Weird/funny/stupid shit you did when you were a baby/kid
80 replies, posted
I use to fuck with black widows
My brother and I used to have "bumscuttle" races down the stairs. Essentially you sat your arse at the top stair and slid down as fast as possible on your backside. One race I got off lighter than my brother. I smacked into balustrade with the sid of my thigh whilst my brother got his leg lodged in between the banisters, and so my dad had to saw the banisters apart to free him.
When I was 3 or something I thought that black people were white people that had a very strong tan and my dad used to bring home one of his white coworkers named Månsson to talk about motorbikes and stuff; but one day he had another black coworker over.
Anyhow, I went to my mother and asked where dad was and she replied that he was in the garage with his coworker and that I should go get him. I didn't understand that you could have many coworkers so when I got to the garage and saw my dad and his coworker I yelled "Mom! Månsson has become a neger!".
The word "neger" is an old word for black people that I had learned from my grand father; while it isn't actually offensive in itself people had already started to consider it offensive because of the resemblance to "nigger".
The neighbour's son and I did a little contest on who could eat a very hard piece of liquorice and finish it first. I was so desperate to win that I chewed about 3 times on it and swallowed. I almost chocked to death.
When I was about 5 years old, our teacher went out of the classroom for a brief moment. Some kid was showing his stomach to everyone. I wanted to one-up him for whatever reason and decided the best way to
do that is showing everyone my ass. While I was mooning the whole class the teacher came back. I can still remember how mad she was at me :v:
When I was 7 I found my dad's hairgel and smeared it all over my head and slicked my hair back.
Little did I know, it was gel deodorant.
when i was like 5 i made a prank call to 999
i'm 19 and i'm still not allowed to use the phone
I broke into a house on Halloween with like 20+ other people because they werent serving candy when I was 6.
It was a cops house.
my mom was getting a new pontiac when when i was little, and for some reason, i guess it must have been a new feature at the time, the car dealer made special mention of the inside release for the trunk, incase you somehow got locked inside. after we drove home with i decided i'd test it out. of course though, the car was parked outside in southern california in the middle of summer so it was also 95 degrees outside. turns out the inside of trunks are dark. my mom described it as me being missing for an hour and then suddenly walking in the front door red faced and covered in sweat proclaiming "Wow! It really works!"
Mom told me not to touch the iron because it was hot, so I did.
In kindergarten i really enjoyed crawling into and sitting inside this one bush that was there. I would do this nearly every day, and eventually more kids joined me.
I used to whack my boners on things and try to cut them in half. I thought my boner was a literal tool God gave me to use to cut shit in half. So I made sure to do extra because they showed up so randomly. I am no longer religious.
I got into a sleeping bag and tried to crawl to my room from my brother's in it. I took a wrong turn and fell down the staircase. Lots of tumbling and crashing later, mom opened the door to see me lying there in that sleeping bag, all I muttered was a muffled 'ow'.
I wanted to see what my mum was cooking so I tried to grab the pot which dinner was getting cooked in but it fell off the counter onto my foot and I had to go to hospital and now my toenail has a weird pointy line going through the middle. Also, on one of my birthdays I tripped when going to open the door for a parent and I smashed my face on the floor and my tooth broke in half and so I have a fake one now
When we were toddlers, me and my brother were misbehaving so much our mum shouted at us, then held us tightly as we sat on her lap, in attempt to calm us down. I really needed the toilet, but I didn't dare ask for her to let go of me because I thought she would get angry again. So I tried to wrestle off of her lap. She still had me pinned on the spot. So I decided to piss on her lap.
I already posted this in two other threads, but it fits here.
Back in second grade I showed my dick to two girls in my class during a break between classes. They both ran out of the room screaming. After that my teacher gave me a stern talking to in front of the class. She decided to include nudists and streakers in her lecture so for the rest of that year, the other kids called me the second grade nudist.
[QUOTE=MrCanada;49569168]I used to whack my boners on things and try to cut them in half. I thought my boner was a literal tool God gave me to use to cut shit in half. So I made sure to do extra because they showed up so randomly. I am no longer religious.[/QUOTE]
It must be like tempered steel right now. Go ahead and try to smash a brick with it or something.
Anyway, when I was a little kid, I loved to collect flies and kill them in various sick ways. Crush them with toy bricks, run them over with toy cars, bury them in plant pots... I was a lil' creative insect killer.
My fly killing practice appeared so cool to my friends, that I even inspired them and went ahead to built a large insect killing camp at the local sandpit during one summer.And it was LARGE. A literal insect Auschwitz - Insectwitz. We built holding chambers, killing chambers and even "sunburn" chambers, which were tiny sand cells with bottle glass ceiling. Hell, there even was a gladiator pit, where we put this large earwig and let it to "fight" with some of maimed bugs. One time it actually impaled a fly with those tail pincers.
It all looked so fucking cool to us, that we even forgot our favorite TV show, videogames and instead went to kill insects after school. Unfortunately for us, someone told our religion teacher and we all had to abandon our fun little hobby and listen to a long lecture about compassion to God's creations. We couldn't do it again, because every time we came back and tried to resume, we found it all demolished.
I fucking miss childhood.
[QUOTE=Creatrick;49572515]It must be like tempered steel right now. Go ahead and try to smash a brick with it or something.
Anyway, when I was a little kid, I loved to collect flies and kill them in various sick ways. Crush them with toy bricks, run them over with toy cars, bury them in plant pots... I was a lil' creative insect killer.
My fly killing practice appeared so cool to my friends, that I even inspired them and went ahead to built a large insect killing camp at the local sandpit during one summer.And it was LARGE. A literal insect Auschwitz - Insectwitz. We built holding chambers, killing chambers and even "sunburn" chambers, which were tiny sand cells with bottle glass ceiling. Hell, there even was a gladiator pit, where we put this large earwig and let it to "fight" with some of maimed bugs. One time it actually impaled a fly with those tail pincers.
It all looked so fucking cool to us, that we even forgot our favorite TV show, videogames and instead went to kill insects after school. Unfortunately for us, someone told our religion teacher and we all had to abandon our fun little hobby and listen to a long lecture about compassion to God's creations. We couldn't do it again, because every time we came back and tried to resume, we found it all demolished.
I fucking miss childhood.[/QUOTE]
You're literally Hitler.
[QUOTE=Creatrick;49572515]It must be like tempered steel right now. Go ahead and try to smash a brick with it or something.
Anyway, when I was a little kid, I loved to collect flies and kill them in various sick ways. Crush them with toy bricks, run them over with toy cars, bury them in plant pots... I was a lil' creative insect killer.
My fly killing practice appeared so cool to my friends, that I even inspired them and went ahead to built a large insect killing camp at the local sandpit during one summer.And it was LARGE. A literal insect Auschwitz - Insectwitz. We built holding chambers, killing chambers and even "sunburn" chambers, which were tiny sand cells with bottle glass ceiling. Hell, there even was a gladiator pit, where we put this large earwig and let it to "fight" with some of maimed bugs. One time it actually impaled a fly with those tail pincers.
It all looked so fucking cool to us, that we even forgot our favorite TV show, videogames and instead went to kill insects after school. Unfortunately for us, someone told our religion teacher and we all had to abandon our fun little hobby and listen to a long lecture about compassion to God's creations. We couldn't do it again, because every time we came back and tried to resume, we found it all demolished.
I fucking miss childhood.[/QUOTE]
That reminds me of the time when I was a kid, I built a maze out of salt and put a snail in the middle of it. It wasn't as much fun and interesting as I had hoped, because the snail just thought to itself "fuck this" and got himself killed by trying to go over the salt.
When I was just shy of 2, still learning to walk, I'm told I trod on something sharp and it got stuck in the heel of my foot. Had it taken out asap at the hospital, but my heel hurt to walk on. So I learnt to walk on my toes, and even today I find myself subconsciously walking on tip-toes. Shit's weird yo
there was a forest in our schools recess yard that we were denied entry, me and a group of friends in grade 7 snuck inside and chilled there for a bit getting deeper, when kids ran in and tried to get us in trouble. We walked back onto the playground and there were like 20 kids and 3 teachers around us like we murdered somebody.
in grade 8 I believe, me and two of my friends were sparring in his basement when I got shoved, tripped over a vacuum tube and landing head first (right on my eyebrow) against the edge of a glass coffee table. I'm just glad I didn't lose my eye that day.
on a brighter note i now have a super cool scar to show off
When I was around 1-2 years old, my parents owned a television that had a built-in VCR, and one day, my dad decided to watch something on that set. But when he went to put in a tape, for some reason he wasn't able to put it in all the way. When he went to check inside to see what the problem was, as it turns out, I had apparently jammed in a shit ton of random discs (don't know if they were just regular CDs, DVDs or both) inside the VHS slot. Apparently I had jammed them in so hard, that I actually broke the built-in VCR, which made them need to buy a new television and VCR (separately of course).
Not me - but I remember another kid whose mother read tabloids and he thus told us that there were brain eating worms in leaves.
We still played in the leaves.
I let my sister style my hair with an entire jar of peanut butter.
Stole a small statue when I was held in the arms by my mother when she was shopping on the streets
I remember when I was a 4 year old little shit in kindergarten who was playing with wooden blocks something like these:[IMG]http://www.wantedbricks.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/wooden-toy-block.jpg[/IMG]
One of the cylindrical blocks rolled into the skirt of a girl who was playing with some other toy and without thinking, I reached out into her skirt to grab the block.
Needless to say, she was not too happy about it.
I got 5 bucks from my grandma, when she gave it to me I was so excited I ran around and slammed into the corner of a table.
So I sat there crying super hard still clutching my dosh
apparently when i was 2-3, one time at my father's parents house i ran into the room everyone was sitting down and chatting. i was completely naked, and turned around and recreated the scene from ace ventura where he talks with his ass cheeks.
I once swallowed a nickel. I don't recall it ever coming out...
i threw a shovel and someone almost lost an eye from that
Snapped my arm in two pretending to be batman, had the costume and everything.
Maybe that's why I don't like superheroes anymore.
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