[QUOTE=JDER14;27269129]I'm a big guy, and very broad shouldered, and everyone thinks I'm really though. When ever someone challenges me to a fight I can usually just stand up and they'll back down. But the truth is, I'm a wimp. To the very core. I used to be tough, and "I can take a punch or two" kind of personality when I was much younger. But when I was around 8 I wanted to see Spiderman 2. My mom promised me I would see it on Friday. Friday came, and she had to get to work because of a schedule error. I was kinda disappointed, I complained here and there, but it just stopped and I went back to playing Mario Sunshine on my GC. When I came back down to dinner, my mom had come back from work. I sat on the chairs and started to eat. Out of no where she just grabbed me and started yelling at me about how I was acting "spoiled, ungrateful" etc. And she sent me back to my room with no dinner. Being 8, and being yelled at, violently at such a young age I entered a highly panicked mode and sat on my chair hugging my pillow. I asked it to be "my friend" and to "never leave me." Of course being a pillow, it didn't say anything back, and that just made me cry harder. After an hour my mother had calmed down, and went up to see me. I was still sobbing into my pillow, and had gathered an odd assortment of objects, wrappers, blocks, a vial of medicine, around me and had been asking them to be my friend also. Though when my mother went into my room, she apologized, and gave me a hug and gave me a plate of food to eat. I still felt like crap, and for a while the habit of making "friends" began to develop, to the point where I had a small blanket which I would talk too and named it Blankee. This continued for a year, and I would start to make even more "Friends" on the spot. I would talk to them and this grew to point where it would just be trash on my table and I would talk to it. I don't remember exactly when, but I started to break away form the cycle of making friends around 5th grade. It's been 7 years since then, but it still haunts me. Even being lightly reprimanded I can cry for hours, just because it reminds me so much of that event. Even just someone telling me that "What you said was rude." I have to hold back tears. I mean, after 7 years I can do it without anyone noticing, but it's still hard for me. I guess that's all for now Facepunch. Back to minecraft...[/QUOTE]
I have a similar situation without the tough kid part, and change the number 8 to 6, and change talking to non-static objects to not being able to retort to face-to-face arguments. My mum used to yell at me and grab my neck and twist it to face her vigorously and scream at my face when I was 6-11, and I have no idea why and I'm afraid to ask her. I'm thankful she raised me but every time she yelled at me I had a late reaction to it. She would yell at me and grab me by the throat or whatever and I just thought she was crazy. Then I would go to bed and it would all come out. I'm not saying the rest but needless to say this is a common problem which never gets heard about due to fear and bottling shit up. You, my friend, are brave as fuck.
The first time I seen CourageDog, I was amazed.
[QUOTE=Cpn Crunch21;27299552]I fall in love to easily. Any girl that i become decent friends with i develop a crush on them. [/QUOTE]
This is my life. I have a ton of female friends too. I really just end up as that one gay friend who everyone goes to to talk about their problems. Only I;m not gay. But I fit that gay friend slot, y'know? Gets difficult at times.
I can't stop falling asleep on the couch at around 8 pm and then waking up at 3 am for no goddamn reason.
I am a mess in hallways. I don't know whether to say hi back to a person or just acknowledge them. I don't know whether to look straight ahead while walking or look around like a tard. I have no idea if my eyes are accidentally making an insulting look or somehow looking away from a person. It's kind of hard to explain but I fucking hate it. Also I stare at asses too much.
Also stop disabling my account Steam and not replying to my emails I'm fucking sick of it.
[QUOTE=JohnnyNapalm007;27306776]This is my life. I have a ton of female friends too. I really just end up as that one gay friend who everyone goes to to talk about their problems. Only I;m not gay. But I fit that gay friend slot, y'know? Gets difficult at times.[/QUOTE]
Ditto'
:sadface:
[QUOTE=BobbahBrown;27307021]Ditto'
:sadface:[/QUOTE]
Looks like a lot of us are in the same boat.
[QUOTE=Dance_Commander;27299769]I cant remember any point in my life where i've been happy with my physical appearence, as far as im aware its the main thing thats holding me back.
I have no confidence in social situations and its really starting to bug me. I lie awake at night thinking about how Ill probably end up dying alone while everyone else has great lives.
I now have to lie to my friends about having sex and the like just to fit in, im 18 now and still a virgin, it terrifys me to think that Ill end up as one of these 30 year old virgins, so I lie to the people I know so that as far as they know, I have some grasp of social skills.
Phew.[/QUOTE]
A lot of people have image issues. You're definitely not alone. What do you dislike about yourself? If your insecure about your body that can be a really easy fix. Regardless, try to appreciate your body it's a marvel of evolution. You'll find someone, you'd be surprised how fast a single day can change the course of your life.
[editline]9th January 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=Megaboom;27306937]I can't stop falling asleep on the couch at around 8 pm and then waking up at 3 am for no goddamn reason.
I am a mess in hallways. I don't know whether to say hi back to a person or just acknowledge them. I don't know whether to look straight ahead while walking or look around like a tard. I have no idea if my eyes are accidentally making an insulting look or somehow looking away from a person. It's kind of hard to explain but I fucking hate it. Also I stare at asses too much.
Also stop disabling my account Steam and not replying to my emails I'm fucking sick of it.[/QUOTE]
I think a lot of people have awkward hallway encounters like you talk about. I think that best route to take it just to the acknowledging head nod.
Also, I'm guilty of ass staring. Sorry no help there
[editline]9th January 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=Honesty;27305243]So fuck this shit.
My dad has been cheating on my mom for a while. They're now at the edge of their marriage and I know I can't take a divorce right now. Fuck.
My dad hits me when he's pissed. It's like I'm his human punchbag, just some sort of way for him to vent his anger.
I'm unsure if I'm straight, bi or asexual. Fuck, I think I'm bi. I'm fucking attracted to an fp guy I "met" over the internet. It's incredibly awkward going around speaking shit about gays when I'm obviously as gay as Queen and Elton J together. Not necessarily a bad thing, but fuck this homophobic family and their friends.
I sit around on my ass playing games, browsing FP and jerking it off to some girls way out of my league.
I draw military shit but give up before I care to start detailing the drawings. MY hobby is guns although I'll never own one because I can't seem to care about getting it and [B]fuck[/B] me getting one being so suicidal I am.
So yeah fuck my life and shit africans have it worse but fuck them because I don't even know them.[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry about your family but maybe it's best they get a divorce if your father hits you. I'm sure it's really hard, man, but it's out of your control. Try to focus on your life as much as you can. I know it sucks :\
It's ok to question your sexuality. I think it's stupid not to. I'd argue that most people are atleast (to a small degree) bisexual. My parents are hardcore Christian republicans and they think homosexuality is an abomination. I feel you're pain but luckily you don't really have to talk about your sex life to your parents.
If you are upset about sitting around and doing nothing, change it. Go outside, even for a walk. Join clubs at school and attend social events and you'll find yourself doing less of nothing. You have to be proactive though. You control your actions
I don't know a lot about guns but I absolutely love art. I'm not particularly good at it and I get frustrated easily when something does turn out how I planned. Just try not to and focus on these tiny details. Sure it's hard but that's what makes the end result all the better.
You should never take your life. Something is always better than nothing. You can get through this, man. If you need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to PM me.
I'm sorry things suck now but they will get better. I promise. Try to get out of what you normally do and try new things. It may be awkward at first but try to enjoy shit and don't necessarily give a fuck what people think be social act crazy. Have fun
[QUOTE=Dance_Commander;27299769]I cant remember any point in my life where i've been happy with my physical appearence, as far as im aware its the main thing thats holding me back.
I have no confidence in social situations and its really starting to bug me. I lie awake at night thinking about how Ill probably end up dying alone while everyone else has great lives.
I now have to lie to my friends about having sex and the like just to fit in, im 18 now and still a virgin, it terrifys me to think that Ill end up as one of these 30 year old virgins, so I lie to the people I know so that as far as they know, I have some grasp of social skills.
Phew.[/QUOTE]
I'll go ahead and say it, im 19 and i havent had sex yet, dude you are not alone nor should be jealous of people who have sex. Its sounds more like all they think of sex is a casual act, if they do, then they are not getting the full experience. I really cant see myself having sex with every woman i see. Sure i look at women with a sweet ass and big breasts and think "yeah i would totally tap that." but i wouldnt really go for it bc i want sex to be between me and someone i truly love. Not just some random hot girl.
Trust me, when you find that girl you really like, she will become the most beautiful girl in your eyes. If you read my post earlier about my two crushes, i can say that both of those girls, to me, are the most beautiful people i ever got to know/talk to. Their look just kinda grows on you, the more you like their personality, the more you love their looks. This is how couples stay attracted to each other for 60-70 years. And im sure she will see you in the same light.
Sure some girls look at movie stars as the hottest people in the world, but when they have their "boo" they will stay ever so faithful.
ONE MORE THING: DUDE YOU ARE ONLY 18, you havent even reached your golden years yet. College is fucking awesome, all the girls and fun stuff to do is great. I remember when i thought high school was the end of my happiness, guess what IT ISN'T, it only gets better. To be honest i havent really experienced college yet, since i commute so this semester i pledge to get out there, do some after school stuff, and maybe make some awesome new friends and maybe the girl of my dreams.
I'm 19 and sex isn't a priority for me. Not important at the moment or on my mind much since I have more serious things to think about.
Here are some guidelines from the "Life Hacks" thread. Now that i look at it, i realize i did most of this stuff trying to get with my 2nd crush, although i ignored the signs that she wasnt ready for a reltionship, but, here it is so you dont make the same mistake i did.
[img]http://i55.tinypic.com/2nqsj2f.jpg[/img]
AND DONT DO THIS
[img]http://filesmelt.com/dl/1289665079650.png[/img]
I am ashamed that the girl in that comic shares my name.
While she has a point or two, she's mostly just being a bitch.
[QUOTE=Binsky;27307971]I'm sorry about your family but maybe it's best they get a divorce if your father hits you. I'm sure it's really hard, man, but it's out of your control. Try to focus on your life as much as you can. I know it sucks :\
It's ok to question your sexuality. I think it's stupid not to. I'd argue that most people are atleast (to a small degree) bisexual. My parents are hardcore Christian republicans and they think homosexuality is an abomination. I feel you're pain but luckily you don't really have to talk about your sex life to your parents.
If you are upset about sitting around and doing nothing, change it. Go outside, even for a walk. Join clubs at school and attend social events and you'll find yourself doing less of nothing. You have to be proactive though. You control your actions
I don't know a lot about guns but I absolutely love art. I'm not particularly good at it and I get frustrated easily when something does turn out how I planned. Just try not to and focus on these tiny details. Sure it's hard but that's what makes the end result all the better.
You should never take your life. Something is always better than nothing. You can get through this, man. If you need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to PM me.
I'm sorry things suck now but they will get better. I promise. Try to get out of what you normally do and try new things. It may be awkward at first but try to enjoy shit and don't necessarily give a fuck what people think be social act crazy. Have fun[/QUOTE]
That was very very goodly written. Thank you.
So there's a girl I'm pretty much sure I'm in love with (there's a saying, can't remember it word for word or who it's from, that says a crush lasts four months, any longer and it's love. This is the fourth month and my feelings are still strong), but I can't bring myself to ask her out when I tell myself I'm going to. We talk off and on, maybe once every couple of days, and by the time we're talking again I'm so happy about the fact that we're talking I ignore the fact that I was going to ask her out. It also doesn't help that I have a slight fear of rejection. Darien, I love you but I either get too anxious to say anything or I'm too happy that we're talking that I go dumb...
Lately, I've also been feeling really paranoid, as if, when everything in my life is going close to perfect, all of my friends are distancing themselves from me. I have a lot of friends, don't get me wrong, but it seems like I'm more likely to be ignored by most of them now. There's relatively few I've been able to hold a decent conversation with in the past month, even though I used to talk to all of my good friends (which number above 10) all the time back in like... November or October. And I've not changed anything really about myself, with the exception of now wearing a Track hoodie occasionally. I don't know, it's like everyone's slowly pushing me out of all the social circles I'm part of... And I hardly say anything during lunch anymore unless someone says something to me first, I used to talk all the time. (not the annoying chatterbox but the well thought conversationalist)
Another thing is that I can sit and think for a moment, and come up with all these possible variations of my life in the next 8 years, with pointless details included (like how I would dress), and I can see myself as a father (more on that in a moment) but..... never with anyone. Never married, never in love, never loved. I don't know why, but, as much of a romantic as I try to be, I can just never picture myself together with someone. Even with the girl at the beginning, I can picture talking to her like normal and flirting, but then when I try to picture what would happen if I asked her out, I either draw blanks or see rejection. And it kills me.
As for the father bit. The only father figure I had growing up, until my mother got remarried, was my grandfather (we lived with her parents until 5 or 6 years ago). I also heard stories about how my father was an asshole and I've never met the guy (mother divorced him before I was born (for being an abusive asshole)) and he's avoided child support payments for years (making it hard for my mother to support me, which is part of the reason why we lived with my grandparents for so long (I'm 17 now and graduating high school in June))). The closest contact I've had with my father is via facebook, and the letter or two he's sent me. I found out when I got back from Australia in the summer of 2009 that I have 3 half-sisters and a half-brother (the oldest of the group being 10). Talk about a kick to the head. I'm trying to give him a second-chance, because I believe people can change and are worthy of such a concept as a second-chance... but so far he's failed to keep up with it. I mean yeah, he's nice and polite when we do talk... but he makes all these promises and breaks them. For instance, he said he'd help me out with getting into the U.S. Air Force Academy by sending me copies of his VA documents (wounded in Iraq) so I could apply for the "Children of Deceased or Disabled Veterans" option of nomination. Those papers never came. He said WHEN he'd send them, but never THAT he sent them. I ended up getting a nomination from my Representative, however. So much for helping out, dad. I don't care much for getting gifts, I prefer giving then receiving, but it's annoying when, for two years in a row, you except a card at Christmas time from your own blood father, maybe with a recent photo of your siblings you've never seen but know you have, and get nothing, yet get told adamantly that you're getting such a thing. Yes, he wishes me happy holidays on facebook... but that's it.
The whole father situation has made it one of my goals in life: to be a father and NOT fall under the "total fuck-up" category of the "Fatherhood" listing in the index of Life. I want kids, even if they're adopted, just so I can be an awesome dad. So I can be that cool dad who's children like hanging out with him, and always have great things to say about their father.
P.S. I hardly, if ever, talk about these things to friends. There's only one friend that understands the paranoia and girl situation, and that's 1/4 Life.
P.P.S. Wall of text AND first post? I don't care.
[QUOTE=Aulims;27312055]So there's a girl I'm pretty much sure I'm in love with (there's a saying, can't remember it word for word or who it's from, that says a crush lasts four months, any longer and it's love. This is the fourth month and my feelings are still strong), but I can't bring myself to ask her out when I tell myself I'm going to.
Another thing is that I can sit and think for a moment, and come up with all these possible variations of my life in the next 8 years, with pointless details included (like how I would dress), and I can see myself as a father (more on that in a moment) but..... never with anyone. Never married, never in love, never loved. I don't know why, but, as much of a romantic as I try to be, I can just never picture myself together with someone. Even with the girl at the beginning, I can picture talking to her like normal and flirting, but then when I try to picture what would happen if I asked her out, I either draw blanks or see rejection. And it kills me.
[/QUOTE]
I would like to point out that the crush for 4 months is complete bullshit. I dont mean to be harsh, but i have the awful experience of falling for crushes so i know when i say thats not true. My first crush lasted for about a year before i finally got over her. I realized that we didnt have much in common and a relationship wouldve just ruined our friendship. My second crush was for about 6 months, until i finally asked her. Unfortunately she wasn't ready for a relationship and we are still good friends.
This post may seem like im bashing you, but im just trying to be honest here. If you dont have the courage to ask her out, then you arent ready. A relationship is ten times more difficult than the 'hunt'. When a girl considers you as a bf she expects you to be there for her whenever she needs you, and she will treat you a lot differently. For example, my older sister taught me the woman side of a relationship, she said how her boy friend said, after a couple of days they were apart, "i miss the cat." My sis told me how she freaked out on him, mainly bc it sounded like he missed the cat more than he missed her. She said she wouldnt freak out if someone else said it, but she puts her bf (like any other woman) in a certain standard. So imagine choosing your words more carefully in a relationship.
Also, if you cant see your future with someone else, then you are definitely not ready for a relationship. The person you choose to be with is going to be incredibly important to you.
Dont be afraid of rejection. Yes, its very hard to get over but regret is a lot worse than rejection. When i was turned down by my second crush (my first ever rejection) i was devastated. But i was very happy i went through with it, bc now i know i have the courage to ask another girl out and also i will never get stuck thinking, "what if." We are still really good friends and a little part of me still wants to be with her, but if it nothing changes i am ready to move on.
Even though i dont believe you are ready for a serious relationship, it is a good learning experience. So dont be shy and ask her out already. It may seem impossible at first but trust me, just do it, you will feel a lot better. If it doesnt work out you will look back on it, and realize what you want in a girl.
ONE MORE THING: this is the biggest lesson i learned from my failed attempt with my second crush. Love is developed in a relationship, not a friendship. What i mean is, dont fall in 'love' with a girl if you are just hanging out with other friends. You HAVE to get to know her one on one in a relationship setting. That way you both have the mindset and you see their "relationship" personality. That personality is what you have to fall in love with, if you dont like it, she's not for you. I fell in love with my crush's "friendship" personality, so i thought i really loved her when i only liked the way she acts among friends. So now i know to look for those qualities in a "relationship" personality, if that makes sense.
[QUOTE=Cpn Crunch21;27313154]stuff[/QUOTE]
Sir, I would like to thank you. Even when I ask 1/4 Life for advice he just says "quit being a faggot and ask her out."
I don't really believe in the crush bit either, it's just a piece of feel-good I had lying around. My first crush lasted from 6th grade to 9th grade when I realized "we don't really seem compatible..."
I've also been rejected before. Early last year was the most recent I care to remember. By the same line I've been getting fed non stop. "Aw, you're really nice/sweet and I like you but I'm talking to someone else.." and it kills my self esteem.
I felt I was rambling enough already and didn't add this, but I guess now is as good a time as any: the not seeing love in the future thing? It's too unpredictable for me. That's why. Love is just some big mystery of the universe I can't really wrap my mind around, and it just blanks out on all my pictures of the future.
I may be ready, I may not be ready, but there's no way of knowing without putting myself in the situation first hand. I'm just shy when it comes to my feelings.
I am thankful though that of few people I've asked out, they're all still friends with me.
[QUOTE=Aulims;27313866]
I've also been rejected before. Early last year was the most recent I care to remember. By the same line I've been getting fed non stop. "Aw, you're really nice/sweet and I like you but I'm talking to someone else.." and it kills my self esteem.
I felt I was rambling enough already and didn't add this, but I guess now is as good a time as any: the not seeing love in the future thing? It's too unpredictable for me. That's why. Love is just some big mystery of the universe I can't really wrap my mind around, and it just blanks out on all my pictures of the future.
I may be ready, I may not be ready, but there's no way of knowing without putting myself in the situation first hand. I'm just shy when it comes to my feelings.
I am thankful though that of few people I've asked out, they're all still friends with me.[/QUOTE]
I completely understand the self-esteem issue. It hurts to know you were either too late or not 'enough' for her. When it comes to being too late, you have to go out there and ask (the whole, dont be a pussy deal). Because nothing hurts more than regret, i know personally. The other thing however, "ur not good enough" is complete bullshit. If she doesnt think your good enough for her, she's not good enough for you. It seems harsh but you HAVE to have that attitude toward it, or else your self esteem will suffer for no reason.
The other thing is, of course love is a mystery, thats why we see all of these books/threads/articles about it and they all have different opinions on it. All i have to say is this, you will only know what love is when you finally enter a deep relationship. One that you feel your breath taken away when she leaves the room, and when you're together you feel like nothing cant tear you apart. And of course, she needs to feel the same about you.
Im glad you realize that you have to go through with it to really find out if there is anything there.
[QUOTE=Cpn Crunch21;27315380]other stuff[/QUOTE]
You should be an inspirational speaker (unless you already are).
I agree with the "not good enough" bit. It IS bullshit.
But I'm not one of those people that sits there expecting everything to be exactly as they feel it should be or is. I also take everything in life with a couple of grains of salt, so that helps out a lot when it comes to "too good to be true" situations.
You know what, if she's not way too busy tomorrow (just found out I have the day off at BOTH of my schools (taking a class up at the local community college twice a week starting this week)), I'm giving her a call. I'm thinking movies, that a safe start?
Movies isn't the best idea. You can't talk or get to know eachother much. Take her for a walk or go for coffee or something. Something where conversation is central. But make sure if you're asking her on a date, you tell her it's a date, particularly when it's something that could be misconstrued as friendly (like the things I recommended I guess)
^ Might be bad advice, has worked for me in the past though
My piss smells wierd.
I hate every aspect of peoples lives, including mine.
I hate wiggers.
Some of you will probably think I'm stupid, but I am falling hard in love with my ex again. I never really stopped, but I did want to break from her...
The reason? We live a long distances from eachother. She was able to spend the week at my place for summer vacation. We had been together for a year, maybe that was to soon to be in love, but I truly did love her. I loved her more than any other girl, and I still do. Well, while she was in the shower, she got a text. Me thinking it was just a girlfriend I was gonna text back. The message wasn't from just another friend...
It was: "Mmmm baby, I liked them pictures, send me some more, I love you!"
So I was like "What the fuck?" So I went to her outbox and seen all the messages...
She had sent this guy pictures from my bathroom..Yea, it might have not been of her naked body, but still, it was sexy poses. I thought "Maybe it was innocent..." convincing my self that she would never do such a thing. Well, I saw more messages..."Oh, ya I am in stupid georgia with my parents, I can't wait to see you to baby.." It killed me.
After she left, I told her. Etc etc...I did something really stupid...I tried cocaine. I loved it. It made me forget everything, but then I got addicted. I broke down, one day like a baby, crying in my room. Blaming my self for her unfaithfulness. I kept telling myself "It's your fault Sean, all your fault, you worthless shit, you loved her, and stayed faithful, and she used you"
I got over it...it still kills me though, and the cocaine? Well, I am clean now, but I want to go back...I want to just forget everything. I want to fee okay. I just want it to get out of my head....and I can't help but tell her I love her still..and when she tells me she loves me to, I just don't..know, I can't handle it. I want to believe it, but how can I? I am ready to break again.
Maybe it's stupid, but I feel like shit.
Oh and the fact this all went down on the week of my birthday...
Earlier in the week I was stressing over something that doesn't even matter now and constantly putting myself down/beating myself up over nothing really. Was all pretty foolish looking back on it. I've come to the conclusion that I will have to wait and see what happens in the up coming weeks.
[QUOTE=Cpn Crunch21;27310123]I'll go ahead and say it, im 19 and i havent had sex yet, dude you are not alone nor should be jealous of people who have sex. Its sounds more like all they think of sex is a casual act, if they do, then they are not getting the full experience. I really cant see myself having sex with every woman i see. Sure i look at women with a sweet ass and big breasts and think "yeah i would totally tap that." but i wouldnt really go for it bc i want sex to be between me and someone i truly love. Not just some random hot girl.
Trust me, when you find that girl you really like, she will become the most beautiful girl in your eyes. If you read my post earlier about my two crushes, i can say that both of those girls, to me, are the most beautiful people i ever got to know/talk to. Their look just kinda grows on you, the more you like their personality, the more you love their looks. This is how couples stay attracted to each other for 60-70 years. And im sure she will see you in the same light.
Sure some girls look at movie stars as the hottest people in the world, but when they have their "boo" they will stay ever so faithful.
ONE MORE THING: DUDE YOU ARE ONLY 18, you havent even reached your golden years yet. College is fucking awesome, all the girls and fun stuff to do is great. I remember when i thought high school was the end of my happiness, guess what IT ISN'T, it only gets better. To be honest i havent really experienced college yet, since i commute so this semester i pledge to get out there, do some after school stuff, and maybe make some awesome new friends and maybe the girl of my dreams.[/QUOTE]
This. Completely and totally this. Sex isn't a big deal. I never got the whole stigma in high school where you had to have sex. Don't worry about, or stress over it. Eventually, it'll happen with someone who you love, and it will be totally worth it.
Does anyone else feel like shit sometimes for, well, feeling like shit?
[QUOTE=Daddy-of-war;27320005]Some of you will probably think I'm stupid, but I am falling hard in love with my ex again. I never really stopped, but I did want to break from her...
The reason? We live a long distances from eachother. She was able to spend the week at my place for summer vacation. We had been together for a year, maybe that was to soon to be in love, but I truly did love her. I loved her more than any other girl, and I still do. Well, while she was in the shower, she got a text. Me thinking it was just a girlfriend I was gonna text back. The message wasn't from just another friend...
It was: "Mmmm baby, I liked them pictures, send me some more, I love you!"
So I was like "What the fuck?" So I went to her outbox and seen all the messages...
She had sent this guy pictures from my bathroom..Yea, it might have not been of her naked body, but still, it was sexy poses. I thought "Maybe it was innocent..." convincing my self that she would never do such a thing. Well, I saw more messages..."Oh, ya I am in stupid georgia with my parents, I can't wait to see you to baby.." It killed me.
After she left, I told her. Etc etc...I did something really stupid...I tried cocaine. I loved it. It made me forget everything, but then I got addicted. I broke down, one day like a baby, crying in my room. Blaming my self for her unfaithfulness. I kept telling myself "It's your fault Sean, all your fault, you worthless shit, you loved her, and stayed faithful, and she used you"
I got over it...it still kills me though, and the cocaine? Well, I am clean now, but I want to go back...I want to just forget everything. I want to fee okay. I just want it to get out of my head....and I can't help but tell her I love her still..and when she tells me she loves me to, I just don't..know, I can't handle it. I want to believe it, but how can I? I am ready to break again.
Maybe it's stupid, but I feel like shit.
Oh and the fact this all went down on the week of my birthday...[/QUOTE]
It's not worth it to go back to cocaine. I know how much it sucks to be cheated on. The worst feeling in the world. But the more you harm yourself by doing drugs, the more she still affects you. Yes, letting go of the past is the right thing to do, but do it in a positive way. There is always someone out there for you. There always will be. About her saying she loves you, I don't know whether to trust her on that or not. For me, I could never trust anyone the same again after they used me, and I'm the one who believes in second chances. Work through it. Maybe take out a journal and a pen, and write it all down? It helps just to get it out, you know?
[editline]9th January 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=zombiefreak;27321563]Does anyone else feel like shit sometimes for, well, feeling like shit?[/QUOTE]
I've been feeling that way for the past few days. Not really sure why though. I usually gets these little packages of depression every now and again.
Somehow I'm more creative and a better person when I'm depressed. Not sure how that works, but that's what I've been told.
[QUOTE=zombiefreak;27321563]Does anyone else feel like shit sometimes for, well, feeling like shit?[/QUOTE]
I felt like that almost all week.
Sorry about the quick posts but there's a new issue that's come up. My friends are starting to drink alcohol (We're around 14-16) and I get extremely uncomfortable around alcohol. I hate, no, despise the idea of losing control or having impaired judgement, and I have no idea why getting drunk is so great when you can do the same when you're sober. What should I do to counteract this uncomfortableness?
When my mom yells at me, it turns me on
9/11...... it was me
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