcheck my briefcase..."[/SUB] Dagger carefully opens his top-secret briefcase and clears out any potential booby traps inside. We wouldn't want another freak situation to occur on our hands, now would we? ------------------------------------------------ [IMG]http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww343/Firearms_136/The%20Never-Ending%20Dungeon%20Icons/HomerAttack.jpg[/IMG] [B]Homer:[/B] [SUB]"Eat my dust, you goon!"[/SUB] While Joke is still immobilized, Homer approaches him and delivers a three-punch combo attack. ------------------------------------------------ [IMG]http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww343/Firearms_136/The%20Never-Ending%20Dungeon%20Icons/DawsontheRiotOfficer2.jpg[/IMG] [B]Dawson:[/B] [SUB]"Let's see how a C4 blast would affect the rift..."[/SUB] Following Cortez's word of advice, Dawson takes out a pack of C4 (to be remotely detonated) and throws it upwards into the sky. The suction force of the vortex should be enough to drag the explosive inside.
???: "fuck! Fuck! FUCK! FUUCK!" A man on a bike rides downhill, who appears who has lost control. ???: "Why did my brakes fail me aga-!" Hits a rock, denting his front tire and causing him to be catapulted. [-5 HP] ???: "AHHHHHHHHHHHH-!" Thuds on the ground, rolling over into a bush. ???: "I should gone-ow-with the other ones." rubbing his knee. ???: "Where did I end up now?" Looks at the landscape, there's just a mountain where he lost control on, a now ruined bush and woods, with his bike on its side, front tire caved in. Paper hangs out pocket, reading ____________________ |[SHIPPING ORDER #54]| |TO: JARROD | |ITEM: BIKE BRAKES | ################ Jarrod: "Well, how am I going to get back home." *! Jarrod: "Ah, yes my phone." Takes a touchscreen phone, presses the lock button, but no response. Jarrod: "Dead." Walks away, towing the bike in hand. NEW PLAYER NAME: Jarrod HP: 2,000 CURRENT: 1,995 ARMOR: +5 ITEMS: SHIPPING ORDER #54 BIKE(DAMAGED) ATTACK: FIST [7 ATTACK] DEFENSE: FIST [DAMPENS 5 DAMAGE FROM BLUNT OBJECTS] SHIRT [+2.5 ARMOR] PANTS [+2.5 ARMOR]
I pick up a powerup
Without missing a beat, I take the cigar out of my mouth before flicking it into the air towards the MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON and fire my Swagnum. The bullet pierces the cigar and is set ablaze, before hitting the MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON's bomb collar. The collar promptly delivers another gracious explosion, fueled by the pure power of SWAG.
How come I roll to get a sandwich but it goes to combiner :suicide:
[QUOTE=Ian;35133301]How come I roll to get a sandwich but it goes to combiner :suicide:[/QUOTE] It's only listed under me because our minds have been swapped. You can still use it with my body before our minds return to their proper hosts.
Samppa: Load the batteries into the universal remote, but leave one vibrator alone. This'll cause the remote to not work flawlessy, but sacrifices must be made. Axebeard Thundernipples: Wag your finger, scolding the dragon for ruining everyone's day.
Wander the planes of eternity looking for an exit.
[quote=Bl1tzX;35137824][noparse]Wander the planes of eternity looking for an exit.[/noparse][/quote] But it is between 20 and 45.
[QUOTE=ChatPunch;35138682]But it is between 20 and 45.[/QUOTe] [img]http://www.karmapanda.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/wat.jpg[/img] In other news, I'm currently working on an update, starting now. Also, page music for the page music god: [video=youtube;HxKfAGdwtTI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxKfAGdwtTI&feature=related[/video]
[B]WE'RE MAKING THIS HAPPEN[/B] [img]http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lf3f6duCNL1qa5504o1_500.gif[/img] [B]-COMMANDS-[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]InsanitysBitch:[/B] In an attempt to combat my lazyness I rip another hole in a different sheep, this time eating some delectable chicken. Roll: 7. [B]After sitting on your fat ass for 5 days, you decide that now is the time to try and join the fight against ALL that is EVIL and UNDEAD. However, that delectable pile of BBQ chicken wings are just so very persuasive when it comes to getting off your ass to do something productive. As the chicken wings make their collective counter-argument known, you disregard their words of caution by stuffing a fistful of them in your mouth. You then rip open a portal through space-time by drawing circles in the air with BBQ sauce, creating an exit portal on the side of a sheep. You step through, and you let your greasy shirt do the talking. (Entered!/+500 max HP)[/B] [sp]Welcome to the game ;P[/sp] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]Billy Maize:[/B] I drink a refreshing Coca-Cola™ in an attempt to regain my health. Roll: 10. CRITICAL THREAT! [B]After these first few turns of fighting, you truly are getting thirsty. After much critical thought, you exclaim aloud to the heavens, “I NEED A REFRESHING COCA-COLA™!” As if an answer to your demands, the Dice Gods send down an [URL="http://scienceblogs.com/framing-science/upload/2007/03/Coke.jpg"]ambassador of peace, refreshment, and good times[/URL]. As a token of peace and respect and all that good stuff, the bear gives you the gift of Cola, which you gladly begin to chug away at. The bear than joins you in your quest of Ultimate Refreshment! (Restored Health/Polar Bear obtained!)[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]Smas:[/B] Take a stab at the ghost using my awesome new sword. Roll: 4. [B]Before you begin your exercise in ghost busting with your buster sword, you decide that now would be the ripe time to go pick your nose instead. Ignoring the crowd of undead-onlookers, you begin shoving you finger up your nostril, at points going all the way up to the knuckle. Suddenly, one of the Draugers lets out a shout, sending your fist to fly up your nose. That’s gonna be one hell of a nose bleed. (-200 Emotional/Physical damage)[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]Sunny Dei:[/B] I draw my infamous flaming battle axe and slice at Black Spy. Roll: 7. [B]Seeing as the Black Spy can be considered a dangerous threat to all that is FAIR and JUST, you draw your Infamous Flaming Battle Axe. While weathered from previous battles, it still maintains its ability to set things a-flame. You charge at the Black Spy with an overhead swing, which he deflects with one of his gadgets. You manage to get a clean slice down his arm before you back up for the next wave of attack. (-700 HP: Black Spy/Flaming Battle Axe acquired)[/B] --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [B]Team Firearms:[/B] [B]Cortez:[/B] "Here goes nothing... Hopefully this won't backfire catastrophically for all of us." Cortez takes out a time grenade and slings it into the vortex in hopes of subjecting it to some form of stasis. Roll: 3. [B]You let the grenade fly from your hand, in the hopes that your actions would not catastrophically DOOM US ALL. As you watch the grenade sail through the sky, [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn72sqPP5gM"]you are reminded of a game that came out while you were still a wee lad[/URL]. After about 4 minutes of floating through the air, the grenade finally gets sucked into space. Detecting this, the grenade goes off, causing a massive “star” to appear in the sky. Without warning, the “star” suddenly goes super nova, collapsing in on itself and generating more mass and gravitational pull than is humanly imaginable. “… fuck.” (Deathfunnel: upgrade to Black Hole status!) [/B] [B]Dagger (aka White Spy):[/B] "I better proofcheck my briefcase..." Dagger carefully opens his top-secret briefcase and clears out any potential booby traps inside. We wouldn't want another freak situation to occur on our hands, now would we? Roll: 10. CRITICAL THREAT! [B]With that mindset in tow, you slowly unzip/unpadlock/unshackle your briefcase, double checking for pesky spies that may be lurking around. With a swift, gracious motion, you dump the contents of your bag onto the ground, producing; (1) Zippo Brand Pocket Watch/C4 Detonator, (3) cubic pounds of Happy Meal Plastic Explosive Toys, (1) pair of Silly Pink Panties [sp]which was given to you as “evidence” from that chick from France[/sp], and (3) sets of offbrand remote receivers. Things just got a bit more interesting… (Disarmed Bag/C4 Kit obtained)[/B] [B]Homer:[/B] “Eat my Dust, you goon!” While Joke is still immobilized, Homer approaches him and delivers a three-punch combo attack. Roll: 6. [B]You charge at the poor, defenseless Black Spy, flailing your fists as you do so. However, by the time you reach the poor bugger, you are too weak to finish the job that you applied for. Instead, you just rest on top of his head, causing him extreme embarrassment while you think about what you should do to him. (-300 Emotional Damage: Joke) [/B] [B]Dawson:[/B] "Let's see how a C4 blast would affect the rift..." Following Cortez's word of advice, Dawson takes out a pack of C4 (to be remotely detonated) and throws it upwards into the sky. The suction force of the vortex should be enough to drag the explosive inside. Roll: 9. [B]“Well, that first explosion didn’t work…” Cortez mutters to himself. In a moment of despair, the rest of your party begins to look on with pessimism, with some talk of suicide already settling in. However, you, Dawson, will not hear of such bull. You pull Cortez aside and mutter into his ear, “Why don’t we try again, but this time adding about both mine and Dagger’s stockpile of C4 into the mix?” After some thought, Cortez replies in slightly resigned tones, “It’s worth a shot…” [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGuRu97G4pM"]After a quick motivational montage[/URL], you and the rest of your team design the Time Bomb, a bomb that would hopefully undo the deadly pull that is the DeathFunnel II. With that in mind, you and your team push with all their might, lifting it into the air in a fashion very similar to that of the initial time grenade. After another three minutes or so of listening to the Ducktales moon theme, both you and Dagger pull your respective triggers. The detonation glows much brighter than the first one, and the forces that radiate from the bomb successfully re-stabilize the Deathfunnel , putting an early end to its Reign of Terror. With the smell of success (and plastic explosive) in the air, your team huddles together for a group highfive. (C4 Packs Used!)(Rift restabalized!)[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]Jarrod[/B]: -All of that stuff, by you- Roll: 4. [B]After passing by the row of bushes, you see the giant battle unfold in front of you. Sensing that one of these fools probably has some form of communication device which you can use to get a hold of one of your parental units, you make a half hearted attempt to jog over to the scene. After half an hour of Wogging (walking/jogging for those who can’t put 2 and 2 together), you manage to catch up to the Allied Forces of FacePunch, a rag-tag team of fools and morons who always seem to catch themselves in some crazy battle or another. While contemplating why such a group would be out here with nothing to fight, you manage to get blind-sided by one of the zombies. You scramble to get yourself off the ground, and take a step back. Armed with nothing but a shipment note, a broken bike, and a “Stats sheet” (whatever that is), you join in on this ridiculous battle of fame and fortune. (Jarrod: -100 HP)[/B] [sp]Don’t worry about having stats and all that crazy stuff in the usual sense. This game is mostly based off the roll of a 10 sided die, so don’t worry yourself over having 7 Attack and 5 Defense. Just post commands and have fun with it ;P[/sp] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]ZakedoDead:[/B] I pick up a powerup. Roll: 8. [B]Leaving your chances to fate, you exclaim to the dice gods, “I NEED A POWER-UP!” However, due to you not describing WHICH powerup that you wanted, the gods simply put together a “gift-basket” upgrade, which slowly descends from the heavens into your arms. In it, you find; (1) solidified mass of extra HP, (1) Generic Holy Sword, and (3) Plot Coupons. Disregarding the Plot Coupons, you take a bite out of the candied HP, boosting your HP by 200, while also equipping your Generic Holy Sword, which allows you to strike otherworldly monstrosities with ease! (+200 HP Max, 1 Generic Holy Sword gained, 3 Plot Coupons tossed aside!)[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]Combiner:[/B] Without missing a beat, I take the cigar out of my mouth before flicking it into the air towards the MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON and fire my Swagnum. The bullet pierces the cigar and is set ablaze, before hitting the MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON's bomb collar. The collar promptly delivers another gracious explosion, fueled by the pure power of SWAG. Roll: 8. [B]Fueled by Ian’s extreme power of Swag, you whip out his Swagnum and [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&NR=1&v=K-cCmWWM8ew"]swiftly fire off all 6 rounds within 2 seconds[/URL]. Amazingly, almost all of them strike the bomb collar, causing it to detonate, and the headless dragon to fall to the earth. Now that is what I call SWAG. (Beheaded Dragon!)[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]Ian:[/B] How come I roll to get a sandwich but it goes to combiner. :suicide: Roll: 5. [B]You complain aloud, demanding reasons to their decision to give your awesome Sandwhich to Combiner, who at this point is you. [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tdsL4kvp_I&feature=related"]They do not answer,[/URL] but in retrospect you realize that once this thing is over Combiner can just GIVE you the sandwich back. Or, ya know, you can use it while you are still him, since the only real difference between you and him at the moment is the Swag perk. (Which the GM at the moment is not even sure what it does.)[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]Team Samppa:[/B] [B]Samppa:[/B] Load the batteries into the universal remote, but leave one vibrator alone. This'll cause the remote to not work flawlessy, but sacrifices must be made. [B]Axebeard Thundernipples:[/B] Wag your finger, scolding the dragon for ruining everyone's day. Roll: 0. [B]Well, it looks like the dragon is already dead, having had its’ head cut off with via an outside influence (ie. Combiner playing as Ian). Instead, you sit back, relax, and enjoy a nice tasting swig of [insert favorite beverage here] while listening to [insert favorite music genre here].[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]BlitzX:[/B] Wander the planes of eternity looking for an exit. Roll: 8. [B]You travel the planes of eternity, doomed to traverse this [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lyw8GFkZhxQ"]strange other-worldly universe[/URL] of [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvytTVeTxCE&feature=related"]complexing proportions[/URL] without [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKazgtik6WM&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PLE807B9B06915798F"]any sense of guidance[/URL]. Suddenly, a voice rings out through the indiscernible heavens, simply stating:[/B] [QUOTE=ChatPunch;35138682]But it is between 20 and 45.[/QUOTE] [B]With that hint, you suddenly come to an epiphany, falling to your knees in tears. You cry out, “THE ANSWER TO THE LIFE, UNIVERSE, AND EVERY THING IS 42!” You suddenly awaken from your comatose state, with a renewed sense of purpose and destiny. (Think of it as a gift of fate, if you will.) (BlitzX: REVIVED!)[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]-ENEMY COMMANDS-[/B] [B]Zombie Mob:[/B] Attack John Egbert. Roll: 2. [B]You attempt to attack John Egbert, but he is too busy playin Sburb and watching terrible movies starring Nicholas Cage to even give two shits about some stupid zombie horde thing. You back down, and collectively go and sit down on the couch, eat ice cream, watch terrible chick flicks, and hope that John calls you back while you sit around crying and stuffing yourself like a pig. (-500 Emotional Damage/Can’t attack for 2 turns)[/B] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]-Allies-[/B] Team Anderson: Mr.anderson: 1,500/2,000 Enderdragon: 1,500/4,000 (Immune to Fire) (no wings) (caught in death funnel) (immune to said death funnel) Grey Knight: 2,000/2,000 Team Billy: Billy Maize: 2,000/2,000 Polar Bear: 2,000/2,000 Team Bl1tz: Bl1tzX: 2,000/2,000 Team Ian: Combiner8761: 1,000/2,000 (dark powers) (Body swapped with combiner! 2/6) (SANDWICH OF GODS!) Team Cookie: Cookie53: DEAD! Team Drasar: Drasarsalman: 2,000/2,000 (4 leaf clover) Wizard: 2,000/2,000 (Lucky M1911: +1 on roll when weapon is used) Team Egbert: John Egbert: 2,000/2,000 Jade Harley: 2,000/2,000 Rose Lalonde: 2,000/2,000 Team Falcon xxFalconxx: 400/2,000 (Magic Mirror (Health swap ability) ) Team Firearms: Firearms136 (aka dagger): 2,200/2,200 (Disarmed Bag: +1 to rolls) Dawson: 2,000/2,000 Homer: 2,000/2,000 (Gluttony: All healing items in the form of edible foods and beverages replenish 50% more health.) (Limbs of blackula) Cortez: 2,000/2,000 Team Folcrum Folcrum_flyer: 2,000/2,000 (Zeus Minigun) The Grotesque: 3,200/4,000 Scald: 2,000/4,000 (HANDLESS) (Repairing hands (2/3)) Haze: 1,500/2,000(Flying) (noxious gas vents) (reduces enemy defence to 80% on successful gas-based attack until enemy rolls 5 or above) Team Hidole: Hidole555: 2,100/2,200 Team Insanity: InsanitysBitch: 2,500/2,500 Team Combiner8761: Ian: 1,200/2,000 (Swagtastic Perk) (Quasar Crown) (Swagnum) (T-t-t-t-Team Killer!) (body swapped with ian! 2/6) Team Jarrod: Jarrod: 1,900/2,000 (Broken Bike, Shipping Manifest, Stats Sheet) Team Magma: Magmacow358: 1,500/2,000 (Swagnum) Team Mr.Destroy Mr.Destroyer: 2,000/2,000 (SPESS MARINE Suit: 1,900/2,000) Samiam22: 1,900/2,000 Team Smas: Smas: 1,800/2,000 (Sword of Anti-Dead(2x Damage vs Undead)(x.5 Damage to other Undead upon Undead Kill)) Team Sunny: Sunny Dei: 1,500/2,000 (Flaming Battle Axe(Does Fire Damage Yo)) That Team: That Ninja: 1,500/2,000 Team Samppa: Samppa: 2,000/2,000 (Missing Detonator) (universal remote) (Heavy Duty Vibrator) Axebeard Thundernipples: 3,400/3,000 (Super Viking Powers) Team Zake: Zakedodead: 1,900/2,200 (Generic Holy Sword(Does Holy Damage Yo))(3x Plot Coupons(Valid one per plot device)) Team Zarjk: Zarjk: 2,000/2,000 (copy of halo 3) (Angry Grandpa Minigun) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]-Enemies-[/B] MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON: DEAD Joke(aka BLACK SPY): 28,000/35,000 (deus ex dolus) (Stuck in ground! 2/3) Eldrich zombie mob 2: (500/1,000) (3/4 zombies)(Can’t Attack(1/2)) Ghost: 1,900/1,900 (cannot be hit physically) (Passes through obstacles) 1: Phasing into reality: (1/??)(Rock trap(-500 HP/turn)) 5: Phasing into reality: (1/??)(Rock trap(-500 HP/turn)) 9: Phasing into reality: (1/??)(Rock trap(-500 HP/turn)) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ [B]-Neutral-[/B] Tony Stark: 600/2,000 (Powersuit: 0,000/1,000) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I call up my old pal The Energy Being to see if he knows where my [B]Armor[/B] and [B]Arm blaster[/B] are.
I declare a holy crusade on all that is evil and foul and use my holy sword to deliver divine justice to my undead enemies.
Oh awesome Me: Knock the Zombie Mob's ice cream bucket on the ground with my empty Coca-Cola™ glass bottle. Polar Bear: Claw the Zombie Mob's chick flick DVD stack with your razor sharp Coca-Cola™ brand razor-sharp claws. Make sure to scratch the DVDs up real good.
Well, I might as well add my commands: Smas: Ignore boogers, snot, and blood seeping from your nose and try to kick some ass with your Sword of Anti-Dead.
I think I'll pick up those plot coupons. They must do something.
I put on my magical ghost stomping boots and [B]STOMP THE SHIT OUT OF IT.[/B]
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