Describe your favorite game, and make it sound as shitty as possible.
130 replies, posted
it's a jrpg on the wii.
[img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d9/Xenoblade_box_artwork.png[/img]
have fun.
Cunter-Strike one point sex
There is a large variety of maps, but everyone only plays that one dusty map with a 2 in it. You have to manually buy your weapons every round. There are hackers everywhere with aimbots and wallhacks, and to make matters worse, people can shoot you through walls. Every server makes you download 10,000 sound and then map changes and you have to download 10,000 more. Admins can make you lag, change your name, and even close your game. Everyone has played the game for thousands of hours, so you are always being killed before you can fire a bullet. The ego is these players is bigger than anybody elses. The hit registry is really bad with all servers using bad rates, so non of your bullets hit the enemy. The company called valve behind this crappy game updates it after it working ok for 10 years and makes this game worse. The graphics are really bad and pixelated and there arent any hats.
[sp]Valve did really ruin this with the recent update, it was going strong, but then everyone quit because mouse movement got changed, and they lag more now :( [/sp]
Hat For Dress Up 2
You basically wait for days at a time to get purely cosmetic items to wave your metrosexuality with, shooting others is secondary.
Your an anti-social mute who makes holes in walls. You put things in holes. You jump in holes. You rely on holes. You develop an emotional attachment to a box. You develop friendship with a psychopathic computer.
Killing Floor
You play as a fucking generic soldier sent down to one of many shitholes available in the game, you can play with up to 5 friends who will probably die anyways since the devs thought that hordes of generic zombie mutant things will be a challenge but instead they are just annoying pieces of crap. Also to not be a generic soldier you can buy some DLC to change your appearance to some shitty characters no one cares about and buy golden guns and new shitty weapons because it's never been fucking done before. The music is fucking awful, all you hear is metal and dubstep and who the fuck wants to listen to that crap? The plot is awful, maps are awful, accents are awful, everything is awful, devs should probably kill themselves.
So, you start off the game in a prison cell, and by luck, a key falls from above. Turns out someone dropped it. You make your way through the cellblock, only to find a ladder at the end. You climb it, then it turns out you are at an asylum with a church in it. You go into the church, then, what the fuck, this HUGE green monster falls from the sky, and just about kills you. You walk out of the way, into another room, through another hall, climb some stairs, and finally find a good weapon. You kill things along the way, then make it to the top of the church, only to fall into the area with the giant monster. After you kill him, he drops a key which lets you go through the big doors at the back. You go through them, climb a hill, then all of a sudden, a giant crow picks you up and fly's you to this place that looks deserted as shit. You fight monsters along the way, hoard souls, and try not to die along the way.
Dark Souls.
[QUOTE=MEOWTFLOL;39785446]So, you start off the game in a prison cell, and by luck, a key falls from above. Turns out someone dropped it. You make your way through the cellblock, only to find a ladder at the end. You climb it, then it turns out you are at an asylum with a church in it. You go into the church, then, what the fuck, this HUGE green monster falls from the sky, and just about kills you. You walk out of the way, into another room, through another hall, climb some stairs, and finally find a good weapon. You kill things along the way, then make it to the top of the church, only to fall into the area with the giant monster. After you kill him, he drops a key which lets you go through the big doors at the back. You go through them, climb a hill, then all of a sudden, a giant crow picks you up and fly's you to this place that looks deserted as shit. You fight monsters along the way, hoard souls, and try not to die along the way.
Dark Souls.[/QUOTE]
you're just describing it as good not making it sound like shit
You're Robocop. You hate this.
I seriously can't tell what game the OP is talking about
[QUOTE=Hunterdnrc;39786049]I seriously can't tell what game the OP is talking about[/QUOTE]
Crysis probably.
It's some RPG that pretends to be in a cool post-apocalyptic wasteland where nukes fucked up everyone's shit, but really you just start in some shitty cowboy town after somehow surviving getting shot in the head according to the shitty story. Once you finish talking to the assholes who live there (instead of, you know, shooting some fucking mutants or some shit), you go out into a desert. You're just out in an empty fucking desert with nothing in it except some bum-ass shacks with nothing interesting in them.
Apparently you're supposed to find the dickhead who shot you and get revenge. That's all this game's shitty story is about, just a generic fucking revenge story with no depth. And this guy is in a city - A FUCKING CITY. Why the FUCK is there a CITY in a POST-APOCALYPTIC FUCKING WASTELAND? I thought there were like, nukes that blew everything the fuck up and radiation everywhere? Anyway, remember those mutants I was talking about? Well, once you start heading towards the city, they start to show up. So you think, oh yeah, now we're talking, we get to shoot some shit that actually fights back (cause you know you shot those assholes back in the cowboy town, but they couldn't do shit and nobody else gave a fuck that you killed them).
But no, there's a shitton of these Cockadors or whatever the fuck those fucking wasp things were and you die over and over again. It turns out, the game forces you to go the long way around to get to the city so to make sure you see all of the bum-ass shacks it has to offer. So then once you finally get done with all that bullshit, you then have to pick between four different factions. FOUR FUCKING FACTIONS. And when you pick one, you start failing all the quests that are for the other factions. If (for some reason) you wanted to experience all of this game's "content", you have to go through all that shit FOUR TIMES. There are a whole bunch of sidequests, but they're all just "some person bitches about some bullshit, you go and do pointless shit to fix it."
There's also a shitload of cash-grab DLC that I tried, hoping they might be better than this steaming pile of shit, but I can summarize each one briefly:
Dick Money: Some hologram asshole tells you to get some shit for him in a casino village and then you blow the fuck up
Honestly Shit: Some mummy asshole tells you to get some shit for him in a nature park and then you're done in 10 minutes
Old World Balls: Some robot asshole tells you to get some shit for him in a lab thing and you kill yourself because it's so unfunny. (LOLOLOLO PENIS TOEZ XDDDD)
Lonesome Rectum: Some complete fucking asshole blows shit up with nukes and you walk down a shitty road killing reskinned "new" enemies.
Gun Runners' Arse: Some other robot asshole tells you to buy some shit from it and you can't because everything is so fucking expensive
Oblivion
only one voice actor through the whole game
moreo gts a vacination on an island. He get cobnfuse for criminel. He have water hose on back to clean place.
Good game.
You play as the aspergers afflicted failure son General Sir Patton XVII drafted to fight in [del]Anne Frank's[/del] Frau Hitler's army against the combined menace of the Soviet Union, Switzerland, Morrowind, and Norway. Also NATO hates you equally. Anyway, so your job is to send child-soldiers and women on suicide missions to vandalize the Warsaw Pact and NATO's flagpoles while you fight it out the gentlemanly way because every officer of every major army is autistic and hates COD. When that doesn't work you go around committing hundreds of counts of vehicular manslaughter with the tank you illegally hid in your garage. Some Albino bitch residing below that red-text to the left of this paragraph decides to fuck shit up for you constantly because [del]Talos[/del] The Eight Divines told her to on behalf of Adolf Stalin who was busy fucking around in the Elephant tank that the UNSC loaned him.
When the job is done you consider the best course of action is crew fraternization because Commander Shepard taught you it is the right thing to do. Also, your girlfriend is actually god and- HOLY FUCKING SHIT MECHA-HITLER DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING NOW DID YOU? Oh yeah did I mention Frau Hitler is actually Jewish? This is the kind of shit that happens when you try to move your battleships on land instead of the sea, you fuck up bad shit and fuck time continuum's mass-effect fields.
Return To The Elder Effects of Civilization: Berlin Anniversary Edition 4 of Duty Theft Auto 5 3D
[sp]Valkyria Chronicles[/sp]
So you can either be a terrorist or counter terrorist and there are only 4 cliche models for each team and basically you run around like a dumb nigger, you can shift walk but normally you are running which is pretty slow anyways. You have a wide variety of guns to choose from but everyone just uses an awp and a deagle, whenever you see someone with these guns you basically instantly die unless you're better than them. If you run around like you would in cod you just die, you have to at least get 100 hours into the game before even getting a kill unless you're on a German server than you can dominate no matter what. The guns recoil and the spray from most the guns go upwards from your crosshair so basically to get a headshot with an ak47 you aim at the abdomen. How fucking stupid is that? Also you can't look down the ironsights.
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Racism" - Craptasket))[/highlight]
It's a propaganda game promoting international terrorism, racism and mass murdering where you play as a dirty mexican who works for a bunch of autistic, rapist, drug dealing zealots, and gets paid to slaughter asian people.
Your guns suck and you die instantly and the only way to get more health or better weaps is to pick up ten thousand worthless crates that are all about 50 miles away from eachother. Of course the devs were too lazy to make any real gameplay, so the only thing you can do in the game is shoot red stuff until it explodes. The only way you can fight enemies is with a gun that shoots dental floss, and vehicles are so flimsy that they'll flip and explode if they hit a bump in the road. Most of the missions are bullshit escort quests, and your AI partners are such cheap fucks that they won't even let you sit in their car, so you have to cling to the roof instead.
Voice acting's alright though.
So a bunch of dudes invade with nothing but a fucking truck that turns into mission control. They park it like twenty feet away from the enemy who for some reason has only one defender- the truck. They spend a bit of time gathering shit such as boxes, gold or [I]toxic, radioactive, self-replicating green crystals that kill you upon contact[/I] and then they go to war with the guy parked across the street, [B] using an army they created in literally ten minutes.[/B]
They construct an entire nuclear arsenal but for some reason they filled the multi-million dollar missiles with cherry bombs and launch the missiles a distance roughly equivalent to the distance between you and the nearest window. Seriously, Tiger Woods and a few grenades would do more damage.
The buildings must be IKEA or something, they can be built in thirty seconds and take fucking forever to destroy.
The soldiers seem to be wearing some bullet sponge or shit. They can take two bullets, three at most, but somehow survive twenty HE rounds from a tank.
If there were kites, the pilots would hit them. They fly THAT low. Jet pilots can't seem to use their guns either, once they out of missiles they head back to base, NO EXCEPTIONS.
Don't get me started on the tractors that shoot pesticide at the enemy.
The most expensive tank is two thousand bucks. Pretty fucking budget but somehow they manage to mount TWO main cannons.
Also, if you put the tank in a shot put contest, it'll win bronze at best.
The Chinese must really love their country, flesh wounds and damaged tanks are miraculously fixed by listening to propaganda. Automatic weapons have a higher rate of fire too.
Hackers seem to want to steal money $5 at a time. They eventually steal more ($10) but I don't know what's so hard about just taking it all at once. There's also a chick hacker who can change the allegiance of a building by hacking into the computers. "You have (1) new email: Hey, its ur genral. U must join other teem k?"
A race of aliens capable of creating worms holes seems fond of making really crappy soldiers. The only decent ones are the tripods and those little swarms made of knives. The aliens use dollars too, the commanders on home planet only want to warp-in extra troops if they are paid in human money.
What is the dumb fucking game? The title of the game literally describes what the game is about. They call it, [I]Command & Conquer[/I].
You start by robbing a damn bank. Thats real creative. And it is not like you are even disguised, you fucking lose every time you play. Every damn time, no matter what I do, I fail to defend the damn safe.
Eh, then the "Bank owner" drags you onto a damn plane. You are tied up and shit, can't do nothing for a while because of a boring cutscene. Your friend, he was your best friend ffs, gets beaten up and shot IN THE FIRST FUCKING 15 MINUTES OF THE GAME, AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DO JACK AGAINST IT! Okay, from that on, it gets even worse. You jump out of the plane and escape with some fucking lady. Even she sucks, you have to grab her but the plane carried like 300 planes worth of shit from IKEA and like a fucking car factory that keeps pooping out cars every 3 seconds. Seriously, there are like a few thousand cars and boxes just falling down. Fuck it, you keep falling for 15 fucking minutes, like you are an alien who fell from outer space or something.
Ah, you finally land. And you get to see your bank account. And it has been hacked. So you just landed in a foreign city, your bank account is totally empty and you have some bitch with you. Worst start ever.
Fuck it, she tells you she "knows" this city. what a whore, she like blew some guys off at this corner or something. A major whore. Ok, she does know a fucking gun store nearby. Some use of that bitch, atleast. Grab a few guns, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A PROPER HOUSE YET! and you go and break into a military base. She doesn't even know what the fuck to do and you are in a military base? What the fuckk, she can't even handle a gun probably. Had to save her ass a few times, she sucks. You kill like a ton of military and steal a few crappy weapons and then get your friend to help you. Also stole a giant bomb. Atleast something is awesome, BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN USE IT FOR LIKE, A FEW MORE HOURS. And even then it just blows up a single building. The fucking bomb is as big as the helicopter but it only blows up a single fucking building. Worst part of the game fo sho.
Then you get to steal a fucking skyscraper. And you know what? It ain't even the biggest in town. You just stole some small "skyscraper". That was terrible. The garage sucked too, I smashed my car half the time over there.
fuck it, i quited after that. They call it Saints Row: The Third.
[sp]No, I didn't quit after that, it was an amazing game[/sp]
Fucking play as a hardass Italian guy that can't even swim. I mean whats up with that god damn shirt? Looks like he's from the 70s. And the music? Ugh fucking synth electro crap. And everyone is so rude
It's a Flash game that attempts to imitate Zelda except all of the game takes place inside a gigantic dungeon with no puzzles or whatsoever, repetitive rooms, and instead of attacking monsters with a sword, you [i]cry[/i] at them, and that somehow makes them die.
If that wasn't enough, the creator thought it would be cool to give it a backstory involving God, infanticide, and satanic stuff. So fucking ~edgy~.
Theres like this stupid tournament created for no reason in the future, and all you do is go around and kill people with ridiculously overpowered weapons, and when you die you just respawn without seeing your killcam. There arent any killsteaks or deathstreaks either expect an icon that shows how many "frags" you have. What the hell is this shit? And the graphics are horrible too.
[QUOTE=Egg_Toaster;39801162]Theres like this stupid tournament created for no reason in the future, and all you do is go around and kill people with ridiculously overpowered weapons, and when you die you just respawn without seeing your killcam. There arent any killsteaks or deathstreaks either expect an icon that shows how many "frags" you have. What the hell is this shit? And the graphics are horrible too.[/QUOTE]
augh, I hate that game too
and the worst part is head-shots are ridiculously fucking easy. Bots have terrible AI where they try and act human but just go on some shitty predefined path.
You play as a happy kid who got his first pet.
Because everyone is completely depraved, its expected for you to use your pet to injure and harm other animals. You often have to leave the animals paralyzed or burned. Finally you try to fit them inside your tiny "pokeballs" so you can train them to perform similar violent acts upon other wild animals.
When you get them trained properly you go to a region-wide pet-fighting tournament.
Super Mario World.
The "world" part was supposed to make it seem more expansive compared to the other games, but it's absolutely ridiculous.
It's levels are inconsistent, no two were the same, 'cmon, let's have some continuity, people!
There were so many secrets to discover, who has time for that shit?! This was one of the first video games I had experienced as a kid, yeah, THIS was my introduction. Nice welcome...
The bosses were dumb, too. Many of them you kick into a pool of lava. Seriously, why can't they just fall over and die, nice and simple!?
The game was so colorful, nothing looked the same, which was annoying. Almost everything had a face, the blocks, the mountains, clouds... What's the point?!
[QUOTE=Nightscout;39801924]Super Mario World.
The "world" part was supposed to make it seem more expansive compared to the other games, but it's absolutely ridiculous.
It's levels are inconsistent, no two were the same, 'cmon, let's have some continuity, people!
There were so many secrets to discover, who has time for that shit?! This was one of the first video games I had experienced as a kid, yeah, THIS was my introduction. Nice welcome...
The bosses were dumb, too. Many of them you kick into a pool of lava. Seriously, why can't they just fall over and die, nice and simple!?
The game was so colorful, nothing looked the same, which was annoying. Almost everything had a face, the blocks, the mountains, clouds... What's the point?![/QUOTE]
The princess you're "Saving" is fucking a dragon and the dumb midget Italian drug addict is too stupid to see she's obviously cheating on her.
So in this game you play as this dumb fucker in a Rooster mask who apparently is being harassed by these fucking horrid animals. These fucking animals are following him around everywhere and they tell you to do some shit. You tell them to fuck off and shit and you get a phone call. It's like fuck you, man, you need to kill these bald Russian fags in this building and you get a Rooster mask in the mail and you're like sure man what the fuck, why not? So you go in there and stab some Russian scum. Next day, you get another call. Repeat 20 times, and that's the game.
[sp]Hotline Miami was a good game.[/sp]
[QUOTE=The Vman;39792132]It's a propaganda game promoting international terrorism, racism and mass murdering where you play as a dirty mexican who works for a bunch of autistic, rapist, drug dealing zealots, and gets paid to slaughter asian people.
Your guns suck and you die instantly and the only way to get more health or better weaps is to pick up ten thousand worthless crates that are all about 50 miles away from eachother. Of course the devs were too lazy to make any real gameplay, so the only thing you can do in the game is shoot red stuff until it explodes. The only way you can fight enemies is with a gun that shoots dental floss, and vehicles are so flimsy that they'll flip and explode if they hit a bump in the road. Most of the missions are bullshit escort quests, and your AI partners are such cheap fucks that they won't even let you sit in their car, so you have to cling to the roof instead.
Voice acting's alright though.[/QUOTE]
What game is it
You start off in a shitty 3rd world country aka Ukraine, an even worse version of Russia , being a mute and so fucking stupid that you try kill a guy you have never met because your rip off ipad tells you to. The npc's speak some dirty mud-slime language with some that speak English even though this game isn't based in an english speaking country. You run around like a faggot, throwing bolts at cunts and get killed by angry, half-starving Russians screaming in their dirty mud-slime language. If you try to do anything fun like exploring you die by radiation or by some invisible mutant that looks like a giant tentacle fag from some creepy anime porno.
Oh and did I mention some faggot says random creepy shit in a hallway because 2spooky!!1!
You're this jerk teenager who's 2cool4school and loves the bling. You've got beef with this fat asshole so you chase him all over the place and every time you catch up to him and get into a fight he always gets away somehow. Your best friend is some nerd who you basically only use for a ride. There's this asshole rival of yours who steals some of your bling and fucks with you while you're trying to get it back. Then all of a sudden the fatass turns into some supervillian and sinks the whole fucking continent into the water, so you and your rival are like "let's fuck this guy up together" and then you go into space to fight a robot. At the end there's some super-sayian ripoff bullshit.
Gameplay is run to the right and jump sometimes.
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