Women love it when you watch them sleep. Especially if your wearing a Xenomorph costume.
[QUOTE=Uncle Bourbon;37748292]if your dick doesn't have any smell at all, you should probably visit a doctor.[/QUOTE]
* Apply soap and body wash to penis to permanently rid of odor. If problem persists apply bleach.
[QUOTE=father_snake;37748799]Live like a windrammer as you fuck.
[editline]21st September 2012[/editline]
Don't even take a shit when you don't have to.[/QUOTE]
See futures in balls.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, so do some manscaping unless you want some birds hanging out in your pubes
If you ever go back in time to before you were born, don't let your mother fall in love with you.
fuck bitches
[QUOTE=Zerohe;37753766]fuck bitches[/QUOTE]
get money
[QUOTE=Simski;37746898]and your hand won't smell like dick.[/QUOTE]
Jesus christ. Clean your dick once in a while. I touch mine all the time and my hands never smell like dick after a light touch, such as pissing or other things.
Seriously man. Clean that shit. Your hand smells? What the fuck.
Showers are our friend.
Never try to invade Russia in winter. Unless you're playing Civilization, in which case, go right ahead with your army of Jewish Nazi space marines and pikemen.
Never, ever try to destroy spider mines with zealots in Starcraft.
Exercising, preferably by jogging/running, is a fast way to get rid of an unwanted boner.
Sprint-jumping in a narrow tunnel with ice underneath will propel you very quickly in Minecraft. Also, items in water with ice underneath move faster.
You can play SimTunes on a Windows 7 if you run the exe straight from the disc instead of attempting to install it.
Hotkeys do in fact exist in Skyrim.
Strategy guides makes great props for your computer monitor to sit upon.
In Guitar Hero/Rock Band, you can play a note on a higher fret even while holding down lower frets unless the note is a chord. This also applies to hammer-ons/pull-offs.
DOTA isn't the only Warcraft 3 map.
Buy your parents gifts with their own money, and they won't even notice (if you're young enough and going on a vacation without them or something).
give her the dick
if you hate someone, fart in their face
Horror Movie 101
-never split up from the group or a group. You be picked off one by one by the Killer or Monster.
• Don't stop believing (hold on to that feeling).
As tempting as it is, do not stick your penis in any of these things.
-Vacuum cleaner
-Heavy machinery
-Disk trays
-Pencil sharpeners
-Bengay
-Anything with a very low or very high PH level
-Printers
-Cardboard
-Dolphins
-Spaghetti serving size suggestion tools
-Household animals
-anything electrical
-underground animal burrows
-toilet rolls
-bottles
-door stoppers
-sand
-misc. sea shells
-animal cages
If you follow this advice you and your penis will have a good day.
[QUOTE=wuddlyspud;37756460]As tempting as it is, do not stick your penis in any of these things.
-Vacuum cleaner
-Heavy machinery
-Disk trays
-Pencil sharpeners
-Bengay
-Anything with a very low or very high PH level
-Printers
-Cardboard
-Dolphins
-Spaghetti serving size suggestion tools
-Household animals
-anything electrical
-underground animal burrows
-toilet rolls
-bottles
-door stoppers
-sand
-misc. sea shells
-animal cages
If you follow this advice you and your penis will have a good day.[/QUOTE]
What about Jalapeño peppers and crocodiles?
[QUOTE=rinoaff33;37756472]What about Jalapeño peppers and crocodiles?[/QUOTE]
Because with training and experience you can safely stick your penis into those things.
The Egyptians made an art form of fucking crocodiles.
[QUOTE=rinoaff33;37756472]What about Jalapeño peppers[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]
-Anything with a very low or very high PH level[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Robbi;37754099]Jesus christ. Clean your dick once in a while. I touch mine all the time and my hands never smell like dick after a light touch, such as pissing or other things.
Seriously man. Clean that shit. Your hand smells? What the fuck.
Showers are our friend.[/QUOTE]
Jeez, didn't know that would cause such a major reaction. I said it in a jokingly manner. Mostly it allows your dick more freedom and prevents any grip pressure.
[QUOTE=wuddlyspud;37756460]As tempting as it is, do not stick your penis in any of these things.
-Heavy machinery
-anything electrical
If you follow this advice you and your penis will have a good day.[/QUOTE]
Is this an exception?
[video=youtube;b_RDVxmeHrc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_RDVxmeHrc[/video]
Do not get into cars with strangers...unless it's a limousine!
Don't be silly,
Wrap your willy.
Only pay for a game when you're 100% sure you can't borrow it from a friend.
When in doubt, put it in the pooper.
[QUOTE=wuddlyspud;37756460]
-Vacuum cleaner
[/QUOTE]
I beg to differ.
Don't shit on the furnace.
Whatever happens from now on, you stand firm and face your destiny not with fear but with courage.
In Call of Duty's Shameless ripoff of Gun Game, the Knife is your best weapon.
[editline]23rd September 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=LordzBacon;37755573]Horror Movie 101
-never split up from the group or a group. You be picked off one by one by the Killer or Monster.[/QUOTE]
Really? Shaggy and Scooby always seemed to turn out alright
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