• Describe your favorite game, and make it sound as shitty as possible.
    130 replies, posted
Play as a merc and choose between two stupid radical militant groups on some alien planet while using hard to aim and unreliable weapons while zooming around with no control and yelling the same expletive OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
Aliens shoot at each other with pistols, razor blades, nukes, you name it, and it's all in the name of entertainment. Talk about a lack of moral justice. [sp]Unreal Tournament (1999)[/sp]
Your gay ass son decides to do a runner when you are buying him a balloon and his pussy ass dies from being hit by a car going like 2mph because he is a weak cunt. Then your dumb ass skank of a wife leaves you and your other son decides to fuck off and get captured by a fat fuck pedo because you are a fucking shit dad. Then you meat this dyke ass bitch who is thirsty as fuck and try to save your son.[sp][/COLOR][/FONT]Heavy Rain[/sp]
So you're this dude in prison, and then the king saves you and you travel through some long ass sewer so you can fulfill some prophesy by traveling to a demon world using magic and there's 50 of them and thats the game.
You're an autistic child in a green tunic with no friends that sets out to kill monsters because you have nothing better to do.
annelids fight each other. it's about as entertaining as you'd expect
[QUOTE=MrBond;39776632]You're an autistic child in a green tunic with no friends that sets out to kill monsters because you have nothing better to do.[/QUOTE] Autistic vandal
You play as a sperglord with computers in his veins that forgot his fedora. Turns out the government did 9/11 and you find out from your brother, so they try and kill you
You're at this shitty party, then suddenly a bunch of teenage fuckers come in and make things even worse by capturing your bosses trophy wife bitch. So you have to travel over half of brazil in shithole slums and fucking putrid swamps and shit, just to save winy bitch of the year (apparently at low pay, may i add - WTF!) We keep getting reminders of how screwed Max's life has been, but fuck him we don't want a sad, pussy-ass story, we want 1337 fps action. Then there's the slow motion - you fly through the air like some gay, 50 year old ballerina. So manly! Max Payne 3 - best game I ever played. I can't wait for Call of Battlefield - Bad Black Company Ops 8, though.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSXofLK5hFQ[/media]
Man in powerful suit shoots aliens. Grizzled American soldier shoots foreigners. How many games can you think of that fit these two statements?
You're some cheesy ass "stealth supreme" asshole with a douche beard and always wears a bandana cause he thinks it's cool or something. All you do is crawl on your belly like a snake or something and it's all slow. All the bosses in the game are James Bond villain rip-offs. There is some guy who controls bees and acts like it's cool, some weirdo who can pop his limbs out of socket, a super old guy who sits in a wheelchair all the time, some guy angry at the earth for some reason and a guy who has nasty ass scars all over him and he shocks stuff or something. The whole point of the game is to find your mom or whatever so it's pretty lame.
You play as a blue dude who runs around killing 8 other dudes so that he can fight an old man who builds shitty robots. Also you steal their powers because you suck ass without them. Oh yeah, and you're allergic to pointy objects for whatever reason.
The Sims. A game where you do things you do in every day life.
It's a game where some bitch walkes through holes in the wall while a computer talks to her
You play as some Cybertron Miner '69er who has to save his daughter from her bitch mother cause you didn't pay child support or something. Also she leads some cult that worships a giant fucking fetus and every member is a God forsaken mutant pedophile that kills your fellow Miner '69ers and rapes their children. Shoot (you never have ammo), bash (melee requires ammo), and use plasmids( these will kill you at some point) to get through an underwater city founded by FOX news that is falling apart as we fucking speak. Also you die at the end anyways, so who really gives two shits.
you play as a terrible lawyer in a fucked up world were apparently all court decisions are based on who can hoard and hide the most evidence in 3 days. The characters all look like they are from some anime and barely make sense. music is alright I guess.
You are some crap head guy made out of cardboard boxes. Actually,the entire world is made out of cardboard boxes. There is also a giant man-sized green dick that explodes when you come near,and dark places make distracting sounds,after which usually a "360 n05c0p3" faggot skeleton which is also made out of boxes kills you.
You paint maps. [sp]Every paradox interactive game ever[/sp]
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you play as some dingus with a green hood total rip off of peter pan then you're so dumb you literally get turned into a scrub (i know right) by this kid and then you realize the kid is trying to crush the whole world with the moon so i guess the devs of this game thought the earth was flat or something and that takes exactly 3 days and you conveniently have the power to go back in time 3 days yeah how dumb right and you have to keep trying to save the world from the moon over 3 day time periods and it just repeats forever
a bunch of muscly people kick the shit out of eachother in a poorly animated 2-D environment. in singleplayer, it's literally programmed to get as much money out of you as possible, and in multiplayer the only way to win is to play as a fat-as-fuck sumo wrestler and just spam a single button to instantly win. Super Street Fighter 2
you wake up in some fat cheeky neckbeards apartment who tells you he saved your life but obviously he's bullshitting because he's too fat to even stand up, you never see him standing up anyway, the plot of the game makes 0 fucking sense, you don't even know who the hell you are and so many things are wanting to kill you.
you play as an idiot who cant protect whoever his is suppose to protect, she gets killed and you thrown in jail, you break out and get magical powers somehow (not even possible) and then you kill people to prove you arent a murderer (makes sence right?)
Some stupid fucking city-building game where your entire population is terminally retarded, the only way to win is to get your framerate to drop to 0, and the graphics are only slightly less painful than jamming forks into your eyes.
You start of by picking one of seven boring and generic classes and start your adventure in a shitty piss soaked woods, doing tasks for a shitty camp that's to lazy to do shit themselves. After that you chase some hooded fuck through the desert, jungle and hell and you end up in the fucking mountains where you help some loincloth covered fucks kill some dude in some keep. Gameplay is trivial mindless grinding and is easily tiresome. Plus it has shitty ass graphics and a piss weak story line. 0/10 would not play again.
You start out as a dirty, hairy, vagrant who tries to illegally cross the border into a frozen, viking infested wasteland, only to get caught by a bunch of roman looking soldiers who lack the creativity to name their empire something other than "The Empire". They have apparently been cat-fighting a bunch of transgender vikings who can hold a mug better than a sword, or, uh, axe. You discover that your good at screaming at things, and apparently are some kind of hybrid-inter-species human dragon lovechild. You spend the rest of the game yelling at things, while having to chose between two incredibly stupid sides who both, for some reason, will never fight each other until you stumble in and eni-meni-mini-mo a side, and even then every insufferable mission is the same, with you walking into a base and screaming at everybody until they die. You then stumble aimlessly throughout the game, until you kill this huge dragon that, for some reason, is no stronger than the countless others you wasted the game yelling at. The Game- Ski Rims.
You drive around the track in a crappy car while the AI keeps hitting you and you spin so you have to start all over and your car seems to be very slow while everyone goes fast. Multiplayer is even worse because it's a pony paint simulator with everyone having MLP on their cars while getting shoved off the road because they call themselfs trolls. [sp]Forza Motorsport[/sp]
A lady jumps through holes while a robot tells you how much of an asshole you are.
An RPG with dumbed down RPG elements, a "new" graphics engine that's p. much the old one with shadows, more voice actors, but they all say the same lines, terrible guild quests that all end with you becoming the leader even if you're shit at the skills the guild focuses on, and a main quest filled with unlikeable characters, and the best character you only talk to for like 15 minutes. All this work put into a decent-looking game world, but almost all the quests take place in caves or underground ruins. All that, and the skills barely matter because you can do basically everything in the game, and it doesn't let you build a class and focus on those skills. Magic is dumbed down, and the only thing that's really improved is the archery. And yet, I love it so much.
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