Convert all of the contacts on your phone into Japanese so nobody knows who you're texting
[sp]except the Japanese, but you know not to trust them anyways[/sp]
[sp]i actually do this[/sp]
If you are at a friend's house and need to take a dump, put a couple sheets of toilet roll into the loo before doing the dirties, as this will prevent a loud splashing sounds.
If you are planning on posting in this thread, avoid the clock ratings.
If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;40820823]Convert all of the contacts on your phone into Japanese so nobody knows who you're texting
[sp]except the Japanese, but you know not to trust them anyways[/sp]
[sp]i actually do this[/sp][/QUOTE]
I feel like random English words would be better
"Hey man who you textin'?"
"Ah nobody, just my buddy Gangrenescent"
Don't take a shortcut to the end, once you die there's nothing beyond that.
Best way to imagine it, is a cliff that dives straight off into an abyss.
Take off shirts quickly with one hand by using the opposite hand to pull your shirt off from under the sleeve.
Just found this.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVYiHI4cGlE[/media]
[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;40819348]If you're going to commit suicide, tie a helium balloon to a handgun, walk out into the middle of the field, and shoot yourself. It'll look like someone dragged you out there and executed you.[/QUOTE]
Clever, but I really don't think that would work.
[URL="http://metro.co.uk/2008/07/17/csi-suicide-man-in-fatal-balloon-error-286817/"]It's been done. It was found out rather easily.[/URL]
It might work if you stole the gun and balloons. A few other things would help but those are huge.
[QUOTE=ThePinkPanzer;40821270]If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.[/QUOTE]
Game of Motherfucking Thrones
IRL Tip: watch game of thrones
Oceania has [b]ALWAYS[/b] been at war with Eastasia.
make your own food fast food is too expensive
Don't let a friend of yours suddenly hanging out with someone else for most of the time besides exchanging a few words with you daily get you down/jealous.
like it has done to me.
So I suppose the moral here is, don't repeat other's mistakes.
/emotionalranting
Automatic feeding lawn trimmers never work
Just buy a bump-feed trimmer
Also: electric lawn equipment is better than gasoline lawn equipment in every way, just buy the good stuff
[editline]28th May 2013[/editline]
Download 'smart defrag' for your PC and never ever worry about a fragmented hard drive ever again
[editline]28th May 2013[/editline]
If you quit drinking all soda you will lose 5 pounds in a year
[editline]28th May 2013[/editline]
If you drive 2 seconds behind an 18 Wheeler on the highway your fuel economy will increase by 30%
[QUOTE=meppers;40822292]
[editline]28th May 2013[/editline]
[B]If you quit drinking all soda you will lose 5 pounds in a year[/B]
[/QUOTE]
This, too bad soda is like cocaine to me.
Using a waterpik is just as good as flossing your teeth
The old saying of, "Kiss the first fish you catch!" does not apply to the following fish:
- Catfish
- Walleye
- Pike
- Sea Bass
- Rock Bass
- Perch
Or anything which has the possibility of having loadsa teeth.
[QUOTE=don818;40822486]This, too bad soda is like cocaine to me.[/QUOTE]
I remember reading somewhere that caffeine makes your penis smaller.
If you enjoy Cashews, Almonds and/or Pistachios, you can make them last somewhat longer and be more enjoyable by not sharing them with your pets. As someone who can't enjoy any of those with having a Beagle and a Pomeranian rush to his side and sit there, begging, I know from experience.
During the winter, slightly wet a clean dishtowel, then put some fabric softener on it. Then place on your active, NON ELECTRICAL radiator. As it gets warm, it will dry the liquids and release the now somewhat enhanced fragrance of the softener.
Don't try to kill millions of people.
If you do paid work for someone, make sure that they aren't part of Next Generation Gaming. It will save you a lot of hassle.
check your privilege daily
If you're scared of toxic deodorant, lemon juice is a perfect alternative.
[QUOTE=SteakStyles;40823626]If you enjoy Cashews[/QUOTE]
too bad they're £16 a kilo here, any ways to import the shit?
Never dump saltpeter into a cake mix that contains sugar, bad shit will happen
[QUOTE=Satansick;40818650]Even if you don't shave your dick you should shave your asshole. It makes wiping your ass easier and you don't get fluff from your underwear in your asshair.[/QUOTE]
And less dingleberries!
[editline]29th May 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;40820428]Do this at home (if at all) - don't do it otherwise. I work at a cinema I literally go through a lot of shit with the toilets. It's just a plop, no one cares, and you make it that much less likely that I'll have a bad day unclogging toilets. So please don't.[/QUOTE]
I'm not talking a metric fuckton here, just a little bit one or two segments :)
[editline]29th May 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Gwandu;40820810]Think about what you wanted to do before someone told you you had to earn a living, and do that.[/QUOTE]
This one is important.
I was good with computers from a young age so family were always telling me to go down that path for a career. As a result of this and my own lack of foresight I went from school into college and into university with the mentality that I should do whatever earns me the most money in the computer which was stupid, I should have focused more on what I enjoy doing. For me it tends to be more creatively engaging things like music, writing and, to some extent lately, games development.
Anyway, not doing what you said I had no idea what to do or what I was enthusiastic about and now I'm kind of ticking over but not changing up a gear - bad move to make!
Think about your shit and what to do with your shit motherfuckers.
Don't blink.
snip
Always have sand in your pocket
[QUOTE=Derp Y. Mail;40824907]Don't blink.[/QUOTE]
[Img]http://facepunch.com/image.php?u=456466&dateline=1368116605[/IMG]
Hypocrite.
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