I actually fapped + came in a classroom once without being caught
:smug:
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;20656786]I masterbating slowly so I wouldn't cum in my pants(and yet still get the "Feel Good" feeling) but then the urge became too strong and I came all in my pants[/QUOTE]
Pretty much this while I was supposed to go to the bathroom... a hot striptease video thingy on pornhub... made me :flashfap: and then :gizz: all over my pants :v:
[editline]02:26AM[/editline]
[QUOTE=cyclocius;21128244]I did that once, and I didn't think any more of it. Then a few hours later, I found all these flaky patches of "skin" on my leg, which I scratched off with much gusto. An hour later I realised....:ohdear:[/QUOTE]
Oh for the love of god! :geno:
I used that vapour stuff you rub on your chest when you have a cold as lube.
It's not fun...
[QUOTE=Wonky;20656743]As I sit here, typing this story, I look back at the single most awful wank I have ever had in my life, and just think to myself how all of this could have been stopped, how having a piece of tissue on hand could have prevented my room from becoming a shit-stained cum soaked mess.
Today, around four I decided to jack off for the first time in about three months. Between school, sports, and friends it has been really busy, so I decided I was overdue for some "me" time. A side note: I had to shit a little bit before I started. I took my seat at my laptop, jumped on redtube, and got to work. About 10 minutes in I was just about done when I could feel my shit about to push out, so I decided to finish up. Ready to blow my load I reached into my desk drawer to grab a tissue, but the box was fucking empty. At this point the logical thing to do would have been to just cum on my hands and then rush to the bathroom to take a shit. Unfortunately, I was not thinking clearly at this time. So, I jumped out of my chair and quickly walked to the bathroom with my pants down. On the way there I walked under the ceiling fan in my room, which was on the highest setting.
The next 37 seconds of my life were a mix of pure ecstasy and sheer horror. The air blowing over my dick caused me to orgasm. This was NOT your standard “wank for 10 minutes” orgasm, this was a “holy fucking shit” deal. I was sort of frozen in this state of pleasure, but then things went to hell. As a result of this mind-blowing jerk my load managed to shoot up and into the fan (the fan is about 7 feet from the floor). It wasn't just blown back down, it somehow hit the fan blades. This resulted in a sort of semen mist that was sprayed all over the room. The walls, the floor, my face, everywhere. Also, at the exact time all of this was happening my bowels decided enough was enough and let loose. Oh, but this was no ordinary shit either, this was more of a mud avalanche. My ass cheeks tightened and the crap, somehow accelerated from my jacking off, flew out my ass, spraying everywhere (taco bell does not agree with me). I stood in place, my jaw on the floor as I gazed at this cum covered shit stained room, and was frozen by the sheer insanity of what the fuck had just happened.
And so, the cleanup began. I used this steam-vac thing to get the shit and cum out of the carpet, and some magic erasers for the walls and ceiling. I've sprayed about a full can of air freshener in here, but now it just smells like shit, cum, and flowers.
MS Paint picture for the lazy or illiterate:
[img]http://filesmelt.com/dl/ohmygod.png[/img]
Post your worst fapping story![/QUOTE]
this made my day
Well, today my dad saw what I was fapping to.
[QUOTE=DaAngryWeasel;21132761]Well, today my dad saw what I was fapping to.[/QUOTE]
Did he join?
[QUOTE=Dony123;21133113]Did he join?[/QUOTE]
You're gay
It would honestly have to be the first time I fapped. I was humping my pillow, having no knowledge of what could happen, when I started to feel something building up down under. All of the sudden I feel the greatest pleasure I've ever felt, but I didn't know what happened. I sat there for a while, and then I felt something wet in my boxers. I jizzed in my pants :saddowns:. I told my Mom that it happened in my sleep. Thank God for nocturnal emissions.
Once I sneezed the second I came and it shot onto my glasses.
I used fucktons of lube once and it, mixed with jizz, stuck to my skin like a troll in a Christian forum.
[QUOTE=benzinxrm;21124369]Why do you idiots megabump threads?[/QUOTE]
2 weeks sure is a megabump...
When my balls started hurting for some reason.
Soap
[QUOTE=badsurprize;21217219]When my balls started hurting for some reason.[/QUOTE]
You do it too much.
Facepunch needs to buy sturdier chairs.
I was whacking it when suddenly my sister comes bolting down the stairs to my room, I conceal myself by bending over forward and pretending to do something with the wires behind the computer. Then her friend comes down and they start talking to me while I have my back turned to them messing around with the wires. The jizz was all over my stomach and legs. Worst 3 minute conversation ever
Ran out of lotion, and used hand soap.
Stung for the next 3 days, and burned whenever I touched it
I was in the shower once when I was fapping and just as i was about to orgasm my step sister ran into the bathroom because she needed to pee like really bad, when I looked over as she ran in I came and it hit the shower glass and she saw it. -_-
Wet wipes = Blood
Hurt for the next 2 days.
I've just realised, that gerbils_alt guy hasn't posted since you said about the snapping sound...
I think he's dead.
YOU KILLED HIM, YOU twit.
[QUOTE=PeanutTHENINJA;20660070]Embarrassing experience that lead to great things, that actually only happened this weekend:
So with me and my Crossdressing fetish, and being almost home alone (Brother was there, but in his room being A. A weaboo fagot B. Playing TF2 C. Playing WoW) I decide to dress up as a girl using some rolled up boxers, and a T-shirt worn as a dress and stay upstairs and generally have an one-crossdressing fagot orgy until I heard the garage door open. So about thirty minutes pass, I'm still orgying under my bed when the doorbell rings. My brother gets out of his room (His room is downstairs.) and it's one of my friends. My brother sends my friend upstairs, and I'm half naked with improvised dildos in my mouth and ass fapping my brains out. He comes upstairs, and I think when he saw I wasn't at my computer and heard me going "Mhm mhm mhm" and "fap fap fap fap fap fap" he kinda got an idea what I was doing. He walks into my room and sees me on the floor, but doesn't act too surprised at all. He says "I always knew you were some kinda of fagot" and pulls down his pants. We proceed to have sex.
tl;dr: I was megafaging and my friend walking in on me and we had sex.[/QUOTE]
its like fan fiction.
This one time, I was jacking off in the shower, and got an orgasm so powerful that I got a muscle spasm and accidentally pulled my foreskin back so hard, that it ripped off a little and bled quite nicely for few minutes, causing me to almost panic the whole time.
Once i came the same second my mom got inside my room and said "Dinner's ready" and then she sees me fapping.
I skipped dinner that day.
[QUOTE=Chekko;21234655]Once i came the same second my mom got inside my room and said "Dinner's ready" and then she sees me fapping.
I skipped dinner that day.[/QUOTE]
That's the usual story with people, their mum coming in to tell them that dinner's ready.
... my mum never does that.
Once i fapped with a headache
wHAGBLARGHBLARGH MY HEAD IT HURTS A S FUCK WASFdsfafsdfhdfdgfgbghjjjjjj
[QUOTE=Fatfatfatty;21245255]Once i fapped with a headache
wHAGBLARGHBLARGH MY HEAD IT HURTS A S FUCK WASFdsfafsdfhdfdgfgbghjjjjjj[/QUOTE]
apparently some people pass out during sex because of the blood going from their brain, or they might not remember it.
A couple of months ago I was fapping on my bed with my iPod in hand. I hadn't fapped in about a week so it was going real well. Everything is going fine and I'm about to cum but I noticed there wasn't any tissue or anything of the sort around, so I quickly tried to duck it under my pants to prevent it from getting on the floor or my bed or face. Not quick enough.. I came at an angle away from me and I thought it hit the floor. After I struggled to get some tissue without being seen and cleaned my dick up, I start searching for the spot where I came. Spent about a good minute looking at the area in front of me, didn't think it went that far since I didn't hold it in. After the minute, I was just about ready to give up, but look up, to see my little brother's Lego plane, with my cum on it. It was a good 5 feet away, I was shocked and tried wiping it. I got most of it off, but the little nooks where the circles are I couldn't get. I just left it there overnight and went to bed.
I'd take a picture of the plane but that was a couple of months ago and he dismantled it and built a house now.
Good fap, bad experience.
[QUOTE=phill977;21245180]That's the usual story with people, their mum coming in to tell them that dinner's ready.
... my mum never does that.[/QUOTE]
Well sometimes she does but nevermind. I cook my own food 70% of the time anyway.
was in my bed looking away from my bedroom door and I hear my mom say the most frightening words... ever.
"What are you thinking about Alex?"
I pretended I was asleep... seemed like forever for her to walk away.
I have a penile insertion fetish (aka I like shoving objects in my dick).
I once had a 12 inch long, half inch wide plastic rod shoved inside there about eight inches deep. Both ends were a little sharp, but shit still felt great. All was going great until it cut the inside of my urethra. I lost several pints of blood out of my dick, and there's no telling how much went the other way. As I was cleaning up the mess I started feeling extremely lightheaded.
When I pulled the rod out, there was a long string of flesh stuck to it. That just made it hurt worse.
I eventually passed out naked and covered in semen with blood gushing out of my penis. At some point after this all happened, my roommate found me in this condition, and drove me to the hospital, probably laughing his ass off the whole way.
I then woke up in the infirmary with a catheter in my penis because otherwise every time I took a piss nothing but blood would come out.
I haven't stuck anything sharp in my dick since, but I still put cables and such in there all the time.
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