[QUOTE=Makol;27777545]Well, got myself into quite a pickle. Basically I fucked up. I'm going to try and fix it but part of me doesn't want to do that. I could either stay where I am and continue or leave and have a fresh start but still have pick up the pieces to get my act together. I'm not sure what's going to happen but I should know by the end of the day...
It's great that I have someone who is telling me to think positive and everything will be ok, I appreciate it but yet I kind if not want to fix things...
Really torn in two at the moment. Fuck.[/QUOTE]
Think positive. Everything will be okay.
[editline]31st January 2011[/editline]
I'd actually say try to fix things, and if that doesn't work out for you, you can try starting new. I'm sorry, but where do you live now? Maybe I could make some suggestions.
I live in California but eventually I'll end up in Texas regardless of the end result.
[QUOTE=Makol;27779432]I live in California but eventually I'll end up in Texas regardless of the end result.[/QUOTE]
Oh, then I've got nothing. I live in the [i]freezing[/i] states. /Cali stereotype
[QUOTE=Makol;27773088]Who is the third guy?[/QUOTE]
Hi.
You were barely involved lol.
[QUOTE=Makol;27780175]You were barely involved lol.[/QUOTE]
I'm involved in everything.
Creepy.
You bet.
I need to get some shit out, and since I can't afford a therapist, I hope it's cool me sharing it here. I just want to say, if anybody doesn't feel like reading some rather serious things, I suggest you avoid the rest of this post.
About a month ago, Boxing day I think, I found out something which I have not been able to stop thinking about since. It is tearing me apart inside, and seriously affecting my day-to-day life. My mum has always had something against some members of my dad's family, specifically my grandad on his side. I always hated the guy too, but I just thought he just a selfish cunthole. So on boxing day, after my mum had left a party with that side of the family early, I decided I was going to find out once and for all what the deal was, and why it caused such a problem. And she told me.
When my dad, and his two sisters and one brother were younger, my grandad - their dad - did something which even now triggers my gag reflex. He sexually abused my dad's youngest sister. I don't know the details of it, but that much is crystal clear. This is bad enough, yet it gets far worse. This sister, my aunt, had since suffered from severe alcoholism, and I'm in no doubt that the abuse, as well as the violent household that they grew up in, was the principle cause for her addiction. She drank until she could drink no more, until she was yellowing and ill and her liver packed up, but she continued to drink. She died when I was about 15 years old, and noone would tell me the details surrounding her death, but my mum later told me how the sexual abuse had come out during her latter days, and my Grandfather had even admitted it. But now that my aunt was buried, he began to cover up, claiming she was 'out of her mind' and didn't know what she was saying, despite his admitted guilt.
And now, every christmas, birthday and wedding, we have to see that man, that monster, and know what he has done. The whole family seem to have whitewashed over it, they act like nothing is wrong, while my mum and me stand there in shock. I've always had a personal moral code, and I think the one area I share with most people is 'you don't touch on kids'. If it had been a friend of mine who had done this, or a workmate, I would have disowned them, insulted them, even attacked them. But as it stands, I am forced to see this mans hideous mask, his happy 'Grandpa' visage, at every event.
This man's violent, repugnant, and selfish ways have literally caused a schizm between me and my father's side of the family, because most of them have grown up around this discord. Whether it was my aunt's and uncle's, and my father, who can only live in disrest, or my cousin's by my dead aunt, who cannot hold up a steady relationship with a man. These people are from a different world to me, and I can't possibly try to understand why, after all this man has done, they continue to smile and hug around him, knowing his amoral actions.
I need to scream all this from the rooftops. I can't tell anyone I know. I wish that I could tell my best friend, but I feel like that would be a burden too much, because he knows my family somewhat, and I fear it would ruin his idea of my life from then on in. I don't really know what to do, but I'm just happy I could vent here, if nowhere else.
Again, if this is too much for you to read, I'm sorry, but I didn't know what else to do.
[editline]31st January 2011[/editline]
the worst thing is, my grandparents on my mums side are the nicest people you'll ever meet, and they don't know why we feel the way we do about my other grandad. How do you explain to two nice old west country farmers something like this?
For the past week and 1/2 I've just been feeling like shit. I can't really explain how I feel, it's just kind of like nothing really matters. Sometimes I feel a little better for a bit but then I go right back to feeling the same.
I'm getting sick of disappointment. I'm getting sick of people pestering me to do things I can't do. I'm getting sick of people around me acting the way they do.
I worry about everything and I just want to feel genuinely happy for a little while again.
For about 2 years now, everybody I know has slowly started to dislike me and hurt me. Even my family, I feel like I've got nothing to live for, I've tried to commit suicide a few times.. My family treats me like a slave, nobody likes me, I'm not allowed to date or anything.
I only have one friend because I'm homeschooled and I barley get to see him, My brothers beat me up everyday.
I'm the youngest in my family and everyone blames me for everything, I just want to be me, be myself all day everyday, having fun, making jokes. But everybody I know stops me from doing that.
I'm always getting picked on, nobody laughs at my jokes or anything. Everybody tries to avoid me, whenever I speak everyone cuts me off.
My life really sucks:(
I'm going to need a shit load of help in the next few days.
[QUOTE=Makol;27781899]I'm going to need a shit load of help in the next few days.[/QUOTE]
With what?
Sorry Hobo but really only one person can help, not saying you can't or aren't capable but yeah. I don't know how to explain.
[QUOTE=Makol;27782096]Sorry Hobo but really only one person can help, not saying you can't or aren't capable but yeah. I don't know how to explain.[/QUOTE]
Oh.
ok then.
[editline]31st January 2011[/editline]
My day just got worse.
[img]http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/51030000/jpg/_51030325_barry_getty304.jpg[/img]
RIP. :frown:
When I lived with my parents I was always quiet and listened to what they told me and never mouthed off ,but one day I said something and my dad pushed me through a door and I got up and punched him in the face. It felt good.
Why can't I talk to my classmates
I'm a perfectly healthy, intelligent and well spoken person, but I just can't bring myself to talk to those guys
What the hell is going on :argh:
Do I have an actual fear of rejection?
I can imagine that being possible after what happened with the bullies at my old school
This is pretty much the only thing wrong with my life currently, other than having to travel so far to college
Edit:
I'd talk to someone about it, but as you can see it's cyclical and self-destructive
My favorite saying is:
"YOU DENSE FUCK"
Dear Quantic Dream(The makers of Heavy Rain)
In my opinion you made a big mistake making Heavy Rain exclusive for the Playstation 3.
If you released it on the Xbox 360 aswell, I'm sure the total unit sales would be at LEAST double of what they are to this day.
Please, come to your senses and release the game on the 360.
Then the game would look like shit and be on 4 discs. just imo
Hmmm... I felt like an idiot because I didn't know how to add addons to Garry's Mod.
Well mine isn't as bad as any of yours I bet, but here it goes.
Well after this year I'm heading off to college which 2 of my other siblings are in currently. I have another younger sibling so there are 4 of us. Now when I go to college, my parents plan on downsizing into a small apartment. The problem with this thats been bothering me is the fact that I wont be able to come back home or visit due to their apartment being small. It just hurts because probably the other 80+% of students going to the college would be going back to see their families while I will not be able to.
I feel like a piece of fucking shit right now. I have no clue what to do or where I'm going, again.
Lost once more.
[QUOTE=Makol;27786069]I feel like a piece of fucking shit right now. I have no clue what to do or where I'm going, again.
Lost once more.[/QUOTE]
You aren't alone.
I feel like with the friends that I have and with their issues, I have my work as a good friend cut out for me.
but I say bring it the fuck on. I'm gonna do my best to help them get through their problems like I got through mine.
woop woop I'm ready
[QUOTE=Pascall;27786161]I feel like with the friends that I have and with their issues, I have my work as a good friend cut out for me.
but I say bring it the fuck on. I'm gonna do my best to help them get through their problems like I got through mine.
woop woop I'm ready[/QUOTE]
If only you could help me with mine.
well if you would tell me, Im sure I could do my best.
I've heard all sorts of problems from people who suffer AIDS, to gay friends who don't know how to come out to their parents, teen pregnancy, domestic violence, death and sickness, friends who have seen war and friends who are homeless, friends who deal with self esteem issues and friends who just want to get a girlfriend.
there's not much out there that I haven't heard tbh
[QUOTE=Pascall;27786206]well if you would tell me, Im sure I could do my best.
I've heard all sorts of problems from people who suffer AIDS, to gay friends who don't know how to come out to their parents, teen pregnancy, domestic violence, death and sickness, friends who have seen war and friends who are homeless, friends who deal with self esteem issues and friends who just want to get a girlfriend.
there's not much out there that I haven't heard tbh[/QUOTE]
Well I'm going to say something and I'm sure you'll figure out what it is.
I can't tell you because it's too personal to you and I would never let you know ever that I have a problem with it.
I can take a guess at what it is. And I can see why you would have a problem with it.
Unless I'm totally wrong.
[QUOTE=Pascall;27786260]I can take a guess at what it is. And I can see why you would have a problem with it.
Unless I'm totally wrong.[/QUOTE]
Uh tell me what you think it is, in a private chat or something.
If you hit it dead on then I'll tell you, or if you're wrong.
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